Off subject but wondering

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by AC77, May 15, 2003.

  1. AC77

    AC77 New Member

    This is really off subject but I really am very in NEED of this information. Does anyone really know how to self love. Is there a process? One that amoung turmoil, self-doubt and low-self esteem you can rise above. This isn't a questsion just for me but I really think If anyone knows it's the people on this board. And really, really, I would like to know.

    How do we get intact with our/your inner spirtual side, aside from prayer/meditation and in times of doubt or being tested by the world, can we overcome this?

    Many of you are older and far wiser than me with this.
    And lastly, does anyone feel themself to have a gift of a spirtual nature and if so could you explain?

    Blessings to all.
  2. Princessraye

    Princessraye New Member

    I don't think your post is off subject. Chronic illness...heck we need to love ourselves and connect with our spiritual side.
    I can't be of much help as having to work while having this DD is all I can handle, but I would like to see other people's answers for this also.
  3. DonnaSR

    DonnaSR New Member

    Self Love seems to be a very long process for me, one that I am still working on after 3 years of therapy. So many bad things happened in my life, hence the fibro, and it takes a long time to get past them. At least for me. I try to interact with my spiritual side by doing things like meditation/prayer, but I also do more than that. I love nature, outdoors, and try to honor God/Higher Power for those gifts. I also try to have compassion for people, even those I don't like, and that is very hard to do. Forgiveness for oneself also contributes to self love and I am very critical of myself. Although I am Christian, I also follow Wiccan and Native American paths. I find that by doing so I can stay grounded, and find some peace. And believe it or not it has helped me get to the place I am today. Virtually pain free (don't get me wrong, I am on medication, exercise every day, etc.)and able to work full time. I can tell you I am tested every day by the world, and there are still times that I think it's not worth it. But then something small happens, and I remember that I am worth it. It could be as simple as my cat curling up in my lap when I am feeling depressed. So you see, it is a process, and sometimes a painful one. It's hard to really, really look at yourself and look at the things that were difficult in one's life. As for the last question, a gift of a spiritual nature, I still don't know if mine is a gift. I often know when bad things are going to happen, especially someone dying. And sometimes I have dreams that come true. But since I don't know in advance if the dreams are real, or if my "bad" feeling is real, I don't know what to do with the information. And my family thinks I am a little nuts, although it does unnerve them. But personally I think everyone has a spiritual gift of some kind. And maybe the dreams or feelings are more of an instinctual nature. Another person I know has stated to me that he thinks I have the gift to help those in need. A healer-not a physical healer, but more of a spiritual healer. I haven't decided if I believe that. I think I need to heal my wounds before I can heal anyone else's. Well I have rambled on quite a bit, I hope this helps a little.

    Warm wishes,
    Donna
  4. fibrorebel

    fibrorebel New Member

    The process you are inquiring about is an important one for all of us to be whole and healthy, body mind and spirit. The peace and love of self is such an important secret to a long and meaningful life. Have you ever heard of the Bradshaw Tapes? There is 3 series and available at most libraries. I have the tapes as I knew that I would want them for reference and back-up later. There are so many "hidden" parts to us that tend to keep us from reaching a point of acceptance and love of self, which serves to lead us into an inability to accept anyone else's love (human or God). I f you will go seek out these tapes I promise you will not be sorry. I am not one to run after self-help books and theories...these tapes are a God-send!
    As for your last question, yes I have gifts of a spiritual nature. As I believe all these gifts come from the Father,
    I am nothing but His vessel. When I first came to the awareness of these gifts I was not in any shape to allow these gifts to be perfected in me (matured). I then became so very hungry for knowledge of the spiritual Kingdom-life, self-awareness, self-love...etc. Now that I have finished my self-discovery and such I have had what was shown to me as gifts now come to pass. The view He gave me was what fueled me to go through what I had to find me and heal my inside. If you get those tapes and find yourself needing any kind of support or someone to talk it through with feel free to contact me, ok? This is an awesome walk you have already began...you cannot imagine what is over the hill.
    Much peace to you!
    p.s. I suffered from depression for a long time, since I did the self-work my depression is history.
    love, Rebel
  5. Lendi

