one year since my hubby took an overdose

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by hagardreams, Aug 13, 2006.

  1. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    Its been one year tonight since my husband took an overdose. I cant believe it. I have been on an emotional roller coaster all day long. Praise God he lived, and I do thank God all the time, but the stress of his brain damgage is very hard on me. I am lucky, he goes 4 days a week to a group that they learn things, and go on trips together, so I have a break. It sounds so selfish to say he stresses me out, because I am honestly thankful he is alive. He was diagnosed with bipolar 2, and I think he finally feels things for the first time in his life, as far as not being so depressed all the time.
    This was his second attempt, he also tried this when he was 13. The sad thing is he said he slept for 2 days, and why his mother never even noticed, or did anything if she did, is way behond my mind.
    Anway to all of you who gave me such wonderful support back then, I really do thank you for all of it.
    God bless, Julie
  2. tlayne

    tlayne Member

    I am so sorry for you and your husband. Is he okay? I saw in your profile that he is a wonderful husband to you. I hope the two of you still have that. Hugs, Tam
  3. kjfms

    kjfms Member

    Bless your heart. Please do not feel selfish for being human not a thing wrong with that.

    My mother has schizophrenia and I get stressed out and it has taken me a long time to learn that yes I am allowed to be human and to get upset, be angry, be fed-up, get stressed out, and many other emotions that we as human beings are supposed to have.

    So sorry you are going through this but please remember to be easier on yourself OK...it is allowed and I promise nothing bad will happen.

    I have learned that I can have these feelings-finally and I love my mama very much she is great and there is nothing I can do about her disease.

    Never forget to make time for you.

    I wish you the very best,

    Karen
  4. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    Thanks for the kind words. I find myself at times reaching over at night to make sure he is still breathing. After he first got home, I did that about every single night. I dont do that as much, but still catch myself checking at times.
    God bless, Julie
  5. 1sweetie

    1sweetie New Member

    My heart goes out to both you and your husband. You are a strong women. Your attitude is admirable. The world would be a better place if there were more people like you.

    I can not explain it to you but your post meant so much to me. It was meant for me to read this.

    Please remember to take care of yourself.
  6. beeleaf

    beeleaf New Member

    Stress is stress. For me, judging the stress only magnifies it. We sure don't need to do that.

    My mom has some mental and physical issues. I won't go into detail, but a few years ago, she was getting pretty close to being locked up forever for her own safety. Through some near tragedy while hospitalized, there was a dramatic change. For the first time in about 9 years we had a 2 way conversation with her. My family was laughing and crying at the same time. So, we know gratitude.

    We still are grateful! But because of the problems my mom still has, it can be difficult to spend large amounts of time with her, especially on the phone. For a long time, I was so happy that she could figure out how to call me, I'd let her talk for 2 hours. Then I would be so absolutely totally drained that it was difficult to do anything else that day.

    I finally figured out that it worked better to limit the call to 30-40 minutes. My phone has a timer on it. I watch that, and around 30 minutes I tell her I need to go. Since setting this boundary for myself, I don't feel the anxiety I used to when she would call. I think that also carries over when I visit her.

    I know this does not begin to compare to living in the same house, but I hope it may be somewhat helpful. I guess the thing for me is that I have to assume responsibility for my own stress (even if it was a gift) so I don't end up in deep pooh.

    Best wishes!
  7. kbak

    kbak Member

    Hi Julie,
    I understand totally. My granddaughter is Dx'd bipolar, ADHD. As much as we love her, she has been VERY difficult to deal with for the whole family.

    It's sad because a person who is mentally ill is no more responcible for their illness than someone with diabetes. But, that dosen't make living with them any easier.

    I so admire you Julie for standing by your DH, but yes, you do need your own time and space. Most people don't realize the terrible daily stress living with someone who is mentally ill poses.

    Do take care of yourself, and I wish you the very best!

    kbak


  8. Rene

    Rene New Member

    Hi I'm sorry for your husbands attempted suicide. I know first had what you went through as my mom tried to kill herself twice around her birthday since 2004. (hers is today and she almost died and had been in ICU for 2 weeks and still in hospital now NOT for suicide).

