OK How come I cant do anything and others are

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by harmony21, Aug 11, 2008.

  1. harmony21

    harmony21 New Member

    playing sports, looking after kids, working outside jobs and heavens knows what else

    Me I have trouble getting out of bed and doing the dishes, I cant socialise and do the housework

    At the moment my three sons have had their birthdays, adult sons and they came over for tea

    Just shopping and preparing tea for them has me in pieces

    angel hugs to all in much amzement

  2. dragon06

    dragon06 New Member

    I cannot do housework, play sports, look after kids, work a job, do dishes and I barely socialize.

    I do get out occasionally to do required things...sometimes groceries but I usually do them online...mostly doctors appointments...I socialize maybe 2 or 3 times a month.

    The rest of the time I am either in bed or sitting on my couch. I do not have anything that resembles a normal life. And I am doing better than I used to be so that tells you...I was pretty much bedridden for a few months.
  3. grace54

    grace54 New Member

    that I gratefully recovered from. Try to see it as just a temporary set back. I was an energetic athletic type all of my life until fibro/fatigue put me down. When one goes from a very active type A to feeling like you are dying on a daily basis and you react to everything in the world with an allergy as I did it is devastating to the whole being. But there is hope. it is my wish that we all find healing ASAP. Blessings
  4. jinlee

    jinlee Member

    I have one relative on this board who is worse off than me and I am bad. I don't know anyone with a life like they used to have.

    Some of us just have a worse problem with whatever is causing these DDs in the first place.

    I have been sick for 30 years. It waxes and wanes. Some years I was able to socialize, take part in activities, rode horses, gardened, played my viola; I felt I was semi-normal.

    I even went back to school and got my degree and worked at a high-stress job.

    Then, I think due to three surgeries in one year, my virus load, etc., whatever causes this came back in full force and I am now back to the struggle to even take a shower, let alone avoid most social scenes including family ones.

    Luckily kids are grown and on their own because I would be a lousy mom to children at home now.

    You can't compare yourself to others as someone said befor, we are all different, our bodies are going to tell us what we have to do and we have to listen to them to get better.

    So, hang in there. It takes more energy to fight it than to go with the flow. On your good days do something for yourself, have some fun. Find fun in little things.

    I check on my elderly neighbor by phone every other day, she enjoys it as she lives alone and also gets my mind off myself.

    Take care,
  5. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    I'm exactly the same - bed, bed and more bed. I dont get out often, if I get up and potter about I'm back in bed quickly.

    Its how it is for many of us.

  6. ANGELS328

    ANGELS328 New Member

    I still work full time but I also am very very sore and tired. It seems if I give my self the chance to slow down then I pay for it. I get up go to work, work all day the drive home really gets me because it is long about an hour then i go home and type dictation on nights I have to, but if i go home and sit down on the couch I fall asleep. I have to take my pain med in the am and during the day to be able to keep going but sometimes u really don't have a choice. Bills to pay and meds to get i have to work. I have fibro, sjorgens, restless legs, oa and hypertension and now i just found out i have multiple nodules on my throid i see a endocrinoligist for that next week but i need to work to have the insurance to get treatment. Some days my pain is worse then others but I just deal with it because I have to keep going and pushing myself. I have had fibro now for about 17 years and occasionally it seems like there is a slight remission but it always comes back stronger.
  7. lrning2cope

    lrning2cope New Member

    Are some of us ( like me ) destined to be home-bound because we can't deal with it like those who work and have a life ? Is it a matter of attitude?

    Sometimes I think that if my attitude was better , I could get out and do things. Other times , on a good day , I do get out and pay for it for 2 weeks afterward.Is that because I just won't make myself just 'do it anyway?'Should I just push myself to work through the pain and fatigue and depression , or should I not?

    I also don't how some people with this stupid DD can go to work and have a social life and others can't . Maybe I am just jealous of the ones who can , but is there a secret formula the active people have that I don't know about ?

