OT..All moms!! DEFENDING MYCHILDREN AT SCHOOL update!!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by saphire27, Feb 27, 2006.

  1. saphire27

    saphire27 New Member

    Okay this is off topic of course

    Today was the last straw for me, this young male principal didn't help us last time there was an incedent. besides that this is todays story...

    My 5 & 6 year old came home today & that 1st minute they both told me about this bully that HIT my 5 yr old son again. this kid is in 2nd grade.He hit him on the arm HARD. There have been more than 2 other iccendents before...( once this bully slapped my 5 yr old on the head, then my boy said, "oh yeah, do it again harder and see what you get. that sounds like my teen talking ,thats where he gets it from!...anyway so the bully did it again & harder!) then my 5 yr old did nothing, i guess it stopped then. On other time this bully shove my 6 year old girl in the isle of the bus floor on purpose. one day this boy is mean as a devil then he's decent, but mostly is a bully!)

    Well we didn't report all these i just spoke of, until now. I called the prinaciple right when i walked in the door.

    I want that boy away from them, my son should be able to sit with his big sister right? ( there the 3 of them to a seat, )I'm thinking this principal is going to be an A$$ as he was before, my kids are scared of the bus driver & their principal.He INTIMADATES THEM. My little girl was worried when she went to bed tonight, she doesn't want to go to the office and be questioned by the principal tomorrow!(SIGH). I remember the feeling, do yall????

    Anyway what do i do, DO i need to talk in a PROFESSIONAL MANNER to make him pay attn to me i guess.
    I want to type him a letter with my word perfect, but what do i say? What demands do i have a right to? I don't want my babies seperated on the bus just cause of this BULLY!, what rights do i have? I just have a feeling it's NOT going to turn out as i want, we are NEW to this town after all.

    plz ALL moms write ASAP!As i am staying up to hear your replies, and i'm so tired, but NO ONE MESSES WITH MY KIDS EVER! I have until moring to get it together.

    Saph
    bump
    [This Message was Edited on 02/27/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 03/01/2006]
    [This Message was Edited on 03/03/2006]
  2. backporchrags

    backporchrags New Member

    What an awful situation!
    Does the town in which you live have any orginization that offers free legal advice?
    Have you contacted the PTA?
    Have you had it out with the bus driver?
    There has to be some recourse, besides the principal, to solve this situation.
    I do know of one mom who took out a restraining order against her son's bully. The end result was the bully not being able to take the bus to school any longer.
    I hate to hear stories like this, young children being scared to go to school. This kind of thing can ruin a child's school carrer.
    I would think that you have some kind of legal recourse here. This child is infringing on your childs right to go to school in a safe enviroment.
    Mabey even a letter from a lawyers letter head would scare his parents into doing the right thing. It is amazing what a letter sent from a lawyer can do. And it does not cost much to get a lawyer to send a letter for you. I had a beef with a cell phone company. I was not getting anywhere myself so I contacted a lawyer. She sent off a letter,( cost $20.00), and suddenly the company wanted to work it out with me. Go figure!
    Good luck!
    A
  3. saphire27

    saphire27 New Member

    please please keep the ideas coming, i don't want to go lawyer wise, but i get that they didn't believe your child was being hit, until he hit back! I am so looking for a witty way, to teach this principal & bus driver a lesson.


    Also everbody, one more thing, the 2nd or 3 rd week of school here in this town, the bus driver an elderly man, threatened to kick my son off the bus (the 5 yr old) for laying down in the seat cuase he was tired!) this was before BULLY road the bus!!

    I know, i guess i'll just have to be a mom that they hate, i didn't want to be, but now, i don't give a rats behind!

