OT: I don't know about anyone else....but I need a laugh...

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by kjfms, Mar 11, 2006.

  1. kjfms

    kjfms Member

    ...my best friend just emailed this to me....enjoy...:)

    Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America,
    Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to
    as "HILLBILLIES."

    You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS (that is me from now on...LOL. ;)

    And furthermore..

    HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

    1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

    2. She is not a "SCREAMER" or a "MOANER" - She is "VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE."

    3. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."

    4. She is not a "DUMB BLONDE" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE
    INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

    5. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION."

    6. She is not an "AIRHEAD" - She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

    7. She does not get "DRUNK" or "TIPSY" - She gets "CHEMICALLY
    INCONVENIENCED."

    8. She does not have "BREAST IMPLANTS" - She is "MEDICALLY ENHANCED."

    9. She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

    10. She is not a "TRAMP" - She is "SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED."

    11. She does not have "MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS" - She is "PECTORALLY
    SUPERIOR."

    12. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."


    HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

    1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE
    FACILITY."

    2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

    3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
    DESTINATIONS."

    4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."

    5. He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER" - He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL
    RELATIONSHIPS."

    6. He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK" - He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY
    HORIZONTAL."

    7. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of
    "RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."

    8. He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG" - He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

    9. He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT" - He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

    10. He is not "HORNY" - He is "SEXUALLY FOCUSED."

    11. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR
    CLEAVAGE"



    "Be kinder than necessary, for everyone else is fighting some kind of
    battle."

    Karen (Applachian American :)
    __________________________________________________
  2. CAAnnieB

    CAAnnieB New Member

    Thanks, I needed this!

    Very funny!

    Hugs,
    Annie (Reality Impaired, Pectorally INFERIOR!)
    [This Message was Edited on 03/11/2006]
  3. kjfms

    kjfms Member

    You are welcome, and you cracked me up....thank you!

    Karen

    APPALACHIAN-AMERICAN
    VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE
    VERBALLY REPETITIVE

    ;)
  4. morningsonshine

    morningsonshine New Member

  5. TwinMa

    TwinMa New Member

    Ohmygosh!! That really cracked me up! I'll be sending this to my Non-Humor Challenged friends! Thanks for the laugh--I needed that!