OT: Am I Hitting a MidLife Crisis?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by kch64, Mar 25, 2006.

  1. kch64

    kch64 New Member


    I'm 42 and lately all I do is feel like my life is passing me by and I'm old.

    I don't really think 42 is old, but for some reason, I'm feeling very sad for things I wish I would have done differently in my life.

    Memories of decisions I've made, although not necessarily bad ones, have been haunting me for the past several days.

    For any of you that may have experienced this, am I having a Mid-Life crisis?

    Thanks.
    Kendra
  2. borntired

    borntired New Member

    Hi, I got married for the first time when I was 43. There is life after 42! You have so much time ahead of you and I believe no decision is a bad one if as a result it makes you reflect on your past mistakes and learn from them- constantly striving to improve yourself spirtually. God loves all of us and the mistakes I have made have allowed me to reflect and understand that God is always present and there when we need him, he answers our prayers in His time, and we just ask for His guidance and the patience to listen to it.
    Love,

    Joan
  3. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    at 47. So of course you are not old. You are so young young young.


    The DDD makes us just FEEL that way.


    XXXXX Love Anne C
  4. kch64

    kch64 New Member

  5. mme_curie68

    mme_curie68 New Member

    I should've gone into some area of medicine when I got out of college but I didn't because the thought of more school and no money for school were too much after 4 years of scraping to get by.

    So I never indulged my interests until last year. I was tied for "oldest student" amongst my classmates (some of who weren't even old enough to drink legally). I enjoyed it though especially when us "old folks" were the best students in the class.

    The kids took the class because they didn't know what else to do with their lives - I took the class because I wanted to do something about the interests I had passed up 16 years ago.

    It's funny because my first "practical" skills class the first thing the instructor said to me was - "Mid-Life Crisis?" and I said "Guess so."

    So are you in a mid-life crisis? Maybe... I like to think of it as more of an opportunity to reflect on where you've been and where you've come to and see where you might like to go.

    Sometimes I have regrets too, but you have to go through all that you've had to go through to get to the place you are today. You can't do anything about the past, you can only move forward from where you are.

    Hugs,
    Madame Curie
  6. findmind

    findmind New Member

    This sounds like grieving to me...for the old days, when if we planned to do something, we could actually do it.

    Or, if we felt like making a mistake, we did it, feeling as if we can always change our minds and do something else!

    Mistakes are a normal part of every person's life, I think. But you know, I wouldn't trade mine for anything! I have two daughters from them LOL!

    You can't change the past, only the way you think about it.

    Maybe you could take up something new and inspiring...I never thought I could draw a straight line with ruler, but found out from a college art course I was very good at realistic life drawings. My teacher was SO impressed, made me feel great.

    What have you always wanted to learn about, how to do, etc??

    You have many years ahead of you; it makes them easier if we are learning new things to keep our minds and spirits fresh and renewed.

    Happy hunting for new "threads" to weave into your (young!) life...

    findmind
  7. AnneTheresa

    AnneTheresa Member

    Rather than thinking of it as a crisis, mid-life can be considered a time of reflection and opportunity. It's all in how you frame the experience.

    Embrace your mistakes as lessons learned and use the sadness as a tool to help you decide how you'd like to improve your future. It's a growth opportunity (don't you just hate it when people call all things challenging a 'growth opportunity' lol I sure do.)

    As long as you don't get caught up in self-blame, become morose or let it go on too long, what your experiencing can help you see where you've been, where you are and where you're going.


    Truly, it's an exciting time of life. Some of the earth-based religions recognize this stage as a important time in a woman's life; when she changes from maiden to crone ('crone' is a good work according to these same beliefs) and this passage from one life stage to the next is cause to celebrate.

    Even in secular terms, women are beginning to celebrate the passage into mid-life and see it as a time of ultimate freedom. Everything that goes with being 42 (I'm 48 so you need listen to this elder crone LOL) such as the onset of menopause - end of your childbearing years, facing the empty nest, loss of youthful pursuits (this one is maximized for those of us with disabilities)etc. can be summed up as the great change, change, change change of life.

    To answer your question: Yes, Kendra dear, I believe you're having a mid-life crisis. Congratulations!

    God bless,
    Anne Theresa
  8. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i will be 42 this year myself...

    i think we relflect on the past and the should'ves

    i think we need to try to make changes for now with what we know now....and do the best we can...

    i literally stayed in bed for 3 days and cried right before my 40th...

    i think things may have been different for me...i felt self pitty for my physical health and mental health and the why me's...

    it is a struggle for me but i have to keep on trying...

    i need to try a career change because i can not afford to live in california on ssdi....and i will not be getting anymore spou8sal support after 2 1/2 years...i was dumb, really stressed att the time...and screwed myself by saying i didn't want any more after my son graduated high school...but i can only ask the ex to agree to change this but he has every legal reason to say no...

    so i will need to achieve some accomplihsments again in my life....and hope fot the best...wityh what i know how...

    try some counseloing it may help you see what is the problems you are experinecing right now...

    jodie
  9. kch64

    kch64 New Member

    I want to thank each of you for your time and your answers to me.

    Borntired- Thank you so much for your post. It is uplifting.

    Cromwell - A Baby at 47? Wow! that's excellent. Thank you for telling me I'm not old. I need to believe that.

