OT: feeling betrayed, want to cry

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by KMD90603, Aug 17, 2006.

  1. KMD90603

    KMD90603 New Member

    My hubby and I have been going through some financial issues since before we were married. We have a 5-year old son together, and my husband often lies about spending money. He'll treat himself to lunch several times a week, even though we have NO extra money to spend. He also racked up a major credit card bill behind my back, which I found out about a couple months back. I had taken the credit card and hidden it so he could not continue spending.

    Well, last night we needed to buy some stuff and we've been extremely strapped for cash. So, we agreed to put it on the card. I don't mind putting things that we NEED on the card, but he was just using it for leisure in the past. Anyway, this morning I asked for it back and he said "I put it away." And now he will not tell me where he put it. I feel like he does not care how his spending affects me or JJ. But then if I have a doctors appointment, he complains about the outrageous cost of the copays. Well, the money he uses to pay minimum payments to the credit card could go towards those co-pays.

    Is it stupid of me to be mad? I could see if we actually had the extra money, but we don't. We are at the lowest in our savings account that we've ever been. I'm at the point where I'm going to tell him that he needs to figure out a way to pay it off himself. He will not be using MY refund money from school to pay off the debt that HE incurred.

    stressed and depressed,
    Kim
  2. alaska3355

    alaska3355 New Member

    is a huge stressor. Is there a financial counselor you could see together? Even if you went by yourself, it could help with him understanding your concerns. Credit card spending is expensive, as you know, and you both could be paying on it for years....I hope you can see someone who would be objective.
  3. CockatooMom

    CockatooMom New Member

    HI KIM,

    I'm SO SORRY you are going through this. It's hard enough trying to get through each day having thses DD's, but financial stress on top of it, plus going to school is a nightmare!

    I'm going through it too sweetie. I was wrapping coins to buy groceries a few weeks ago.

    I'd be angry too about him "hiding" the credit card. Is your name on it? If so, you could call and cancel it.

    Unfortunately, it does sound like he's being selfish and doesn't consider how his actions affect you and JJ.

    Last night, my husband was talking about depositing the money we got (which isn't much) for selling my car into a NEW savings account.

    Well, none of our vehicles are working right now, so I said "I was 'thinking' we could use 'some' of that money to finish fixing my car properly so I have reliable transportation." He told me "I think too much!"

    My car is in shop for new clutch, but needs a tune up at a BMW dealer. (It's an old 1992 BMW)

    My husband also told me last night that he gets tired of hearing me complain about my pain. He says "I know you're in pain, but there's nothing I can do about it."

    I get a refund from school too in a couple weeks and you can bet I'm not spending one penny on something HE wants!
    I owe my dad $500. He paid for my glasses which were 300, but somehow hubby ended up with the other 200.

    Good luck to you Kim. If you ever want to talk, let me know! I'll keep you in my prayers.

    Hugs,
    E

  4. BEARANDBUGSMOM

    BEARANDBUGSMOM New Member

    As if we didn't have enough trouble why do we have to have this on top of it?? I have the same problem I am a stay at home mom and I am thankful that I have that opportunity. Some days you think is this going to be the rest of my life worrying about money and being in pain?

    My hubby eats out a lot at lunch during work and he works hard and he deserves to have some days out, but he doesn't keep track of the money or the bills and I am terrible at it and always have been so when he complains about no money and being in the hole, I told him to take over the bills you pay them and you keep track but he never does...

    It's such a stresser right now! I just keep trying to pray everytime the thought of dispair pops in my head!

    I'm not sure how to handle the credit card, If both of your names are on it you could call and ask for a duplicate, But then both of you would have a card and both would be spending. You could report it lost but that would probably cause more fighting and hardship...All I can say right now is to pray about it.

    (HUGS)
    Kelly

  5. raslin25

    raslin25 New Member

    fight about!!! i go through the same thing with my hubby and what i have learned is that he hands the paycheck over to me and i give him an allowence.

    And yes, we do fight about it. he will go through tons of money in a week if i dont give him an allowence, and bills who cares about those. the only time he cares about them is when we are in the hole!

    They only thing i can suggest is try to see a buget counsler, to help yall get on the same page, and let him know that if he spends on that cc. than you will call and cancel it.

    or you always have the option of cancelling it and ordering one in only your name.
    or taking it out of his wallet while he sleeps! lol! im kidding, good luck and i hope you find a way to work this out,

    keep your chin up, and just believe that god will see you through this storm.

    ((((((((HUGS)))))))))

    Rachel
    [This Message was Edited on 08/18/2006]