OT; feeling sad tonight, tomarrow will be anniversary of

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by claudiaw, Mar 25, 2006.

  1. claudiaw

    claudiaw New Member

    my mom's death. It has been 21 yrs! I can't believe it, seem's like yesturday still.

    Sorry don't mean to bring everybody down, but this date come's and goes every year and I never tell anyone, so I alway's go through it alone.

    I guess i just want to share my pain with someone. I don't tell my husband, it just makes him feel bad for me and he can't help anyway.

    I'm not close to my dad and he is re-married with a 10yr. old son, so I don't feel it is appropriate to share it with him ( I'm sure he doesn't remember the date, they were divorced when she died).

    I was 17yrs. old at the time.

    Anyway, I feel a little better just writing this out.

    I know other's here have lost loved ones, I hope I haven't bummed anyone out.

    Thanks for letting me post.

    Claudia
  2. granny1353

    granny1353 New Member

    when these dates come around. I miss my grandma, she was the one who raised me, I don't think you ever stop missing them. I also miss my mother in law an awful lot.

    Maybe do something special for yourself in honor of your mom tomorrow. I always tell my kids that when I am gone I do not want any flowers on my grave, I want them to buy themselves some flowers and put them in their home and when they look at them they will remember all the love I have for them.

    I hope you have a day filled with sunshine and great memories of your mom.

    Hugs
    Granny
  3. claudiaw

    claudiaw New Member

    Thank you for your kind words.

    I'm sorry about your father, it is a loss you never get over.

    My mother died at age 45 from melanoma ( skin cancer).

    I think my road to FM began about that time as well.

    It is such an overwhelming loss, especially at such a young age, both my mother and myself.

    I worry alot about dying young myself . Kind of ironic I have all these problem's, probably from all my worrying. I have alway's tried to take care of myself and still have ended up sick.

    Stress is probably the culprit.

    Maybe that is why some people drink, smoke, eat junk and live to be 100.:)

    Again thanks for the thought's,
    Claudia
  4. mlp1954

    mlp1954 New Member

    Claudia, I am so sorry for your loss and your sadness. It is so sad to have lost your Mom at such a young age. I hope the sun shines for your tomorrow, and know that your Mom is looking down on you!! Hugs. Pattie
  5. Cindi

    Cindi New Member

    Our Mom's share the same date of their passing. It will only be 5 years that my Mom has been gone, tomorrow, but she really left us 12 years before she passed away. She had an early onset of Alzheimer's at age 57, and it progressed rapidly :( In reality, I lost her when I was 30, not 42. She was my best friend besides my husband.

    My Dad passed away 3 years before my mom, and I miss them both so much! Sometimes I feel like an orphan...

    I will be thinking about you, and will keep you in my prayers as we both go through the day tomorrow. Lets try to think about happy memories we have of our Moms, okay??

    ~Hugs,
    Cindi
  6. claudiaw

    claudiaw New Member

    I thank each of you for taking the time to respond with kind word's.

    It mean's a lot. I am pretty much homebound and don't get to get out much, so this is one of only a few outlet's for my feelings.

    I will try to make it a good day, with good memories, I guess not feeling well myself, it is easy to remember the negative ( her being ill). She was a wonderful person and I will remeber that.

    My husband is off work and we need groceries, so maybe I will go with him and by some flower's.:)

    I hope this make's sense, I'm crying and can hardly see the key's!:)

    cindi, I will definately be thinking of you, I hope you can make the best of tommarrow as well. Sound's like we have a lot in common.

    If I mention it to my husband he will definately try to make me feel better with a hug, I just hate to cry in front of anybody, including him. I guess that is another reason I don't say anything.

    Anyway thank you all again, you have lifted my spirit's with your concern.

    Claudia
  7. suzetal

    suzetal New Member

    I know how you feel.I lost my Dad On Jan. 23 rd 3 yrs ago.

    He died on my sons 20 th birthday.My Mom passed 6 months to the day after my Dad.

    I miss them both so so much.I do not think we ever forget.

    My prayers are with you. Please take care.

    Sue
  8. claudiaw

    claudiaw New Member

    I'm sorry for your losses, it is very hard.

    My thought's and prayer's are with you.

    Thank you for your concern,

    Claudia
  9. futurehope

    futurehope New Member

    I lost my mother to Ovarian Cancer in Sept. 1999 and lost my father to myleofibrosis in Nov. 2002. Within 3 years I had lost my whole family.

    I am only in my 30's and I have no parents, no siblings.

    I am adopted and an only child, which makes it worse. The only blood I have is my daughter.

    I can still hear my mother voice, and still envision my father when he is walking across my porch to come and knock on my front door.

    I know how hard it is, and I will be thinking of you. Take care of yourself and remember the good times, that is something that cannot ever be taken away from you.

    Love and prayers,
    Brenda
  10. kjfms

    kjfms Member

    ...I am so sorry that you have to go through this pain. I will not say I know how you feel because I do not. I will send you all of my good thoughts.

    Take care of yourself,

    Karen
  11. Crispangel66

    Crispangel66 New Member

    I lost my mom 8yrs ago and I thought the pain would ease with time, well it hasn't. I still would like to pick up the phone and call her but I can't. What is bad is on a few of my fibro fog days I have started to do that very thing.

    She was very understanding about my disease, where most of my family thought I was either lazy or just nuts.

    She was special, she was an artist, she painted with oils. I don't know if you have ever been in Texas where they have blue bonnets, well that is one of the flowers she used to paint.

