OK ladies, help me out........

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by KingNeptune11, Aug 17, 2006.

  1. KingNeptune11

    KingNeptune11 New Member

    I have been trying to manage life on my own with CFS and its just getting too lonely......I have dated many "healthy" women because I dont look sick, but I cant keep up with them.....nor do they understand my reality.....Where can I meet women who face similar health challenges for friendships or more????

    I am an attractive, fit 39 year old CFS male who can work part-time occasionally......I am well educated, funny and very understanding of others and their burdens.......but unable to find the right woman......I am open to any comments or ideas that anyone can offer......Just tired of only being a father and not having someone I can share my life with......Thanks for any help......JR
  2. kat2002

    kat2002 New Member

    Wow, could have written the same thing myself, only from the feminine viewpoint. I am 38 with FMS. I am afraid I don't have any answers for you right now. I have stopped dating for a while since the effort involved can be so exhausting. One of these days I will try again, but in the meantime would be interested in replies to your post.

    Good luck,
  3. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member


    Just do not give up.

    There are so many ways you could meet women. Many would love to love and give you what you need.

    Sure, it takes time.

    They are out there, though.


    LOL.....you sound like a great guy.

  4. KingNeptune11

    KingNeptune11 New Member

    I appreciate your comments, I am just tired of trying to date women who cant understand my health problems........And to be honest, I dont blame them at all, its hard to understand these illnesses.......And now that I eat basically an all "raw diet", I just dont look as sick as I am.........I almost feel like I have to date someone else with an illness similar to mine in order for there to be any understanding.......I honestly dont think that many women would be happy dealing with my reality, and I am just trying to be honest........

    Do any of you feel the same way or am I looking at this the wrong way???? It just seems to be more realistic to date someone with my "energy levels".......
  5. achy

    achy New Member

    It's an old wivestail, but I believe it. When you stop looking you'll find the perfect mate.

    AND..this I KNOW to be true...have you seen the new commercials about how you'll pass the person you are ment to marry at least 3 times before you meet?? That happened to me..(long story, I spare ya the details but we've been married 25 yrs!)

    Just live your life - do what you enjoy and you'll meet.
  6. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    so i have young guys coming up to me wanting to dance or get my number...

    but i don't want anymore children, nor can i have them if i wanted to...

    i have never done the internet dating...i was married to a bipolar...cheating hb...i was a pretty good wife...i had my moments i am sure...read about the dishes topic...
    anyways...he didn't understand my health still doesn't at times espeically when it comes to child suport...

    well i wished i could give you better advice...but i am in the same hole you are...except i do not know if i ever want to live w/another male or roomate for that matter...

    i do like to go out w/my friends...but i get so sick of men wanting to see my breasts.....or makig rude comments...on my figure...not all of these men are like that...

    but i don't really want to have to account for when i am at the gym working out or home baking cookies...i just want someone to take care of me for once...i did that all my marriage and life as child of an alcoholic...

    and most men don't understand it when a woman is ill period...but when they are ill...they are always big babies...

    but you on the other hand so understand what we are going thru...

    i have often thought about posting on internet looking for person w/fibro who understands those days of despair...and the days i feel like i have an extra wind..

    i and then there are those old rich men that want to take me out...i am sorry i can not play anna nicole...for a minute...

    i guess we can only keep putting ourselves out there...

    they have something called speed dating that may be of interset to me...you can just tell them how do you feel about me having fibro...etc..

  7. petsrme

    petsrme Member

    JR I am not single but you sound like you would be perfect for me. It is so hard to live with a person who is healthy and doesn't understand. Just keep looking and you will find someone. Maybe try local support groups for CFS or Fibro or even lupus. There must be some that are an hour or less from you. I think this would be an ideal place. Good luck.
  8. Cinlou

    Cinlou New Member


    Well, I think the local support group would be a good idea...You have children, you could join the PTA at their school....there are alot of women there..they seem to be the very nuturing and the more understanding kind....and I do know some, that have FM or CFS. They are there to help out, by baking,etc...They may not do alot of the running around...but they do what they can do.

    Have you filled out your BIO?


