OT - Bikini waxing - So funny I had to share

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lovinlifeinAK, Sep 12, 2005.

  1. lovinlifeinAK

    lovinlifeinAK New Member

    Hair removal 101...God love the woman who shared this...

    All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.

    My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home, fix dinner, and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the wax out of the medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart, press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off.

    No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean I'm no girly girl, but I am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out. YA THINK!!!*

    So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.

    I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. OK so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-ra, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move -- north.

    After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure I apply the was strip across the right side of bikini line. I inhale deeply and brace myself. RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

    I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

    Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip. Crap!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP. Everything is swirly and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums??? OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy. I want to revel in the glory of my pain that is my triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.

    Where is the hair? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. Crap. I run my fingers over cold wax and matted hair.

    Then I make the next BIG mistake...................remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. Noo!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door. My "down there" parts are sealed shut. I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do.

    Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off right???

    *WRONG!!!!!!!*

    I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub. In scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!

    God bless the man that convinced me I should have a phone in the bathroom!!!!!

    I call my friend thinking surely she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick but does try to hide the laughter from me.

    She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.

    YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor. By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I slip into glazed donut land. My friend is still talking with me and my hand reaches towards the saving grace.... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What do I really have to lose at this point?

    I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of my friend, but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!!"

    I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair..................................THE HAIR IS STILLTHERE.......................ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I shaved it off.

    Heck, I'm numb at this point.


  2. lvjesus

    lvjesus Member

    I am laughing so hard I am crying. I am in cube land at work so I am trying not to laugh like a hyiena and scare everyone. I think I might need to go the bathroom and cool off now.

    My butt and my who-ha are stuck to the tub????

    I love it!!! See why I never wax anything? I once had a friend who got a bikini wax and is not a shy woman. She was telling me how it broke her out as she is saying, look at this. I realized a second before she showed me what she was up to!!! I got out of that one with not much to spare!!!

    Sonya
  3. bozey

    bozey New Member

    MY GOSH LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL Thank you for putting this on here. I laughed so hard and out loud at every step of the story. My stomach is hurting and I have tears running down my face. I was visualizing the scenerio (knowing full well this could be any one of us) and just splitting a gut. It just kept getting funnier and funnier. You tell a great story. Thanks for not leaving out the embarrassing details because that really made the story hilarious. ROFLOL ROFLOL

    I am going to have to e-mail this to my daughter.

    Thanks, you made my day. I was just starting to get that down in the dumps feeling and this brought me right out of it.

    bozey
  4. lauralea443

    lauralea443 New Member

    I had a simular expience with an Epilady. I followed the instruction and let the hair on my legs grow out and gentle aimed the torture devise at my leg. It felt like someone was pulling each hair out one by one.

    I stopped to looked down thinking there has to be blood involve it felt that painful, meanwhile I still had the Epilady on and oh yeah I was naked getting ready to take a shower, as I bent down to check out my leg the Epilady got caught in my Ya-hoo hair and started making the most god aweful noise.

    I shut it off but too late the damage was done and it was STUCK.... There I stood with this lovely thing hanging off of me. WHAT TO DO. Finnaly my brain kicked in and I cut it off, but there was a moment of panic when I thought I would have---- to ask someone to help me god forbid..

    I think I told my husband about it weeks later when the memory wasn't so painful. LOL

    Thank you for your story I was rolling
    Laura
  5. lauralea443

    lauralea443 New Member

    I had a simular expience with an Epilady. I followed the instruction and let the hair on my legs grow out and gentle aimed the torture devise at my leg. It felt like someone was pulling each hair out one by one.

    I stopped to looked down thinking there has to be blood involve it felt that painful, meanwhile I still had the Epilady on and oh yeah I was naked getting ready to take a shower, as I bent down to check out my leg the Epilady got caught in my Ya-hoo hair and started making the most god aweful noise.

    I shut it off but too late the damage was done and it was STUCK.... There I stood with this lovely thing hanging off of me. WHAT TO DO. Finnaly my brain kicked in and I cut it off, but there was a moment of panic when I thought I would have---- to ask someone to help me god forbid..

    I think I told my husband about it weeks later when the memory wasn't so painful. LOL

    Thank you for your story I was rolling
    Laura
  6. orachel

    orachel New Member

    I've had a similar experience with waxing...and they never warn you about the heinous nasty ingrown hairs that replace your formerly stubby leg hairs. AARGH!

    Funniest experience I ever had with hair removal was with this like $5 thing at the drug store (would have thought that would be a warning for me, but nooooo.) Basically, was this handheld handle thingie with a paddle on end of it. Basic idea is to rub this thingie all over legs in small circles, and all hair comes off, totally pain free. Riiiight. Well, boys and girls, what I'd purchased totally unknowingly was a wand with sandpaper on the end of it! I'm sitting there grimacing, trying not to scream as I rub tiny circles of rough sandpaper all over my legs! Insanity.

