Once was a writer, but no more

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lurkernomore, Oct 13, 2005.

  1. lurkernomore

    lurkernomore New Member

    This goes along with the "what ifs" thread. I always wanted to be a writer and took some courses. I was doing fairly well, writing stories for a local Christian magazine and had even begun writing a book.

    Then I began having problems remembering how to spell correctly. Oh, I know, there is always spellcheck to fall back on, but that was not my biggest problem. My biggest problem was when my brain turned to mush and I could no longer follow my own storylines. It was impossible for me to get back to writing the book because I would go back to where I had left off, read it over again and it was if someone else had written the whole thing! And it was not due to meds, there are none. My brain has just left me and I would sorely miss it...if I had the mind to do so!

    I only write Christian, inspirational stories and so I am hoping that with a lot of prayers, I will get back to where I once was and be able to get back to my writing. Otherwise, I am feeling quite useless as this was the one thing that made me feel good about myself. Oh yes, in case it has not been noticed, my grammar has suffered terribly too! I know, I am but one more person who has suffered a loss due to this DD and I am not special because of it. But writing inspirational stories at least made me feel as if I may be giving others some hope. Now that is gone.

    I have even had to stop posting on a few other forums because I have been bashed due to my lack of proper grammar and spelling errors. I tried explaining my situation, but the posters there were not in the least bit sympathetic. If anything, they were rather cruel, telling me not to make excuses for my poor use of the English language. That was my real wake up call and felt like a real slap in the face. Okay, pity party over. I will just keep praying that someday my mind will clear and I will be able to write in a somewhat coherent manner once again.
  2. lauralea443

    lauralea443 New Member

    i love about this board no one cares about spelling, or most of us would be in trouble.

    As for the other boards, they are just trying to feel superior to you. Did i spell that right?? LOL

    Hope you keep writing even if it's short poems or stories.

    Maybe put your thoughts on a tape recorder if you feel you can write. Then when you feel up to it maybe you can type it.

    Just a though

  3. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    Do you have anything you like to do now, just for yourself at least?

    I would have learned to paint. And I was just discovering the karaoke scene. Now I doodle and hum. Or visualise if I can't manage to do even those things. Your soul is the same, even if it can't come out the same way anymore. We will always appreciate you here!! love Shannon
  4. lurkernomore

    lurkernomore New Member

    Well, yes, I do love to sing. But I have developed a form of stage fright to the extent that singing in the church choir was a big no-no for me for several years. I was so afraid that I would hit a sour note and get embarrassed that I stopped going to rehearsals.

    But this past week, I have been asked to come back and so far, so good. (We have been in revival all week so we have done specials every night since Saturday.) Now I just read that a local music shop is offering voice lessons and I am considering calling and asking about the cost. I would love to regain some of the control and confidence that I seem to have lost as a result of not singing for so long. So that is, at least, something. Even if I only sing in the shower, I would feel better if I could sing in the right key, ha ha!
  5. MKlady

    MKlady New Member

    I'm a writer too, but for more commercial purposes (as in ad agency). My brain fog was terrible - could hardly talk, let alone write and details were beyond me. But since I've been going to FFC and using the prescribed supplements, I've been much clearer. I take Acetyl L Carnitine, Neuro B12 (crosses the brain-blood barrier), DMAE, and prescription Namenda (an Alzheimer's drug). I was worried about starting the Namenda, but it's working well so far with no side affects. The only thing now that makes me foggy is fatigue, but then that always did :)

    [This Message was Edited on 10/13/2005]
  6. LollieBoo

    LollieBoo New Member

    Like writer's block, except I feel like even if I came up with a topic, I'd lose myself in the first paragraph!

    Let's hope the other posters are right!

    I'll pray for you and you pray for me- okay?

  7. bpmwriter

    bpmwriter New Member

    i'm sorry to hear about your situation. i'm a writer too and i've found that the time this illness has provided me to concentrate on my writing has been one of the few bright spots. i have to say that even with the fog, my passion or ability to write hasn't diminished. if it makes you feel any better, your post is well-written. perhaps it's just a strange manifestation of writer's block and will pass??

  8. lurkernomore

    lurkernomore New Member

    Please see my post regarding "what have you done today." I heard these words in a theme song while watching The Biggest Loser the other night and found them to be so inspirational! And I am, rather I do pray for every one of us each day, that we can recognize what champions we are.

    My biggest accomplishment last week and into this week was that I made it to a revival which went on for five consecutive nights. That would not seem like much, I suppose, to a person who is well. But by the last night I was so fatigued and worn out I really had to do some heavy duty talking to myself just to get bathed, dressed and get there. But hey, I made it!

    Yesterday I rewarded myself by taking a nice nap in the middle of the day. When my husband came in from work and asked me if I planned to make a certain type of soup I had mentioned and I told him no, he seemed disappointed. He asked if he helped if I would make it. I stuck to my guns and told him no, I was exhausted and it was "every man for himself" last night. He is a dear though and wound up grilling burgers for us all and never complained.

    So my big accomplishment yesterday was that I attended to myself and did what my body was crying out for. I said no to cooking dinner and stuck to it and felt no guilt. (Okay,perhaps a little guilt but I made it through the night, ha ha!)

    I do like the idea of journaling and perhaps it will be the practice I need to get back into the flow of writing. My mind still works. There just seems to be times when the mind and the hand does not connect. I am beginning to suspect that if this is the problem, somewhere in my arm is a huge novel! Hmmm, no wonder my arms ache! LOL!
  9. lurkernomore

    lurkernomore New Member

    You have all warmed my heart so very much! And to answer the question as to which type of forum I was admonished in, ironically, it was an etiquette forum. How funny is that?

    I have decided that after all the encouragement I have received here, I will not let the writing go. At least I will not chalk it up to something that is no longer a possibility. My thoughts may not be as clear and concise as they once were, but they are still there.

    Besides, I really want to finish that book as it takes place in the south, (where I am from) and the language that we speak is very creative, ha ha! No, not dirty, just a different way of speaking, and while it may annoy some, it is very dear to my heart. It is far too important to me to just give up on it and so I will find a way to get back to it in time.
  10. lurkernomore

    lurkernomore New Member

    Why thank you "evah so much." All y'all have been such a source of encouragement to me and I am really indebted to you all. No, I am not going to be so annoying as to keep up the "all y'all," but if I were speaking in RL, I most likely would, ha ha!

    Yes, I truly am excited about getting back to my book now. Our computer had to be "put down," and we have gotten a new one since I started it. But thankfully, my husband had saved all my short stories as well as the beginnings of the book onto a disk so it is still obtainable. I just have to wait and let him show me how to employ that disk!

    And I am feeling somewhat feisty today so I think I still may call and ask about those voice lessons!
  11. Jen102

    Jen102 New Member

    your message the other day about the song fromt he Biggest Loser was inspirational too. Your skills are still there and hopefully you will gain additional depth and wisdom thru your experience and suffering. i read from the book of Joel, I think, something to this effect: "I will repay you for the years the locusts ate." i am holding out for some compensation or blessing for remaining faithful, and you should too. Jen
  12. lamchop

    lamchop New Member

    I can empathise totally, it drives me nuts that I can put an intelligent phrase together one day and not be able to string two words together the next.

    Glad that you are writing again. Just a word of caution though. You mention having saved your writing to disc. I hope that is CD and not floppy. Floppy quality has gone down the gurgler due to the efficiency of CD and the ability to burn them at home.
    Consequently, floppies can fail frequently, meaning you lose everything that is on them. Please dont rely on them to save your precious words.

    Good luck with it all

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