OMG - someone help me... I'm losing it...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by BluEyes, Aug 20, 2002.

  1. BluEyes

    BluEyes New Member

    OMG --- my nerves are shot... I am yelling at my kid (but I cannot figure out if it is because she is a teenager or because I am losing it. I have NEVER ever hit her --- but I had to move to the other side of our counter to make sure I didn't. I was in a rage... I do not know if she has pushed me there, if the FM and the meds and the lack of sleep are affecting me to the point of breaking, or it is a combination. I am shaking like a leaf... but not mad anymore... I am fighting back tears, my stomache is turning, I don't know what to do. I feel like I am about to go over the edge... losing my mind.

    I hope there is someone out there to help me. I don't know what to do.... My medical help is bad to put it nicely... and now my NP (she is not even a doctor) told me last appointment thjat I don't have FM... so I don't feel I can go to the clinic (there are only like 6 doctors up here, and they are all gp's) I am not suicidal or anything.... but those are the only hotlines I know of. Please help me someone...
  2. BluEyes

    BluEyes New Member

    OMG --- my nerves are shot... I am yelling at my kid (but I cannot figure out if it is because she is a teenager or because I am losing it. I have NEVER ever hit her --- but I had to move to the other side of our counter to make sure I didn't. I was in a rage... I do not know if she has pushed me there, if the FM and the meds and the lack of sleep are affecting me to the point of breaking, or it is a combination. I am shaking like a leaf... but not mad anymore... I am fighting back tears, my stomache is turning, I don't know what to do. I feel like I am about to go over the edge... losing my mind.

    I hope there is someone out there to help me. I don't know what to do.... My medical help is bad to put it nicely... and now my NP (she is not even a doctor) told me last appointment thjat I don't have FM... so I don't feel I can go to the clinic (there are only like 6 doctors up here, and they are all gp's) I am not suicidal or anything.... but those are the only hotlines I know of. Please help me someone...
  3. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    It sounds like you 'just lost it'! Happens to a lot of us, I was so angry this past Friday, I threaten to slap my grown daughter and throw an ashtray at my husband! Yea, I think we all lose it now and then.

    This is a frustrating sickness, and when the doctors are not helping you, it only hightens your frustration.

    You sound like you are totally exausted, you need some rest, sleep and a new start tomorrow!

    Take a few deep breaths, and go take a much needed rest.

    Do you have an anxiety med or antidepressent? If so, than take a low dose to calm yourself down.

    You sound like you are suffering from 'battle fatigue', which is common with these illnesses.

    Take a nice bath with some epson salts and peroxide, it will help, then hit the bed, listen to a funny tv show, or some good music.

    Let us know how you are doing, and please take care of yourself!

    Shalom, Shirl
  4. ssMarilyn

    ssMarilyn New Member

    Hey woman, you sound just like ME!! I get these spurts of anger too, and at first they scared me, but now I know what they are. Don't get scared and don't worry about it. It's probably got alot to do with PMS or perimenopause. These moods will come and go and there's nothing you can do about it. My poor sweet husband never says a word to me....out loud anyway. He just takes it and takes it. I'm such a witch to him sometimes and he's such a saint. I get so angry that sometimes I am afraid of what I going to say, and know it's not normal for me to be like that, so attribute it to hormones....yes, HORMONES!! Surges! It passes, so just sit back, breathe deeply and relax. :)

    ssMarilyn :)
  5. BluEyes

    BluEyes New Member

    I have 2 anti-depressants... i take 150 elavil at night (2 75 mg tabs) and 300 Welbutrin (150 morning/150 night). I just took a welbutrin hoping it would help. Thanks.... I am going to try to lay down and rest. TYVM for caring... and for helping... I will tell you my story when I am stronger... but life pretty much sucks right now. Really, thanks again
  6. MicheleF

    MicheleF New Member

    Don't be so hard on yourself, it would be abnormal to NOT get frustrated and lose it once in a while, especially when you're feeling tired and ill. Your first post said you were having trouble finding a good doctor when you moved and that's frustrating in itself. Many people here have been there.

    I have 2 boys, 19 & 13, and my 13 yr old loves to argue(he must get it from my ex...lol). I love him to death, but perversity should have been his middle name. I find it takes more patience than I can find to deal with him when I'm tired.

    Try, though it's so hard, to remember that you make yourself worse by getting upset...and worse yet by feeling guilty afterwards.