    Lendi New Member

    I think you need to get to know yourself. We, as a society, have been taught to think about others, to know others, to be popular. We've forgotten that we have to know and love ourselves. I think an important first step *and probably almost impossible at this time of your busy life* is to spend time alone. Think about the world and what you think. Think about yourself, what are your good qualities, and yes the bad ones you can work on as well. And, I think by coming to the board and posting your thoughts, you are taking a step toward the goal as well. You are acknowledging that you are important to yourself, that you deserve to spend time getting to know about your body and that you have something worthwhile to give to someone else. Interesting topic. Lendi
    [This Message was Edited on 05/16/2003]
  6. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    This really isn't off subject. Chronic illness, which interferes with our ability to work, our relationships, and ever our ability to go out and enjoy life, takes its toll on our self-esteem. Therapy has been a tremendous help for me with this.

    I now treat and view myself as I would a beloved friend. I am comfortable with who I have become. We wouldn't have a beloved friend who is mean to us, sabotages our efforts, is unfair or cruel to others, etc. I have a lot to live up to in order to be my own best friend.

    When I am sick, I comfort myself with soothing words and take care of myself being careful to not overdo it.

    I hope this helps you because you have so much going for yourself. We all love you here, so be sure to love yourself.

    Love, Mikie
  7. herekitty

    herekitty New Member

    Every day I set aside a time of thanks. No matter how rotten the day seems, I thank God for the good things, and think about any small accomplishments, and give thanks for what I can still do, and for the things I still have, etc.
    When you really get into it, the list of "goods" can be impressive, even on a "bad" day. Only after thanks do I offer up needs and problems.
    Kitty =^..^=
  8. goingslowlycrazy

    goingslowlycrazy New Member

    ...I would say that it is integral to our ability to deal with this awful DD.

    I consider myself to be spiritual rather than religious - as I believe most religions to be man-made, and our spiritual side to be something deeply personal and individual.

    I would say that before self-love, comes self-acceptance and of course, for most of us, that includes acceptance of this DD...which is the really hard part.

    I believe that many of us go through the classic stages of bereavement when diagnosed with this and the final stage is acceptance, although it is touted as one of the first things we should do (learn to 'be' not 'do'...sound familiar?). Good advice but much easier said than done.

    Spiritual people often look at negative things that happen, in terms of, 'what do we need to learn from this?' ie 'why have we chosen to have it?' To anyone non-spiritual, I know that this will sound completely nuts, but spiritual people believe that they have the opportunity to 'choose' much of what happens in their lives, to learn missing lessons.

    Before you start yelling at me 'Who would be mad enough to choose this?'...bear with me...
    There IS much to be learned from our illness. Patience, finding inner peace, learning that we can't always be in control, learning that there isn't always an answer to everything, and learning to appreciate the small, good things in life...are just a few that I can think of now.

    How many of us were A-type personalities, high fliers, in charge, rushing about...now we are not even in charge of our own bodies, certainly not rushing about and feel we are high achievers if we get mascara on!!!

    Once we have the acceptance in place (which can take a long time), then self-love will follow naturally. We need to forgive ourselves for having this, not waste precious energy raging against suffering it.

    I think Mickie hit the nail on the head when she said she treats herself like a dear friend.
    Many of us (myself included) are very good at dishing out advice to others, which we don't take ourselves. Maybe trying to imagine how we would advise someone else and then applying that advice to ourselves, is the way to go.

    We need to treat ourselves with gentleness, kindness, compassion and patience and not dwell on what we used to do - but celebrate what we can do now...and that way, we can slowly accept that although we feel dreadful a lot of the time, our lives are not over and are still worth living and we still have things to offer.

