OT Cheating husbands...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Cinlou, Sep 23, 2006.

  1. Cinlou

    Cinlou New Member

    I am feeling just awful....my husband's cell phone bill had a number I did not recognize.....I asked him about it...did not know who it was....

    We bought property in another state, he and his friend and wife did also....The friend has gotten a job and moved there while his wife is holding down their business here...until they can sell home here....

    Long story, bear with me...I called the number and got a female answering machine...(this is another cell number) I called my husband at work and he is saying he knows no such woman.....there are like 20 calls to and from this number......he and his friend were in this state when this number was being called....believe me I gave my husband heck, He kept saying he did not know this woman...

    I finally called the number and this women answered, she said she did not know any of the names of ours...(lies)
    She said she was 18...(husband and friend are late 40's.)

    All lies (she sounded old, with a husky voice like she had been a smoker for 30 years....no way 18!)

    Any way I called the wife of friend, and told her about the number she said call her husband and ask him...if my husband is fooling around.. I did, no answer...he is about 15 hours away in the other state...I kept badgering my husband, I knew he was lying!!

    My husband finally told me his friend met this (I won't call her a lady) person...and wants to leave his wife..for this person....he was using my husband's phone because his would not work and did not want his wife to see the number on bill......

    I never ever look at the bill, I just pay it, I don't know why I did this time...I feel awful...so my husband was covering up for this friend..

    I tried calling his friend..left message...has not returned my call.....my husband said not to tell her about this to let her husband tell her....

    My husband said not to get involved it wasn't our business, I told him he was involved he made it our business by letting this "friend" use his phone...

    I just feel awful....I know I must tell her, I would think she would tell me, if reversed...

    What is sooo bad is this man's mother has cancer and his wife has been taking her to her chemo...because he has a new job in this other state..

    I feel just sick, do you think I am right in letting her know??? I feel sick about all of this..I know he met her in a bar because he and my husband drink together, they both have problems with alcohol...sitting in bars all day....ahhhhh maybe my husband messed around too...

    I feel awfull....I need to tell her..
    Cindy



  2. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    My ex. was a b-hole with other women before and during our marriage. What made me the most upset after reflecting back was the people (family/ friends) who never told me about this before I dragged my son across state and married him. I can never, ever forgive them for that. I would have wanted to know.

  3. Cinlou

    Cinlou New Member

    Lenasvn,
    Thank you for reply...it is so hard, I will let her know tomorrow...I pray husband calls first..and lets her know before I do..
    Men can be such jerks...
    Cindy
  4. justjanelle

    justjanelle New Member

    but maybe not in quite the same way you are.

    Do you still have the phone bills from the previous couple of months? It might be worthwhile to check over them and see if this number appears prior to the trip in question.

    Also, be sure to look at the bill the next few months to see if it pops up again.

    Because it's SO easy to put the blame on a friend, when a person doesn't want to get in trouble themselves.

    And it can't hurt to check, right?

    Best wishes,
    Janelle
  5. Cinlou

    Cinlou New Member

    Jancahoon,
    Yes, I already did that, number was not on previous bills...it just is not a good situation any way that you look at it..
    The thing is he calls his friend at this number, because it is a free mobile to mobile number...and he is staying with her..

    I called again and message came on, I said I knew what was going on with him and this person, to call me back....I get a call from another woman yelling at me that this women is her friend, blah, blah,blah...don't know what I am talking about....I told her to shut her mouth and to listen to me a second, she hung up on me...she sounded drunk....she knew exactly what I was talking about...she just wanted to harass me..what a mess...
    Cindy
  6. carebelle

    carebelle New Member

    WHY would your husband pay someone elses phone bill ?
    Sorry but lieing to cover up someone elses sin always make me wonder what he may have on your husband. There are Three creeps here and you better be sure that there are not two girlfriends one for each man out of town.

    Your husband may not be cheating on you but he needs to step up and not get in the middle of this with his friend.Personally I do not believe a friend would put another friend in the middle .

    I would tell both men they had a time limit to come clean because you were going to tell his wife .Then I'd be tempted to take a trip and see what both men are really up to.

    Im truly sorry you have to deal with this . I'd be P..st
  7. StephieBee

    StephieBee New Member

    First of all, I would tell your husband to remove himself from the middle of this mess. Tell him to cut off his friends cell phone calls etc.

    Secondly, I would tell this friend of your husbands, to tell his wife himself. Tell him that you will give him so many days to tell her, before you tell her yourself. I believe that she should hear it from him first. There could be many emotions that come from something like this, so she may become even more angry hearing it from someone else first.

    Give him a chance to tell her first though.

    Also, tell your husband that you dont want to be paying these calls. You also dont want him in the middle of this mess. God forbid, there should be a messy divorce...you wouldnt want him dragged into, legally...because he knew about it and was covering.

    Take Care,
    Stephanie
  8. Lendy5

    Lendy5 New Member

    This sounds all too familiar to my first marriage.

    I ran across a bill from a local jewelry store. I confronted my husband and he had a quick excuse.

