OT – Problems in my daughters 1st Gr class

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Bailey-smom, Oct 18, 2005.

  1. Bailey-smom

    Bailey-smom New Member

    I am just going to vent because I am very very frustrated right now. We are in a power struggle with our elementary school and they seem to be winning today.

    Friday my youngest daughter – she is 6 & in the 1st grade – went to a friends after school to stay until I was done working. The friends father was home & the girls told him that there was a little boy (he is 8) in their class that gave specific instructions (open your legs, etc. . .I’m sure you can imagine) to another little girl in their class – Right in the classroom!!! I did not have time to talk to him when I picked my daughter up (just waved) so he did not get a chance to say anything – my daughter told me about it when we were in the middle of Walmart.

    I asked my daughter if they had told on the boy & she said they had not because they did not want to get in trouble for tattling but that her friends dad was going to call the mother of the girl whom had this happen.

    I called the principal as soon as I got to the parking lot (he is a friend). And we – the 3 families that knew about it – decided to give the school until Monday to see what would happen before we talked to the parents of the others because the school did not want mass hysteria.

    Yesterday, Monday, after an investigation they made the decision to allow the boy to stay in class but they are going to have a teacher follow him around to keep an eye on him. The 3 families that know decided that was not acceptable because they are keeping the threat in the class when it happened in class to begin with.

    They evidentally do not feel there is enough proof – both little girls told the exact same thing!! It happened at the end of the day and they did not talk about it at all & both were questioned at different times – but the boy said they were only playing “Army men” with his hand on his lap & when questioned to whether or not he touched her private part he said he didn’t know but he did not think so.

    We have now contacted the school board, social services (they say they can not do anything about him being in school that they take care of the issues when they are at the kids homes), the police and someone is calling an attorney today. We did call a few of the parents and they have contacted others.

    This boy is from a bad home – social services should have taken them out of the parents care when they were living 5 kids & 2 adults in a very small camping trailer – but now there are other issues. He is not getting the counseling and proper supervision that he needs and neither of his parents work – they live off assistance $$ and handouts.

    I do want to say that I do believe in using assistance but the parents of these children do not hold jobs and they sell the kids stuff and food that is given to them for drug money.

    Sorry this is so long – thanks for letting me vent. I’m sure there is stuff going on behind the scenes but our kids are being exposed to this in the mean time. We think we have all the other children’s parent’s notified – we had to. . .some have not even talked “good touch bad touch” yet!


    [This Message was Edited on 10/18/2005]
  2. lbok

    lbok New Member

    There was an incident at my daughter's school where several 2nd grade girls were PHYSICALLY assualted by a boy in their class. He threatened them so they didn't tell anyone and was caught in the act by the teacher. She would turn on movies and leave the room unattended. To make things worse, this kid was suspended, but then put back into the classroom.
  3. JLH

    JLH New Member

    I agree with lbok - nothing will probably by done by the school officials. There was a problem in my grandsons' school and nothing was done.

    It is so sad, but everything has become too political for people to do what is right.

    That little boy needs to be removed from his parents' care and put in foster care, needs psychological treatment, and needs to be schooled in an area away from other children. Some schools would take all "troubled" children and teach them in the school board office, or some other special place.

    Hope something is done in your case,
  4. Alyndra

    Alyndra New Member

    There was a situation VERY similar to what you are explaining, while I was at the school.

    The boy liked to put his hands in places, and would tell girls to do things that you should only see in some shady backroom movie. He liked to brag about it, and frequently told the teachers of what he had just done.

    He was proud of the things he did, and still the most that was ever done was twice a week a counsellor that was provided by the school would spend a half hour with him. The school felt it would be neglegent to turn away a child at such a young age, and 'hold him responsible' for his actions.

    This kid was 2 horns short of the devil.

    After almost 20 years I hoped that schools knew how to handle things like this.

    Guess not.

    Don't give up!
  5. PepperGirl52

    PepperGirl52 New Member

    I was a school nurse for 6 years before my disability. I can't tell you how many times I had the TEACHERS in my office, wringing their hands, pulling their hair out, etc, because they have NO control over this garbage anymore!!

