Once again, family relationships and FMS/CFS

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by jaltair, Oct 30, 2005.

  1. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    The other night I posted on wanting to be more involved with my family and finding it really physically difficult to do so because of the FMS/CFS. Tonight, I went to my 59th b-day party at Mom and Dad's (both 85 years old!). My 36 year-old son was there with my daughter-in-law and the grandkids as well as my 33 year-old unmarried son.

    My son and I were discussing a problem that he had. He evidently has some type of problem where one muscle group in his right chest area hurts as though he has over-exercised, but he hadn't; he hasn't gone to the gym he belongs to for over a few weeks as he injured his left shoulder. The pain in the muscle just started "out of the blue." I saw this as a perfect time to explain what FMS is and how it feels. Then, I told him that all of my muscles felt like his hurting muscle group all of the time because of fibromyalgia. My son promptly announced, "I don't believe in fibromyalgia." After that, I don't remember much of the discussion - it was something like "symptoms are caused by other things" and that he had spoken with a number of neurologists and they all agree with him. All I was trying to do is to let him know in some way he could understand what it's like having FMS.

    I felt so alone at that point in time. Then I told him, "I didn't believe in it either until I got it." He just continued his dialogue with my husband who announce, "they don't know what causes it" . . and "it's a syndrome..." My husband was trying to help me out.

    This makes me feel like I must be just a "lazy ass!" Sorry about the language, but it upset me. My husband told me that no one thinks that I'm lazy, that I only thought that they did. But, it's hard to not think that everyone thinks I'm lazy since I am unable to do all the things that I use to do or would like to do!!!!

    I'd do anything for my children and my grandchildren or any other member of my family, and I absolutely love to just be with them and to get and be involved in their lives. But, today, I couldn't wait for the birthday party to be over with so that I could just go home.

    I guess I'm here complaining again, but just needed to write the words down. I know we all have these relationship issues. After I got back home I realized that my husband was right and that my son doesn't think of me as being lazy, he is only confused regarding why his mother, who used to be almost hyperactive in life can hardly do anything now. It feels good to get this out. Thanks for listening.

    L, Jeannette
  2. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    I appreciate your response. Yes, that's what it's like, exactly! Being called a liar, or a slight slap in the face without the pain. Just going to bed tonight, seems so much later than it is with the change in time . .

    Take care Mr.!

  3. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    So sorry, got the handles mixed up . . must be my mind as I'm pretty foggy now upstairs! LOL . . Thanks!

    :< ) L, Jeannette

  4. jaltair

    jaltair New Member

    I so appreciate the emotional support you've both given, plus the laugh over "Bill!"

    I am heading to bed now. Just have the hardest times getting off the Board sometimes, especially when everyone's talking like tonight!

    Thanks again my friends!

    L, Jeannette
  5. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    I think we can all handle this kind of thing when it comes from outside the family but this is particularly hurtful.

    My daughter understands what I go through because she has CFS/Fibro although thankfully not as bad as me.

    My son, on the other hand, knows I'm ill, but still doesnt understand it. We dont discuss it.

    I think it's scary for them. Their Mums have changed from being the person they can depend on into someone who often needs help herself. If you were old, 70s, 80s, he'd be prepared for this kind of thing.

    One day everyone will understand how serious our illness is, I just wish that day would come soon.

    I wouldn't take it too much to heart Jeannette.

    love Rosie

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