    He said his friend asked him to get the store credit because he wanted to get his wife a ring and didn't have any money. I told him o.k. I will ask him if he got the ring for his wife. I called him and he said yes it was for me so I was relieved.

    What a liar he was because it turned out that my husband had done this for his girlfriend and I found all this out after I caught him at a hotel. He came clean and said he didn't want to lose his marriage.

    I am not saying your husband is cheating but to put your mind at rest, it might be a good idea to do some checking up when he least expects it.

    Carolin
  9. shelbo

    shelbo New Member

    I wouldn't be satisfied with this outcome!
  10. kjfms

    kjfms Member

    What is that old saying? Sometimes they shoot the messenger?

    Well you can tell your friend but she may not want to be your friend when you do tell this. Just a thought.

    No comment on you and your DH that is for the two of you to work out.

    Best of luck,

    Karen
    [This Message was Edited on 09/24/2006]
  11. opticaltech

    opticaltech New Member

    My Husband would never allow another person to use his phone even if they were having a heart attack....Okay I guess thats too obsurd!...The friend is a punk and your husband has allowed other people to get involved in his life. He is the one who should and always protect you from anything and everything...This is very wrong of your husband to upset his home like this. You should and always be number one...friend or no friend...Your husband needs to get his priorities straight before he loses them!..Once you lose trust in someone its VERY hard to get it back...L.
    [This Message was Edited on 09/24/2006]
  12. bana2

    bana2 New Member

    Honey my heart goes out to you. But open up your eyes if they go to the bars together the chances of just one doing it doesn't exist. Just think about it do you and the friends wife go out to the bars without them? More than likely no so don't kid yourself. Sounds like to me that you and the friends wife is taking care of the problems of you alls family while they are playing around. What was your gut instinct when you found out? Go with it. Most of the time it's right.This out of town property that all of you bought is just away for these 2 losers to play while yall ladies (I mean ladies) are taking care of their responabilty.Sounds like these 2 were banking on yall 2 girls to be stupid and not check the bill. Stop being naive your husband was probably in it to. Just look at all this real close. Your husband would like nothing more than you to shut up because the friend probably has something on him. But in my experince when you go to tell this woman about her husband be prepared probably to lose a friend depending on how she feels about her him. Most women stay in denial when this happens to them.But the friend needs to tell her husband to get his a... home to take care of his own responsabilty instead of giving him the room to do this to her and their family.But if you all decide to stay with them (It's hard to leave someone you love I know)put down some rules and demands that they must keep. Like no more going to these bars without each other. If they don't want to do this guess what they are doing something they don't want you to see. Two check those bills every Month!!! Three NO MORE LIES NOT EVEN ONE . If they do dump them. Four make them have more to do at the house with their families so they don't have time to be playing with yall girls getting hurt. You have the right to put your foot down if you don't do these things. Make them respect you, don't let anybody run over you. Lots of Luck.
  13. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    read my bio...
    the lies that are said and done...

    i don't think i would tell her...yet...if she askeds then tell her what you found and you confronatations...

    right now both of the men are going to be covering for each other...

    but i do think i would call the number again...tell that woman what you have discovered...

    but then again she probably already knows that he is married...but i would inform her...that he is married...if you haven't already...

    and you will be telling the wife if this doesnot cease now...

    there are other ways to approach your wife before you have an affiar.....

    but when woman knows a man is already married...that persona is on a quest and doesn't care about herself or if he is married...

    it is a game for them...and that woman has problems herself...
    rarely if ever does affairs end up in marriage to that person...how can that man trust her...

    how can she trust him...

    some woman are ok w/an open relationship in their marriage...i am not one of them...but i have know a few in my lifetime...

    just make another phone call to that woman she may not even really know he is married...

    but you are on to it..

    jodie
  14. gymmbabe

    gymmbabe New Member

    This story sounds sooo familiar. One night my husband and I were out and we witnessed my best friend's husband with another woman.

    The man begged me not to say anything to his wife. I told him that I will not lie for him. If she asks, I will tell the truth. Long story short...she asked, I told the truth.

    Chances are your friend suspects or will soon suspect the obvious. Be ready to answer her questions honestly. My friend was upset at first that I knew and didn't say anything..but, then she realized what a tough predicament I was in. She will be divorced soon and thanks me all of the time for my honesty.

    Dawn
  15. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member


    A couple people have pointed out that sometimes they shoot the messenger. It happened to me twice. Sure they thanked me profusely at the time, both dumped the man. One was a neighbour and things were very strained w/ us for awhile after, I thought the friendship was totally over, but it drizzled down to an acquaintencship and has never been the same. The other time it was my best friend. We were so close, and seemed to stay close for awhile after, but she didn't care about the cheater much. When she met her now hubby I was out w/ her. We really started to drift after that. I didn't even get to be at her wedding, I got squeezed rright out of her life. I tried to get in touch yrs later, hoping things would have blown over, but nope. That one breaks my heart, I wish I'd kept my mouth shut.

    I'll gladly butt out if the situation ever comes my way again.


    Jeanne