    So I'm thinking the same thing as you. Suicide or even attempted suicide hurts sooo much more then just passing away.

    I went to other message boards at the time for suicide but I can't remember. Have you tried that?
    Take care,
    Rene

  9. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    I am so pleased your dh made it through and is learning he has a real illness.

    The problem is that we stigmatize mental illness when in fact as many as one third of the population have it.

    The more we all work together to remove the stigmatization of bi polar and other illnesses, then the less of these tradgedies we will hear about.

    God bless, I am so pleased you have been such a support top him also as many times, the family deserts as they really cannot cope or fail to understand. Good for you. Well done!

    Love Anne Cromwell
    [This Message was Edited on 08/14/2006]
  10. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    My mother also was diagnosed with bipolar about 15 years ago. My alcholic dad left when I was 11, and my brother also was mentally ill. That left me to take care of my Mother. The very next year at the age of 12 is when I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. I still wonder if the stress back then pushed the diabetes in some way. My mother suffered so much with that illness, as we all did. It's like the commercial says, " depression hurts everyone". It's just so ironic that my mother is bipolar, and I marry someone with the same illness. I am sure that eggs on the FM also. I have always been a fighter, or I probably wouldnt be here, that pain and fatigue, which I dont have to explain here, and the diabetes, ect just can be too much at times.
    People that dont know about mental illness, or dont want to learn, just dont get it. My mother and hubby are both wonderful people, its really sad that these illnesses have to be so cruel to them, and the rest of the family.
    God bless, Julie
  11. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    It is really an emotional roller coaster for you! You are very brave to deal with this and deal with your own illness. My prayers are with you!

    Ten years ago last December 28th my husband committed suicide. My constant fear is for my 21 year old daughter. Fortunately she is happy and upbeat and doesn't appear to have any of the dark demons her dad had.

    Life goes on and it has gotten better every year. Getting through can be hard but the Lord lifted me up and landed me in a much better place! Sunshine and joy fill my heart and I thank God everyday for all he has given me!

    Hugs to you and prayers for your emotional well being!

    Hugzz
    Greenbean

    Stop and smell the puppies!
  12. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    Oh my, I am so sorry about your husband. Hearing stuff like that is so sad, but it also gives me support, in the fact that I can look at him everyday knowing that he is here, and I can hug him. I hope this didnt bring up bad memories, but I do thank you for sharing that. I do try to focus on the good, and the fact that he is here.
    The stress part of it isnt just his illness, some of it is being stuck in the house, its too hot outside, we have been in the 100's for weeks now, gas prices are too high, and I have no air conditioning in my car, so I dont get to leave the house much. I do go outside in the evening and water what flowers havent died from this heat. I also try to stay focused, as much as I can on selling my cross stitch books on ebay. I am enjoying that, even though I only do that about one day a week, its just too painful. Also I am still slowly working on my victorian sofa. I really think as bad as it was, having a mother with the same illness as my hubby, has made me have to be strong, as a child I had no choice then. I think the biggest thing of all is all the prayers I get from all my fibro family.
    Thanks so all of you for those, and thanks for the kind words.
    God bless, Julie
  13. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    Sammy looks a lot different up close, than he does on stage or even on TV. I hurt so bad that night I took this picture with him, we had driven to Dallas, were up front at the concert, and then were on our way home to OKC, when we saw his van pull into the hotel he was staying at. I dont know how I stood up after all that. I know I stayed in bed for 3 days after that trip. That was 3 years ago. He autographed the hood of my car that night, and its still there, faded some, but still there. The best thing I got from him that night was he reached over and kissed me on the lips twice. I was not expection that at all. My daughter in law was standing there with the camera, but she was so shocked that she didnt even think about taking a picture of that. Oh well, as long as I have some memory left, I will always have that. If you havent already, go to my web site and see my other pictures.
    God bless, Julie
    http://www.geocities.com/no1redhead55