OT: Need some mommy advice please

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by KateMac329, Apr 20, 2006.

  1. KateMac329

    KateMac329 New Member

    Hi all!

    My son is almost 11 weeks which is so hard to believe, time flies! Well, I NEED some advice!!!

    I literally can't go to the bathroom without my son crying. Am I doing something wrong?

    He is fine as long as we are together but he won't take naps, he won't have play time unless I am right there and he refuses to sit in his bouncy or his swing, even when I am sitting right next to him.

    I have been trying to lay him in his crib or play mat and encourage a little independence but he just refuses to be by himself.

    I read to him, play with, cuddle and anything I can think of to do but it is getting a little ridiculous when I literally have to hold him while I pee!

    Along with feeling bad and going through a flare, this is driving me nuts. I am not able to even make meself something to eat during the`day because I can't put him down long enough.

    Please help!!! I would appreciate any advice you guys can give. Thanks in advance for reading this and helping!

    ((((HUGS))))

    kate

    P.S. He lays down fine for bedtime so this is very confusing!!!
  2. srh

    srh New Member

    I have a granddaughter, that when she was young, probably up until a year, everytime she would ride in a car, she would scream her little lungs out.

    One day I was at my wits end and finally cracked the window and covered her with a blanket. She quit crying. It took a few minutes, but it worked.

    Maybe a light blanket would work for you.

    Good luck. And she's right, it doesn't hurt to let them cry. It does help their lungs develop, as long as its not a long time.
  3. lease79

    lease79 New Member

    My 3rd child was like this, 1st one I could do the housework, cook, normal stuff & she was happy as a ham just to entertain herself. 2nd one had reflux & that made her a screamer, but she wasn't clingy..... Then Rhi came along & WHOA.

    She was a happy baby as long as I didn't leave her field of vision. She would sit in her rocker, or on the floor, but the moment she couldn't see me she'd start crying.
    People told me to let her 'cry it out', or that she would end up 'spoilt' by me lugging her around, but CIO didn't work & she would scream, & scream & SCREAM!

    In the end I learnt to do pretty much everything one handed, make lunches, put bandaids on etc.. I can even make cuppas totally one handed. She became my hip baby if I was moving from room to room & although it disgusted other people, it was the ONLY thing that worked for me.

    When she hit 9 months old & was crawling, she suddenly lost all interest in me because she could follow her older siblings around & she is probably my most independant child now. They are all very indepandant, but Rhi more so than the others ;)

    Do what feels right for you hun ;)

    Lisa
  4. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    i have 4 children.,..let him cry for up to 15 - 20 minutes...he needs to learn that you will leave his sight and will come back...if you let this continue it will just get worse...he will get biggr and heavier and you will be hauling him around....and when he starts to crawl and walk he will be hanging onto your legs ...he will be hanging on you everywhere you go, playdates, preschool, kindergarten...if you don't nip it in the bud, you will be in for the long haul...it is much easier to do it now when he is tiny...i bet he is your first baby? i see this with everyone's first baby..including mine! it is so hard to let them cry and we tend to hover and dcreate monster situations....then we learn..
    it is great that he goes to bed good...this will stop if you continue to take him with you even to the toilet...the older they get, the harder it is to break this habit....i know that i sound harsh but i have wonderful well adjusted kids that love me even though we had to work through this too....more with some than the others...i promise you won't scar your baby if you teach him to not be afraid if you go out of his eyesight...you are doing him a favor...just do what you need to do without him and pick him up when he needs it or you need it...you normally would not carry a baby every second of your day while you do everything! and you know he isn't colicky...and the bedtime thing is awesome! just talk to him and reassure him while you are busy....but don't carry him all the time...he is just getting smart and aware of you...of course he wants you with him all the time...he is smart and knows that he loves you!!! but you won't hurt him if you set him down when you are busy....also, he needs tummy time and independent playtime to develop his little muscles and his brain....i did infant only daycare ....i had to take classes about child development...it isn't good for a baby to never have a chance to move around and play....and it is certainly not good for you! it will just go from bad to worse!!! and you aren't being a bad mommy if you let him cry when you walk away for a couple minutes....you are being a good mommy to teach him to trust that you will come back....if it gets out of hand, you will never be able to leave him with th grandparents, or a friend, or daycare if you have to work...
    i promise it will be for the best!!! really!!!
    pink
  5. code34me

    code34me New Member

    The Baby Einstein videos and DVD's are great. My son was had colic and did cry alot and loved me to hold him (think it made his tummy feel better) But the Baby Einstein videos gave me a break and he would just stare at them even when he was 11 weeks old. He still will watch them at age 3. So you get your money's worth! They have clasical music in them and bright vivid colors.