    MMe-curie- You're a strong person. I'm glad you had the guts to persue your dream. I'm still trying to decide what mine is.

    Findmind-I know that part of this is grieving. I believe a lot of it is grief over my mom. She was a huge part of my life and she died two years ago. I'm still trying to decide what to do with the time I used to spend with her. Thank you for your words.

    Anne Theresa - I've read about some of the stuff you mentioned and it makes sense. Our lives move and change and sometimes we don't have a choice but to "roll with the flow". I'm learning to roll. I feel a since of urgency for some reason. Like I need to get things done, because I won't be here forever. I'm sure it's part of the process.

    WakeMeUp-You're right about not being able to control everything that happens, and how unfair it all seems. It causes a lot of anger in me. I know this and I believe that the anger turned inward is a part of the depression. I'm very sorry that you got your heart broken so severely. There is no pain like that. Nothing hurts as bad, not even FM. Thank you.

    Jodieplace-Thanks for your words and advice.

    Sweetpotatoe- Hang in there with your quitting smoking. Don't dive into the cake or you'll have another problem (Grin) Thanks very much.

    Kendra
    [This Message was Edited on 03/26/2006]
  10. Sandyz

    Sandyz New Member

    I feel the same way lately. I will be 49 in July and I wish I had some new adventures I could start. With my health, its always something, all I feel I have instore for me is another 4o years of being sick.

    I want to find my passion in life and do it. How did I get here and where do I go from here??? Anyway its a normal feeling I think for men and women as we go into our 40`s and 50`s. I just want to do something I enjoy and that is useful to myself and others.

  11. kch64

    kch64 New Member


    I guess it is a normal "transition".

    It's not easy though. today I am worse. I'm feeling so sad for some reason.

    Maybe it is grief. Maybe it's hormones! who knows. I just know I don't feel very good today.

    To many endings in my life and not enough beginnings.

    I hope you find your passion also.

    Big Hugs
    Kendra
  12. kch64

    kch64 New Member


    Wow Bet...sounds like you've been busy. At least you know what you want. You want to write.

    That's wonderful. You have been through the mill with relationships, haven't you....

    I guess we all get to this point eventually. It used to be my mom was around to cheer me on, but since she's gone, I feel so lost sometimes.

    I sometimes wonder if I'm going to make it through .

    Thanks for sharing Bet.

    Kendra
  13. Tmprincess

    Tmprincess New Member

    I go through these phases too... not necessarily doubting my decisions. But, just can't seem to shake certain memories or conversations.

    I think they are quit healthy actually. It's how we grow and learn from the past... So, we don't keep making the same mistakes over and over again. I think its important that we Evolve, and not just Revolve. We can over look some important life lessons when we don't take time to reflect.

    And NO... you are sooo not old!!!!! You can be as young at heart as you want to be ; )

    TM~
  14. petsrme

    petsrme Member

    Hi there! I first want to comment on how cute your kitty is. Adorable!

    I have been asking myself the same questions lately about the midlife crisis. I have become so predictable lately to my family ie: husband, daughter, mother, etc. I find my self wanting to sneak and smoke a cigarette, simply because it is something I know they wouldn't expect of me (I quit several years ago), I also have started wanting to get a very, very small tattoo on the back of my neck where no one would know it is there but me unless my hair is up. I have lost a significant amount of weight and I think that may have something to do with it. People are treating me differently. My family is praising me and telling me how good I look and it makes me realize that I must have been appalling before because they didn't say these things then.

    I feel as if I am approaching my old self again except for feeling sick all the time. It feels strange and I don't know how to deal with it. Having my husband treat me sexier is also showing me how badly he actually DID think of me before. He said he didn't mind, but now I know he did. I suppose I also fear that I will gain it all back since it fell off effortlessly.


    Sorry to rant, I just want to let you know that you aren't alone. I am 39 and feel young in my mind, but old in my body and health. I guess it just hits us at some point and we have these feelings. You are young Kendra. You CAN do a lot of the things you wanted to and if you can't find new goals. Best wishes to you.
  15. mollystwin

    mollystwin New Member

    Hi I'm 46 and have had a tough time lately also. I just figured it was the illness. I never thought I would be this way. I was always very active and in shape, doing aerobics and weight training, gardening etc. Now I fell like a slug! I have been very depresses since last week, but this week has been a little better.
    Maybe it is a mid life crisis, I don't know.
    We have a lot of life ahead. I am going to try to be a little more upbeat!
    Good Luck to you!!!
  16. kch64

    kch64 New Member


    Thanks to all of you.

    Prickles, you're a Doll! I keep telling my friends that I'm going to live to be 110, so I'm not middle-aged (smile)

    Hugs to all of you.

    Still feeling a bit down, but I'm a little better today.

    Kendra
  17. kch64

    kch64 New Member


    Well, I was feeling "normal" yesterday, but last night, I had another case of the crying my eyes out syndrome.

    I'm just feeling depressed. I'm a little better today and I know that so many have it so much worse than I do.

    I really think this could be hormone related, but time will tell.

    Thanks for caring about me and being so thoughtful. Are you feeling good today? I hope so.

    Thank you.
    Kendra
  18. kch64

    kch64 New Member


    I'll go look, tks.
    Kendra