on/off depression, sometimes its so bad........... it scares me.

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by iggyangel, Jan 3, 2007.

  1. iggyangel

    iggyangel New Member

    I know it comes from losing our lives, to a certain point, and chronic pain, and fighting docs to believe us, ...
    but out of the blue, I get these days where I feel like dying, seriously,
    yes I talk about it to certain people to get it out.
    but its scary,
    I never use to feel this way prior to this illness..
    does anyone else have these days, where you just feel sooooooooooooooooooooooo depressed you cant move???
    and what helps???
    I take SSRI's, and many things to try to help....
  2. grace54

    grace54 New Member

    Yes its terrible. In the worst of my fibro a couple years ago I could hardly get out of bed as the depression was so bad I wanted to hibernate. It even hurt to think as I would get these awful feelings when talking with someone on the phone, it is hard for me to describe.

    As I can't tolerate the anti-depressants I take supplements like 5-htp, cal/mag, omega 3-6 capsules.Slowly somehow my body seems to have recovered somewhat but I feel like I can slip back if Im not careful. One of the biggest things I practice is positive thinking, prayer, and staying away from toxic people as I say I am only a thought away from depression. The deep dark depression that feels like a heavy wet blanket on a cloudy day I am familiar with but gratefully not today. I wish you healing:)
  3. hermitlady

    hermitlady Member

    I know the feeling....happens all the time for me. I also have been on ADs for yrs (on Prozac now, but also have tried just about all other ADs too), but still have some very difficult times.

    New Years sent me into a meltdown as usual. Can't hardly stand the thought of living another year feeling so physically and mentally thrashed.

    I have a great therapist that I see. I went thru 4 or 5 of them before I found a woman who I really connected with. I have an appt on Fri w her, I really need it! Have you gone the therapy route yet? It helps some, but unfortunately it's not a cure for me.

    I've been listening to music more lately, that helps too. I just thought I'd let you know I fully understand how you feel. Hang in there and I'll try and do the same.

    xxxooo Hermit
  4. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I really do understand, I have been feeling bad also. Like I am going down a drain and someone needs to grab me and pull me back. Yesterday, I was so anxious, I felt like I could not breathe.

    Yes, I felt like not moving - or not opening my eyes or waking up. Just escape from the world. I know I am a worrier, then comes the anxiety, then the depression, etc.

    Yesterday I decided to see a doctor (PHD) who works with my fibro doctor - she does hypnotherapy and nutrition counseling.

    I called her on the phone and after talking to me for a few minutes she had me pegged. I told her I was just so "shut down" in every way.

    I will be seeing her on Friday and will let everyone know what happened. In the meantime, I read last night about hypnosis, the subconscious, etc. There is a website if you do a search for "free hypnosis scripts" that has several good scripts you can use - including depression.

    I started to use one today and I do feel better. I just keep replacing whatever bad thoughts I have with "no worrying, no anxiety". I think I said that all day, lol.

    I know this works as I tried it several years ago and somehow forgot about it. I wish now I had done something years ago. I will post some of the scripts here for you. I especially like the one about the library books. Very interesting.

    Try this and see if it makes any difference at all. By the way, hypnosis is not like on TV where you lose your control. It is more of a day dreaming state but powerful.

    Another thing - I was using Ambien and I think it was contributing to my depression. Maybe all sleep meds do that. I switch around - but even thought Lunesta depressed me.

    Anyway, here is some of the scripts I found. This one is cigarette smoking but you can change the script to fit your own situation - on mine I used the bad habit of worrying, anxiety, depression. (I will also add the script for depression on another reply post here).

    Library Book Burning Imagery

    I would like for you to use your imagination. I would like for you to imagine yourself standing in front of a door.

    This may be a door you have seen in the past or a door you see in your imagination.

    You try to open the door and discover it is locked. There is a table standing next to the door with a key on it.

    You pick up the key and insert it in the lock. The door unlocks easily and effortlessly as you walk into a library.

    You take notice at the books lining the walls of the library.

    This is a special library because all of the books in this library are about you. The books on the left side of the library are all of the good things that have ever happened to you.