    Codey
    [This Message was Edited on 04/20/2006]
  6. FMsolider

    FMsolider New Member

    As a fellow fibro-mom - my advice....go pee and let him cry. If you do not nip this in the bud now - you will have a very heavy crying baby to hold a lot. He may never stop crying when you are apart, but, you will need a lot of little breaks. When he gets a little older and you are flaring ...it will get worse. Walk away sometimes...it's ok! If you are foggy just time it so, you don't let him cry to long. That of, course is just my thought. Congrats to you and you hubby! And remember you are not alone!
  7. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    Hon, you need to do what you think is best...

    Is he crying for a reason? Poopy diaper? Starving? Burp stuck?

    As long as you've checked all of these things and he's fine, it's perfectly ok to go pee by yourself. In fact, if you need to take a magazine with you, that's fine too.

    Just put him in a very safe place, like his crib and go do your thing.

    Remember, you can't take care of anyone else if you don't take care of yourself first.

    You'll be more relaxed, your knees won't be crossed and he'll learn that you'll be back in a few minutes. You can even talk to him before and after you close the door.

    This is a really good lesson to learn now because kids almost never stop bothering us in the bathroom unless we teach them about "alone" time. Yes, I know 11 weeks is too young to teach him about that....but later on, watch out.

    I had to tell my kids that unless there was a lot of blood, or fire....leave me alone!!! (for bathroom time)

    Don't ever be afraid to ask any question here, we've all been through it and understand.

    Hugs,

    Nancy B.
  8. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    i had only one baby...he did not and would not cry when born...first they tickled his feet...when first born...then the spanked his bottom... dr said you didn't see that...that was in 1989...i guess the stopped the spankings...but he scored a 9 at birth only because he wouldn't cry..then 10 a minute later...

    he didn't cry when he had his circumcision..i worried for nothing...

    he didn't cry at all form months ...not till he was about 6 months old then he started getting ear infections...those are brutal...on the ears and not being able to do anything...

    kate, he loved his naps, i would play my stereo while he was naping, had the t.v. on...and i vaccummed while he was sleeping even in his room and under his bed...nothing woke that baby...

    i had decided i was going to have to have him be as indepenant as much as possible at a early age...he was an only child...my choice...his dad was in the u.s.c.g...and gone away for 3-4 months then home usually 2 weeks then gone again for 3-4 months...for 3 years like that...

    they say when they are crying or dr' phil said, swaddle that baby in a snug blanket.....and lay them down in ther own bed...

    he should be sleeping thruough the night pretty much by now...but you do need to look out for signs of colic....nasal congestions...

    make sure there is no molds in his bedroom...i found out i had some in his bedroom when he was first born..i was so allergic...and found out he was...

    he would just want to play...he was a night owl....

    do not keep a bedroom window open when cool out or at summer at night...my son always woke up with the croup....

    i am fading here...but you need to let him be in his bed on his own...he is getting what he wants...they learn quickly...trust me i played and held him...but you need to keep stimuulation down toward night time...

    i was so routine with him...in bath at 7 pm and out by 7:30 in books until 8 pm..he loved his bookds far better than a stuff animal...

    plus those dust mites caused allergies...

    i do not rec. many stuffy animals in his room...

    i got to go ...i'll be back and i can not think of what the natural herbal stuff you can give a baby to help calm them...

    but you need to get your needs met to...if momma isn't happy no one is happy....

    jodie
  9. sueliza

    sueliza New Member

    Kate,

    I remember those days all too well! My boys are 8 and 6 now and time does fly. I had two bouncy seats, one upstairs and one down. I remember having them in the bathroom with me while I was trying to take a shower and opening the shower door to talk to them.

    Do you have a baby bjorn? I used one of these with my second son and I could get things done with my hands free. They are very comfortable, but that was before I had this DD!

    I also used a toy at this age that had music and lights and they would lie under it. This seemed to keep them occupied for long enough for me to run to the bathroom.

    Good luck and try to enjoy every minute - they grow up too fast!

    Sue

  10. skyeone

    skyeone New Member

    Believe me when I say this isn't an easy thing for me to say! I had a child like that, she's going to be 8 soon and is still like that sometimes. There was only one thing I could do and it made me cry till she finally got used to it (which surprisingly enough didn't take long)!

    I couldn't go to the washroom, nor could I have a bath/shower or even clean house when she was a babe. Finally I started with some tough love. Because everyone needs time alone for certain things, I started taking her to the washroom with me, BUT I would refuse to hold her. I would put her in her bouncer and leave her there while I did what I needed to. She'd cry of course, which obviously made me cry, but it was necessary for me to do. It actually only took a very few times doing it (over the course of one day) before she realized that I wasn't abandoning her. Then everything started to get easier real quick. She was happy after that to play on the floor while i was doing the housework and so on. She was even fine if I left the room after that.

