OT:Anyone else feel isolated from their spouse/partner?

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by claudiaw, Apr 25, 2006.

  1. claudiaw

    claudiaw New Member

    Since I know longer am able to do much of anything, I feel I have nothing to contribute conversation wise to my marriage.

    My husband work's a lot, and by the time he get's home, I usually feel bad ( when don't I?)so I am alway's listening to him about his day.

    He is very smart and alway's wanting to improve himself, which is good, but I can't do that right now.

    I barely can just get through a day at home doing almost nothing. I don't have the mental or emotional energy to do the thing's I use to with him, read book's, help him memorze scripture, do interactive self help type stuff for marriage ( ironic:).

    I just feel like I have nothing to say, can't do anything, just feel useless, and when I try to talk to him , he's very understanding, but I guess my irritation with myself our situation ( and him sometimes:) comes out and then he say's I'm going on a rant because I guess my stress comes out.

    I can't drive so I don't get out, can't see my counselor right now so this is my only therapy, sorry guy's.:)

    anyway, just kind of wondering if anyone else feels like this.

    I'm going to thank you for your responses now, as I can't type too much, I'm really hurting today. I want you to know I appreciate the time and effort you put into your responses.

    Thank you,

    Claudia
  2. puppy2dad

    puppy2dad New Member

    claudia, my name is dawn and i was diagnosed with fibro several years ago before it became so popular. My husband used to get very upset because i just wasnt like his wife anymore. I would not want to go fishing with him, have sex or even just want to go for a long ride. all i wanted to do was sleep. after a few years of this, our doctor recommeded that we jusat accept how i was, take one day at a time and just enjoy my good days. it took some practice but the best thing i have done, is that i dont hate me anymore and my husband realizes that im still very much in love with him. so slow down, breathe and take it slow.
    Good luck
  3. puppy2dad

    puppy2dad New Member

    claudia, my name is dawn and i was diagnosed with fibro several years ago before it became so popular. My husband used to get very upset because i just wasnt like his wife anymore. I would not want to go fishing with him, have sex or even just want to go for a long ride. all i wanted to do was sleep. after a few years of this, our doctor recommeded that we jusat accept how i was, take one day at a time and just enjoy my good days. it took some practice but the best thing i have done, is that i dont hate me anymore and my husband realizes that im still very much in love with him. so slow down, breathe and take it slow.
    Good luck
  4. lovethesun

    lovethesun New Member

    My husband(a musician for 40 years)cut off 3 fingers 2 weeks after I was diagnosed)We have a cell phone and if I'm in bed and he is doing something else,we talk.It doesn't have to be long just a connection.I've gotten a wheelchair so that we can do things together like go to the mall.It conserves my energy a little. For myself,I paint wooden crosses etc for our yearly boutique.I also call an elderly shut in so she won't be so lonely.Hope some suggestions help,Linda
  5. mom4three

    mom4three New Member

    I feel you..

    We are having such a hard time too. Infact this weekend we we are on the verge of divorce. We grew angry at eachother.

    We talked while laying in bed and decided we have too much together and we need to try harder and give eachother what we need..

    Tracy
  6. jake123

    jake123 New Member

    My husband and I always talk about the news. He refuses to read the city newspaper so I tell him what's in it! and I watch the afternoon news.
  7. claudiaw

    claudiaw New Member

    Our marriage has gotten stronger in many way's, I just feel like I'm letting him down.

    I am unable to cook, clean ,help him with his project's and he would say not even close to enough sex.:)I use to enjoy all those things.

    I feel like a big disappointmen, he said we are in this together no matter what, but I still feel lonely and have nothing to contribute.

    I just ended up listening to him instead of being able to have a life of my own to share with him and just for my own sanity!

    Anyway, thank you for your post's, those who are also struggling I pray it get's better for you.

    Thanks,
    Claudia
  8. ephemera

    ephemera New Member

    My partner leaves for work when I'm asleep & goes to sleep long before I do. Our schedules aren't easy to work around, but we've learned to make our interaction meaningful. We both recognize each other's pain & bad days & we give each other support & space & the heating pad.

    Sometimes we've listened to short audio tapes together in bed together, just as a new experience for both of us to share.

    Before or after dinner when we talk about how our day has gone I sometimes think I have nothing to say, then I talk about the birds I saw at the feeder or heard singing in the tree, or a new plant that just bloomed in a neighbor's yard. If there's something I want to share, like a wonderful lilac smell we make it a special outing. Sometimes it's just a new website I want to share.

    We both go to the pool together, so our time there is shared. We leave cards, notes & post-its for each other all the time.

    Maybe just do something small that's uniquely you. If you can't plant a garden, put some herbs in a pot. Just a small project to get you started in different directions that can allow you to express your self.
  9. claudiaw

    claudiaw New Member

    Thank you for the advice.

    I kind of do those thing's, I guess I need to not be so hard on myself.:)

    My husband is in entertainment production, so that mean's he can leave at 6:00am and come home at 2:00am, sometimes for a wk. at a time.

    Next week he will be in Calif. for 2 wks. doing a convention show. he has a schedule were it is hard to do thing's together.

    he need's the work though, we neeed the money bad.:)

    Thank's again for the good ideas.

    Claudia