  8. ANGELS328

    ANGELS328 New Member

    I don't have a social life i don't do anything except go to work and suffer with pain during the day and when i am home, and there are days I feel like I just can't make it throught the day but my husband is disabled and can't work any more so I just do to me it doesn't seem at this point that I have a choice. So no matter how much I am hurting or how hard it is to get up and get moving I have to. I have pain all the time every day and there are days i use my sick days and all my vacation time one day at a time to make them last so i can go to doctors appts but i do it because i need to and it is extremely hard to deal with espically on days when i am having a flare-up. i am no stronger than anyone else i am stubborn so maybe i do push my self harder i really don't know but this DD is very hard to deal with and i do my share of complaining. pain is very hard to live with and when u have to u do what u can just to get by.
  9. gtpgirl

    gtpgirl New Member

    Hi Connie,
    I don't know how some people can do so much and others cant. Sometimes I cant wash my hair for days because my arms hurt so bad. I guess it affects us all different and at different times. Hang in there.
    Gentle hugs, Jules
  10. dragon06

    dragon06 New Member

    we are all different in the way we feel pain, emotion and everything. That's why there is so much difference in how people deal with this illness. Also this illness seems to have levels from mild, to moderate, to severe.

    You do what you can. And yes some people can push themselves and work, I used to do this, but some people can only do that so long before their bodies give out. That's what happened to me.

    It does not always have to do with attitude. I have a great attitude and I do not feel sorry for myself but I still have days when I can't get out of bed.

  11. bevy2most

    bevy2most New Member

    When I first came to these boards and read the posts of some of the people here, I thought that they can't have the same fibro as I do. I must have something else wrong with me....

    I couldn't believe that people with fm or cfs were working full time, raising children, having a social life or even taking a shower every day.

    I have had fibro for almost all of my life, and have struggled to raise my children, work, and do much else.

    When I joined this board I was at my worst. I had to quit my job, and was in bed 90% of the time.

    I have gone through 2 studies, several drs. and more drugs than I care to even think about. I was taking 32 pills a day at one point. Nothing helped.

    I had to make myself better. I started telling my dr. what I wanted to do, and what meds I wanted to take. I have since figured out that nothing makes me feel perfect.

    I only take one pill a day now, and it helps with the burning, the only one that has helped. I had to get off of the narcotics due to residual pain. That seemed to improve my mood.

    I just figure that if I want any type of life at all, I have to suffer. I make myself do stuff. Shower, dishes, dinner. Sometimes not all in one day but I make myself.
    I suffer when I do more than 3-4 things in one day.
    But now I choose wisely. Do I want to make a great dinner for my family. I will do it in steps....take the meat out, and wipe a counter, then rest, marinate it, then take a nap, and so on.

    I think of myself sometimes as lazy, but I keep telling myself that this dd does not make me. I will make what I can having this dd.

    Sorry so long, but I do feel your pain, and the others here do as well. I hope you find your way.

    Big box of hugs for you,


  12. Pansygirl

    Pansygirl New Member

    I think everyone is different and special and unique and this dd does what it wants to.

    I know there are some days when I'm happier and I can cope but then there are days when I'm depressed, because I'm not the old me that I enjoyed so much.

    I don't work outside the home but I am a full time mom and housewife so I'm still very busy, but I'm no where near the person I was before I got this dd. My family is learning to help around the house more.
    It was my birthday yesterday and I was crying because I was so sad that for my birthday I just wanted one day to be without pain and of course that didn't happen. But I put on a smile for my family.
    I do try to do something fun that I like each day but since it's summer I have been more focused on my kids.

    We are each special people. Remember to smile it makes people wonder what you are up to. Gentle hugs, Susan
  13. harmony21

    harmony21 New Member

    you bunch of gorgeous, special people......

    I guess I wrote that at a BAD moment.

    I agree with what you are saying, we are all diferent and have different strengths and abilities at different times

    I too try keep doing things like the grocery shopping, meeting friends for a coffee and paying the monthly bills

    Last week however I took a friend to the doctors in the city as she has been diagnosed with bowel cancer and was helping her out, unfortunately though i spend 2 days in bed

    unable to move or barely function

    I slept heaps and today feel better and am doing things again

    I know this will be a chronic thing with ups and downs and I will to the best of my knowledge try and cope and be there for others especially on this board

    the only attitude I have is to be there for me, my family which isnt large and a few friends who have stuck by me, the other attitude has disappeared

    Thank you to all who replied you are surely special people

    angel hugs and pain free days to you all

  14. bigmama2

    bigmama2 New Member

    hang in there. coping w a serious chronic illness is very very difficult and you are entitled to your feelings, and ups and downs. as far as the differences in activities of peole on here- some only have mild forms of fibro or cfs. when my cfs was mild years ago, i could still work. not anymore. also- for many of us our illness varies from day to day. mine sure does.

    testing and treatment for adrenal fatigue has helped me somewhat. i forget if you have done that or not??

    good luck

  15. Empower

    Empower New Member

    Like anything else, there are different levels and cases of this DD

  16. frosty77

    frosty77 New Member

    I do think attitude helps hugely for those not also suffering from something else such as depression - I read one post where the poster cried because she just wanted one pain free day. Personally, I don't even think of this - I assume every day will be pain filled and there's nothing I can do about it so I move on. Is it easy to do this - hell, no - but I can't stress about things I cannot change.

