Oh my :(

Discussion in 'Spirituality/Worship' started by code34me, Nov 8, 2009.

  1. code34me

    code34me New Member

    This FM so complicates my life so much more than it already is. I am 43 I have 2 children one 17 year old daughter who is Bi-Polar and one son who is severe ADHD and High Functioning Autistic. Two different fathers, my daughters dad died when she was 1, I remarried (now separated for over 3 years) and that is who I have my son by. Feeling the way I feel with this FM and trying to take care and address their issues is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have had some very big awful events in my life but this......this is almost unbearable!!! I am financially in a mess, I applied for SSI Disability about 3 years ago now. The case is in the Federal Court now for 11 months, my attorneys office wont call me back but I am sure that would not change anything anyways with my case? I am just dyeing here Lord, I am lost I dont know what to to where to go or who to talk or turn to? I pray everyday for the judge that my case passes in front of to see or feel in there heart that I need this to happen for me. I am really sick and cannot work for real, it is not a joke or someone looking for a free handout.

    I am asking for prayers from my people here who know who know a bit how I feel and what I am going through. Please Jesus....hear my prayers to you, I am going to try and turn this all over to you because I cant do it anymore by myself :(

    Love Carol (Codey here to my FM friends)
  2. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Oh, you are bearing such heavy burdens! I have PTSD, with extreme mood swings as one symptom. Similar to bi-polar, and might possibly be bi-polar. So I can relate to your daughter.

    I will be so glad to pray for all you are going through! Prayer and fellowship surely help us through.

    I see all the love you have for your children, (reading your bio), wanting and working so hard to create good things for them. It's so beautiful - that love - through all your sufferings.

    Will say a little prayer:

    Dear Jesus, I lift up Codey to you - all of her struggles and urgent needs. I lift up to you her precious children. Thank you Lord for your great and perfect love for them! Lord, I can't think of any solutions now, but you have all knowledge, and perfect wisdom to help this family that you love.

    Bring help to her, Lord. Work in her life, as only you know how. We trust in the strength and tenderness of your perfect love. We thank you ahead of time for what you will do, knowing you are faithful, and will never abandon us. We ask all of this in your Perfect, Holy Name. Amen.

    Codey, I surely will keep praying, and so will others here. Don't despair - God comes into our situations in ways that we can never think of.

    Sending love and friendship,
  3. code34me

    code34me New Member

    Thank you soo much for you kind words and prayers, It means so much to me!
  4. code34me

    code34me New Member

    Thank you for your kind words also, I see that 119 people look at my post and two kind hearts replied :) The effort you two went through to just respond has made me feel not so all alone. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!!
    Codey.....Carol is my real name :)
  5. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    I was so glad to come here, and see your post. I just wanted to mention that some friends of mine are nuns who pray for all on this board - for all needs. So we can count their prayers in with ours. They love to pray - one Sister friend of mine has CFS - so she knows our struggles.

    And Patti is a dear friend of mine with a great big, loving heart. We will be so happy to pray for you everyday through this hard time.

    A little prayer:

    Dear God, please help Carol with all the issues in her life now. Bless her home and children, and bring people to her aid, Lord. Thank you for the greatness of your love that knows us so intimately. We're expecting your faithful help. Bless all on this board, and on the other boards who are struggling also. In your Holy Name. Amen.

    Love, Judy
    [This Message was Edited on 11/15/2009]
  6. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    I didn't reply because you stated "I am asking for prayers from my people who know a bit how I feel and what I am going through." And you signed "Codey to my FM friends". So it all came across as if you were posting specifically to your friends

    I took it that "your people" were your friends or people from your specific religion and that you were looking for your friends or your specific religion with FM to only respond. A suggestion, since we are on a board with many people and many religions, if you want everyone and anyone to post, just post that you are asking for prayers and help to get through. If you ask for prayers from "your people" you may not get as many responses.

    So what do you want???
    [This Message was Edited on 11/15/2009]
  7. code34me

    code34me New Member

    The people here are the only ones I have ever found that understand struggles. I meant no one in particular. I just worded it as "my people" because they usually understand and seem to be the only ones who get it. I just wanted to turn to God for help. I have no specific friends, anywhere for that matter. I was just letting the two people that responded back to my message know my gratitude. Sorry for the wording, once again I am feeling I did something else wrong as I usually do with my mom, my ex, my daughter, and my son. But now here in the one place I go and have never been judged.

    I know I should not feel this way but when you grow up that way, with you mother beating the heck out of you, your husband murdered and now you are a single mom with a 2 year old (working as an EMT 24 hour shift,) you dad committing suicide, you 2nd husband telling you that you dont do anything good enough, your 17 year old daughter angry at the world and takes it out on you, and your 7 year old son telling you "mommy I wish you were not sick all the time" it is a bit difficult. Oh......and being in terrible pain and sever fatigue all the while.

    I know I am venting and sound like a big baby but it is what wants to or needs to just come out!

  8. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    We love this site for many reasons and one I note is to ask God to help us to help ourselves from medical problems, and other things that have happened. Maybe you should stop by more often and you pray here as it's a good place to be. We have a thread that you can pray for yourself for the weeks __ and ___ and it's up right now. It would probably be very beneficial for you and you could do it often and it would probably help you through your past.

    You did nothing wrong here, and no one accused you of wrong, but your wording was a bit confusing and you did mention you had only gotten a few people that responded, and that's why I told you about how your worded it.

