O.T. I am needing to vent...or I might lose it

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by MamaR, Oct 6, 2006.

  1. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    Well, I am here to vent because I know that alot of you might understand how I am feeling. My hubby and I will be married 40 years on November 30th. We wanted to have a vow renewal....since we didn't had a real wedding. We had a simple ceremony at the local courthouse when we were married.

    Anyway, it would just be a simple ceremony with a small reception afterwards.

    The issue is... we have four sons and their spouses... and my hubby and I have never been the type of people to want to be recognized, but, this is such a special day for us. And, when it comes to our kids we want them to desire to do things for/with us...or it isn't the same.

    I would rather they do nothing unless it comes from the heart. Can anyone relate?

    Well, we had planned this for Dec 02 (Sat) and they have all known this for awhile. But, when we speak with some of them it is as though they are being put out.

    I now just want to forget it...and just go somewhere alone with hubby (if I was able). It just breaks my heart that it doesn't mean as much to them. I just wanted them to hear how much I love their father..in the vows I write.

    I am just so down right now. I feel so unimportant to some of my sons. Today is my birthday... and I had only one (our oldest) to even remember me. I have even spoke with my third son earlier this morning on the phone about another issue and he didn't even remember it.

    I guess that I am just feeling alone about now. I never want recognition. Actually, I get embarrassed if attention is on me... but, it feels so good to be loved enough to be remembered by your children. I think you moms will understand how I feel.

    Mari

    [This Message was Edited on 10/06/2006]
  2. dejovu

    dejovu New Member

    Happy birthday, sweetie.

    I have walked with you when it comes to kids forgetting birthdays. Ouch.

    Now don't you dare cancel anything. Dig out those old pictures and make copies for these less than sensitive kids.

    Write your memories on the back. And also write a note to them saying what you just told us. Put it an envelope and mail it off. Be sure and let them know about the things you gave up and that hurt I'm sure at the time, like the white dress, reception, all the best wishes from your friends and family. Lay it on thick!!!!!!!

    If that doesn't work, buy a copy of the Notebook but Nicklas Sparks and beat them over the head with it. Just kiding or maybe not......you'll never know.

    May God send many blessings to you today. And remember this is the day he sent you to bless our lives. De

  3. dejovu

    dejovu New Member

  4. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    You made me cry ...but, it was from your love to me!
    You understand how I feel. It just hurts. I want them to care....you know?

    Thank you....Mari
  5. dejovu

    dejovu New Member

    It sure does hurt. This family is lov'in you a lot. Please remember that.

    Those kids will come around and surprise you, they always do. Blessings..De
  6. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    May God bless you for helping me feel better. I am getting up and get busy. I have alot to do...must do...I should say.

    Thanks again for being here for me when I was so very sad. I hope to be there for you more often!
    I think that it was made worse because I have had a terrible pain morning...but, hubby gave a pain shot and I am feeling some better.


    Love...Mari
  7. Suzy37

    Suzy37 New Member


    I can imagine it's hard. My mom and my brother haven't talked to each other in 10 years. Drives me nuts.
    I think you should go on with your plans with your hubby and just celebrate the day with him if need be. Sometimes you need to do stuff just for you and enjoy it!
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOO!!!
  8. Asatrump

    Asatrump New Member

    Happy Birthday sweetie....... the male species doesn't put the same "thought" into special occasions as we females. At least not in my family. Next year, leave hints, big ones.... like say this is what I would like for my birthday next week.... maybe a nice book or CD, but also a reminder to them.

    As the retired church organist I would like to throw in a comment regarding weddings. It was my own experience that the smaller the group, the more sacred and special the wedding was. The bigger they got, the more circus like they became, so much hoopla.

    My favorite all time wedding was a couple in their early 70's. They had dated back in high school, but each married other people and had families. They were both widowed. She read he had a car accident, and mailed him a card. The love all came back.

    She did wear a lovely cream colored dress..... and she had 8 grand children (from both of them) boys in white shirts and ties, girls in matching dresses and black patent leather shoes. When the minister said who gives this woman..... all the children said "we do". It was a tear jerker moment.

    The best man was an identical twin to the groom, exact images of eather other and their white hair. The groom and his best man were so nervous they could barely speak. And I smiled as they rode off in his pick up truck.

    Vows are meant for the people who take them. Reading between the lines I suspect if all your sons and families did show up, they may want attention on themselves.

