OT:Child Custody Issues etc. (pls HELP...Pls Read!!!!!

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Kacjac, Feb 16, 2006.

  1. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    My oldest son & ex dil are divorced. (He didn't want one)
    And when they went to court, he was so upset, he failed to let the Judge know, she had plans of leaving the state of Texas, while the ink was still wet on the divorce papers!
    She took off to Washington State, to go live with an ex-boyfriend she hooked back up with.
    She went their because he had gotten a divorce too, and his two sons couldn't leave Washington, until they are 11 yrs old I think!
    So anyway, We paid about a $1000 to get them in the summer, (Just August)
    He is suppose to have them every Wednesday, every other weekend, and every other holiday. I have kept a good relationship (or tried to) with her, and have been fairly successful.
    I told her she is keeping him from seeing them, she says she is not. Well my son can't excactly jump on a plane and go see them whenever he wants!
    This is so unfair!!!!! Any advice for him?
    He says he will try to take her back to court, soon has he can get some extra money saved up!
    And BTW, she wants more money, than she is getting now! :O
    On another note......
    And I know I'm a little prejudice,but geez, Where in the world are all the good girls out there? Does anyone know?????
    He has been looking for the past 2 years, with no success yet. He got engaged to a Houston girl, gave her a half karat diamond engagement ring. And she had issues with commitment, and took off, and now she regrets her decision, but he won't take her back, because she did this to him, 3 times already!
    He has a good job, handsome, has dk. blonde hair, green eyes, 6' 2" His name is Jason.... is 31 y/o He's passionate, sensitive.
    Sings like George Strait, is a cowboy, loves hunting, camping, fishing, paintball, is the funniest thing you ever heard, keeps us all in stitches, laughing. He can cook too. LOL
    Anyway, does it sound like he should have trouble. HE does!
    Bless his heart. Okay, Mom will hush now.... LOL!
    I introduced my middle son to his (now) wife online, I almost wish it could be that easy for Jas....
    Please pray, that Jason, has a happier life in store for him soon, he is so sad right now, It breaks my heart!
    Thanks for any input into this sad situation!
    Blessings to all~ Karen
    [This Message was Edited on 02/16/2006]
  2. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    He needs to get back to court asap and get this straightened out. Too bad he did not make a issue about this at the time.

    Do you have money to lend him for an attorney? The poor kids are the ones who suffer - they are always the real losers.
  3. jane32

    jane32 New Member

    my brother went through something similiar and that was the last stressful event I went through before I got CFS.Just watch how involved you get my parents are going through it with my brother and I got sick b/c of it. The law just seems to favor the mother most of the time and my ex sister -in -law and her family are really odd and basically evil. They feel they can buy their way through every court system. We played by the book and we are the ones that lost the custody of my nephew. I just keep up with my prayers and hope that my newphew will grow up knowing that we loved him and wanted to see him more then we could.
  4. EgyptStarr

    EgyptStarr New Member

    I'm so sorry for Jason and what he is going through! I will pray for him now! Sorry I don't have any advice, though.

    He sounds like a real catch! If I wasn't so happily engaged already, I would certainly love to meet him! REALLY! LOL
    I'm 35, so it could work! lol

    Seriously, I will pray for him. Give him our love!


    Hugs!
    Starr



  5. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    The crazy thing is....the judge favored my son, is my son had only told him...sigh....
    when he stated how much the child support would be, she said "well thats not even enough to make my car payment"
    Well, DUH, lady, its not for your car payment!!!!!
    My son was so upset, he was mad at hisself for forgetting to mention it! Yeah, the judge wasn't too impressed with her, she had, had a hot check out, and was on probation for it, and had to do community service. My son's record was clean!
    Sad Mama & Nana in Tx. ~ Karen
  6. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    Thats me....always a day late and a dollar short LOL
    Should have told ya sooner huh?....
    Nah seriously, Congrats on your engagement!
    Thanks for the prayers for Jason!
    love ya, Karen
  7. lovinlifeinAK

    lovinlifeinAK New Member

    it's the nice guys that finish last. A good friend of mine lost custody to his kids, and his ex-girlfriend cheated on him, spent all his money and didn't pay the bills so he lost his house. He is a real sweet guy - he made enough money that she didn't have to work, but they did have an adorable little boy - at least she lets him see him.

    My opinion - and I have divorced 2x's - women forget to think of their kdis first!!!! DAD'S are just as important in a kids life - as well as grandparents, aunts, uncle's, etc. It makes for the kids to feel loved and secure.

    My 1st ex never was a father - still is not - his kids do not even know hime (his choice) my 2nd ex though treats them as his own 2. If you ask how many kids he has - his answer will be 4. The kids have (now) 4 sets of grandparents.

    It is stories like this that make women look bad. Child support is for the kids, not the mothers spending luxury. Sorry got off on a soap box - I work with a lot of guys that have gone through this, and Alaska really favors women. As a women you have to do something REALLY bad to not get full custody.

