OT...but hilarious! Don't we all wish this was true! LOL

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by orachel, Oct 7, 2005.

  1. orachel

    orachel New Member

    ***NOTE....ORACHEL DOES NOT CONDONE ANY OF THE INFORMATION BELOW...IF ONLY IT WERE TRUE! LOL
    THIS IS PROVIDED FOR LAUGHTER REASONS ONLY, CAUSE WE ALL NEED MORE LAUGHTER IN OUR LIVES***
    HUGS,
    ORACHEL


    Subject: : OK here it is all the advise you need!!!

    This just 'bout sums it all up.

    HEALTH QUESTION & ANSWER SESSION

    Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this
    true?

    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't
    waste
    them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life Of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetabl es. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
    Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass
    (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
    allowance of vegetable products.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, That means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more Of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

    --------------------------------------------------------------------

    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

    A: Well, if you have a body and you have fa t, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

    A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!!. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

    A: Definit ely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

    A: Are you crazy? HELLO ...... Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------
    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

    A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

    --------------------------------------------------------------------

    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

    And remember: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other -
    body thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and screaming

    "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"
  2. Mareeok

    Mareeok New Member

    It answered all my questions. LOL.
  3. LollieBoo

    LollieBoo New Member

    Pass the chocolate!! I'm sure alcohol's out these days with the Rx cocktails I'm taking... but some nights I think I'd love a glass of Merlot.

    Now I know to avoid swimming! Whew- good thing you passed this on!

    The whole "meat is concentrated vegetables" is one I've heard many times, having been a vegetarian around die-hard carnivores! I still think it's funny...!

    Thanks for the laugh-
    Lollie
  4. rileyearl

    rileyearl New Member

    Exactly!

    thanks Rachel!

    Francie
  5. JLH

    JLH New Member

    This was GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Hugs,
    Janet
  6. rockgor

    rockgor Well-Known Member

    AT THE SAME TIME.

    Buy those little chocolate bottles filled with spirits.

    See there: an extra benefit. Helps you spiritually.
  7. elsa

    elsa New Member

    I loved that last paragraph! I copied it for my husband. I have a mental imagine of that "arrival" and the person is laughing and having a ball every step of the way -

    Something to think on .... LOL

    Elsa
  8. ImDigNiT

    ImDigNiT New Member

    Thanks for the laugh this morning. It's Chocolate and white Zin for me today!

    Hugs,
    Marcia
  9. RENA0909

    RENA0909 New Member

    Thanks for a great laugh Orachael!!

    It really made me giggle after feeling down today and I esp.liked the last part lol

    Rena

  10. brit_17759

    brit_17759 New Member

    thanks for the chuckle, I needed that:).

    hugs,
    brit
  11. Shannonsparkles

    Shannonsparkles New Member

    thank Rachel (( ))