    As someone else posted, we are all different in the way we feel pain, emotion and everything. And that goes a long way in determining how we deal with the DD's.

    I also don't think there are different levels but think it's more our genetic makeup on how we feel pain, emotion, and everything else. Give two people the same amount of pain and one may be in excruciating pain while the pain level barely registers in the other.
  17. stschn

    stschn New Member

    I now wear a heartrate monitor and have made many changes in my life. I no longer do the push and crash thing. I now have a power chair, a stair chair, a shower chair. I watch me heart rate and do all that I can to keep it below 100. Of course I hate all of this but the bottom line is I would not do it if I didn't feel better when I don't let my heart overwork. New week I will start doing an exercise program that will be done laying down and will not overtax my body. The goal is to built my body up so I can do more without overworking my heart.
  18. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Hi Connie, you might try "reframing" your outlook to feel how blessed you are to have a loving family around you, that you are able to walk, you can eat, talk, think, and mostly just the wonderful person you are.

    I believe in a way, we create our own reality with our thoughts. If you keep thinking in a certain way, that is your reality.

    We can look around, no matter what our circumstance and find people better off in all ways - financially, health, etc. and compare ourselves.

    Remember things are always changing, nothing stays the same. You are going through this time in your life with these limitations but if you think about it, there are probably other gifts that have emerged. This is just today for you. In three years you may be a completely different person, with better health.

    Even your contributions here on the board are a blessing.

    I truly believe in what you might call miracles. I was so sick for years and also would spend weeks housebound in bed.

    Have you ever read the book "A Course in Miracles"? Also, "Conversations with God" - also books on "The Law of Attraction".

    These have helped me make life altering changes. I believe (as is written in Conversations With God) that God is always talking to us, the problem is, we aren't listening.

    Try to meditate 15-30 minutes a day to quiet you mind, then thank God for your good health and all other blessings. That sounds weird but there is a reason to do it that way - I won't try to explain now.

    When you talk to God, ask him to show you the way to perfect health, then really listen for the answer. The answer can come in many ways including just a feeling. It may not be immediate, but you will know when it comes. Write down your thoughts when they come.

    If you read either of the books I mentioned you will understand what I am talking about.

    Lastly, I will share one more thought. I have always believed deep down that many of our problems are borderline vitamin deficiencies. Our bodies are such miracles but if we have even a slight deficiency of vitamins, we can be sick.

    Before I became very ill, I had undiagnosed gallstones and was unable to eat much for years. I lost over 50 lbs in one year before I finally had the gallbladder removed in 2006. Great to lose weight but not a fun way to do it.

    Clearly my nutrition was terrible. My symptoms were many including sleep problems, feeling cold or hot, brittle nails, hair falling out, gastric reflux, muscle aches, short tempered, unable to concentrate, on and on.

    Months ago, I started using a protein drink each day called Gold Standard. There are many other excellent ones in health food stores. I added a product called "Miracle Reds" which is a strong combination of extracts of fruits. (There are also many other brands of the powdered fruit extracts).

    When my body started getting better nutrition, even my brain started working better. All the symptoms went away and no pain anymore.

    I am not saying I don't still have fibromyalgia. I am sure if I pushed myself I could have a relapse. I am not saying you will have a miraculous change but you can try to discover what is needed to help you get on the road to feeling better.

    Having gone through the years of my own suffering, sometimes I just want to share what I feel may help.

  19. jewels920

    jewels920 New Member

    I also think that I am different at different times. I can perform an activity with relative ease one day and be in bed after doing the same thing another day. Fibromyalgia has little rhyme or reason, at least for me.

    I can have a weak attitude and be in a moderate amount of pain. Alternatively, my attitude can be great...I can be all smiles and hearts and flowers...and all of a sudden...I'm flaring.

    The bottom line is, in my experience, there is no bottom line. No quick fix. No one thing that solves it all. If there were a quick fix, I'm sure we'd all be well.

    I don't think it would hurt any of our attitudes to lighten up a bit...on ourselves and each other.

    Love and hugs.


  20. lmn

    lmn New Member

    check out dr. pellegrino's august 20th article on this site; or maybe, like me, you receive the immune support emails. it explains why some of us can function better than others. i was amazed....