The following statements are written by the drivers themselves and submitted on insurance forms: --Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have... --I thought my window was down but I found out it was up when I put my head thru it... --In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole... --"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth." --- HEARD IN A JOB INTERVIEW: "Am I correct you are not allowed by law to ask me if I have a prison record?" ----- TRUE STORY: Since the milkshake machine was broken at the fast food restaurant, a sign was posed to that effect on the drive-thru speaker. A short time later, a customer pulled up to the speaker. "May I take your order?" the cashier asked. All that was heard over the speaker was a banging... so the cashier asked the customer to pull around to the window. "Were you actually pounding on the speaker?" she asked the driver. "yes..." "Why would you do that?" "Because -- your sign on the speaker said: 'SHAKE MACHINE BROKEN'"