    She was the best cook, fried chicken, biscuits, chicken and dumplings, goulash, anything she made tasted great.

    What is sad is she just tapped into this ability to paint once us kids were grown she was only 57yrs old when she died.

    She had gotten breast cancer and by the time they found it it had already reached her lymph nodes, so they did a radical mastectomy and removed the lymph nodes.

    Then about one month later they found cancer in her bones and that is on top of having Paget's disease.

    She was in such pain that it was a relief when she didn't have to suffer anymore.

    She was the type of person who made friends so easily, my father and her got divorced when I was 11yrs old, and she remarried and was married to this man until she died.

    Well both men still loved her the day she died, my dad didn't want to divorce her at all, but he was drinking and so he was violent then and that is why she left.

    My step dad treated her like a queen so I am so thankful to God for putting him in her life b/c she deserved someone like that.

    Now my step dad is remarried but he cries when he talks about her and we think he is hoping to die soon to be with her again b/c he won't take care of himself, he has bad diabetes and won't watch his sugar, he had to be rushed to the hospital after he passed out b/c his sugar was 500.

    He treats us like we are his kids even though we are just step children. But when we were younger he treated us better than our own dad did. Now he comes and sees us all the time and we try and see him as often as possible.

    The only problem with him treating us so good is his daughter is very resentful of the relationship we have with her daddy. But she lives about 12 miles away from him and hardly ever sees him unless she needs a babysitter, she is crazy anyway she has two boys around my sons age and she is about to marry a cop that is 11yrs youger than her. I am glad she left her husband he had been beating her and her kids. The final straw was the day he nearly killed her. She was in the hospital for a long time.

    My step dad hasn't let his new wife change many things in the house, my mom's paintings are still up and alot of the things she had are still there.

    He even got a double headstone so that when he dies he will be buried next to my mama.

    Well guess I'll go, I didn't mean for tis to be so long.
    Sorry, Pamela

    [This Message was Edited on 03/26/2006]
  12. Beadlady

    Beadlady Member

    My mom died 36 years ago--when I was 10. Annvisary dates and birthdays of my loved ones are hard for me too.

    My mom's birthday is April 5th, so I always do something that she would have liked to do--generally it is planting flowers. I have also taken flowers to a nursing home and asked that they be given to someone who didn't get a lot of visitors.

    For the anniversary of my dad & his birthday I have bought dog food & given it to the food bank or the animal shelter. He loved animals--especially dogs.

    For my brother--I go out to breakfast to a small little place where I can sit and drink coffee and read the paper.(my brother liked to do this too) sometimes I take a friend with me.

    Just a few ideas for you.

    I will be thinking of you tomorrow.
  13. kch64

    kch64 New Member


    I'm sorry Claudia. My mom died two years ago and the pain is sometimes terrible.

    I don't think it will ever go away completely even if it's 21 years (like you).

    It hurts so much to think you can't share your life with the woman who gave birth to you.

    I loved my mom sooo much. She was my best friend and biggest fan.

    I'm sad too, and I hope my post will help in some small way.

    My dad was killed in a car accident when I was three, so she was my only parent.

    Thinking of you and sending big hugs.

    Kendra
  14. selasela

    selasela New Member

    The prospect of my own death, I can easily face. What I can't face is the fact that I have a 6 yr. old. Any woman's worse terror is that on her death, her children would not be okay. Losing your mom at 17 was such a horrible age. And I am 41, so i know how young 45 is. I also know how vile melanoma is--a friend died of it. Your mom, i'm sure, went to her death with one prayer on her lips: god, please let my little girl be okay without me. I hope that you are. I mean I know we all have fibro, and it makes us miserable, but it won't kill us. Your mom wants you smiling, loving, laughing. Just this morning--yes, sun. morning, my husband went to his opthalmologist. The dr.'s sister, who was also an opthalmoligist--and an aboslutely exquisitely beautiful woman--died of leukemia about 10 yrs. ago. She left behind 3 young children. The teenage girl has attempted suicide so many times that her kidneys were shot. she had to have a transplant. How sad for her family. No other circumstance would cause a mother more pain than believing that her child didn't go on successfully without her. Your mom is proud of you--wherever it is that we all end up--and i believe totally that we are eternally connected to our loved ones. BTW: i'm new to the boards--selasela--i'm also on lupus board. Lost dad at age 58 in sept 15/16 (middle of the night) 1989; last time i saw him was when he gave me away at my wedding. i was daddy's girl. last thing he ever said to me, "you're not my girl anymore, are you?" Mom is 77, developed severe mental illness at 75, so we get to watch her die gradually. Losing loved ones hurts; it just can't be easy. A friend once told me that the only mistake she thought god made was sending us to earth without our "expiration dates" stamped on us. Think how differntly--and how much less stressed we would be-- if we knew when that time would come. bless you dear!
  15. ksp56

    ksp56 Member

    How difficult it must be to have mother die, when you both were so young.

    It is horrid enough when a loved one dies, no matter their age. My heart always, 'extra' aches when it is a younger person

    Mother's are special. They have known us like no other. Nurtured, protected, and cherished who we are. I feel sorry for those who had mothers that weren't 'mothers'.

    There is no end to missing a loved one. I believe it is something I will do until my last breathe. Live in the feeling for a little bit, and as you know, it will go and 'hide' until the next time comes around.

    I am sending many, many, warm and loving hugs.

    Your Mom is with you in spirit Claudia. I truly do believe so...

    Kim
    [This Message was Edited on 03/26/2006]
  16. ksp56

    ksp56 Member