    The books on the right are all of the not-so-good things. The books closest to you are embossed with the year 19xx (current year) and as you move further back into the room, the books go back in chronological order all the way back to the beginning of your time.

    I would like you to find a book for me. This book will try to hide. It will think it can outsmart you. But you know that you can outsmart it.

    The title of the book is (loosing weight/smoking and excuses to continue - or any book title which you can think of which expresses the conflict your client is working through.) Take your time and find this book.

    When you find the book, take it off of the shelf and let me know you have it by raising the first finger of your right hand. Good.

    Find a trashcan in your library and toss the book into the trash. Pick up the trashcan and find a door in your library that leads down into the basement.

    There are ten steps which go down to the basement and as I count from ten to one I would like for you to allow yourself to become twice as relaxed as you were on the count before, or if you prefer you can allow yourself to become ten times as relaxed. 10... 9... 8... 7... 6... 5... 4... 3... 2... on the next count you will be at the bottom of the staircase and once again I will ask you to use your imagination ... 1.

    Good. I would like for you to find yourself walking over to a furnace. There is a fire blazing inside the furnace. The intensity of the heat is such that the black of the furnace is turning red.

    You pick up a poker not far from where you are standing, open up the door of the furnace and toss the book inside and watch. Watch as the binding begins to blacken and char and the pages begin to burn and curl.

    But just before the book is about to go up in smoke, using the poker, you remove the book from the furnace and let it fall to the floor.

    This book is trying to kill you. It is trying to control your life. You open the book to find an entry of each and every time you (have taken a cigarette, tried to loose weight, etc.).

    You read about the very first time. (You remember who was there with you. Who lit it for you and how it burned the back of your throat. You probably gagged and coughed until you finally got into the habit.

    Naturally, you will be modifying these portions of the visualization that best fits your particular situation.) In anger you pick up the book and rip it in two and throw it back into the fire and watch as it finishes burning.

    When you are convinced that the only thing that’s left is a pile of blackened ash, you come back up the steps into the library.

    There is a chair in the library next to a throne, which sits in the middle of the room. There is a box of unwrapped books lying at your feet.

    You lift up the first book and unwrap it. The title of this book is, My Health And Happiness. You replace this book on the shelf where the book you burned once was. Go through the library now as silent as you can for the next minute and remove any and all of the books you wish to destroy for once and for all.

    When you come back up from the basement, let me know by raising the first finger of your left hand. (Silent for one minute) Good. Allow yourself now to feel a great sense of relief as you leave the library.

    Remember to lock the door behind you. You walk out into the sunshine taking deep breaths of air. Allow the sun on your face to act as a wonderful natural tranquilizer on your system.

    I am going to count now from one to ten. On the count of ten I would like for you to open your eyes, return to your normal awareness, feeling refreshed, relaxed as if you have just taken a wonderful nap. 1 ... 2 ... 3 ... all of the suggestions I have given you today increase tenfold as you leave my office today ... 4 ... 5 coming back now ... 6 ... 7... becoming aware of your arms and legs ... 8 ... on the count of ten open your eyes wide awake ... 9 ... and ... 10 ... wide awake.

    [This Message was Edited on 01/03/2007]
  5. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    Hi, you don't have to feel you are hypnotizing yourself - just reading these scripts help. Try to be relaxed and just read slowly. Remember you are addressing your subconscious mind - and hopefully it will remember what you are taking in.

    Depression: That Was Yesterday

    As you continue to drift and float, all other sounds fade away into the distance.

    You pay attention only to the sound of my voice. I want three points about depression to become firmly established in your mind.

    For that is what we are going to discuss, and each point about depression is the absolute truth to you.

    Now the first point is, that you have a right to be here. You are as good as anyone. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees or the stars. You have a right to be here, and whether or not it is clear to you, the universe is unfolding the way it should be.

    Therefore, you can accept that there is a universal plan, greater than any man, greater than any one of us, and so, you can be at peace with yourself. You can be at peace with yourself if you want to be ... and that comes to the second point.

    For in that plan that affects everyone in this universe, outside of natural disasters, all depression is subconsciously self-inflicted.

    That is the second point. All depression is subconsciously self-inflicted. Now, each emotion of the mind is reflected in the electro-chemical balance of the brain.