    Pick a spot you both love, light a candle and make up your vows.

    I sure give you credit, as I was married 40 years last June. And, most days I would like to trade him in for two twenties... lol.
  9. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    Suzy and Asa....

    First, I am now sort of embarrassed that I posted this. I was just feeling so forgotten (by my son's) at that point. I REALLY don't care for the attention on a birthday...I was mainly hurt that the one I spoke to didn't remember. I didn't even mention it to him.

    About our Wedding Anniversary....yes, it will be very simple (if we do it) and, it is really all about how we feel about each other anyway (-:

    Forgive me for being a whiner! It isn't like me to do this....really!

    Yes...Asa, I have had my days when I could choke the old coot...but, I do love him for putting up with me.

    Love you all.....Mari
  10. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

    I've always wondered if i will have the same problem with my three boys?

    Like someone else wrote, boys, men, don't always but the same importance on this stuff.

    Also, i think they are so use to being taken care of by mom, that they forget how to give to mom, or that she needs to be remembered in special times.

    But, all that aside, it still hurts our feelings, not to be important to our loved ones. This is your special day, and time, they need to now how much it means to you and your husband.

    You've earned it taking care of those boys, wiping runny noses, and butts, and kissing booboos, and making life run smooth for them all those years!!

    And
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

    To a very special lady, and a good friend!

    love,
    misty

  11. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    I thank you for these words...you are too a mom of sons! I wrote to you on your... Horse Topic.

    God bless you.....Mari
  12. kgangel

    kgangel New Member

    MamaR,

    I am so sorry I did not see this earlier, I am a little late, but I wanted to tell you I am sorry!!!


    I hope things are better and that you are doing ok. I am so sorry I missed your Birthday, I hope that you ended up having a nice day.

    Kids, they sure are tough to figure out. You raise them and do the best you can for them, give them all the things they need and have to have , care for them when they are sick, teach them things and love the unconditionally and still it seems that it is not enough at times.

    They get older and go away from home have their lives, which is what we want , but then it seems they forget about us.

    I am sure they have not forgotten about you or their dad and all you have done for them, I think maybe they have just gotten caught up in their lives and will come around for your big day. I bet when they see you and here what you say to each other, it will make their day and they will feel so blessed that they have parents like you. They will probably see then too what true love is and how special it is.

    Please don't give up your big day, it may make a great difference to all of you.

    God Bless you

    Hugs

    Kgangel
  13. dejovu

    dejovu New Member

    Don't you dare feel embarrassed. There is most likly not a mother here who has not had those emotions.

    And the fact that you can state what is bothering you, would make any phycologist proud.

    I'm still infavor of trouncing them with that book, but alas, a little walk down you and your husbands memorey lane can teach a grown child a lot.

    We must pass on to the next generation things that they don't see today...like commitment, longetity, love as it's seasons go through the years.

    So be strong and celebrate those very important years you've committed to that one man and that he has committed to you. Blessings my dear sister. De


    [This Message was Edited on 10/06/2006]
  14. lovethesun

    lovethesun New Member

    I grew up with 2 brothers and my step children are mostly boys.They just don't focus on the emotional significance.They are just made like that.Asatrump is right in that.But when you are up there looking at your husband with total love and he looking at you,there hearts will be full of joy. Have the best anniversary! Many hugs,Linda
  15. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    I am so overwhelmed with emotion. You all made me feel loved. I feel so unworthy, but I am so grateful to know that maybe you all see something good in me.

    Kgangel~ There is no need to apologize for not remembering my b'day. I have missed all of yours here probably, due to this life! I appreciate you for being so kind and sweet... and thanks for the uplifting words. I know that your life is filled with alot of stuff too. God bless you for the love you have shown to me. I hope that I can be there when you need uplifting!!

    To All....It was just a very moody day. I was feeling forgotten by the guys...but, I came back tonight to say that my sons (all but one) called later in the evening. Even the one that called earlier...he called back... and said that he was so busy that he forgot when we spoke on the phone today.

    Pam~ Padavis48.... Thank you also for being so sweet and loving to me. But, I am sorry that I made you sad! I am so sorry that you can't be with your parents. It touches my heart to see a beautiful, loving daughter like you.
    I am so sorry about your brother's health. I will pray for him. I appreciate you so much also!!