    H E L P
  4. lease79

    lease79 New Member

    I have unfortunately been in a similar situation with my two children that are at school. Their teachers will tell you that they are a delight. They are always bringing home merit awards & they are not into fighting one little bit.
    Anyways late last year this young lad had a crush on my eldest (she's 8,) & he TWICE rode his bike infront of my car to get her attention & scared the living daylights out of me. The first time I told the Mother quietly at kindy when I saw her & she said that she'd deal with it & then in the next breath went on about how it's happened before, but it's not her sons fault & these cars are always nearly hitting him & they're in the wrong.
    The 2nd time he scared me more than the first, so I drove straight to her house & told her what he'd done. That was pretty much all that was said. I didn't raise my voice, but I was annoyed.
    School ended & we broke for 6 weeks school break. FIRST day of school back & my children come home from school crying. The eldest had this womans lad trip her over on the asphalt & she hit her ribs. My 2nd daughter is in the same class as this woman's daughter & the daughter said to mine 'My Mummy hates your Mummy', so Leah replied 'My Mummy doesn't NEED this!' (Way to go Leah, she was only 6 at the time!!) She picked on her for most of the day & wouldn't let her play (very small school.)
    When they came home & told me, I immediately rang the Mother & tried to have a civil conversation with her (I am VERY non-confrontational & quite people a phobic away from the computer.) The woman becomes immediately irrate & starts telling me that her child has NEVER ridden his bike in front of my car & that I am a liar & made it up to hurt her child??!! (We are talking about a child that my neighbour had to lock her car up to avoid hitting him because he shot straight in front of her & she didn't even see him coming, & also a child that has been forbidden to ride his bike to school in the past for similar occurance.)
    I was gobsmacked! She said that her child also did NOT trip Imogen over.
    So next I rang the school & BURST into tears. Big hero I am *sigh*. THANKGOD they had it all documented & everything that her children had done, the teachers had actually let the deputy principal know. But there wasn't alot that they could do.
    This woman was such a whack job that I actually got spoken too by the local constable who told me that she was claiming that I had threatened her & her childrens lives (I cried for 1/2 a day over this & made myself sick :() I got SOOO upset, but the officer told me 'not to worry about it & just to keep away from her.' She told another person in town that I had threatened to run her son right over.
    I actually seriously thought about moving town. We weren't dealing with a normal rational adult & I was scared of what she'd come out with next.
    It wasn't until I spoke to a few people & realised that she's done this kind of stuff before that I decided that I would NOT be intimidated!! Thankfully there has been no further trouble at school. Though this woman's daughter has sadly told me a few times that my daughter can't come & play because her Mummy hates me. It makes my daughter cry & makes me sad that she involves her children like that, but I will not stoop to her level.
    The letter is a good idea. I wrote one to both the deputy principal & my daughters teachers. It seemed to help.
    ~*Gentle Hugs*~

    Lisa
  5. saphire27

    saphire27 New Member

    bump for these babies of mine!
  6. ellikers

    ellikers New Member

    I would just go in and talk to whomever you can about this incident. Say that it is entirely inappropriate for children to be intimidated and hurt in anyway on school property or the bus, and you will take it further if you need to make changes happen.

    You can threaten to go to the school board, the superintendent of the school district or the media if you need to.

    Be insistent.

    Talk to other parents if you can! They might be facing similar problems and you can all work together! Safety in numbers.

    :)
  7. saphire27

    saphire27 New Member

    thank you soooomuch!

    I will write some notes down from this, heck, i'll just print it out, and take my kids to school in the morning!This look at my papers, then trow aroung a few words to see if we get noticed & helped!

    wish US luck!!!


  8. mlrarr

    mlrarr New Member

    One thing you could do and this worked for me. Do you have access to a fax machine?
    Call him up and explaine everything to him and what happened to your son. Keep notes about your conversation. Be sure and ask him the district policy for disruptive children and bullying. Sit at your computer and wright out the just of the conservation -ie. what you understood him to say. Be SURE to say hold on I want to get this straight and kinda repete it back so he KNOWS you are taking notes without you telling him you are. Then inform him that this is a crimal offence and that if the school and or district can not get a handle on the situation you will call in law enforcement.
    I have a son with Autism that was being bullied at school a few years ago. I went through the steps with the school. I documented everything through letter and sent it to them by fax so as to have a paper trail.
    This is importaint----
    They are responsable for your sons safety while he is on their campus!! If they fail to do their job the police can and should be called in. If he gets hurt you can sue their pants off.
    It only took two letters and the little bully brat was expelled!!!!!
    Hope this helps
    Melinda
  9. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I have had this problem too with my kids. Keep after the principal and the bus driver till they do something. I have also known people that have called the bullys parents. You wouldn`t think that would work but it worked really well. You could also talk to someone on the school board. Write up a letter of complaint and tell the principal if something isn`t done its going to the school board.

    Its hard to see our kids afraid to go to school because of mean kids. They shouldn`t have to go through that. Its hard on us moms too, we feel so helpless.