    Prolonged feelings of depression can cause chemical imbalance that, most times, corrects itself.

    With my clinical experience, I can usually tell who will respond successfully if I place them on medication right away, and who can respond successfully without it.

    In either case, you will be successful in conquering depression. When you do feel well again, you may do so for only a matter of minutes or hours, and then depression may return, and it may be another several days or even weeks before you again feel well.

    There may be a half dozen of such ups and downs before the symptoms are gone for good.

    Now the third point has to do with time and the absolute necessity to live, not just in the present, but the moment of here and now.

    The third absolute truth has to do with the necessity to live each moment of the here and now. For example, yesterday you were depressed but today is a new day.

    Every day is a fresh beginning. Every day is a fresh beginning, and every morning is a world made new.

    Today is our most important day. Yesterday is gone. We cannot live in the past, else we cannot go forward, because living in the past dulls the keen edge of our imagination.

    The past, even yesterday, can be of value only as we glean lessons and profits from our experiences. For as Longfellow wrote, "Nor deem the irrevocable past as wholly wasted, as wholly vain, if rising on its wrecks, at last, to something nobler we attain."

    Have you ever felt circumstances crowding in upon you because of failure and disappointment and depression and said, "If I can only get a break, an opportunity to start all over again?"

    Well, then, remember what Walter Mallone wrote about opportunity - "They do me wrong who say I come no more, when once I knock and fail to find you in, for every day, I stand outside your door and bid you wake and rise, to fight again.

    Though deep in mire, ring not your hands and weep. I lend my aid to those who say, 'I can'. No shame-faced outcast ever sank so deep, but yet, might rise again and be a man."

    Yesterday, the sun sank behind the horizon at the close of the day. The sky was overcast, no stars appeared within the firmament, and you were downcast, depressed, because the day had brought only frustration.

    Today, you awaken with the sunlight pouring in through the window, a new day is at hand, a new opportunity to build upon the lessons learned from yesterday's failures.

    Now, each of us is here to accomplish something, some particular phase of the universal plan that is greater than man, greater than each and every one of us.

    This universal plan or life force goes on whether we like it or not. When we face life as a whole, and try to realize that every experience is leading us towards fulfillment of that plan, when we take each day and endeavor to make the most of it, then, things come out alright.

    Someone has said we must listen for life to happen, listen expectantly. Now, you have not been listening expectantly. You really have not been listening at all. You have been concentrating on your problems and as long as you concentrate on a problem, then you have a problem, because you are what you concentrate your mind upon.

    You are what you are greatly concerned with. Now, when you let go of that concern, when you let go of that problem, by changing your thinking, when you say, "To heck with the problem!" then you begin to see the solution to your problem, because your mind is free, and therefore, when your mind is free, you can utilize it to be effective to make it work. You must say from now on, "I let go of my depression.

    I develop and maintain a happy disposition each day. Each day I reject the negative and see the positive in all things."

    Because the only reason that you have been staying depressed is that you have not learned yet how to deal with your negative thoughts, to allow in the positive thoughts of truth and love and hope.

    Every day is a challenge, a new opportunity to prove yourself in reality, to be a believer in truth, and love and hope, that you do not need to feel helpless and hopeless, that you can separate off and distinguish the vast difference between those events in your life and your reaction to them, for they are vastly different.

    They are not the same at all and you must separate off from those events in your life and your reaction to them. The problem is not whether you need a new job, whether your wife or your husband has gone or left, or that someone else did right or wrong, or that you did right or wrong, or the terrible things that occurred in your life.

    It is not any of those things at all. It is your reaction to them. It is the sentences you say in your head, such as, "Oh, my husband is gone! I cannot live without him!" Or, "I've got a terrible pain in my back! I'll never live a normal life again!"

    That is really the problem for when you give yourself those negative thoughts, then you are bound to feel depressed so you have to learn how to turn those sentences around, turn them around completely: "OK, so I made a mistake, but I won't again"

    Or, "OK, so my wife died and I miss her but I can start over with a new life." Whatever it is that you say to yourself about those past things makes you depressed because you have not learned to turn them around and when you are depressed, when you are in this frame of mind, you are dead!