    It made for one extremely hard day when I first started that, but afterwards everyday was much more peaceful. Tough love is real hard, but it is necessary sometimes. The biggest and hardest part for me was to keep doing it all day and not give in.

    I know it's a hard thing to do, but I hope this helps you like it helped me!

    {{{{{HUGS}}}}}
    Skye
  11. KateMac329

    KateMac329 New Member

    I REALLY appreciate all of the Mommy advice you guys gave me! Sorry I haven't been able to respond until now but I am trying.

    Okay so this is what I am doing...

    When he is in a good mood I put him down on his play mat. It is the Baby Einstein one with a lot of bright colors and has this stuffed star that lights up and plays music.

    I let him lay on his stomach and work his neck muscles and poor thing after a few minutes will get frustrated and start crying. BUT... I am right there with him and letting him know that he is doing good.

    I have been putting him in his bouncy and carrying it in the laundry room with me so he can see me while I fold clothes. I tell him all about folding Daddy's undies and he gets a kick out of it! LOL

    When he does start fussing when I am not holding him I make sure that there is nothing wrong. I make sure his diaper is clean, feed, burped and make sure his clothes fit right. I tell him that I love him kiss him and just walk right outside of the room.

    Well it is very hard but we are working on it. I hate to hear him cry and I want him to feel secure but I want him to be independent too.

    I think he may be grasping that I will come back but it is too soon to tell.

    Today I had him in his stroller while I was shoveling dirt and as long as he could see me he was fine.

    Well I gotta get going but I wanted to check in with all of you and let you know I appreciate all the advice!!!!

    ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

    kate
  12. starmom

    starmom New Member

    than others. It will not hurt him to cry while you go to the bathroom, BUT

    letting a child of 11 weeks cry it out is a bad idea. At this age they are still unable to really cope. They need the assurance that you are there. It truly will make for a more confident child as they grow older. Research has shown this.

    It may be that you just need more of a routine. Some kids do, some don't. And crying for 5-20 mins (if it doesn't drive you nuts) won't hurt him most likely.

    It is very important to take care of yourself. If his crying is driving you nuts is is OK to puthim in his crib (fed, clean, burped, whatever he needs done) and go outside for a few minutes. A Mommy Time Out. It can prevent the kind of stress that causes child abuse.

    I am NOT saying you have or will abuse him. Just that taking care of yourself is important and EVERY parent has gotten to the point that the crying is driving you nuts.

    As the mom of 1 extremely demanding child and 2 easier kids, it is important to meet their needs while they are very little and helpless. A child younger than 6 months CANNOT be spoiled. They are helpless and dependent on you completely. Holding him while you pee won't hurt him. If you can stand it. BTDT. Gently worked him into a bouncy seat and then further out the door starting at about 6 months.

    Have you tried a sling (check with the local LaLeche League to learn how to use it - it makes a huge difference)? Various front carriers are very different, so you may need to try slings, carriers, etc until you find the brand/kind that works for you and your baby. Each of mine required a different kind (insert rolling eyes) to be comfortable and safe. I got them used or as gifts.

    Babies are fun and exhausting. 11 weeks is about the time colic can kick in. I hope it isn't that. IF it is, catnip tea for 2 oz of the water in a bottle of formula is magic. All 3 of mine had colic, this is the ONLY thing that worked - and we tried everything the doc had, then saw a very good herbalist. The herbalist was the key.

    I am sorry this is so rough!

    Susie
  13. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    Youe explained what I was trying to say better than I did.

    When my son was a baby, he was allergic to formula and soy formula as well. He used to vomit 50 times a day and I was only 19 years old.

    I had a physician's assistant tell me the exact same thing. Check everything, then put him in the crib and take a "mommy time out"...she said to go outside, smoke a cigarette, do whatever to calm myself down.

    I was only getting about 3 hours sleep each and every day so I guess I was pretty stressed out.

    I felt so blessed to have an adult on "my" side and help me to understand that I needed to take care of myself too.

    Hugs all,

    Nancy B.
  14. Bambi

    Bambi New Member

    replies so I may be duplicating. My personal opinion, and that's all it is, is that at 11 weeks he is too young to "learn" about separation and all that good stuff. I raised a pretty normal baby to a pretty normal woman and at that age she pretty much ran the show. It was different at one year, but for the first baby baby months (four maybe?) I just gave her what she seemed to want or need.

