OT...My husband is such a GROUCH (update)

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by SherylD, Jul 12, 2006.

  1. SherylD

    SherylD Guest

    I can't take it anymore...For about a couple of months now he is just a total grouch...

    Things are really slow at work and he is really worried about it...Money is tight...but goll he doesn't need to take it out on us when he gets home...

    I quit working about a month ago...I just did hair out of our home one day a week...but I think it was making me feel worse...but ever since I quit he has just been a tick...Then I feel he thinks I should do everything around the house...He use to do the dishes and now he don't...It seems like he don't help me do anything anymore..

    It is really stressing me out!! Usually when I clean all day and he comes home he will tell me how nice everything looks...or if I cook dinner he will thank me and tell me it was good...Well he has done that for a long time...

    Today I have been cleaning and he comes home and I finally said...Does the house look nice...He just says.. yea...Then goes in the other room and makes this big mess...So I said...Thanks alot..I've been cleaning all day and he says..Well I have been working all day...He doesn't normally say stuff like that...

    I swear I am going crazy!!

    Any suggestions?? Please help me!!


    [This Message was Edited on 07/16/2006]
  2. kriket

    kriket New Member

    Sounds like it is bothering him about you quitting work and rubbing it in your face somewhat b/c he is still working. I'm sure if money is tight that he is leaning on you quitting work for being the fault of money being tight. It's just a change for him.

    He needs to understand though, that if you kept working you might get even worse. I worked in a few salons and I am behind you 100% for getting out and away from the chemicals. They almost killed me.

    Well, hope his moods get better. He probably just does not know how to handle you being sick. I will be thinking about you and am here for you.

  3. TAM

    TAM New Member

    HI sheryld,

    That's really to bad your husband is being rude like that, you know stress affects people in different ways and since he is stressed about money he is taking his aggression out on you which is so sad. He needs to understand that your in daily chronic pain, you don't chose to be you would much rather feel good and be able to work as would I duh!
    GEEZ try to tell him how stress affects you it makes you feel worse and goodness knows you don't need to feel any worse then you do.

    DOES your husband know how your fibromyalgia affects you? You should set aside a day with just you and him and explain how your life has changed with this pain your unable to do things like you used to.

    Your not always going to have dinner made or be able to clean the whole house in one day. Maybe if you explain how your pain gets 100 times worse when you sweep, or do a load of laundry etc..etc..Maybe he does'nt realize what your going threw is as bad as it is. I hope if you have a talk with him a heart to heart talk he will be more understanding, if not punch him out, hee-hee! (joking)

    Anyway if he does'nt understand and i pray he will then just get all your stress out by writing about it on this message board don't hold it in just vent away. Your not alone sweetie. Good luck take care, Tammy.

  4. Cromwell

    Cromwell New Member

    Can you slip some Omega three oil(from capsule) into food as it really brings the mood up.

    Sounds as if he is grouching for being the breadwinner to me.

    Sorry about this. Can you just ask him, in non combative way, what the problem is?

    I just posted to a newbie re teaching in craft store jobs I just discovered where you can earn $120 or more an hour as you get to keep all the proceeds. I recall you are crafty type. Could you switch to doing this. Boy is that man blind, you are a knockout too.

    Love Anne Cromwell
    [This Message was Edited on 07/12/2006]
  5. mrsjethro

    mrsjethro New Member

    My hubby had a somewhat similar reaction. Come to find out 2 months later when we actually found a good time and place to discuss it, he was just afraid of my doing less and getting worse. By not driving to and from, eating lunch out, having to buy "work" clothes, and all the other expenses, it actually makes more sense for a while for me to not work and work on my health. It was costing me way more in doctors visits while I was working. The harder I worked, the sicker I got.

    He didn't realize how much it takes out of you to just do what you do on a daily basis. Things that used to be simple are no longer this way, and unless they can actually feel what we feel, I'm convinced that they're just not going to "get it". He thought that I was just going to lie down and give up.

    Oh, and when I mentioned the word disability, he really freaked out and went through the roof. I just meant to supplement income on a temporary basis until I get better and can go back to work, but he didn't take it that way.

    I'm not defending him being a grouch. Maybe you can find a delicate way to approach this where you can talk about it. Mine is finally starting to learn, but I had to pretty much finally scream at him to get his attention. It was very effective, but I don't recommend doing it that way if you can avoid it.

    I think mine was just worrying himself silly over me because he couldn't just "fix" me and no one else could either.

    ((((((((hugs & understanding))))))))
  6. jjdg

    jjdg New Member

    I'm going thru the same thing and not to be but i'm glad to see i'm not alone on this one.I have had this "stuff" for along time,and so like evryone else i was told i had MS,Lypus,Lyme disease,you all know what i;m saying.Well my husband is 20 yrs. younger than me,so maybe this is affecting him more,seeing me go from a women who took care of herself could do most everything she always did,to a foggy brained,slow getting around,peeing when i sneeze or cough,unable to sleep "old" woman!! He was going with me to all the doc appts. but got so tired(as i did) of hearing "we don't know for sure what wrong,it could be this or that",he has been a real jerk latley.He had me so stressed out i was having axiety attacks,panic attacks,i went back to my phyc iwas os bad. My husband couldn't see why i was so freaked,my blood sugar is out of control,my everything is out of wack,i'm sure it's because of his reaction to me,also leaving my job,i need a walker now to get around,he say's"don't expect a red carpet put out for you just because your only 58 and need a walker!" he has changed so much i'm realy thinking about a seperation,my kids are sooooo mad that he treats me this wy so are my Mom and sister,i'm afraid to leave him i don't have a "saftey net" to fall back on My daughter wants me to file for ssi,i might. well i have rambled on,i hope things get better for you. jjdg
  7. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    Good replies already. I was in a similar situation a couple of years ago while married.
    One thing was the financial calculation I made which showed that we would loose money if I worked. 2 children needing childcare, driving expenses, time limitations which would force him to leave work a "little" early to pick up kids from daycare (lost money leaving early) and so on so forth. The calculation showed that what I would have made would have been equal to what the costs of me working would be. No use, in other words. My health he didn't understand, but he did understand loosing money and talking to his friend after work.
  8. SherylD

