One year anniv of my Mom's death

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by TwinMa, Jul 16, 2007.

  1. TwinMa

    TwinMa New Member

    Today is the one year anniversary of my Mom dying. She was 83 and had Alzheimer's. I can't believe it has been a year already.

    I thought I was doing pretty good, but now some intense feelings are starting to come to the surface. I'm feeling pretty sad and missing her, even though she's really been "gone" for much more than a year.

    I've also been having some dreams about her. Some good, some not so good. We had a pretty rocky complicated relationship. Lots of unresolved issues. She was incredibly sweet, but couldn't give me what I needed. I guess I was a tough kid.

    Just venting. Thanks.
  2. laceymae

    laceymae New Member

    Try not to dwell on the bad things and just remember to take good care of yourself...

  3. ksp56

    ksp56 Member

    You are in my thoughts and my prayers..

    Losing a parent is sad and difficult. Probably even more when there are unresolved issues.

    Be patient with yourself, and realize a year is not very long when it comes to grieving.

    Gentle Hugs,

  4. TwinMa

    TwinMa New Member

    Thank you all so much for your kind words. You are all very supportive and I appreciate your warm thoughts.

    I like the idea of talking to my Mom in my dreams. Maybe some day I'll be able to say things to her in my dreams that I couldn't say in real life.

    I also like the idea that if you can see someone, they are being taken care of by the angels. Lovely thought.

    Thank you ALL again. Your words help.
  5. mollystwin

    mollystwin New Member

    I also have dreams about both of my parents and of my friend Rhonda. I usually find them comforting, but it's always disappointing to wake up and find that they are gone. Sometimes they are all in the same dream although my parents never met my friend.

    My friend Rhonda died very suddenly last July 22. I have been thinking a lot about her this week, due to the anniversary.

    I wonder if any parent can give us all we needed? I feel the same way as you do, didn't get what I felt I needed. I was an easy kid though, was too afraid not to be!!

    I'm sorry that you are feeling sad. I hope you have a nice dream visit, and maybe that will help you feel better.


  6. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    It was five years on the 11th since I lost my Mom and every year, I have dreams, lethargy, and depression around that date. The pain isn't as raw and it does seem as though it gets a little easier after the first year. I hope it does for you.

    I loved my Mom and she loved me but our relationship wasn't always perfect. After she died, it bothered me but then I realized that it was our love for one another which mattered most. Try to keep good memories alive and talk to your Mom. She can hear you.

    Grief therapy can be really helpful too. You are in my prayers.

    Love, Mikie
  7. ckball

    ckball New Member

    I am so sorry. I remember when she passed, I was having problems with my mom who is in a nurse home.

    There have always been and will always be the "mother-daughter" thing. I too, have been on both sides.

    My mother is better now, I did have to get to the point where I laid all my cards on the table and said how I expected to be treated. She has always been a difficult person, but she got my point and now we are fine. I am grateful for that.

    Do believe she is your angel, I do beleive they hear us and are near us, we just have to be quiet to hear them.

    Prays and hugs to you-Carla
  8. TwinMa

    TwinMa New Member

    Thank you all for your heartfelt support and for opening up your hearts to me. Your stories have truly touched me. It seems this mother-daughter issue is one many of us have struggled with. Both in life and in death.

    Mikie - I think one of the things about getting older is that we lose more people in our lives. Then we have more "anniversaries" of when we lost those people. Just in my immediate family, I have lost my mother, father and a brother. Each of those anniversaries is painful, but, Mikie, you are right, it is not as raw as that first year. I think this will be the hardest year.

    Carla, I am glad your mother is better now and that you had such an honest and open discussion with her. That was brave of you. I know you will treasure the time you have with her.

    Mystc - I like the visit from Heaven idea and the invisible arms hug. I do try to let go of bad dreams, because if didn't I would have gone bonkers a long time ago. Thanks for your kind words.

    Elaine - The story of how you talked to your father when he was ill and continued to talk to him after he passed moved me to tears. It sounds like you had (and still have) a very special connection with him. Thank you for sharing that.

    You guys are so supportive and kind. I really appreciate all that you have said to me. It puts a different spin on this day. Thank you so much for that.

    I have posted a picture of my Mom and Dad on their wedding day in 1945. They were both in the service and wore their uniforms for their wedding. I think they are both extremely good looking. They were married 52 years when my Dad passed. They had a good life together and were good parents. I was lucky.
  9. sisland

    sisland New Member

    What a gorgeous Photo of your Mom and Dad! We have very similar stories,,,,My Mom died of Ahl...Also 3 years ago ,,,,,They are up in Heaven looking down on us!,,,,,Hugs!,,,,,,,,,Sis
  10. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    I agree completely with Mystic....I consider the dreams to be a visit from heaven and it's always so real, it feels like my Mom was just here.

    I only want to add that it's not only the anniversaries to watch out for.