    [This Message was Edited on 08/19/2006]
  9. KingNeptune11

    KingNeptune11 New Member

    Great comments, I think I will fill out my bio and get a picture posted and maybe we can "auction" me off to someone......Ha Ha........Yes, I still have a sense of humor......There seems to be alot of great women around here, maybe I just need to hang out here more often and get to know a few........It has to be better than what I have been trying lately........I just cant keep up with healthy people......LOL
  10. ckball

    ckball New Member

    I know how you feel. I have been alone for 12 years. I am 50 and had a decent life a man I loved, we had many great times fishing, hiking, playing pool.

    I got cancer and I couldn't do that stuff anymore, it took a lot out of me and I got back up and tried again but never was 100%, it was always a struggle. He had his problems too and we went out separate ways, That was in 1994.

    I have taken care of myself, then my mother for 3 years before she went to the nursoing home 1 1/2 years ago,

    I just would like just to go to a movie or dinner once in a while. Living alone does has it pros and cons. I have my lovely four legged girls Missy and Twila and a kitty named Smitten.

    You could join club a of interest to you, Volunteer at the hospital, go to the library and the grocery store and church are a few more, Support groups in bigger cities would be the best,

    Good luck to you, your young make the best of what you got while you still got it. I have decided I like my own company, I no longer have the social lifestyle I use to have, I just changed my priorities and found peace in the process. Carla
  11. msbsgblue

    msbsgblue Member

    Have you thought about going to FM/CFS support groups?

    I was lucky enough to meet my new hubby on a support forum a few years ago.
  12. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    You know, I think there is a special person for everyone. Many women are natural caregivers and will have no problem with your limitations.

    I would just be up front with whoever you date. I don't mean you need to make a big issue, but when the time is right, explain you have this condition and sometimes don't feel well. All women should understand that. If you run into someone who has no compassion or understanding, it is better for you to find out up front.

    When the right person comes along, you will be loved for who you are inside. The issue of your illness will not be a problem.

    I have a suggestion, have you looked at the websites like eharmony and match.com? I have heard many people had success there.

    Not that you need to connect with someone else with fibro or CFS but it can be part of your "bio", so if someone has a problem, you will know.

    I think these matchmaking sites might be good because they really try to match interests, etc. I think even Dr. Phil endorses eharmony.

    Below is some info from their website...

    eHarmony is Different
    At eHarmony our patented Compatibility Matching System TM narrows the field from millions of candidates to a highly select group of singles with whom you share deep levels of compatibility. Where other sites match on a picture and a paragraph, eHarmony matches you based on compatibility in the most important areas of life - like values, character, intellect, sense of humor, spiritual beliefs, passion, and up to 24 other dimensions.

    90 eHarmony members get married every single day*
    Founded by renowned author and relationship expert Dr. Neil Clark Warren, eHarmony is responsible for thousands of marriages and engagements. That's because we are singular in our focus to deliver matches that have the foundation of compatibility necessary for a lifetime of joy.

    Success Stories

    Scientifically Proven Compatibility Matching System
    Exhaustive research with thousands of couples found that there are 29 Key Dimensions of Compatibility necessary for success in a long term relationship. eHarmony is the only relationship site that uses a scientifically proven method to match based on these 29 crucial dimensions.

    Scientific Matching

    "No Company Screens Its Members More Rigorously"
    At eHarmony our comprehensive, 436-question Relationship Questionnaire is just one of the key ways we screen singles for deep compatibility with you on as many as 29 dimensions.

    29 Dimensions of Compatibility

    Our Guided Communication Option Breaks the Ice
    Often the only thing harder than finding someone who interests you, is getting to know them. But what if you had a guided process that helped you to get to know someone at very deep levels that was fun, safe, and anonymous? eHarmony's Guided Communication option does just that, so you can focus on the enjoyment of getting to know your matches, without worrying about the awkwardness of the first few communications.

    [This Message was Edited on 08/19/2006]
  13. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i liked the idea of meeting at a cfs/fms support group..never thought of that one....

    then we all know how we feel...i think when we have a suppotive understanding soul...we will feel better...

    i live in california and there a ton of places to go meet people but i never go online yet...to find a date...

    maybe we do need a dateline set up in the chat room for us sore and tired but mentally still alive people...

    peace and love

  14. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    for her schooling for college...if there's a will there's a way. too funny it has came up twice tonight...