    SherylD Guest

    kriket... The thing is..I worked at home...some nights til 7:00...I only worked one or two days...but the people would be in and out of our house the whole day...He would get home about 3 and it would just be a zoo...Well he would just act like a tick and I hate that in front of other people...

    Then I would be sooo stressed...and the kids are running wild and then the people would bring their kids so they coule play with mine...Crazy

    Well I thought he would like it if I quit cuz he wouldn't have to deal with it all...We even talked about it and he said to just do what ever made me feel better...

    But then when it came down to me actually quiting...then he acted kinda ticky about that too...I felt like it was a nowin situation...He was worried about the money then...But the money I made was my money...he has never gave me any money...I just would buy what ever I wanted with my money..Now I am just broke...and he still don't give me any money...

    But I am way lessed stressed not working...I don't feel like I have to have my house so clean...and I don't have to have things done by a certain time..I feel alot calmer..

    But I really miss the money!!

    The chemicals are a whole nother issue...I do really think the were adding to everything...I have been around them my whole life...My Mother did hair too in our home...So it was time to give myself a little break..

    Thanks for listening and trying to help...It sure is nice to have people to understand..Sometime we here are all we have!!
  9. SherylD

    SherylD Guest

    Thanks for your help..

    It really is hard to find time just for the two of us...It just don't work out..We go a long time with not ever talking about important things...Then things just build up and the anger sets in...

    I miss just hangin out with him..

    He doesn't understand...and I don't think he wants to think that there is something wrong with me..Heck I don't want to think that so why would he...

    I feel bad some days cuz I will just say little things without even relizing it...Like...goll I have a headache...or my neck is killing me...stuff like that..I think he just tunes me out..

    I think I would do better finding good stuff for him to read...and give it to him to read...That would work better than me sitting down and talking to him...I don't understand what is going on with myself enough to even explain it to him...and when I do say stuff I don't really go into great detail

    If all else fails...I think I will just punch him out...LOL

    Thanks for all you help..
  10. SherylD

    SherylD Guest

    You know...I already give him Stormys shake everyday..I was hoping that would help..And it did for a while but I don't know what happened...

    I have just started making some things to sell at my Moms store...She has a primitive gift shop with scrapbooking..rubber stamping and other cool stuff...So I have started making signs and shelves...But I don't know how the paint is going to affect me...I am having alot of problems with any chemicals...

    Hopefully I will figure something out...My daughter starts kindergarten this year and my son is in 4th grade...So I will have them both in school this fall...YEA time to myself...( ops...did I say that..LOL)...Anyways I had thought about seeing if the school needed help a couple days a week...Or helping my Mom more at the store...

    Thanks for all you help!
  11. SherylD

    SherylD Guest

    You hit the nail right on the head!!

    My husband is the type that fixes everything!! I got really sick when I was pg with my daughter and I would be laying on the couch and he would be in slamming cupboards in the kitchen...Just so angry...All cuz he couldn't help me!!

    Well I have been sick since then...I had a little time here and there were I was ok...but for the most part been sick since...that was 6 years ago...

    And when the kids are sick...he is just a tick...cuz he can't make them beter!!

    You are exactly right...He just don't know how to help me...So he is just ticky instead...So I need to learn that it is way of caring about me...LOL..

    His Mom tells me her Dad was the same way...but worse..He would throw things!!

    But he gets really upset that we spend all the money going to the dr. and getting no answers...For one..we don't have the extra money and two he just wants me to feel better..

    But we are not far from the screaming..It just might take that to get it all through his head..

  12. SherylD

    SherylD Guest

    Thanks for your replies...I am so sorry you have problems too...

    I just don't think they will ever get it...Nobody will every get it..

    Take Care!
  13. Susan07

    Susan07 New Member

    I learned a line to say when people say something mean to you. I haven't gotten to use it yet but I keep practicing so I won't forget.

    "Did you really mean for that to come out that way? Because it really hurt my feelings."

    I'm sorry you are having to go thru this - it's so hard on family because they feel so helpless and I think some men get scared. Then they lash out instead of being supportive.

    Take care,
  14. SherylD

    SherylD Guest

    We finally had a long talk this morning..And then we spent the day together...

    He did tell me somethings that are really bothering him...One being all the dr. bills and I still don't feel good...He wouldn't mind if we were paying all this money and I was getting better...So I'm sure we were right in the fact that he is helpless...

    But we go forever without talking about even the little things...So we did and then we had a great day!

    Thanks for all your guys' help!!

  15. mrpain

    mrpain New Member

    I've always heard that we shouldn't wake up grouchy. I just didn;t know they were talking about your husband...

    I'm only joking of course because I know it is a serious matter. I just wanted you to feel better so I try to use some light hearted humor.

    On a serious note, communication is very important and I'm glad your last post said that ya'll had a great day.. Take care!

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