    I have had some success with talking to my son about how difficult it is sometimes, and how I can really use his support if I'm having a bad day. So he seems to save his debate on whether the sky is really blue or more of a cloudy gray for days when I'm open to debate...lol

    Hope you were able to get some rest. Relax, enjoy the color of the sky in Idaho...must be a pretty blue today, wouldn't you say? Take care. Michele
  7. kathyrere

    kathyrere New Member

    please believe me you ARE not alone. not only teenagers are hard, this fms is hard, and our hormone are a mess. i have three and i spend alot of time crying or screaming. i have been on prozac for 8 years.and depakote at night. just pray take deep breath, and take walks. between severe pain all the time ,no one understanding, and still expected to do everything how can you expect not to get upset and just want to beat everyone up. just hang in and stay on the other side of thee cabinet kathy
  8. BluEyes

    BluEyes New Member

    I guess you have all been there --- but I still feel compelled to tell you how much your input helps. Maybe some day I can help someone else the way you help me.

    Welbutrin:
    I have been taking it since June 23rd, the day I quit smoking. The doctor (well, she is really just a NP)put me on it as it somehow is supposed to help with the withdrawals. I already asked about taking me off of it early... but she insists I take it for 3 months..... just 5 weeks to go.

    Doctors in Idaho:
    I did not know I had FM until after we moved here. Unfortunately, there aren't ANY doctors anywhere in this state that treat chronic pain disorders (well, not according to the good doctor's lists or the searches I have done on the internet). If anyone hears of or knows of a GOOD chronic pain doctor in Utah, Washington, or Idaho... I would REALLY appreciate it if you could tell me.

    thanks so much to all of you. I am so glad I found this little "home away from home".

    Blue
  9. kitkat623

    kitkat623 New Member

    Hang in there Blue! Kids can really push all of our buttons, and it's so difficult when you're feeling awful to boot. You are smart enough to know when you need to step away and grab a cup of herbal tea and some quiet time. Tell your child that you'll be happy to talk with her when you've both had a break. Kids today are tough. They can make you want to chew your own shoes! Let us know how you are feeling. There are a lot of caring folks on this board. Be well, Kathy
    [This Message was Edited on 08/20/2002]
  10. selma

    selma New Member

    At that time.
    I used to ask myself why are you doing this!!!
    I never knew. The anger and yelling on my part.
    Thank GOD they get older and so do you. Even tho you think it will not be soon enough.

    Just laugh at them ,silently, and you will see how silly they are, if it is not life threatening. Forgive Yourself. Ask for someone else to be there and deal with it. Ask them to repeate what they said. You didn't hear them.

    my children were little! Really older now. PMS, hormones awack??? But I didn't know it. Of course they know how to push buttons! Stress kills us with pain and FM/CFIDS on top of it all!!
    I know that you are strong. Hang in there!!!!!!!
    Love, Selma
  11. marcia41

    marcia41 Guest

    I've been where you are many times with my kids(all grown now)and I didn't have FM at the time.There were times I thought I'd end up in a mental hosp.,and my kids would go wild in the streets!They all turned out great tho.,well one is a long story,but main thing is to know what you're going thru is temporary!
    If your NP says you don't have FM,then what do you have?Also,how did she or they determine you didn't have FM?
    I do know one of problems I had after quitting smoking was I was more irritable and seemed like everything made me angry.The wellbutrin is supposed to help there too,but maybe it's not,for you.Did you notice a change in how you reacted to things since being on it?I had to stop it because of severe nausea and weakness and no appetite at all.These meds do mess with the chemicals in our brains,so could be this drug is having an adverse effect on you.Think about it.
    Are you in a lot of pain?I'm adding a list of places to check,for finding sources for pain control.
    1. American Pain Foundation Phone# 888-615-7246
    E-mail:http://www.painfoundation.org/

    2. Pain Connection E-mail:http://www.painconnection.org/

    3. The Dannemiller Memorial Educational Foundation lists Web sites,phones and addresses as well as specialists by location:E-mail: http://www.pain.com/

    Hope this helps and hang in there,it will get better!
    Your friend on the board,
    Marcia
  12. lightspirit

    lightspirit New Member

    Dear Blue Eyes,
    Maybe your anger was justified? My children are now 25 and 23 and when I look back, my anger was justified at the time.