    Seakitten~ Sweetie, I would treasure a daughter like you! I don't have any daughters. Your life sounds alot like mine was. I will try to be there if you need me. I pray for you too! Thank you for the caring message to me!

    Linda~ I appreciate your sweet, caring ways. I know that you are there for me too. I want to always be there for you when you need me!

    I am having such a foggy night. I hope that I haven't forgotten anyone. May our God bless each and everyone here and give you a peaceful night.

    Love....Mari
  16. tlayne

    tlayne Member

    I am so sorry. When you have given so much to children, they can be so selfish. I am speaking of experience here can you tell?

    How wonderful that you have been married for 40 years, and the both of you still have that special love to share. I am not speaking of experience here. Can you tell? LOL!

    Celebrate that Love! You both deserve it. I am happy for you!

    Have a blessed birthday! Love, Tam
  17. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    May God bless you for all that you do on this board for everyone.

    Love... Mari
  18. akybnz

    akybnz New Member

    Hi, MamaR!

    I'm 'fairly' new to this site. I've been on for a few weeks. I hope you feel better. That stinks when you put your all into your kids and then they don't even recognize you on these really special occasions. Doesn't it make you wonder what planet they're on sometimes/what they're thinking? I, too, feel like that but not so much with my kids but with my extended family. I've put soooo much time into my brother and his wife and nieces/nephews; my parents, etc. - had them over for dinners, holidays, you name it - over the past 30 years! Because we had the biggest house in our family so we always hosted everything. Now that all those kids have grown, they have gone their own way. My brother & his now ex-wife don't even act like me and my hubby are alive sometime. After all we have done over 30 long years!!!! And my parents . . .well, most of the time - they side with my brother even though I was the one who helped them through hard times. I just don't understand the justice of life. There is none. THAT's where I get depressed. So, MamaR, you are not alone in your feelings. I guess sometimes we expect too much. We just should not 'expect' recognition or that loved ones or people will be there for us cuz they won't. That way, we won't be hurt. Don't ever expect it.

    MamaR, you said your husband give you a pain shot. What kind of shot is it? I have to do most of my meds through injection because my gastro system is so messed up. If you don't mind me asking, I'd love to know what kind and if it helps? Thank you so much and may God bless you. Hope you're having a good, pain-free (well, not so bad) day.

    Deb
  19. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    I am popping on here for a minute....so busy with so many things that I can't really sit and read. But, wanted to respond to you. Thanks for your kindness and welcome! May God bless you!

    Deb....I am on toradol injections for pain. It was prescribed by my rheumy. I try to not take them until I have too...because it sometimes upsets my stomache. But, it is only thing that will stop my severe pain in muscles. I also take Flextra-DS everyday.
    I will post what I have on Toradol. I have a friend that sent it to me. She helps me so much. I am so blurry most days that I can't retain info.

    I hope this helps you.

    Love....Mari


    Ketorolac (ToradolĀ®) is in a class of drugs called non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAIDs). These drugs are a valuable alternative to opioid analgesics, and may be just as potent in some situations. Unlike opioids, these agents primarily work peripherally, interfering with metabolism at the site of the sensory nerve terminal.

    In particular, the cyclo-oxygenase pathway is inhibited, which results in the prevention of the accumulation of prostaglandins, prostacyclin and thromboxane from accumulating at the site of injury. Blocking the formation of these pain mediators decreases the level of pain.

    While it may be important to have opioid-sparing options in analgesia, serious complications can occur with the use of NSAIDs, including reduce platelet aggregation, hemorrhage and renal dysfunction.
  20. bandwoman

    bandwoman New Member

    Happy Belated Birthday. I am just now able to reply as I have been downstate celebrating my mom's birthday. I am so sorry for your disappointment. My parents had only girls and I remember one of my aunts who had only boys saying to my mom, who should be lucky you have girls. In other words I think her boys disappointed her on many occasions and my aunt is one of the most special people I have ever met. She is the most generous and unselfish person.....but I think her boys, who I am sure love her very much sometimes take her for granted. I am sure your boys love you as well but they may be lacking in the sensitivity dept. I do think girls are more in tune with the sensitive side of things. I am sure it hurts very much and I am so sorry. I think in the future I would drop several hints that your birthday is coming to help them along. As for the wedding vows I will pray that it all has a good outcome. Are your boys in other states where they would have to travel to Florida? I sure hope by today you are feeling somewhat better. Just know that you are loved by many on this board. Me included.

    Love,
    Nancy