    That is death! Remember Lot's wife was told, "Don't look back for you will turn into a pillar of salt!" But, she just had to look back.

    Now, you must not look back. You are through looking back. You can only live the very moment you are living, and you can live that to the fullest, and enjoy it by the proper thinking.

    Hasn't there ever been a desire, an urge, to accomplish something you never attained? Think about that. Take each day as it comes, and enjoy the sunshine, the song of the birds, the laughter of the children. See all those positive things.

    Let each day crowd out yesterday's sorrows completely. Remember that "he that climbs the ladder must begin at the first rung" - Robert Scott said that.

    The Chinese say, "A thousand miles journey begins with one step." As we seek higher and wider vision, each new day becomes the next rung upwards, a new opportunity to rise above yesterday's sorrows, frustrations, depressions and failures, to a world made new, so that the Oriental poet urges us: "Look well, therefore, to this day." Look well, to this day.

    Now, in your mind's eye, I want you to visualize a sign, a sign, hanging right in front of you, and that sign has three words on it, and the words are: That was yesterday.

    That was yesterday, when things didn't go right. That was yesterday, when you failed to turn your negative thoughts around. That was yesterday when you gave up hope.

    That was yesterday, when you didn't decide to start over, like you should have, and that was yesterday, when you were only thinking of yourself, instead of the happiness of others, and what you could do for them. That was yesterday, when you made a mistake.

    That was yesterday, when you know you said the wrong thing. That was yesterday, when you know you did the wrong thing. That was yesterday.

    That was yesterday, when you hated yourself, but every day is a fresh beginning, and every morning is a world made new, and the past is not wholly wasted.

    It is not in vain, rising on its wrecks at last, there is something nobler you will attain.

    By replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts, every new moment is a new opportunity, and as you accept this truth, you feel the warmth of truth and love and hope course through your heart, you relax completely, confident that there IS a plan for you, and that, even though you can't understand, you must go through these learning experiences that you are going through, in order to satisfy that plan.

    You are, nevertheless, perfectly willing to go through whatever experiences you need to go through, so that you can allow yourself to be the master of your own fate, to be in control of your own feelings, for this dawn of a new day only comes after the night. You cannot have a mountain without valleys, otherwise, everything is all a plateau.

    The brightness of the sun would mean nothing, except by comparison to the darkness of the night. It's only by contrast that we can understand life, and so, instead of reacting adversely to the problems and frustrations of yesterday, you hang on them that sign.

    That sign that says, That was yesterday - you see the sign in your mind's eye. You lift those problems from your shoulders and hang them upon that sign and leave them there, because, as a result of the faithful practice of your self-hypnosis, and the learning to control your thinking in a positive way, every day, as a fresh beginning, and every morning is the world made new, and this is a new day for you, and a new morning

    - a day without depression, a day without frustration, a day without failure, a day in which you are more effective in every single area of your life, than you have ever been before, and why? Because you have let go of your problems.

    You have stopped letting them handle you. You are handling it, by turning those negative thoughts around, because it is not the events of your life that are affecting you.

    It is your reaction to them, and you are through letting negative thoughts create negative reactions to the experiences of your life, which depress you and run you ragged, run your every moment, every moment of your life.

    You are going to learn to relax comfortably, in the knowledge that you can and will do your part and will continue to do your part.

    [This Message was Edited on 01/03/2007]
  6. Cacta

    Cacta New Member

    I remember a time when I stood by a cliff and I almost jumped, I cried desperately and uncontrollably, alone, in pain, exhausted, too much lost life.
    My mother and sister were worried and I came home to fear, tears and from my sister anger. I was on anti depressants and birth control combo, but it didn't help. I called my doctor and she said it isn't the mental, it is your body, the adrenals working from NOTHING. Somehow this felt good to me, to know that I needed to to boost my adrenals.
    This is what I did, I wrote a pact with myself to live. From that day forward I said to myself, because of the pact, dying is not an option, so I must take this one day at a time. Everything was an achievment and I congratulated myself. I acknowledged the dpression and began to look at it and say well don't expect much from your self instead love and accept. Then when I smiled it was an accomplishment. This isn't to say that I don't have bad days but in my head I have written a pact with life.

