OT Author unknown,no wonder we are sick

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by carebelle, Jul 14, 2006.

  1. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    To all of you:
    I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing.

    Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

    I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

    I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

    I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

    I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

    Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

    Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

    I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.

    I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

    I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

    And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

    I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

    I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

    I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

    I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
    I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

    I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

    Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big, brown, African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

    Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can live a better life now because he's told us how to fix everything.

    And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 I dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

    Oh, and don't forget this one either! I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas companies!

    If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...

    Have a wonderful day....
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    New Study

    A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.

    Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late!


    Author Unknown

  2. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Thanks for this dose of reality. I had to laugh as I have a friend who whatever she sees I have bought will tell me some horror story. For eg she told me to get rid of all my cookware, I did and got expensive and hard to clean I may add stainless steel. A week after I bought it she arrived and told me that "non one in the right minds is using stainless steel now because of ....some horror story. This list applies to all I have.

    She at one time loves bananas then chides me for buying them, then I see they are back in the "OK" list with her.I cannot keep up.

    It seems she has got to the point where she eats and lives with this constant lurking fear sitting on her head with dire warnings about everything from asteroids hitting the east coast on memorial day, to CA disappearing into oblivion. She was well into Y2K and has thousands of dollars of debt(and rotten foods) to prove it.

    When my son asks for OJ she tells him it is poison,(even though we buy organic)and no longer can she eat out or come for a meal even though we are organic wholefood people, nothing is ever good enough or passed by this group of people who spend their lives scaring people in order to sell their products. The only really scary thing is when I hear her tell people to stop all their life saving meds and be cured by her product.....she never has any time for friends as she spends all her time rubbishing doctors and praising some quack or other and spreading these sort of rumors-dare I send her your letter??? She is no longer actually living well due to this though says she is.

    Thanks again, we all have to stop this craze of fear mongering and learn to live and love life.

    Love Anne Cromwell
  3. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    That was hilarious!!!

    I had to forward it on to a friend who just told me the Target thing. Her daughter is getting married and the fiance doesn't want her to register there because of "whatever"....reason they don't support our troops.

    I wonder if Tyra Banks started that years ago when she lovingly referred to Target as "tarjey" giving the name a French type of twist because she loved the store and found great clothes there?

    We've always referred to JCPenny as Jacque Pennay too.

    Hugs,

    Nancy B.
  4. julieisfree05

    julieisfree05 New Member

    ...the one about drinking in a hotel bar and waking up in the bathtub of your room, packed in ice, with your kidneys "harvested" to be sold on the black market! LOL!

    If you want a good laugh, check out snopes.com

    It's the website that tells you if this stuff is an "urban legend" or not, and the history behind it. They also post mug shots of celebs and why they were arrested.. highly entertaining!

    - julie (is free!)

    Laughter is the best medicine! - Unknown