ONe of those days, it hurts

I guess I need to be pitiful tonight, just read another post by Forever Flaring about a message to her from God, that of course got me crying.

I guess lately I feel like I am the only one here in this home who has any interest in home maintenance and home improvement. I have had to start my life all over again since this dd (my wonderful rewarding and well paying career are not an option any longer) and see exactly whom is the real Jaci now????

I am convinced that I can be a worthwhile person and be productive in my small way, different life than I used to have but I am adjusting and finding what interests me.
So I spend my time at home working on many fix up projects, it has become my distratcion therapy and I love the progress I have made in fixing up our home to be a much more comfortable place to be, my hubby really loves all I can do but nothing is going to interfere with his golf and horseraces, which of course I do not partake in (hate the horses gambling thing) and so I guess at this point is gonna be me doing my thing at home all alone on the weekends and he off with all of his social buddies doing what is important to him. Golf & horse racing activities are not an option to me and I am wondering am I being unreasonable in wanting him to put me in a more important slot than his drinking single golf buddies, he has golfed with these same guys for 20 yrs as a single man, every sat, golf all day. Sunday golf Midweek wed eve golf till 9. Horseraces follow the golf right this season.
I would like to know how do I get on that list? Can I be important too? Could it be a rewarding day to spend together doing projects because it is important to me??
I want to feel wanted, my company, I want to share in picking out the color of paint, wallpaper, bedding, etc for the bedroom I am currently decorating, I mean from scratch, everything new & perfect decor for Scott's Mommy, my mother in law, it will be her room to come stay as often as she can and as long as she can. Maybe I am wrong to want to create a beautiful room for her???? Hell, I -dunno, I am confused & and I am last fiddle.

Jaci

Hi, Jaci:

So sorry that you are going through a difficult time. Certainly your husband should be spending time with you on the weekends. Does he think you are unable to do anything with him anymore? My husband and I enjoy eating out, taking a drive, going to the movies, etc. Of course everyone needs time to themselves or to spend with friends, but you should certainly be first in his life. From what you have said, it sounds like he has been doing this since he was single? How long have you been married? Sounds like when you got married, he decided he still wanted to live his life as though he was still single. You need to find something to do together (that you can physically do). How supportive is he of your illness in general?

As far as the decorating goes, my husband is bored to tears about it. He knows I'm not going to spend our life savings so I am free to do what I want. Which is the way I like it. I can pick out my own wallpaper and colors.

Both my husband and I have been in counseling (not for our marriage, but others things when we were single) and I highly recommend it. Of course your hubby has to be willing and open minded about going.

Ellen

Time for talk. You have different interests but that doesnt sound like your problem. It sounds like you feel lonely, unloved and abandoned. Your husband would probably be shocked to learn this. He will probably never enjoy doing projects but you should be able to have a compromise so both your needs are met but first he has to know what your needs are. Perhaps in could be involved in a certain phase of a project and then one day on the weekend devoted to his old buddies. You two need a Dr. Phil honest open talk so you dont sit there building resentment which is bad for your health and the marriage. good luck

I think both Ellen and Sofy are right and it is time to talk and maybe counseling as well. I hate so much that you are hurting and feel so very much alone in all of this. I have my days too, where my husbands work life seems to consume our marriage, but he does not have too many outside interests, which is also unfortunate.

Please, honey, try to sit down with him and have a heart-to-heart with him and see if he will be up for seeing a counselor to work out the difficulties now before its too late.

My thoughts and prayers are with you,

~A

when I wrote that, I just read what I wrote and I do want to clarify one thing, my hubby has all these interests with his long time buddies, he was a 38 yo perpetual bachelor when I met him, we have been married 1.5 yrs and he does not drink, I did not mean to imply that HE is gone drinking all the time, all his friends tho are alcoholics at those excursions, he has spent so many yrs with those guys doing the golf, horses and he also is changing his circle of friends a little, he joined Gideons about 6 mo ago and it is a christian organization that distributes bibles, he just has all these old buddies that in my book are so beneath him and I guess I resent all the time they get and I feel like they get the best of Scott's time.

Does that make sense?? I spent the entire day today crying & wondering what the hell my life is for?? I hate those days and I know they are normal for us and that they do pass but they just are hard to deal with and I do feel lonely a lot.

Hate this dd.

Jaci

Sandy, I lost your email, can you email me your phone ###, I will gladly call you long distance, I use a calling card and I always have a lot of time on it, I would love to talk again!!!