    I hope this doesn't sound 'holier than thou' - it certainly isn't meant to and I am working on all of this every day, every hour, sometimes minute to minute and taking baby steps...and sometimes I don't accept it at all and I cry and rage at it - but this is the general direction that I try to keep pointing in and coming back to.

    I hope this helps in some small way as I have often noticed how much you help others all the time,
    gentle hugs
    Mary x
  9. MemoryLane

    MemoryLane Member

    I think you named the very things that have to be "undone" -turmoil, self-doubt and low-self esteem. Each of these areas needs to be addressed, and interestingly, I think in the reverse order which you (subconsciously?) named.

    Without self-esteem you will never pull yourself up to where you can be comfortable with yourself. Left in a low state, it becomes your quick sand. This is probably the hardest element of our personalities to correct, because we always put ourselves last over other's needs. This would be especially true of those who care for others, as in the health profession.

    You want to be gracious and humble, but not cocky about yourself. When you have your self-esteem returned to it's proper perspective, your inner strength will return and self-doubt will no longer be a problem. I feel any adversities will be easier to confront and conquer. As was already mentioned, some people are sensitive to your state of mind. Who knows it may work like or be a type of feromone (sp) we give off without realizing this; a negative hormone that makes us undesirable to be around.

    Wishing you well,
    Lane
  10. gottalottalove

    gottalottalove New Member

    I was only 27 when I was widowed with 2 boys. Now I have been remarried for the past 8 years. Im 37 now and find the hardest greiving and self doubt has come with this DD. I try and try to keep up and feel with this support group and the advice I have been given here I am getting stronger each day.

    I know that cognitive therapy can be helpful and I am myself calling around to used book stores to find Dr. Phil's book Self Matters. I thought maybe this would be helpful for those of us that need help beleiving in ourselves.....I also pray, pray, and pray. I figure it never hurts to have a little savings account with the almighty! God knows I dont literally have a savings account with this illness...LOL
  11. Laura62

    Laura62 New Member

    I believe finding self love is a as an unique and individual experience as the person seeking it.

    That said I also feel it comprises of learning to accept responsibility for ones mistakes, forgiving oneself, and respecting oneself.

    However you also have to be willing to extend those same feelings towards others to truly feel "self love".

    This comes after living in a sixteen year abusive relationship...having everything regarding the above stripped away...Then finally moving on...(not without help)

    The journey to get there isn't short....but the journey to lose self love wasn't short either...

    For me it started with accepting responsibility...but doling out responsibility that wasn't mine where it belonged. Then learning how to forgive myself and others and truly putting the past to rest.

    Instead of using my past to dwell on and make me bitter, I use it as a tool of understanding, to help others who I can understand and who wish help.

    Self respect and respect for others came next...accepting my limitations and learning to strive for goals came later. I also learned to practice random acts of kindness. By doing that I learned to love others and learned to allow others to love me....the end product was "self love" and inner peace...:)

    The "Serenity Prayer" is probably one of my favorite...it's simple and speaks so eloquently of what I was trying so hard to get through!

    Laura
  12. PatPalmer

    PatPalmer New Member

    I liked what Sue said, and can only say be what you are, and follow your heart.
    Whatever you do, do for yourself because YOU want to.

    I love people generally, and get great pleasure from helping them if asked.

    My ex was a pig, and I upset many when I left him, but I am truly happy now and feel in touch with my spiritual depth.

    I`m not religious, but do believe there is a universal something out there. There`s more to life than meets the eye for sure.

    Love Pat.
  13. Esoteric

    Esoteric New Member

    Hi Ac77,

    Your topic is definitely suitable for this message board. For me, self love or acceptance can be difficult at times. Each person has their own life experiences which makes them unique and individual, and molds the way they think about life in general, spirituality, and the way they view themselves. Sometimes it takes some people longer than others to figure out their spiritual side.

    I believe life is a learning experience and we are here to learn and nurture our souls to the highest level we can. For myself, I have always believed this, just as I have always believed in God and reincarnation.