    Maybe this has absolutely nothing to do with any physical issues at all? We all have our limits. It would be helpful for you to decide what are your 'healthy boundaries' with your teenager. If things are getting very difficult this is a signal to you that something needs to happen.

    I believe life presents us with opportunities to 'learn our lessons' whether that is through illness or dysfunction of another kind, it is all an opportunity for healing to occur. Do go to your child and connect on whatever level is needed so you can both feel 'heard' and find resolution.

    My kindest regards, you will survive!
    Judith (Lightspirit)
  13. lauraor

    lauraor New Member

    Hi blueyes' I'm new to this suport group want you to know thier a great bunch. We all get angree some times. My kids are grown now but have grandkids alot. I find myself yelling
    at them , thier just being normal kids. I try to take a deep breath and take a time out. My dr, wouldn't put me on wilbutrion I have an anxiety problem any way he said it would make it worse. I hope you can get some rest I'll say a prayer for you. (((hug)) lauraor
  14. tired42long

    tired42long New Member

    I am so sorry you are going through this today. I, too, have had the eruption from H**# today. Was there some certain stress going on today? Or could be hormones. For me it's school prep for kids.But the simple truth is that with these health issues somedays its hard to deal and communicate on a human level with ANY other person, let alone a teenager. Today I spent so much of my time online, trying to get answers to make me well. With four at home and THEN neighbor kids over too, I just raged at their intrusions!!! I just wanted time to myself once. Sometimes you just have to let go of the guilt that tries to make you feel bad or scared or CRAZY even, and know that you are normal. My 15 year old said ALL day today "God, YOURE CRABBY!!!!" It was like chaos with nothing getting done while I worked on myself. I said, Damn straight I'm crabby!!!! What was I going to do, fight the truth? It's OK to let it out some. Teenagers can be ruthless and turn even the most eventempered saint of a parent into a raging maniac. Ha. You are a normal mom. Let the guilt go and do something for you.
  15. hbic

    hbic New Member

    My kids are 9 and 11 and have learned to just roll their eyes at me, or stick their tongue out at me in a funny way. Allways works for me.
    When you feel that bubbling up, do not be afraid or ashamed to tell everyone."Not now, give me a few minutes, and Ill be ready to hear you." Go into the bathroom, or your bed room, and close the door. When you feel better, explain to your kid(s) that Its not them, its the Fibro, youre not making excuses, and its not your license to behave that way, you just need to take a moment to yourself. Its ok.
  16. Wildcat

    Wildcat New Member

    Hang in there BluEyes! I have 2 teenage sons, one coming in, 14 and one heading out 18 1/2! My oldest son is just like me and we argue much, I have even raised my hand to him many times! I can hear my mother arguing at me as a teenager as I do him, "I didn't raise you like that!" OMG, I swore I would never be like that!!! He is so independant and Mr Know it All, it just makes me want to chew him up an spit him out! But....I always get my yelling out, and then he looks at me and says, "OK mom, you had your moment, go take a chill pill!!" and then we laugh. He knows, as I tell him often, "YOU JUST WAIT, YOUR TIME IS COMING", raising teenagers is hard, and you only want them to succeed in life and not make the same mistakes that we have made. I ALWAYS tell him that. As for my 14 yr old son, I always look at him and tell him, "Don't grow up and act like your brother!!!" He gets to hear all the arguing, and sits back and takes it all in, he knows what pushes my buttons and trys to avoid them....good boy!!!!

    I get like that when I am extremely tired, exhausted, and in much pain, they can tell my good days from my bad ones. Try to talk to your daughter, and explain that there are things going on in your life that are upsetting you, maybe she will understand. I try to tell my sons what is going on in my life, feelings, pressures, etc, it lets them know I am also a human being. I am a single mother, and confiding in my sons is all I have, so I want them to understand as much as possible, I hardly keep things from them, behind in bills, feeling alone, they see me as a person, and not just a bad mother sometimes...it has seemed to help.

    I also try to keep in touch with their lives also, always ask them, "How was your day?" It makes them more adult feeling, and keeps them on your level, I think they like that!!

    Take a deep breath, and take your daughter away from the rest of the family, out on the porch at night, where it is quiet, cry to her, show your emotions, explain to her how YOU are feeling and what upsetted you, and why? Try to get her on your mind level, she is appreciate your confidence in her, and hopfully she will support you.

    Good Luck, and as for your doctor......(or so called one)FIRE HER!!!!!! Wildcat