    I had the most horrendous Mother's Day this past May, the second that my Mom was gone. It came out of the blue for me, I wasn't expecting it....but all the magazine articles on people's Mom's and their special memories just hit me like a Mac truc...

    I bawled my eyes out...I guess it was just something I had to go through. I miss her so much....

    Moving into this new home, I had so many things to tell her and my mind still goes to our Sunday phone calls that I kept up for over 20 much to say and she's not here to hear it anymore.

    Grieving is a takes time and sometimes lots of it.

    I celebrate the gift of my Mom and each day we were given together. It was rocky at times...but those times melt away after they're gone and only the good memories remain.

    Just like with our kids, we need to remember that we're all going through our lives trying to do the best that we can. It's not always good enough, but we're trying...


    Nancy B
  11. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i have not gone thru this yet...someday i am sure i will but just wanted to say you are going thru normal processes....

    we all heal at different speeds of light.


  12. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    I think those feelings are natural, it's so difficult to come to terms with losing your mother, I wonder if we ever really do.

    What a beautiful photo of your parents, so happy looking.

    It's been 6 months since my Mum went, still feel guilty that I didn't do enough for her and wasn't there when she passed away but she was so independent and pushed my help away.

    Relationships are hard, I doubt if anyone has/had a perfect relationship with their mums so hold onto the good things and I hope your dreams become all good.

    [This Message was Edited on 07/17/2007]
  13. fivesue

    fivesue New Member

    Anniversaries are always hard! Brings up the sadness and the unresolved issues and ususally those are just in the background.

    My dad has been gone for almost 2 years now. His birthday was a hard day as I remember him and how much we loved each other...and how my mom is alone.

    But, then life goes on.

    Allow yourself the days of grief...part of the process each of us faces if not now, certainly in the future.

    God bless you with more happy thoughts today than grief.

  14. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    We all get feathers from my Mom. When I was first in such horrible pain, my Mom died suddenly of a massive heart attack three days after my birthday and didn't live through the night, a friend here helped me. She said to visualize a beautiful soft white fluffy feather in the palm of my hand. I was to give all my pain and grief to the feather and then let the wind take it from me. This visualization really helped. Now for the strange part...

    My family, my Mom's best friend, and I all get feathers from Mom. Sure, you could say a feather outside just fell off some bird, but we get them where one would not expect a feather to be. They show up in all kinds of places.

    My SIL was at a business networking event and the guest entertainment was a psychic. After dinner, he approached my SIL and asked him if he knew someone named _________, my last name. Then he said he was getting the name, "Mick." That is what my Mom always called me. Finally, the psychic asked my SIL why he was seeing a big white fluffy feather. At the time, I hadn't told anyone yet about the feathers from Mom. My SIL didn't know but he told my daughter what the psychic said. When she told me this, I just about fell over. Ever since, the feathers have been coming. There is no way the psychic would have of knowing any of this.

    Mom died before my grandson was born. Every now and then when my daughter looks in on him asleep, there will be a tiny white fluffy feather on his head.

    I know a lot of people don't believe in this kind of thing but I do. I know Mom is watching over us. I have talked to so many who have received messages from loved ones on the Other Side.

    Mom's best friend is elderly and I take her out, to the doc, etc. She has received feathers when her sister and brother died. It gave her such comfort. The last time we went out, I closed her car door for her and a voice in my head said, "Look up!" I did and there was a huge cloud in the shape of a fluffy feather. I backed the car around so Mom's friend could see it from the side window. We all feel loved and cared for because of the feathers.

    I think when loved ones pass on, they receive understanding which is beyond our human capacity. They know we love and miss them and that's all that matters.

    Sorry to make this so long but I'm hoping it will help.

    Love, Mikie
  15. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Love the picture; it's beautiful. What a nice way to honor your parents by putting it in your profile.

    Love, Mikie
  16. TwinMa

    TwinMa New Member

    You guys are so great. Thanks for all the support and for sharing your special Mom (and Dad) stories. Love them.

    I've had a whopper of a headache today and haven't been able to do much. I think it is an "emotional hangover".

    Thanks to everyone who posted.
  17. claudiaw

    claudiaw New Member

    I lost my mom when I was 17, I'm now 40. I hurt very anniversary just like it was still fresh.

    I pray you remember her with happy thought's, she'd want that.

    Maybe try to celebrate her life by doing something she would have enjoyed in her memory.

    I plan to do that next year, or give to a charity in her memory.

    Your in my prayer's,
  18. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    Of working some things out. I used to love July around my birthday. After Mom died, it was a really sad time. Now, I have a wonderful grandson whose birthday is just five days before mine. July is again a time to rejoice but also a time for rememberance. I have my Mom's ashes in a nice box and on certain days, I put a rose in a bud vase next to her picture. I think it's helpful to remember and do little things. In the past, I have taken flowers to nursing homes for ladies who have no one.

    Love, Mikie