    I respect all opinions because everyone has their own experiences and ingrained thought processes from which they develop their spirituality or 'meaning of life,' whether they believe in God or not.

    I believe we all have spiritual gifts which we can share with each other. I've always tried to teach my own children to be nice to other people in life because you never know how you might impact another person's life. It could be an act of kindness such as letting someone go ahead of you in the grocery store or simply a kind word such as "you look great today" or "I really admire the way you handled that situation" or even here on this message board when we comfort others or offer advice to help them.

    Sometimes you just don't know how other people are thinking or feeling. That simple act of kindness or the kind words you say may be a turning point in that person's life or may impact them in ways we don't understand at the time.

    I like to think that we are all here to make the world a better place. Some of us may never be rocket scientists or discover the cure for aids or even cancer. But if we can be kind to each other and impact someone else's life in some small way, we are giving gifts of ourselves that WILL make the world a better place...even in some small manner. I know this might sound silly, but this is how I think and feel.

    I felt so fortunate to find this message board when I was diagnosed with FM. In fact, I know this sounds strange, but FM really changed my life. I used to go around saying things life, gee... I had such a bad day today. What a rotten day I've had. I no longer do that anymore... because, if I can get up in the morning, get into the shower, dress myself, and get myself ready for the day... it IS a good day - no matter how much pain I'm in.

    Don't get me wrong, there are days when I'm tested to maximum and find it difficult to cope or self love when I'm feeling inadequate or when I wonder why I have to experience so much physical pain in this life. I always have hope there will be a better day ahead of me and there are better days. It is difficult though when I'm bathed in sweat because the pain is so bad and I can't move or hardly breathe cause I hurt so much. I find myself thinking... what have I done to deserve this. THAT thought is certainly not self love. No one deserves that.

    I don't claim to have all the answers, and I have lots of doubts and questions about the meaning of life and spirtuality that I just don't understand either.

    I'm so glad I found this site two years ago. Although I don't post often, I read many messages and I'm learning from people here. Learning about life and witnessing human kindness.

    Blessings,
    Esoteric
  14. Notonline

    Notonline New Member

    I think to learn to love yourself...you first have to learn self-acceptance and acceptance of others. You need to learn to accept the good along with the bad...focus on the good and learn from the bad. Accept the fact that although you may make a difference in someone else's life, you can't force them to change... only hope to guide them if need be, learn to accept the things you can't change in life. No guilt, no regrets.

    We all make mistakes and take the wrong paths in life...but if we learn something in the process then I believe it is still a path worth taken. There is no law carved in stone that you have to meet all the expectations of others to have lived a fulfilling life. A fulfilling life I think is what you make it...like a recipe...it's the ingredients that make it complete... and the more varied they are the more interesting it becomes.

    Everyone has moments of self-doubt...we're human after all. Trust in yourself to make decisions in life you feel comfortable with...they don't have to necessarily always be the "right" ones...just the ones that you feel are right in your heart.

    Spiritual? I'm not sure that I'm spiritual in the religious sense of the word that sometimes others mean...I don't feel the need to be a member of any one religion to be spiritual. I believe life is a wonderful gift, and a learning process...things happen for a reason...althought sometimes the reason is not readily apparent in our lives until we are ready to accept it. Everything living thing in life has worth...nothing or no one is worthless to me.

    Think that about covers it for me..
    Danny


  15. layinglow

    layinglow New Member

    Be Real. Accept who you are. Live as yourself. Avoid pretense. Choose relationships, and surround yourself with people that are accepting and encourage you, and let you be that person. In all relationships and in the relationship with self be 100 % honest.

    Determine to live a life that makes you content and happy. Do not procrastinate about this. Do not live in past sorrows. Be willing to forgive yourself and others. Realize that the past be it good or bad, has molded you into the unique person you are today. One can gain good from the bad that has occured.