    Hugs,
    Sandy
  10. willruthie1965

    willruthie1965 New Member

    Just a bit of insight I always let it go one or two times than if it continues I call the principle and tell her I think maybe talk to kid or his parents. The reason I tried not to take it too hard because one day you too may get a call about your child and its nice knowing that it was handles calmly . It really hurts when you are told by another parent your child is a trouble maker too Not that yours our.My son got picked on a bit but I was also made awarre he did a little picking too_Once I actually called the office asked tham to tell a parent too call me And it worked out well.I remained friendly and didn't attack the mother and told her I am sure my son wan;t an agel either,People just do better when they aren't having to defend themselves.ANd in some cases and probaly you case there are some children that are just mean and its best to keep on top of it. Tosay there are so many children who have no one raising them and they are awfull. Good luck keep me posted. RUthie
  11. willruthie1965

    willruthie1965 New Member

    ALso I am hearing restraing order I Have too ask you If your child ever picked on anyone >< Your probably would't like him to have a restraing order/Because honestly Even good kids can bully at times ,I Use too be a room mother and I know alot of kids did a little bullying and I am sure their parents would never believe it.
  12. willruthie1965

    willruthie1965 New Member

    One more story I knew this kid who was terible always getting into fights having to stay after school.Picking on everyone Guess what ??MOm called teacher to let them know her son was being picked on and teacher told her flat out YOUR SON IS THE BULLY!! I couldn't beleve the mom didn't know. KIds have a way of confusing us.
  13. MoosesMom

    MoosesMom New Member

    Talk to the principal and follow it up with a letter or email that is clearly marked that it will be carbon copied to the Superintendant and the School Board. It should look like this on the letter.


    Sincerly,



    Your Name Typed (sign between Sincerely and your typed name)

    cc: Superintendant (DO FIND HIS NAME AND USE IT, not just his title
    School Board Members (Again, FIND THEIR NAMES)

    If you just list titles then it says to him that you haven't taken the time to do your homework with this. If you don't get assistance from him FOLLOW UP with the Superintendant!!! Call the School Board members!! Also mention to the Super that you "expect NO reprisals by your staff towards my children" Meaning, if your Principal takes this out on my kids it will be your ass!!

    Speak firmly and professionally. They deal with nutzo mothers all the time, don't be another on in a bunch, make yourself stand out by being professional and polite.

    If you are concerned that you can't speak about this over the phone or in person without getting emotional then write what you want to say down on index card to refer to them if you start to lose it (either temper or crying). It is perfectly okay to tell the Principal and the Super that you are MAD, you are upset and your are angry. But also say that you are sure that they will take care of the situation in the best interest of the children.

    If you don't get anything from the Principal or Super the address the Super one more time, including addressing the issue with various School Board Members.

    If the physical bullying continues CALL THE POLICE. There is a term for this and it is called ASSAULT!! But please let the police be your last effort. Always give the principal a chance with EACH occurance then once you feel that he isn't helping, go to the Superintendant, then the School Board. Along the way, with EACH person you encounter keep a list of WHO you talked to, WHEN you talked to them (date and time), WHAT they said would be done.

    The only time I had to deal with this I found out after school one day that a child had been bullying my KINDERGARTENER on the bus and had that day SPIT on her. I called the principal AT HOME that night and said that it was not only an emotional problem for my daughter but SPIT is a public health problem and will NOT be tolerated at all. I expected her to DEAL with it first thing the next morning (PERIOD). I said that I was angry, upset and appalled that my daughter had been spit upon and it would be taken care of!! The next morning the principal called me at my office and assurred me that the offender had been reprimanded, threatened with expulsion, moved to the seat across from the bus driver and that she was very sorry that it occurred.

    HOPE THIS HELPS!!
  14. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Thuis kid in class brought in a knife and threathened to stab my son. It had a 3 inch blade. My son is autistic and apparently was "annoying" this kid.

    Not only did the school cover it up, BUT when we found out the principal said, Well it was only a penknife I said Like the one that killed OJ's wife you mean????

    Called cops, they said they could not intervene if child was under 8.

    Took child out of school(mine) for safety.

    Months later happened to meet dad of the knife kid. Told him what had gone on and he was so mad the school had bnot told him so he could address it at home. Turns out the boy was living with abusive mom and step dad.

    So yres, one has to be proactive. I would go above the principal to the School board or Superintendent on this one.

