Online Dating

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by ImportantCargo, Jan 16, 2010.

  1. ImportantCargo

    ImportantCargo New Member

    I have fibromyalgia - pretty bad. I am on disability and have many limitations. I have been wanting to post this question for a long time now. How the heck do I start dating at age 57 with this pain disorder and all that bis connected with it? Should I bother trying? I live in a very small town so I think online dating is my best choice.

    I have listed my profile on a few sites and have left out the fact about me having limitations with fibromyalgia. So far, when I tell men in an email or on the phone, it has scared them off completely and stop communicating. That hurts my feelings a bit, I must admit. I wonder if I should just list it in my profile so that it sorts out the guys who can't deal it.

    I am fairly attactive for my age. Can go out to dinner about 1/2 the time. FM is not who I am but it seems to be what I am right now. I have not dated in 5 years since getting this DD and I really feel I should step up to the plate & make an effort to rid this lonliness

    Any body experiencing the same thing? Please share your thoughts,

    Alone in Vermont
  2. ImportantCargo

    ImportantCargo New Member

    I really sppreciate that! I am on Yahoo - didn't think to look at others. Thanx again.
  3. shari1677

    shari1677 New Member

    I have had way too many bad experiences with on-line dating that I have decided to quit it altogether.

    I do, however, have a sister and a good friend who found romance online and got married.

    So good luck!! Good to hear of that CFS website for dating too - maybe I may peruse that one!!
  4. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    I've had nothing but bad experiences trying to meet someone online. I only met about three of them in person and each was scarier and worst than the last. They lie. They send someone else's picture and tell you it's them. I've had some really bad experiences there.

    I joined a Disabled Dating site and found it's just as bad. Most of the men on there are just looking for a woman to support them. They want the SS check off you. And if they don't want that, they are either in way too much need of assistance themselves, or once again you get liars. Or you get the really creepy ones who are not disabled but are actively looking for amputees and stuff. Trust me, it's scary as hell.

    I did meet a few fairly normal men in wheelchairs, but the problem is, they have more energy than me and are looking for a woman who is healthy enough to help them and travel with them. When you are mostly housebound and have no energy, that doesn't make for a good combo. They actually have a million times more energy than people like us, they are just stuck in a chair.

    And I am highly suspicious of any healthy man that is prowling a disabled dating site. If you are healthy, why are you looking specifically for a disabled woman? I don't trust it at all.
  5. quanked

    quanked Member

    Especially your last line. In some ways I have to laugh or I would cry.

    I think it takes a very savvy individual to sort through the crazies out there and even then one can get taken in. I volunteer in co-teaching a class to people (mostly women) who have failed to protect their children from predatory type people. The purpose of the class is to provide these women with information about how to protect their children. One of those ways is to teach about predators.

    Unfortunately, it is never blatantly stated to these women that the men that are attracted to them may not be so atttracted to them as much as they are to their children or even the level of stability they might have in their life--regular money coming in, living accomadations, etc. (or all).

    I do not think it matters how old one is, if one is drop dead gorgeous or just plain, fat, skinny or in between there are many reasons another person can be attracted to someone beyond physical reasons. I am not sure that all of us know this.

    I think it is pretty risky to do online stuff. There are people out there who have Phd's in spotting vulnerabilities and know just how to expoit these weaknesses. In some ways it seems kind of odd to think that some here on the board who are very careful in what they reveal on this website would consider exposing who they are to virutal strangers.

    Not to say that I do not believe there are some decent people seeking other decent persons online. But how does one figure out who is who?

    It is tough all around. Maybe a person who connects others up? There is a name for a person who provides this kind of service (no, I am not thinking of a pimp or madam, LOL) I just cannot think of the word.

  6. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    I think matchmaker is the term you are looking for. Don't know if that's safer or not.

    Too bad a class like yours wasn't around in my mother's day. The boyfriend she chose was a pedophile and I suffered for years as a result of it when I was very young. He only wanted her because she had a blonde, blue eyed little girl and she had money. That's a whole other story.

    I don't think it's safe to meet people online and for every success story, there are a hundred online horror stories. But I've also found that blind dates can be just as bad when someone sets you up. I've had some bad ones with that, too.

    Loneliness is horrible. It really sux. But sometimes it's better to be alone. And what I really think is that when you are not looking to meet someone, that is when you usually do. Fate or destiny. I don't know. I think it's up to God.
  7. quanked

    quanked Member

    thanks for the book recommendations. I just ordered it and a couple of others in the same vein. This kind of reading is right up my alley : )

    TeaBiskit--what it is amazing (to me) and probably pretty human is that many women taking the class are prettty resistant to the information. On a bad day I feel anxious for these women's children and so, so sad, and on a good day I know that this is how it is for many of us who cannot let go of denial no matter what the issue.

    I will go to my grave searching for the right words to give others who might be searching for answers a way to shift their thinking in how they choose to perceive their lives.

    One of my hardest lessons has been that not everyone is a searcher no matter how much I want them to be. I finally get it. Not easy knowledge but necessary.

    I am sorry to hear of your childhood abuse. The cost is so high to us personally and to our society. The legacy of abuse never stops giving. I will be recovering from mine, I now realize, until I die. Prevention is the hope for those to come. Working at prevention, I suppose, is part of my recovery.

    It is just that these dd's get in the way. Thanks for your input TeaBisqit.
  8. Si Titran

    Si Titran New Member

    I've met and dated guys online, I've met guys through friends and dated. And As much as we need to be CAREFUL, i have better things to say about my online dating experiences. I was in a 3 year relationship with the brother of a childhood friend's husband. In the long run, i think there was more bad than good. He pretended to be understanding of my FM, but then complained when I was confused, calling me idiot and other names. He'd claim i was obsessed with food, because I was mindful of when I'd have to eat to prevent episodes of low blood sugar. The list goes on and on.

    But I'm also active in other communities for things I have a passion for. This led me to my current relationship. I'm now engaged to a wonderful man, who'd I very honestly doubt I'd ever have met if i relied on the people I know in my home area. He's understanding and supportive in a way my own family has never been.

    The best things I can say is, never say never and keep an open mind. Love and relationships find us when we're least expecting it. Let us do all we can do make ourselves happy on our own.