    I want you to realize also that through one post here, it had so many people revealing some of their terrible childhoods and more. It was astounding the amount of people here who have been so hurt and violated in their lives. We don't discuss it often, but it came out on that one post and we all realized how many of us had been so deeply hurt. People here have many medical problems and are disabled too. So you are not alone here.
    [This Message was Edited on 11/22/2009]
  9. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    Prayers for Carol for all she is going through. That she be provided Your guidance, love, wisdom and healing and that You wrap Your arms around her to warm her in Your love and let her know she is not alone. Amen.
    [This Message was Edited on 11/22/2009]
  10. Doznclan3

    Doznclan3 New Member

    You said it the way I like to in your last sentence, turning it all over to him. He doesn't expect us to do it alone. He's always promised us that he will be there for us.
    Prayers for you Carol, you do have a lot going on.
    Love, Cynthia
  11. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    I'm so glad that you came back, and shared more. I can relate to so much that you said. I grew up in an extremely abusive home also, and I know how that affects our present day lives. I work on my emotional healing with a therapist, but that would not be enough without my faith and my prayer life.

    I agree with you about turning everything over to Jesus, also. He is near to the brokenhearted. He cares so much for us - more than we can imagine!!! We do the best that we can, and then although it is so hard, we trust him. It's so hard for those of us who grew up as we did, to learn to trust!

    By the way, I felt that your words were very warm and open, and I instantly felt connected. We are going through a very slow time here on this board - that's the reason there were not as many responses as on other boards. I'm hoping that will change in the future.

    I'm so sorry for all that you have had to live through! I'm praying for you everyday, and I know there are a core of others here who are too. Some are too sick right now to post, but still faithfully pray.

    Yes, and as TwoCats mentioned there is a weekly Prayer Request Thread, where we all support each other. This week you'll find it under my name, Windblade.

    We're praying for your financial, physical and emotional needs.

    Lord Jesus, thank you for your great love for Carol! Please provide for, and protect her and her children, Lord. Thank you that she has survived all the horrible ordeals that she has lived through. I grieve for her Lord, and I know you do too. We are trusting in you, along with Carol.
    Thank you that we have you to turn to, Lord. Asking all of this in your Holy, Beloved Name, Amen.

    Love, Judy

  12. windblade

    windblade Active Member

    Hi - thinking of you - wondering how you are. Praying everyday for your financial needs, and for every area of your life.

    Love, Judy
  13. code34me

    code34me New Member

    Well things are the same, sort of....I had a bit of a blunder last night :) I wanted to get out of the house so I went out to a place I use to go along time ago. I had some drinks, I don't drink at home and don't care for what alcohol does to people. I had a couple and the pain starts to leave....people talked to me and that felt good. I ended up having a few and decided this was not me and wanted to leave and go eat, I had not eaten that day (not smart.) I was driving home and saw a Del Taco, I made and illegal turn and was pulled over in the drive threw. Long story short....I was arrested for a DUI! OMG I feel so stupid and am sooo mad at myself! It was horrible!

    I have no idea why I am telling you all of this? I just did not want to be home?? I wanted to be out and have some fun...but that was not fun at all :( So now I have a huge flare coming on due to some stress (my own doing) I take full responsibility for my actions but I think it had a lot to do with having you identity taken away, and the hard time with kids. I just wanted to escape! But to anyone who thinks of doing this.....it does not work LOL (not funny I know)

    Thank you all for your prayers and kind words so very, very much!!!

    I guess I am just one to put it sll out there like I usually due and maybe hope someone will benefit somehow someway? I will never paint a pretty picture just a true one.

    Going to try to sleep again...


  14. TwoCatDoctors

    TwoCatDoctors New Member

    Some of the churches are open at night, next time escape to a church. Also, your local Mental Health Society can help you find your local Depression groups that meet and go to their meetings. It can help so much and will put you in touch with people who are going through so much and struggling and looking for escape from many things and hardships.

    You are so lucky that the police picked you up because you were under the influence and you could have caused an accident and injuries and really shouldn't have been driving. So it was fortunate you were stopped. It was a great lesson that you'll remember forever. So now reach out for places that can actually help you when you are in despair and in pain. and safe places are out there. Many hugs and prayers.

    I came back and edited this to add that your local Senior Centers (not the Senior nursing homes, but the activity centers) allow all types of groups to use their centers for meetings. Go in and get their newsletter as to the activities for the month. The local disabled group I belong too meets there and we have a great time each month, but we also discuss many significant issues too and have speakers at times. Plus there are many groups that meet there and there are some night activities. I just don't want you to give up and I want you to know there are places to meet people of all ages in various groups where you can have fund--there are book groups, current events, groups for various games, dancing groups, exercise groups and so much more. I'm reaching a hand out to try to help you so you don't feel alone in pain. Hugs. [This Message was Edited on 12/13/2009]
  15. jole

    jole Member

    I'm not on this board much anymore but just stopped by and saw your post. We all know getting a DUI probably wasn't the smartest thing you've ever done in your life...haha...but I can relate to how this DD affects us sooo much!

    When one goes to having a great job and an identity that goes with it, to overnight feeling totally worthless, not to mention being responsible for special needs children...well, it only stand to reason that we all do some stupid things from time to time just to get a feeling of "normalcy" back into our lives.

    Unfortunately, in the past 7 years for me, a "normal" day is so rare they can literally be counted on both hands each year. But I have gotten over the bitterness and the "why me" feeling and have finally (yes, after all this time!) accepted this is the life I have, and can now enjoy the special "moments" instead of days, weeks or months.

    It's all soooo hard, isn't it? But knowing that Jesus is there with us, helping us through and allowing us to lean on Him gives me the strength to keep going. He knows what we need to survive, and will provide it if we continue to be constant in our faith and open to His voice.

    I pray your disability will come through for you soon and help ease your burden somewhat. Don't give up, it'll happen! Give your kids a special hug from me, and I send one to you too. You are a wonderful person in a bad situation, doing your best! Praying for God's blessings and wishing you a very Merry Christmas............Jole