    Well, this all brought be back to a shiny happy place in my life where hairy legs were the biggest problem I had. Great post.

    Rachel
  7. lvjesus

    lvjesus Member

    heck, your story was just as funny!!! Y'all are killin me!!! Help, I can't stop laughing!

    I emailed this to my buddies to torture other people in cubes trying to quell maniacal laughter so as not to sound like they have gone round the bend to their coworkers.

    Sonya
  8. Kinsie

    Kinsie New Member

    I haven't laughed that much in a long time. I'm at work, and just about the time I couldn't control my laughter, the office manager walks by!

    Kinsie
  9. 123sandra

    123sandra New Member

    Oh my god!! I've never waxed and don't think I WILL after that!! Thank god for gillette!!!!!!!
    I'm crying laughing. Just what the doctor ordered!!
    Thanks a million for that.
    LOL,LOL,LOL
    Sandra
  10. sheried

    sheried New Member

    My sides hurt so bad from laughing.

    Thanks!

    Sherie
  11. RENA0909

    RENA0909 New Member

    That was such a funny post!!!!!!!!!I have not laughed like that for ages...could not see through the tears lol!

    And I can imagine all the females in cube land reading it!!!
    Thanks to Laura as well..... So funny! lol.

    Rena


  12. Charleneyz1984

    Charleneyz1984 New Member

    Ha HA HA HA I am laughing so much i think im gunna need to go to the toilet!!!

    I am a waxer by trader and this cold wax stuff is a con (but i guess youve figured that now hey!!)

    This reminds me of when i was trying to Warm Wax my bikini line!!! Naw imagine.... Due to muscle pain cant flex like normal so am sat trying to avoid sticking together... whilst also trying to hold skin taut and rip the strip off at the same time!! And my friend is just watching on!

    And yes i experienced the rip and the screams too! But with warm wax theres only 1 way to get it off, oh yes i had to rip again.... at least i could look and see an empty space!!! But was it worth it????? No! It hurt like never before having to waddle all day.... and i made the mistake of getting into a hot bath after!!! I have never felt my heart beating so hard before!!!!

    Oh My goodness why do we woman put ourselves through these things!!

    Thankyou so much! You Made me laugh so much i cant breath!!!!!!!
  13. lovinlifeinAK

    lovinlifeinAK New Member

    it as much as I did when I read it. It was written so well that you can picture the whole thing.

    The guys here in my office thought I was nuts!! I was laughing so hard....

    Besides they say laughter is the best medicine!!
  14. hehmommy

    hehmommy New Member

    I needed a good laugh today. That was hilarious. I am gonna have to give this one to my Mom to read. I have been going and having that laser Hair Removal done. I have my last treatment next month and let me tell you it does work. I have no hair left on my underarms-almost none on my legs and about 10% left on bikini. I am so happy, but let me tell you it hurts like H---. Oh my gosh I have never had pain like the pain of that!! I think it is almost as bad as the waxing if not worse. And the smell of burning flesh-hummmm. It does work ladies, but is very expensive. The lady that is doing mine showed me the areas she did over 6 years ago and she still has no hair. I think it would be worth it just to be hairless for a year!! Why do us women feel we have to torture ourselves like this. If men only realized what we go thru for them and ourselves. I tried that Nad's hair removal thing, but before I tried it on myself my Mom decided to be the guinea pig. HAHA!! I took one rip off her arm and she cried like a baby and was left with part of the hair gone on her arm and wouldn't let me touch the rest. It finally grew out. Never again for the waxing. I say twiz it off or shave it or do what I did and go thru the torture and get it done in hopes of never having hair again (fingers crossed).

    Trish :)
  15. sassy252

    sassy252 New Member

    My great Aunt was Lucky had no pubic,underarm, leg or facial hair. I do tho. And waxing sux
  16. achy

    achy New Member

    Just tooo funny!!!

    thanks, I needed that
    achy
  17. jake123

    jake123 New Member

    I snorted when I laughed and it reminded me of the lady who went to the gynecologist. She had to pee beforehand and there wasn't any tissue so she got a kleenex from her purse. She put on the gown, got on the table, the doc came in, she put her legs in the stirrups, and the doc said, My, my, are you giving green stamps today? because one was stuck to her ya-hoo.
  18. lovinlifeinAK

    lovinlifeinAK New Member

    for those that missed it the first time
  19. JLH

    JLH New Member

    I haven't read anything so funny in a long time!!!

    And ... it was so well written!!

    Thanks for sharing with us.
  20. pepper

    pepper New Member

    Thanks so much for this. It made my evening!

    And I am passing it on to some women that I know will appreciate this.

    LOL
    Pepper