off topic feel really sad

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by willruthie1965, Dec 20, 2006.

  1. willruthie1965

    willruthie1965 New Member

    I need some one to listen,I amd dealing with depression and anxiety. I cry alot for no reason.

    I have always had trouble with chritmas, ny brother died jan5 1971 I was only 5 but i still see the event.The christmas tree was still up.That day I lost my mother too.She was never able to listen too me.I rememeber feeling so sad scared and afraid everyone around me will die.

    My mom did the best she could do with her own pain[which was far greater than my own}But I rememeber trying to process this information but ever being allowed to.If it tried to ask about it she would get upset.If I was afraid to got to school she would get upset .

    I was always just so depressed.I knew if I went to school she would die also.Pleaase anyone out there s this normal?All my life i felt I should be over this but I have never been avble to get the help I needed as a child.Even as I grew up she would not let me ask about my brother. Any thoughts? Ruthie
  2. Didders

    Didders New Member

    Honey, Please know you are not alone in these feelings. Most of us here had traumatic events that have taken years to cope with.

    Death has been a big part of my life as well. I lost 2 brothers and learned how utterly devastating it is to the parents. Outliving a child seems so against the way of life. Unfortunately, It can destroy them - my mom became a raging alcoholic and my dad mentally shut down. As kids, we instinctively try to be strong for them but often they forget we had a huge loss, too. We end up afraid to hurt them even more and repress.

    But it has to come out of us sometime and many times, not well. It took a lot talking, crying, ranting, anger, drugs/drinking at the pain, depression, and eventually medication before reaching the other side.

    I think fear is the worst. And, in the end, the most pointless. That which you fear the most, usually never happens.

    Took a lot of years to get over it, though. The proper thing to say here is that you seek counseling and be open to medication, if necessary, immediately. Pick up the phone and call anyone you know who cares and will listen. In the meantime, keep posting your feelings. Seeing them written down is healing. But please seek professional help ASAP.

    Trust me, the pain will end if you persevere. You are completely worth it, Ruthie!! Never think otherwise. Your feelings aren't wrong - they simply are.

    I don't post often because my hands hurt so much, it takes forever to write. But there are so many others here that will listen. They will gain so much from your healing process and the small victories getting help will give you. Find help, Sweetie. It's out there!
    Love!
    Cinda

  3. kirschbaum26

    kirschbaum26 New Member

    Dear Ruthie:

    I am so sorry that you experienced such a huge loss as a child. I can understand what you mean about losing your mother at the same time.

    My mother has had bi-polar for 40+ years. She is 67 now, and has a very tough life. There was a time, when I was in high school, that I would be afraid to come home from school, as I thought she would be dead. She needed me to come home and she and I played scrabble for hours before she had to go to work (she worked as a nurse). I felt just terrible that she was so tortured by her own life that she would decide to end her life. She attempted suicide a few times, but somehow managed to survive. This is a very difficult thing for a child to go through, and I am guessing that you have a great deal of trauma that you have yet to work through.

    While I do not begin to understand your specific situation, I can tell you that you might benefit from some therapy. You may just need to learn how to go through the process of learning to accept your brother's death.

    Good luck to you, and know you are certainly not alone.

    Ingrid
  4. leubie

    leubie New Member

    hey --my name is laura----------i am sooo sorry that you having thesedepressed times now---------i am sorry i do not have any first hand advice to give you -----my best friend did though---------her husband, aunt and father ---------all passed away w/in a week of each other------this happened about 3 years ago----------for whatever reason she didnt accept grief counsling--------although her therapist asked her to attend the meetings------------she has been really depressed in many different ways during these last 3 years-----she has recently started the grief counsling meetings-------she seems to be helped --------she can cry,scream or notsay anything------everyone there understands----------i do not know if this would help you or not---------all i know is -----that WE ARE HERE-------READY TO LISTEN---------WE WILL SCREAM , CRY OR WHAT EVER----YOU NEED------------TOGETHER-------PLUS LOTS OF LOVE AND PRAYERS-------------please keep in touch---------ill be on here all through the holidays-------would love to just listen----------------------TAKE CARE--------------LOVE TO ALL---------------LAURA
  5. willruthie1965

    willruthie1965 New Member

    I live in missouri Desertage,Ruthie
  6. momof471

    momof471 New Member

    I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and there are so many of us that deal with similar issues at the holiday's. They are so hard, but its important to talk about this with someone, whether it is here on the board or a therapist, or a good friend. I lost my mom when I was 13 and a year later gained the true wicked stepmother! The holiday's are always hard. I want to recreate the special times I had with my mom at the holiday's, but there is an overwhelming sadness that overshadows the whole season. I feel as if I'm managing a little better this year, I'm in therapy and I reconnected with a high school friend who can validate some of the issuess I dealt with as a teenager with my stepmom and so forth. I feel as if I have a better support system this year, I don't think it will ever be not hard, but when you take advantage of the people that are here to support you, it makes it much more bearable, and you'll find more happy moments during the season. This is my experience.
  7. charlenef

    charlenef New Member

    i just wanted you to know you posted 2x i answered the other one if you want to look
  8. willruthie1965

    willruthie1965 New Member

    Yes I have 2 sons 16 and 24 Of course I can't burden them with this.I maybe am having more trouble for other reasons.son jutt moved out with fiancee.I maybe am also going through meneopause .The thin is I didn't feel rejected by her,untill I realized maybe it was possible that the reason I am afraid of lots of things is because of the death in the family and the depression that followed.

    I also have a wondefull husband od 19 years Ruthie
  9. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    You would probably do very well getting cognitive therapy.

    There is work to getting better. You can allow yourself to go for years with these problems, or see a good therapist who can teach you how to handle these feelings.

    When I decided to see a therapist I actually saw three before deciding on the one I wanted to work with. She was great - very understanding. Even when I did not want to talk, that was ok - she would do the talking.

    I got alot of very good advice and feedback from her and would go back if I needed her in the future.

    There is a website for the magazine Psychology Today that has a search engine for therapists in your area. I recommend you see someone with a PHD. That is just my preference.