Ok, this isn't fun today

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by texangal81, Jun 26, 2008.

  1. texangal81

    texangal81 New Member

    Not that this ever has been fun. You get this rush of excitement because someone in a white coat finally gave it a name. You have a good week and then all of the sudden somebody pulls the rug out from underneath you. I haven't slept in 2 days. I think it is the darvocet. Without the davrocet I can't walk without pain. I'm watching a cheesy movie and blogging because my brain won't let me do much more. I SHOULD be at work. I have customers whose million dollar networks aren't running and I USED to fix those for them. I have a new office roomie and I know that God personally sent him to me, because he has been taking the burden off of me by handling my customers.

    Then I tell myself "I'm using this as an excuse to watch cheesy movies and blog on the computer. I'm just feeling sorry for myself and want to practice the "L" word (lazy) today". But if that was true, I would get out of this chair, take a shower, put on my makeup, do my hair, and go to work. The thought alone has exhausted me. Now a colleague is concerned that we won't have afternoon coverage today because he has an appointment but I can't, I just can't do it. I can't go in. I feel like a useless human being but I physically can't do it.

    My kitchen is the victim of a scud attack, I have nothing clean to wear if I ever DO make it back to work, and I have to empty all of the bedroom furniture that I sold on Monday by 7:00 tonight. I've had 3 days. I CAN'T and I know at least everyone here understands that I WANT TO, but I just can't.

    Then I think, ok, I can do this. I'll crawl to the pool because the water always helps. I'll toss a slightly worn outfit into the dryer with a dryer sheet, and I'll somehow put some makeup on and do my hair. But then I have to drive there. I can't. They just don't understand I can't. I still have my job and I want to keep it but I just can't.
  2. luvtusew

    luvtusew New Member

    Hello Texangal,

    Mabe your boss could put you on med leave of absence for awhile. The main thing is,YOU come first. Always remember that. FM is so unpredictable you never know where it is going to hit or how it is going to hit from day to day. You will just have to listen to your body. I have had it for 15 years. I am also dealing with a new diag. of Graves disease (thyroid hyperthyroidism) . Have you been checked for that also? It makes the fatigue as bad as you say you are feeling (even though FM can do the same thing? I have always been checked for thyroid problems and now I have it also. I am having to tell myself the same thing about ME listening my body. I hope you feel better. Take care.
  3. DeborahLynn

    DeborahLynn Member

    I remember back when I was working, and ME/CFS and FMS started getting worse and worse. I had to cut back little by little at my work, until the last month I worked, I was only able to go for two days. My responsibilities had been reduced over time until I was just sitting there. Finally, I couldn't even do that. I finally had to quit back in 10 of '05.

    I pray you'll get better soon, and be able to return to work! I hope you don't have to quit like I did. But remember, if you do have to cut back, it's not the end of the world, even though I know it's scarey.

    I'll be praying for you!


  4. whoachief

    whoachief New Member

    you are having a bad day & I pray that tomorrow is better for you!!
  5. katiebug61

    katiebug61 New Member

    I so understand where you are coming from. The last day I stayed home from work, I had to say I had a bad migraine. No one understands that just thinking wears you out somedays. It takes a lot of energy to concentrate and keep your thoughts collected. Here I am at work and blogging, but I can't concentrate on anythign else right now and will probably goof something up if I try to do anymore work right now. My DH is just such a great support. He doesn't totally understand FM, but he knows that I do what I can. He will even encourage me to not overdo, so I don't regret it the next day. I've been blessed the 2nd time around. Just hang in there and know that you are going to have a good day. Just do NOT overdo on the good day. I have had piles of clean clothes lay and I would just drag something from them and toss in the dryer and freshen up because I didn't have the energy to put them away from the dryer the first time. We eat out a lot, because by the time I get home from work, I don't have the energy to cook. FM sucks!!!
  6. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    I too struggle and wonder if I can do more than I am or if I am feeling sorry for myself. Do I use my pain & fatigue as an excuse? I don't know. Every time my boyfriend calls from work and asks me how I am, it's the same reply... "I'm SO TIRED."

    My brain is fried from nursing school and I need to study for my state board exam, but I just can't.

    My FM-CFS/ME has gotten so much worse over the last few years. I was at my healthiest when I started school in 2004, but now I wonder how I am ever going to work as a nurse.

    I feel for you having to get the bedroom furniture emptied. I totally understand. And putting on makeup and doing my hair is optional these days.

    I agree with Kina, if we would walk around with a high fever, spewing stuff and germs every where they would understand and send us home.

    We have to lie about why we can't get to work, like katie said, because thinking DOES wear us out!! But as it is, most think we are lazy. Some days I kill myself trying to get stuff done just to prove them wrong.

    I feel guilty now because I layed down on the couch and slept from 3-6pm today and haven't done what I wanted to accomplish today. Oh well, it will still be there tomorrow.

    I pray you are feeling better and have some good days very soon!