    ANywho I will be wishing and praying that things turn around soon for your soon - and his poor kids.
  8. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    I did have the money, but used for another family member.
    I try to help everyone.
    He was going to use his income tax, but even that may not work out!
    *sigh*
  9. PVLady

    PVLady New Member

    I would try to get a loan if it were me. The longer you allow this, may give her a stronger position with the court.

    I mean for your son to get a loan? Just a thought... I have always thought "where there is a will, there is a way".

    The kids can't do anything about this and you are their only hope. I feel strongly about this because my brother allowed this same thing to happen with his son and when we finally found his son after 12 years, he had really been neflected.
  10. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    Maybe can do that!
    Im sorry to hear that the child you spoke about had been neglected. Thats so sad!
    At least thats one thing I don't have to worry about!
    Even though she was not a very good wife, she is an excellent mother,
    She takes great care of my two grandchildren.
    And has recently got a degree, so that she could start teaching in a elementary school!
    She has taught them from birth, and they are super smart, and they have excellent manners, and are well behaved, so I got to hand it to her there!
    But it anger's me, that she was so selfish in her decision, to leave Texas, they need family, around them, not only their Dad, but each set of grandparents don't get to see them grow up either.
    Although her mom & stepdad are'nt very "grand" anyway :(
  11. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    Bumping for more tips or advice about Jas going to court!
    TIA~Karen
  12. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i know your the mother of your son...i will try to be unbias t o this situation...but i am a single mom, who is owed over 19k in child support...i need to go modify my child support....

    the laws are pretty cut and d clear when it comes to cs...it is universal pretty much...they take his income/her income and use this speical discometer thingy...to come up what they believe child supprot should at minimum be...the judge has the authority to order more....

    both parents have the right to request a copy of the other parents 1040 return once a year...specail form for...

    the non cusotdial parent is repsonsible for 1/2 of daycare expenses and medical/dental non covered by insurance...

    the non custodial parent always think they are paying too much and the custodial parent doesn't think the get enough, which is typically the case....

    the county can take your son's case to court on his behalf usually once every two years in my county in california...used to be once a year...

    we have a self help law office that will help file papers and give free advice to peopel on many topics including this one....

    if he is not seeing them as much then he can request for a modification including travel expenses are deducted in the child support calcculaiton...

    he could file w/o an attorney, he could go to library and check out nolo books how to change visitation/child support...

    i do not know what the laws are in texas, that is where i assume the judgements are in....

    try to stay out of the visitation schedule, my advice it is between your son and her only at this point...unless god forbid your son dies...then you may have some grandparent rights...do offer to come up or would like to send tickets to the kids to come for some time...but it would be easier if the visitation orders did get changed...that is to protect your son and her as well...so the other parent does not accuse the other parent of child concealment....he needs to get this changed...

    since she left out of state, which i do not know if it is legal or not in texas, law will go by the current judgement of visitation schedule....

    maybe he can get her to change it voluntarily to where he gets them the last weekend of school thru like a week before school starts....this is tough for the children they love both parents....

    and they will have friends established where they live and go to school...

    maybe your son can get full custody of the children because she left w/o approval from texas courts...if it is at all required...but usually the custodial parent will get the authorization to leave state w/kids...maybe for a better job, family, etc....

    my son's grandparents are all in michigan i am in california ...his father lives 75 miles away from us...the weekend exchanges are everyother and it keeps getting less and less for our son's sports schedule...no our fault but the father chose to move away 75 miles...so dad will say i am not coming up on friday and dropping him off at practice at 9 am...he doesn't take him for his 2 weeks summer vacations...i was kind enough to even allow 1 week to be counted as time spent w/dad if cody went to grandparents...that doesn't happen...cody has football from the end of may thru decemeber..6 days a week...

    i think as grand parents you may need to go visit where the kids are..and if the mother values the grandparents and grand children relationship she will be will to accomodate...i met my ex-in-laws in vegas last year in feb...and i flew out in june even stayed at their home for two weeks... i paid for it all...

    so i guess what i should say is have your son do some research and take care of business...and take it from there...i sounds like a vistiation schedule should take place at minmum...

    wishing you the best of a bad situation,,,no winners in divorces...and the judge doesn't care about the parents bills...if it means sell a house, car or whatever they don't care....

    jodie
  13. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    From what I know....most agreements are that both parents are reponsibale for sharing the expense of going for at least one summertime visit.
    Like Mom pays or arranges a child to go to their Dad and Dad has to pay or bring the child back to her at the end of visitation.
  14. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    Jodie& Sue.................. Thanks for your wealth of info....Unfortunately Texas doesn't uphold grandparents rights, but I am just seeking info and advice for Jason, "I DO" stay out of the middle of it! Thanks again for you reply, and help!