    No, thanks to the regulations and the 'no child left behind' bill, the schools are FORCED to try to keep EVERY single child, no matter how evil or demented in class every day! No matter what kind of a threat he/she is to YOUR child! This is just sick and makes my heart ache-I have grand children who are in school, and a son who teaches, and I know from first hand that it's just a catch 22!!

    I would suggest writing to your state superintendent about this, since you're not getting anywhere with the board or the administrators. If that doesn't get you anywhere, write your senator! Let everyone who is ANYONE know what's going on. Not only will you be protecting your children, you will be helping this child who is obviously being exposed to the most devious form of filth!! AND, you'll set a precidence for schools everywhere!!

    This makes my blood boil! I'm so sorry your little girl had to witness this. Take care. PG
  6. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    Dear Kelly,
    I was a teacher for many years (42), and maybe I can explain, a little, the thinking on the school's part.

    At the age of 6, children mimic adults,and are innocent of the implications of what they do -- usually. Their consciousness is just not developed enough for full realization. It might be the same with this child, unless he is exceptionally street smart and sophisticated.

    Also, It looks to me like this is an indication that the little boy might have been abused, as this is knowledge beyond what is usual. Any of the schools I have been in would really investigate this side of it, also.

    It is up to the school to try to get counseing for all the children involved, but they need parental permission, unless there is proof of molestation. Schools are bound by very strict laws as to what they can and cannot do. (Sometmes the law makes things harder, by tying the hands of the school administrators).

    Someone should fight for this little boy,too. He doesn't seem to have the caring parents that the other children have. Just having him expelled or moved to another school won't do any good. He needs to be taught what is right and wrong, and the girls,at the same time, need to be protected. I'm really surpried that he is not seeing the school counselor, and I'm really surprised that he is still in the home.

    I've just read over what I've written, and I don't want it to sound as if I'm not shocked and upset by the story, because I am. We definitely need to protect our girls and be able to feel that they are safe at school.I think you might have to try to change rules and regulations, and maybe even the law, if you want stricter penalties for such behavior,by ne so young, though.

    Good luck,
  7. Bailey-smom

    Bailey-smom New Member

    Thank you for your replies - it is nice to know people care.

    This boy is from a very troubled family & is currently living in a better situation with an aunt & uncle but that does not undo the damage caused by his psycho parents.

    We do understand that he is showing signs of abuse and everyone we have talked to agrees that he also needs help.

    For right now we are giving the school a couple days to take care of their next step but we are very much keeping on top of the situation. They are having him watched by an adult all day but he is very wise & knows what he did was wrong. He knew enough not to admit it when questioned and had a very lame answer to why his hand would be there.

    I will be praying for children, tonight, that have to live the type of life he does because of the lazyness of a parent. It is very sad.

  8. FM58

    FM58 New Member

    I am so sorry you & your daughter are going through this right now~this is such a tough situation.

    You & the other little girl's parent's are doing the right thing - by informing the school board, social services & all the other parents in the class. If my child was in that class, I certainly would want to know of the situation.

    I do understand the schools point of having to protect this childs privacy- however, he is a danger to the other students (especially girls) in the class. What a shame, he comes from a terrible home environment. I am surprised that social services has not removed him.

    Well, now all the wheels are in motion- social services is involved, they will stay on top of the situation and moniter the family; the police are involved, so the child & family will be monitered; the school board is aware of the situation, so it can not be swept under the rug. How long do you think that 1st grade teacher is going to play the game of chase the child? Perhaps, they will assign a teacher assistant to the class to keep an eye on him. (It's been done before).

    Probably there are things going on in the school that you are unaware of~such as the child study team being involved (this really should be confidential). The boy needs to be in school if he is going to be evaluated. He needs to be observed in his classroom- if he is already 8 (why 8 in 1st grade?) then perhaps the CST is alredy familiar with him? Maybe the CST might rethink the decision for classroom placement, maybe this little boy needs to be placed in a special needs room, or special placement school.