    In some cultures they do NOTHING without the baby on a hip or bound to them in slings. So "I" would sit the little fellow on my lap and go to the bathroom etc etc.. There is plenty of time coming to teach the rules about alone time and all that. Remember I said it's just my opinion.
  15. Countrymom

    Countrymom New Member

    Kate,

    Sounds like Landon is perfectly normal!!

    A good book to read is babywise, has lots of good advice about baby activities. And they worked on both of my girls.

    Good Luck,
    Dani
  16. mme_curie68

    mme_curie68 New Member

    What I find when it comes to baby advice is that with every situation you encounter there will be loads of advice telling you to do one thing, and an equal amount of advice telling you to do another thing.

    Expect that Grandma #1 will tell you you should do something one way and Grandma # 2 will tell you to do the exact opposite. LOL!

    You need to figure out what is the right thing for you.

    There are times in every mother's life when it's okay to put a crying baby down someplace safe (like his crib) and WALK AWAY.

    My first daughter, we went through hell getting her to go to sleep on her own. Worried, ripped out hair, cried when the baby cried, you name it. Started out with Dr. Sears (never deprive your little one of one iota of your attention, its natural, some babys are more clingy by personality, etc.) eventually we went to Ferberizing (the let them cry, hard-@ss method).

    My second daughter, put her on a "schedule" when she was 2 weeks old. No worry, no hair ripping, no agonizing.

    The difference? 7 years older and wiser Mommy!

    Hugs,
    Madame Curie

    PS - Baby Einstein DVDs are invaluable to keep baby entertained long enough to get a shower in.

  17. Zzzsharn

    Zzzsharn New Member

    Mom of 2 here..

    My opinion is that an 11 week old baby doesn't have the mental capacity to manipulate you.. that comes in a few more months.

    I do agree that it is perfectly fine to hold your baby as often and as much as you like.. this will not lead to him constantly wanting to be held.. he'll want held until he doesn't want held any longer. It's actually not as complicated a thing as many parents seem..

    You are doing the right things by checking to make sure he's comfy and clean and not hungry.. (also take socks off.. sometimes little strings get attached to the toes and hurt!)

    I say if he's crying and wants held and you have time to sit and hold him.. do it.. If you don't or can't.. he can cry for a bit - while you do what you need to. It won't hurt him, and it won't scar him or make him feel abandoned..

    I've never seen a 25 yr old man being carried down the isle at his wedding by his Mother. Enjoy these precious few months.. soon he'll be running from you..

    Best of luck and be well.
    Zzz
  18. Mamalovinit

    Mamalovinit New Member

    What you wrote back that you are doing is just fine.
    I have 7 kids and #8 due in Oct.

    My first did that for a bit and I was wore to a frazzle. I even called the doctors office. The nurse ask if I was a first time mom. I was so mad. I called again so they seen her. Turned out she had a bladder infection. After the med. kicked in she was all better. So maybe he needs a check up?

    The only advice I have that you haven't been given is when you leave him to cry as soon as he stops go back to the room and praise him. They learn that not crying brings praise. It carries over into the toddler years. Ever been in the store and heard a little kid scream for a toy? It is a learned thing, you cry , you get what you want. The louder you scream the faster you get what you want. You have to teach them you don't get what you cry for. With 7 kids I have never had to leave the store or be embarrassed by the way they act in public. When they cry I always make sure they have everything they need. That they are not sick or hurting. Some babies just don't like to be hot or cold. But if they are just crying to get their way I let them cry. Some babies like to be held more than others but the have to learn alone time too. I hold and love mine like their is no tomorrow but you have to cook, clean, potty, bath and have time with your husband.

    It sounds like things are going better already.

    Mamalovinit
  19. Andrea4

    Andrea4 New Member

    I have 2 children. I think 11 weeks old is too young to expect baby to feel secure when you leave the room. My son, now 5, was born premature...he was a very needy baby. I bought a Maya wrap sling and basically wore him everywhere. In the bathroom when i needed to shower or whatever, he came with me in his bouncy seat. My daughter, now 3, was not as little needy, but I did the same with her to a point. At that age, I believe they cry for a reason...I don't think it's manipulation or anything like that....they just...need you.
  20. gnanny

    gnanny New Member

    I cant bear to hear a baby cry. I have to 'fix' it.

    My second child was colicky and I couldnt put her down. This was before the snuggle packs were available for infants. We were desperate enough we bought a hiking backpack and used that. About the time she could walk she was off and running...now I see how busy she always is and figure she must have been frustrated.

    Many years later and #5 grandbaby was here to visit the other day, he is 6 months old and has figured out that if he sees the back of my head it cant be good. Made me laugh when I have to walk backwards to keep him from crying.

    It may seem so tiring now but this too shall pass.
    Before you know it he will be off and running.

    enjoy that sweet baby!
    nanny