    Love Anne C
  15. pamsue

    pamsue New Member

    Hi my sons are older now, but we went through it a lot for both of them. My oldest was a little heavy he was constantly picked on for that. I did not find out how bad it was though until he told me later in life. My 15 year old is still dealing with it in HS he is smaller then most of the rest of the boys and has had to change schools and he is getting it again.

    It is very tough to go through and it lowers their self esteem so much. I have had to go in to the principal and stand up for my son for a fight that started in the cafe because of this bully that had been picking on him for weeks. My son finally had enough told him to stop the kid kept up them my son pushed his tray at the kid the kids pushed my son and my son went to swing at the kid when a friend of his stopped him and the principal came over and broke it up.

    Now I had to go for a conferance again with one of his teachers that sat and yelled about how bad she thinks my sons behavior has been since that incident happened and tell us she does not even know how my son should be allowed to go there he belongs in alternative school. All the rest of his teachers were there and said his behavior is good in their class.

    This teacher has been after Rob since the fight since she had no idea about what the fight was about decided that he is just a bad kid.

    And our school district is paying this teacher $80,000 per year to be like that.

    Makes your blood boil.

    I hope you can get this taken care of, I am glad you are aware of it at a young age, cameras on the bus don't usually work from my experience, but they sure would come in handy for things like this

    Take Care
    pamsue

    my best to you , hope things work out better for you
  16. saphire27

    saphire27 New Member

    Ty to all you moms that wrote back!! I will let you know what happened in a bit,

    My stomach is in KNOTS now, with butterflies, oh i don't like this feeling, i'm shaking a little.

    i'll update you in a couple hours!
    love saph
  17. smiffy79

    smiffy79 New Member

    take some time to calm down otherwise you could get all het up and frustrated with fibrofog.

    in this day and age the school should be defending your kids and not the bully.if the headmaster will do nothing you can approach the board of goveners or the..... CRAP SORRY the place that says whats what in a school. one in each area and they are in charge of things like funding for each school.

    are there any marks on your 5yo? get them photographed if so. as has already been said keep a day to day diary of every little thing.
    it doesnt matter that you are new to your town you have rights!

    i wish you well saph.
  18. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    rode past their stop and got off at hers. They jumped her and a neighbor saw them and did nothing. I called the police and said I wanted to file
    assault charges. He tried to talk me
    out of it saying nothing would happen. I filed anyway. The bus driver got into hot water for letting the girls go past their stop, the two girls AND their parents went to anger management training and both were read the riot act by the principle. The judge told them one more incident and it would the juvenile detention.

    My daughter was so funny back then. She said it didn't hurt THAT bad and she hoped they did do it again so they'd have to go to juvenile. I could't help it, I laughed myself stupid.

    In any case a neighbor girl who was held back in the 8th grade liked my daughter and spread the word that anyone who bothered my daugher again
    was "hers". I guess the combo of things stopped it dead in the tracks.
    But the cop was wrong about nothing
    happening or coming of it.

    I'd press charges if the mother is a
    jerk about it and don't take no for
    an answer. This can start small and end up like Columbine! It's nothing to let go on. Good luck!
  19. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    I also wanted to add something from my earlier post.

    When hubby and I taught our kids to fight we also gave them permission to stand up for themselves. It's a pretty powerful thing to tell your kids that they can stand up to people who are doing them wrong.

    I don't know if I'm saying this right....but the look in their eyes told the whole story.

    My sister's son was bullied all throughout school and she never agreed with me...but with our kids, it only took that one punch to put an end to their problems.

    Bullies are really just insecure kids who need to find a place they feel powerful. Making your kids feel powerful in themselves is really what we did.

    Hugs,

    Nancy B.
  20. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    I used to work for the school district and Iam going to give you a valuable tool here ok?!
    Do NOT mess with your child's principal or the school at all...............GO DIRECTLY TO THE DISTRICT OFFICES!

    Tell them that if something isn't done to correct this problem IMMEDIATELY you are going to seek legal remedies ...due to the fact that your child is being injured while in their care!

    THEY WILL get it straightened out trust me!

    They will know and understand completly that you mean business!

    From now on when you have ANY problems go directly to the district office.........IT WORKS!

    And then let me know PLEASE!

    PLEASE POST TO ME AND LET ME KNOW HOW FAST IT GETS SOLVED!

    Iam praying for you!
    Hugs
    Doxy