    My son was once threatened with a knife, by a fellow student in fourth grade. The principal decided to do nothing about it (I was PTO president at the time!) I called upon school board members that I was friendly with & the superintendent of schools, who I knew on a first name basis. Needless to say, the police & child study team became involved. It was also the end of my alliance with this principal, he was so angry with me for going to the board of ed & superintendant~he wanted to "keep it in house". I wanted my child protected, just as you do!

    Later in the school year this fresh little girl wrote a nasty little sex song about three boys, my son being one of them. She sang this song all over the playground! All the kids heard it- she passed around the written version. My son got ahold of it and ripped it up. When I phoned the principal about this, I was informed there was nothing he could do- there was "no written proof". (my son had destroyed it!) I told him to speak to the children in a specific teachers class, he just didn't have the time to be bothered. The other parents & I were sooooo angry with him~ this child was soooooo nasty & getting away with it!(School Politics!! Long story why he did nothing)

    Sorry, I didn't want to go OT there. Kelly, please, keep your daughter safe. Keep informed as a parent group & be sure to stick up for your children. I will keep you & your daughters class in my prayers.

    Please keep us updated & let us know what happens with your daughters class.

  9. Bailey-smom

    Bailey-smom New Member

    Things are still moving but the school is extremely concerned that we are actually talking to people about it. The good thing is that they are working on it now that the class parents know.

    The local police officer stopped today to let me know that he talked to the school this morning and that the boy will finally be getting some help as well. My question about all this is why didn’t social services do some of that in the past – they have had so many issues that each child has their own caseworker.

    Thanks for listening:)

  10. rileyearl

    rileyearl New Member

    If the teacher leaves the room when a movie is running, she bears part of the responsibilty. Somehow it needs to be impressed on the school district that this is unacceptable. I would pay an attorney to write a letter to the superintendent of schools to let them know this practice has been going on and what the consequences have been. No need to threaten action, usually letterhead from the attorney's office will do the trick.

    You might also copy the local legislators on the letter. For some reason people whose jobs depend on voters good graces respond more readily. No politician wants to be connected with condoning abuse of children.

    My son is 4 and I'm just dreading the day he has to go to public schools. Take care!

  11. texasmaia

    texasmaia New Member

    in my very humble opinion on schools....we lost the war when we took out discipline.

    It's sad to see what is happening.

  12. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    I want to add that the teacher leaving the room is very bad. A teaher may never leave the classroom uhless there is a credentialed person there. An Instructional Asistant or Yard Duty person doesn't count, unless it is rainy day recess, and even then, rooms are shared by credentialed teachers.

    The teacher is partially responsible.

    I just had to put my 2 cents in.

  13. lbok

    lbok New Member

    That happened a few years ago at my daughter school - and the girl's family was suing the teacher personally because that is not allowed to leave the children unsupervised - repeatedly - for long periods of time. I don't know what came out of it mostly because of all the privacy laws. The only way most of us found out about it here was because one of the moms went to the local TV news and they reported it. My MIL called to say our daughter's school was on the news. If that mom hadn't of done that the school most likely would have pushed it under the rug.
  14. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    I feel so sorry for the little boy, he's obviously in an abusive family. The parents are to blame and so are social services for doing nothing to help this child.

    I dont live in the states so I dont know the law but surely social services are obliged to act in a case like this.

  15. Bailey-smom

    Bailey-smom New Member

    I just got a call from a school board member & they have suspended the boy - the good news here is that the other children in the class are safe and the boy will have to have counciling before he is allowed back.

    The sad part about all of this was - there are 26 kids in this class. They have 2 teachers for them and both teachers were in the room when it happened.

    The lesson learned was that as parents we can not give up. After we called the other parents they started questioning their children and some of them had seen it happen in the past couple of weeks. One of those parents took her daughter to the office today to talk to them and that was the added proof the system needed. Parents have to stand up for their own children and for everyone elses as well.


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