One Liners

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by tansy, Mar 27, 2008.

  1. tansy

    tansy New Member

    Women should not have children after 35. Really, 35 children are enough.

    Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.

    After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.

    I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

    No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

    I gave my son a hint. On the door to his room I put a sign: "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18."

    If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?

    How come we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?

    Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

    On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was, surrounded by trees and bushes.

    Marriage changes passion: suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

    I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.

    The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.

    Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

    Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway.

    I live in my own little world, but it's ok; they know me here.

    "I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast."

    Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."

    Dyslexia means never having to say that you're yrros.

    If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?

    I see your IQ test results were negative.

    Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

    I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.

    I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."

    If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.

    The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

    I have learned there is little difference in husbands, you might as well keep the first.

    If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.

    Travel is very educational. I can now say "Kaopectate" in seven different languages
  2. fight4acure

    fight4acure Member

  3. victoria

    victoria New Member

    Thanks Tansy, even tho it hurts to laugh today, well worth it!!!!

  4. victoria

    victoria New Member

    The highways of life are full of flat squirrels who couldn't make up their minds...
    (perhaps this is why they are called 'roadents'?)

    The really happy man is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.


    [This Message was Edited on 03/28/2008]
  5. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    I love your jokes. Annie
  6. budmickl

    budmickl New Member

    I keep a document with tidbits of wisdom and humor that I hear and read. The following is my list. I am sure that some of these are from people on either the Chit Chat or Depression board so if you are the original author, please take your credit - I am only sharing your thoughts!



    It's funny till someone gets hurt, then it's freakin' hilarious!

    "It is not enough to aim, you must hit."
    -Italian Proverb

    -Quote: "Anger is that feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind." ~Evan Esar

    I saw in someone's bio recently that their current interest was to live the life that they are actually in, not the life that they thought they would live.

    Retired= I was tired yesterday and I am tired today!

    clutter is an excuse to keep people out so they won't take anything more from you without permission

    Please keep in mind, life is a journey ... NOT a guided tour

    Wasted time is not recyclable

    This too, shall pass. Now would be good

    Keep your words soft and tender, one day, you may have to eat them.

    Life may not be the party we asked for, But while we are here we might as well dance

    Happiness lies in the joy of achievement and the thrill of the creative effort

    "A coincidence is a miracle in which God chooses to remain anonymous."

    A master can tell what he expects from you.
    A teacher, though, awakens your own expectations.

    A man who doesn't advertise is like the man who winks in the dark. He knows what he did but nobody else does.

    Barn burned down; now I can see the moon

    I like walking in the rain because no one knows i'm crying

    Success isn't permanent
    Failure isn't final

    'Life isn't like a bowl of cherries or peaches,
    it's more like a jar of JalapeƱos--
    what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow......'

    When there's trouble,
    Scream and shout.
    Jump up and down
    And run about.