ONe day I will feel like cleaning the house.& doing all I want

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Dec 8, 2005.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    One day I will not be in pain with each step that I take. I will be able to bend and lift and carry my grandchildren but it is not that day yet.

    I am not sure that the day will come when I am not in pain from having fibromyaligia, degenerative disc diease, spinal stenosis, osetoarthitis in my back , knees, hips and left wrist. I also broke my tailbone or my daughter did when she was born and it has caused me much pain each time I sit to much.

    But I know that one day I will feel better and the pain will be gone tho I don't know when that day will come for me?

    It's christmas time you see and I have much to do, two grandsons much shopping I want to do . AS they are different ages it will take lots of time for me to shop, I must find things that will make my 8th month old grandson look so cute and have some fun to make him smile too and something to help him learn things too. Then the 8 year old. Well you would think that becase he likes John Heer Tractors that he would want lots of them and he does but they are hard to find and he needs toys that are fun and will help him to learn too. And he needs clothes , well they both do so much to do and it is -8 below and my body has frozen in to a strange shape one that does not move so well.

    Yes there weill one day be a day when walking i will be be albe to do with out pain and the acheing that comes with it. I am not asking for much , I just want to do what everyone can do walk with out pain and walk for more than 5 minutes at a time. I want to be normal like I once was, I one could walk with a babe on each hip and could clean my house and fix dinners too. I could work full time and loved it too. I loved being a dental assistant so much. And I was really good at it too. But like so my things of the past, I can do no longer.

    For some odd reason I have been blessed with the gift of tripping over my own shadow. And I have done it so much that I have it down to a sience Just4 days before my daughter { the youngest} was to wed I had walked all day and climbed upstairs and just as I was going to get in to the nice warm hottub I tripped over the side walk and fell and shattered my left wrist so badly that I will now make the metal detector go off, if I were to the airport I would go. NO way don't want that to happen. Then this year I had a pain in my sawdust and I went to the hospital and found out that my gall bladder had to go just after the wedding so no fun treats could have I , but I had it removed just after the wedding and while I am still not 100 % yet I am much better .

    I think that the middle daughter must elope so I don't have to fall again or have some thing lese happen to me. But I so want to see her in her white wedding gown,But before that can happen she must find a good young man to marry , one with whom her "POP'S " whould like.

    But I tarry now and wonder off again on a subject that who know what it will be? I Just want to be the mother I wanted to be. I am so tied of hurting with each step that I take and I am tied of making my back hurt while I walk around the town to find a gift that would make my husband proud , a gift that even he would not know what it is. { He must cheat as he always know what he is getting for christmas.}

    So yes I know that one day I will be able to do all I want to doit is not now.I can wish & whine and moan & groan about the aches and pains

    I have known and still feel each day I am here on this earth. I am still blessed to have been given 3 daughters. 2 grandsons , 2 SIL's and one really good husband. HE is still learning that I have pain each day and to him it is nothing and I should think of some thing else it is a big deal to me.

    I want to be normal and to do all that I would like to do. To be a grandma who is fun and full of love to give to grandbabes that I now had and ones that are to come, I want to hold and carry each little babe and kiss adn cuddle each one that I have but it is not all to be. Ican give them all the love in the world , but i can't pick them up and carry them all over any where I would go. But I will love and cherish each one that I may have and the ones that may come here to be.

    As much as I want to be this perosn that can do it all , to onnne day walk with out pain and be the the person who can lift and carry any thing that I would like to do. I am so blessed to have all that I do.

    EAch day I have with my own family I cherish and I love the grandbabies too I olvoe to hold that 8th month old one but he thinks that walking will be more fun and he loves to yell and scream just so he can hear his own voice or manybe so his grandpa can hear him too. While he lives to jump on me adn give me kisses and loves it is the grandpa who beard hair he loves. Yes he pulls it really hard you see, For the last time grandpa had tears in his eye.
    I want to get to know my 8 year old grandson as he to is new to the family and we don't see him as often as we would like. But from what he tellls us he likes the John Deer tractors and can tell you what each wil have in it and how it must be. He is so smart and so cute too. Although he may be 8 he is a bit short just like his daddy too.But I love them both and the other SIL too.

    I may not be like I want to be, to have this life so full of pain be gone from me and me to do all I want to do. I have been so blessed by having my girls and ther familes. I am so bless to have had a MIL and FIL who loved me and my family so dear and to have my mom still with us here.
    so No I can't walk like I want to do but I have so much more that I can do. I can love my kids and my husband too.
    I loved him when we met adn now some 25 year s later I still love him yes , I do. HE doess more than he used to do and I know that he loves me too. I Love the family that has gone away to live with god and sme day I will see. I miss them so much I really do for they taught me much, some I had for long periods of time in my life but one was only with me for my first 13 years of mylife. It was my daddy that went so early but I know that he is still watching over me and loves me still. So while I am not perfect as I wish I could be , I have so many friends here and there you see. I thank you all for all you do for me. YOUr thought and feelings I am thankfull for. So thank you all for what you do.

    I do know that one day my life will not have this pain but I still have much of this life to live. I have much to do and many to love so I will deal with what I have. Though my life may be filled with pain I have so much that I want to do , I am thankful for all I have for you and my family too. I may not be pain free and walk for hours you see but I hvae more than most and a home to be in and my family that I love, then I hvae you all too so I say thank you for all you do.

    Yes I will still wiish that i could walk pain free but I wil be busy living my life the way I should be. I have a family to love and much to do to become the mother I really want to be, I have grandchildren whom I love and I have things that I still can do, I can paint on wood and make beautifull things to show , and most of all I really enjoy it so. So while perfect I am not, I am just me. Happy to know how loved I am , so thank you my friends each one of you .

    {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

    Rosemarie
  2. nanna4550

    nanna4550 New Member

    be able to do all you want to do, sweet Rosemarie.
    And I am not surprised you are so loved.
    >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Hugs for you>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

    Janice
  3. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Please bump this UP thank you