    Now the other thing is to begin boosting your adrenals. Look for people usually non traditional doctors to help. With diet and supplements you can get out of the depression. The problem is the depression is from physical exhaustion rather than brain chemicals.
    Keep the Faith,
  7. REH2384

    REH2384 New Member

    Hey I have been dealing with depression for a long time, and have tried lots of different medicines, don't take zoloft you get immune to it and it stops working! I'm taking celexa and xanax now both work really well for me.

    I remember all last year I was so bad i slept with a bottle of gin, cut my arms up, and tried to overdose like a million times. Its not worth it! God loves us and He's there when we think no one else is! I went to some counseling and she helped me learn to think about things differently and it really helps. I also started doing yoga which puts me in an awesome mood and makes me feel really good about myself! Good luck!
  8. MsE

    MsE New Member

    I, too, have been feeling terribly blue. In fact, I came to this board, for the first time in a long time, hoping I would find something about fighting depression which comes and goes. I'm not on any medication for depression because I know it is a temporary state, but it is certainly miserable. Crying jags! I'm so tired of it all.
  9. ritatheresa

    ritatheresa New Member

    I too have dealt with severe depression. Last year I was out of work, they were refusing to pay my disability, I had no money, my phone was ringing off the hook with bill collectors, my gas and electric got shut off a few times and all the while I was trying to function and raise my daughter. My family had no understanding whatsoever.

    I have never felt such desperation. One morning I woke up and thought to myself I just can't do it anymore, my daughter was sleeping and I just thought turn on the stove and go back to sleep. I was having severe suicidal thoughts and I thank God I didn't do anything stupid. I wasn't praying at that point, I was begging God to help me.

    Those feelings have since passed, but it hasn't been easy. Try to find someone who understands what your going through. Sometimes when I feel like someone hears me and understands I feel a whole lot better.

    Your in my prayers, I hope you feel better, Ritatheresa

  10. JLH

    JLH New Member

    iggyangel, if your depression gets this bad at times, I really feel that you should discuss it more indepth with your doctor.

    Have you discussed how the depression really affects you with your doc?

    Maybe you are not taking the correct SSRI for you.

    Hope you get to feeling better,

  11. bigmama2

    bigmama2 New Member

    has come in and out of my like for the last 20 years. I feel your pain. People who do not get bad depression are so lucky. They have brains and bodies that do not function abnormally like ours do. And they couldn't possible truly understand what it's like.

    Here's what helps me - on a daily basis whether I'm depressed or happy, when I go to bed at nite I try to remember to give thanks for ANYTHING I can think of-- ex- I was able to do laundry today, I have my eyesight, and my hearing, all my limbs, I have a house with running water, and electricity, my family loves me, my dog is awesome, I am a nice person, I have enough money for food, I have an education, etc etc....

    I just go thru a huge list of all kinds of stuff I am thankful for (as you can see alot of it is pretty basic, but still very important stuff, if you think about it), and it makes me feel a little better and more hopeful, if I am really down.

    But also I know that depression is a chemical problem in the brain, and/or a physical problem in the body (ex thyroid, adrenal etc), so those things must be explored and worked on too.

    Lots of supps. are supposed to help w depression, so I take them- fish oil, b complex, sublilngual b-12, good quality multi vit. and mineral, etc.

    I also have been taking Effexor for many years. Knowing what I know now, I wish I had been told of more natural options for depression, instead of medicines. Like st johns wort, or SAMe, or 5HTP, etc. I don't know if they would have helped me. All the rx A.D.s I have been on DO help alot BUT with side effects-weight gain, and if I miss a dose of efxr I feel like hell!

    WEll please take care!


  12. CrystalDawn

    CrystalDawn New Member

    Im dealing with anxiety and depression and there are days I felt like I just wanted to die but I knew I couldnt because I had a family that loves me.I have also thought I was going to go crazy in the head.I was so scared but I got my bible and prayed to God to help me.I have had depression and anxiety for 6 months now and Im only 21 years old.I have tried several differnt medications Im on Zoloft now and seems to be working.But dont worry just keep telling yourself that you are ok and you are going to be fine.Dont never Give up and keep fighting those thoughts.
  13. Catseye

    Catseye Member

    Look at my post about neurotransmitter precursors. It is from Jan 18 and tells what nutrients you can take to increase the neurotransmitters in your brain. I have been taking them and I can even read alot more and think much clearer than before.

    good luck!