    Ouch....... I post a pic if I knew how, LOL
    Your grandaughter is adorable! Whats the cutiepie's name?
    Oh and guess what? he always seems to date shorter girls, so I giggled when I saw her height.
    I am dertermined for him to find a sweet girl, and the awesome thing was with his brother, I had met another Lowcarber on an online weight loss support group, I was on, and then ended up meeting her daughter online, and they started talking and hit it off, well we all decided we would meet in person , and had a Lowcarb gathering in Ft. Worth Tx. So Brian and I went, her and her parents went, and the rest is history :) They celebrate their 1st anniversary on June 5, 2006
    Im a big romantic at heart! My husband and I got married, 2 weeks after we meet ( I know shock) LOL
    That was 33 years ago! :)
    I wish your daughter and Jason could talk or email, but I wouldn't even know how to go about that?????
    Still confused sometimes on all these rules here!
    Hugz, Karen
    [This Message was Edited on 02/17/2006]
  15. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    Bumping for "Ouch"!
  16. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    it's me jodie...i hope i didn't offend you when i tried to politely say try not get in the middle of it...i know it is so hard not to cause it is your grandchildren...

    but i really hope your son can get to spend more quality time w/the children...the poor kids are the real losers here not dad or mom...i had a friend of mine, she is like a mother to me...she once told me to heck w/you and your husband it is about cody..you both can take care of yourselves but the children don't have a say in it....

    i just realy would like it if our son could get at minimum a new revised child visitation order...that way he can go up there or the kids can come to your state texas...so much easier to have everything in black and white and stamped w/court order that way it keeps things less stressful for everyone...

    it would be nice if the mom would just agree to like all summer, spring breaks and christmas breaks to be spent w/dad in texas...because really i am sure that this just doesn't need to get an attorney involved...heck mine was handwritten by the county mediator then sent then we both signed and intialed and dated the froms...sent it through to the judge and it was approved...

    well anyways i wish him the best

    and the kids

    jjodie
  17. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    * Jodie, ofcourse Im not offended in any way sweetpea!
    I just read off what I thought would help him to him, since he can home today. I didn't really no what to reply to you, and I was very tired too at the time.
    Your info was great, and I appreciated it very much!
    Im sorry you thought, I might be offended, but I "did" want you to know that I do stay out of it, I know that its best for me, and it keeps me and her civil, and friends for those precious babies, of mine.
    And I like for you too reply a short message back , if you wouldn't mind. :)
    Thanks so much, again.
    Hugz, Karen
  18. mnweb6

    mnweb6 New Member

    But, I have seen what my ex does and what it does to the kids!! We have been divorced for almost 12 years now, and my ex still doesn't get it!! The judge is not going to give him custody!! We have been in court so much that our case is now in 3 different files because it is so big!!! I am sure that the stress of this is what aggrivates my FM so much!! In fact I have to go back to court to meet with a parenting coordinator next friday!! If we can not come to terms at that time, the judge will decide what parenting time he gets. The problem is the only thing he will agree to is if I hand over custody to him!! He is self rightous, and views me as the scum of the earth!! That is fine that he sees me that way, it doesn't bother me, and his view of me is exactly why all of the evaluators and advocates agreed that I should have custody. The problem is that he lets the kids know exactly how he feels about me every time he sees them. And in my opinion he sees them too much just because of this!! As far as the CS thing goes, he tells the kids that I need to hurry up and get married (even though I am not even dating anyone!) so that he doesn't have to pay CS. He has even gone as far as to tell them that it is because he has to pay so much in child support, he is going to loose his house!! Last time we were in court for CS, he tried to get it lowered to 183 for 2 kids, when he was only paying 233. the judge increased it to 484. He makes more than 5000 a month, and I am a student!!

    Anyway's, I am asking the judge to grant me permission to take the kids out of state. This has to end. He is unwilling to stop his behavior, and does not see that it is hurting the kids. I am still willing to figure out a way to make it work. I am planning on asking the Parenting Coordinator if there is anything that I could be doing different in order to end this finally. He refuses to talk to me, and when he does talk to me, all he can do is berate me and degrade me.

    Any way's enough of my soap box. I am sure that most people will not understand me wanting to take my kids to another state, but I don't see any other way at this point!!
  19. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    I am glad your trying to get a pic up of Brittany & Baylee!
    Jason was just here, he is so miserable and lonesome.
    I told him about Brittany, and he wishes she wasn't so many states away, he says "How could they ever possibly meet"? I told him " Don't be so negative about it, theres someone out there for you, no matter where they are"!
    He got upset about a conversation him & I had, later, and now he's left. And I'm sitting here in tears, so much , that I can barely see the screen.
    This is my son, that filled his days with laughter, and being positive.
    He's even trying to get promoted at work right now, but bless his heart, his personal life sucks!
    Im gonna pray that God will send Gardian Angels to watch over him tonight.
    ~ Karen
    P. S. To answer you question, the kids are in Marysville.[This Message was Edited on 02/18/2006]
  20. Kacjac

    Kacjac New Member

    Im sorry your having such a rough time, of it!
    And I'm sure sorry about the things he says to the kids, that is not helpful or healthy for them.
    He should be ashamed, of hiself.
    I hope things will work out for you and them in the long run.
    Blessings, Karen