    Cure for low self esteem----quit comparing yourself to others. Look inside and see if change is needed--don't look outside. List all the relationships and persons, that have caused you to esteem yourself poorly. Count how many are good and reliable sources--infallable, and should be believed. Do you want those, who in the past, left you feeling inferior to have control over your life, today? Did you believe their judgement of you then? Do you still believe it today, even when it has no merit?

    Wisdom is gained by questioning, experiencing, and applying. Life is a wonderful teacher. Keep your eyes, ears, and heart open. Remember you were created--you, by the perfect Creator--He doesn't make mistakes, or inferior goods ;-)
    LL
  16. horsegal

    horsegal New Member

    I'm just not there with you guys. Layinglow, you made the most sense to me...I think I'm still in anger and resentment, trying to figure out why. I've spent my whole life helping others--professionally and in spare time. Most of the time it was help for free..I know you're all right. I will work on this..
  17. AC77

    AC77 New Member

    If each of you could PLEASE, send a prayer/meditation/good energy or whatever you call it, my way. To help me along and understand and be content with myself and to 'evolve'
    as I will do the same for ALL of you...which we are all ONE anyway..ironic.
    I think this would be the greatest gift anyone could give me. and I ask you all, to please give it a try for my sake. Not so much to be healed but to be 'moved along' and to udnerstand and not fall back. And of course I will do the same for all of you.

    Love,,,,Me
  18. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Prayer going up. I pray for all of us continually.

    Healing oneself spiritually is healing oneself physically. I believe strongly in the mind/body/spirit connection.

    Love, Mikie
  19. fibrorebel

    fibrorebel New Member

    Will certainly continue to pray and also for revelation to you as well, it is often overwhelming to us when we start on the journey of self-discovery. May he bless you and keep you. Also, not sure where your faith takes you, but my faith is that when Jesus was praying before he was taken he prayed to the Father that in the Oneness he shard with the Father that we all might share in that as well. Later there is much scripture that tells us that we are co-inheritors with Jesus. AC just let that Oneness envelope you, ok? Peace and Love to you, Rebel
  20. Tattoopixie

    Tattoopixie New Member

    Like the others here, I do not think you are off subject. It seems like each one of us has found that this DD creates a personality change in us. I felt like I lost my identity when I lost my job. Up to that point I had always had high self esteem & was very happy with my life (loved myself).

    One of the best pieces of advice I ever got off of this board is that when you are in so much pain & so ill it's okay to just EXIST! Once I accepted that I was no longer in the role of Wonder Woman & Super Mom things became much calmer. As someone said previously it's not your fault you are sick. You did not ask for this DD. I am so blessed with a wonderful Dr who says those statements to me each time I see him. That has helped me 100%.

    I had to give up alot of my hobbies & interests due to this DD. I have gained a large amount of weight due to being inactive for the past year. So what did I do? I searched my soul as to what was important to me & decided that just living was my #1 priority for now. I realized that even without a job or my art I am still a worthwhile person. I am still 'me' even though I have changed.

    I also decided to bring spirituality back in my life. I was a lapsed catholic, but I no longer associate my beliefs w/catholicism so much. So I began to search on the web & in the bookstores & libraries & found that I have a great interest in eastern religion. My new hobby is studying those religions & learning the stories of their teachers & saints. I have begun to meditate-which is not something new for me-but I now look at it differently. Sometimes it is just being aware of my breath. Sometimes it is sending healing out into the world.

    I also believe that we choose our destiny & that we have this DD so that we will change & learn new things. I have become much more compassionate to others. I have learned what strong bonds I have with my family that I never even knew were there. I have learned that it's okay not to be in control & to let others help me. I have learned to be humble. When I am in pain I don't push it down, I reach out for comfort-this is from someone who has had friends who had never seen me cry.

    Be kind to yourself. Accept that you have changed. Find new interests that appeal to you. Take baby steps. Don't expect too much from yourself & realize that we are human & sometimes we fail. It's not a bad thing-it's just life.

    Knowing others is wisdom. Knowing yourself is enlightenment. Lao-tzu
    ***Pixie***