Opinion/This is 1 of our big problems

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by kerrymygirl, Mar 16, 2003.

  1. kerrymygirl

    kerrymygirl New Member

    On Oprah, after the show,she said 1 thing every person wants is validation. That IMHO is our huge problem most of us do no feel validated. Reading these boards and your posts. It is alot about validation. We feel it from family,friends,society,drs.,med field,hospitals,govt. If we said we had cancer we would be validated as having it or a cancer survivor. We are all fm,cfid`s survivors,everyday of our lives we have a constant reminder from our bodies,to the dreaded fog,even when we sleep I feel pain. I woke up during both of my surgeries with anesthetic,that ought to tell them something. Every person wants to be validated in life. Yet, when you tell someone I can tell by their expressions or look or no response. No validation!!! I think that is what alot of these posts are about. Maybe thats how we should hit up Oprah, we want to be validated that this thing is real!!!!!! } I know when I worked at pain clinic when I told them I understood that I to am you.How each person opened up and said they were afraid to tell anyone all the unusual things they were suffering. What do Ya All think??? Do we just atleast want to be validated if nothing else. If we go to a doc, if he would just say, we have alot in medicine we do not understand yet, what can I do to help you,plus look at you. Think that alone would help some stress. Also people we care about or love who do not take the time to understand or validate us. Sweet Hugsssss to all! Is this what many are needing? Oprah said she felt that every person needs this.
  2. tsj62301

    tsj62301 New Member

    Yes we do need validation. You hit the nail on the head. It's amazing how I beat aroung the bush when asked about what is wrong with me but when I know the person im speaking with believes me or suffers with me i can open up and not feel ashamed or insane or even stupid.
  3. starstella

    starstella New Member

    That's why I like this message board so much. As soon as I found this board and read that so many people have the same problems, I felt validated.
  4. Debgene56

    Debgene56 New Member

    My mom lives in another state. She is in her 70's and she has never understood till I told her about this site. She just read my last post about "you woke me up" and I got a big long loving email. Telling me how glad she was for the friends I made here.... She is now a believer and that makes all the difference in the world to me!!! So yes we need Validation, it would make such a differnce just in our mental state. Love, Deb
  5. kerrymygirl

    kerrymygirl New Member


    I am bumping since I noticed the posts after I wrote this and once again it sounds like this is what so many are saying. Plus maybe we need to approach Oprah on this aspect since she really made a big deal about how what everyperson needs in life is validation, Just some of our stress could be relieved. I know from seeing so many at pain clinic as soon as they were validated as a human being and a sick scared one at that. Many took their own $ because thay knew we specialized in these disorders and could not get validated anywhere else they had went. We are sick but we are sensitive and human and need to be treated. As Deb mentioned the relief alone helps some of our stress.If it helps,lol, I believe all of you!!!! Sweet Hugss my Friends!

    [This Message was Edited on 03/17/2003]
  6. onecangomad

    onecangomad New Member

    Yes we all seek/need validation.

    IMHO.....this is the problem for us.

    Yes all humans need it.....but just as all humans need many things no longer available to us.....while validation would ne NICE......we do need to understand that we may not get any, and begin internal work on being self validating.

    I'm sure I would feel much better if I were well, employed, had decent Insurance, and loving friends, and family around me for support.....but that is not the case, and my grieving/fighting for it only adds to my problems.

    I am ALONE, ALONE, ALONE.....with a complex illnes that others will never, ever take the time to understand.
    When I was well did I walk around feeling the feelings of the ill unless I purposely directed my mind to do so for some reason?
    Even when I did meditate on compassion for the ill...did I LIVE in this considerate state 24/7 or did I leave that and go on with my own daily well life?
    This sounds harsh...but it is the truth.

    Bt dropping all the agony of desire for things to be other than they are.....the reality is much easier to deal with.

    It isn't the disease that makes me unhappy.
    My desire for things to be other than they are makes me unhappy.
    The first, and most important validation of ourselves with this illness must first come from within.
    Achieveing that makes anyone elses opinion of no consequence.

  7. kerrymygirl

    kerrymygirl New Member

    I replied to your alone post and read your bio you sound like a very interesting person. I too was always involved in music growing up. Mainly dancing and singing some writing. I tried playing instrument another story afraid I might clear a room if I sang but I do alot of it alone,wanna be. Anyway I mentioned I to am alone an understood what you were trying to say. Just knowing someone is there whether you ask for help or not. Or just taking some of the burden off at times. The one thing we can do is validate ourselves, of course, but until society,govt,med. field and friends do we are stuck in limbo. We all need the aid of others for help and to get help or progress for our wellness. We can not do it alone. The post after post shows that. Thats why with what ever we have in us we need to fight to be validated in this society to get help. This is from a person who HATES asking for help. If you need to talk I will give you my e-mail.
  8. onecangomad

    onecangomad New Member

    Of course I remember you Kerry.

    Don't sweat it.
    I'm going back to my cave anyway.

    Sadly after so many years the strongest, and most valuable lesson I have learned is that running about...be it online, or off.....seeking sympathy, and validation from a world that has it's own problems to attend to is a waste of valuable energy, and exacerbates the mental state.
    Energy better spent living despite having the illness.
    Even here, alone in this room, I can have a better life without so much energy spent beating my breast, and gnashing my teeth because no one understands, or validates me.
    Keeping myself in emotional crisis.

    I was just lonely, and so I thought to go where others are who suffer the illness.......I forgot how little I have in common with them outside of the physical ailments. :)
    Next time I will seek/start a group for people who want to talk about/be about/live about being living beings, rather than about ill beings.
    Loneliness isn't as hard to deal with as believing myself to be in limbo until someone else comes along to grant my freedom.
    That I will be an emotional wreck until this happens.
    That I am not the only one who can free myself from this limbo you accept.

    What I have found....the way I have found to live beyond this illness.....at least emotionally....would never be welcomed here.....I can tell you aren't pleased about my opinion on this......so........I happily return to my cave.

    I did learn something.
    Talking continually about my illness gives it strength, and power.
    Spending my mental energy on healing myself is much more preferable. :)