    I came back later when I'm awake and copied the post here:

    Assuming the depression is an imbalance or lack of some neurotransmitters, you may want to try the simple nutrients that your body uses to make them. I haven't been depressed for awhile (since I've been feeling better) but now, when I read alot, my neuros get low and my brain fog increases. So I take these and it takes care of it. Below is a copy of my post to someone else with anxiety and depression. These things may sound "funky" but they are all chemicals either found in food or your body makes to use from other ones in food. So they are natural and since they aren't drugs, your doctor won't know about them. Have you tried 5htp? That's the only one not listed here:

    There are many other neurotransmitters that are important besides serotonin.
    Some other neurotransmitter "nutrients" like 5htp you can try are:

    phosphatidyl choline
    phosphatidyl serine - amino acid
    TMG (trimethylglycine) - amino acid
    phenylalanine - amino acid
    tyrosine - amino acid
    DMAE (is molecularly similar to choline) - amino acid
    B vitamins
    threonine (everybody spells this one differently)

    Here's some interesting stuff about "neuros":

    5-HTP---converts to--->Serotonin---converts to--->Melatonin

    Phenylalanine---converts to--->Tyrosine---converts to--->DOPA---converts to--->Dopamine
    ---converts to--->Norepinephrine---converts to--->Epinephrine (aka adrenaline)

    Note that norepinephrine is a key neurotransmitter AND an adrenal hormone.

    Here's some neuros, what they're for, sign of deficiencies, and the nutrients your body needs to make it:

    Serotonin: for Emotional Stability
    deficiency causes: Lack of rational emotion, feelings of irritability, sudden unexplained tears, sleep problems
    body needs: 5HTP or L-tryptophan, Calcium and Magnesium

    Dopamine: for Pleasure, reward, good feelings toward others, maternal/
    paternal love
    deficiency causes: Anhedonia - No pleasure, world looks colorless, inability to "love", no remorse about personal behavior
    body needs: L-phenylalanine, Vitamin B6

    Norepinephrine: for Arousal, energy, drive
    deficiency causes: Lack of ambition, lack of drive, depression
    body needs: L-phenylalanine
    Vitamin B6

    GABA: for Staying calm
    deficiency causes: Free floating anxiety, feelings that things are closing in around you, unexplained panic
    body needs: L-glutamine, Vitamin B6

    Enkephalins: for Psychological pain relief
    deficiency causes: Feelings of incompleteness, lack of fulfillment, feelings of inferiority, feelings of inadequacy, never feels "equal," fearful, insecure feelings
    body needs: D-phenylalanine, Vitamin B6, Folic Acid (a B vitamin)

    Tryptophan is the least common amino acid in food. It is also the most difficult to absorb into the brain. These make serotonin synthesis more difficult. Although tryptophan is mainly found in fish, meat, dairy products, eggs, nuts and wheat germ, eating these does not substantially increase serotonin. This is because these foods contain other amino acids that compete with tryptophan for absorption. Tryptophan “loses out” to the other amino acids.

    Eating carbohydrates raises serotonin levels but eating protein decreases serotonin levels. Carbohydrates cause an insulin response that favors tryptophan absorption over other amino acids. This explains why many people who need more serotonin (like being overly-stressed or depressed) start to “self-medicate” by eating more sweets or starchy carbohydrates. As tryptophan absorption rises, so will serotonin production.

    EFAs (essentail fatty acids) are also critical for brain function.

    The levels and function of several neurotransmitters can be increased by the supply of their dietary precursors. The neurotransmitters include serotonin, dopamine, noradrenaline, histamine, acetylcholine and glycine, which are formed from tryptophan, tyrosine, histidine, choline and threonine (amino acids).

    This is why alot of us are loading up on free form amino acids. Our broken bodies cannot product them in sufficient quantities.

    hope this helps,

    karen [This Message was Edited on 01/23/2007]