OT - 9/5 Today's Funny - The 'Guys' Rules

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Rose_Red, Sep 5, 2005.

  1. Rose_Red

    Rose_Red New Member

    The Guys' Rules

    At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story

    We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!


    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.


    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

    1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

    [This Message was Edited on 09/05/2005]
  2. brit_17759

    brit_17759 New Member

    for the laugh, am sending this to my hubby...lol
    hugs
    brit
  3. Rose_Red

    Rose_Red New Member

  4. skyeone

    skyeone New Member

    The laugh was defenitely needed, thank you again.

    I hope you don't mind, but I'm copying this and sending it to several friends. They'll get just as much of a kick out of it as I did.

    HUGS
    Skye
  5. JLH

    JLH New Member

    The Guys' Rules -- There Are Exceptions To Every Rule!!!!!!

    ~~

    Thank you guys for taking time to write this all down.

    Some of them were actually pretty good--but then, there are exceptions to every rule, you know!

    But, I thought I would offer a response to only a few of them!

    Preface: As I did not take your rules seriously, please do not take these responses seriously either!

    ~~

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    **Think of it this way—nothing is more disgusting to look at than a dirty, urine-stained open toilet bowl, but the toilet has a lid for a reason—to be closed! I’m not talking about leaving the “seat” down, but the lid closed (which happens to take the seat with it). Do you leave the hood to your car up, or do you leave it down? Do you leave the flip-top lid on your ketchup bottle up, or do you keep it down? Are all of your books left open, or closed? Do you leave an umbrella up after you’ve used it, or do you put it down?

    ~~

    1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

    **Sunday sports is OK—if you’re the only one in the house! If you have a family, majority rules—and the minority watch the TV in the other room! If you have young children, they watch TV in the room where their mother can watch them best, and poor ‘ole dad watches it downstairs. Agree, absolutely nothing wrong with Sunday sports as long as you are watching it on the “right” TV!

    ~~

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    **I agree! It’s not a sport, and that’s why we don’t need two--there is no need for you to tag along while I shop! It’s much better to shop alone, with a girlfriend, or with an older daughter!! They are much more fun!

    ~~

    1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

    **I totally agree!! I always ask for what I want, and I’m always clear on it—no subtle hints—I just say it!! But the trouble is that YOU don’t listen! I plainly state: Take out the trash! Stop and put up milk and bread on your way home from work! Fix the leaky faucet! You’re correct, obvious hints do not work.

    ~~

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    **OK. I will only come to you when I need a problem solved; however, I AM a “big girl” so I can solve most of my own problems. But, I’ll remember that sympathy is what my girlfriends are for, when YOU are on the couch all curled up with a cold, whining that you don’t feel good and don’t bother you tonight. I’ll let your guy friends give you that sympathy and get your cold meds and tissues for you!

    ~~

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

    **If I have a headache for 17 months, maybe YOU’RE the one with the problem! Did you ever think of it that way!

    ~~

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

    **We don’t dress like Victoria Secret’s girls because we know that we don’t look like them, and we don’t expect you to act like soap opera guys, because we know that you don’t look like them either!!

    ~~

    1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    **We would do it ourselves, but we don’t have the time to do everything!!

    ~~

    1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    **How rude. I won’t even address this one!

    ~~

    1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

    **Excuse me? Am I talking with Mr. Conceited?

    ~~

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

    **Do you scratch like monkeys and apes--anywhere? Real men have manners and take care of an itch in private.

    ~~
  6. JimB

    JimB New Member

    a little truth and "common sense" ...makes us laugh.(??).
    hmmm!

    Jim (lol)