OT: Need to vent about unpaid child support

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lenasvn, Aug 1, 2006.

  1. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    My sons dad didn't pay the child support for July, almost half of my rediculously low "income" since I can't work. I know there is nothing to do about it,just need to vent!

    For those of you who don't know, DSHS cash assistance is only available to people who can work, and SSDI is only available for those with a diagnosis (I am STILL waiting).

    It is so frustrating and I got all weepy last night and this morning thinking about it. I'll have to go to an office today to see if they have a few diapers to give away.

    It's unbelievable, I was once a successfull business owner- look at me now, digging for scratches on the ground.
  2. julieisfree05

    julieisfree05 New Member

    Have you checked with your county social services or family court? In CA, the county where the support was ordered will actually go after the deadbeat parent and attach wages, etc.

    There are also private companies that will do this for a portion of what they recover, but that's usually not "cost effective" until the other parent owes you a lot of back support.

    I'd suggest that you call a "Women's Help" Organization or your county clerk and find out if assistance is available. If you get it from the county there is usually no charge.

    IMHO, there is nothing lower than a parent who can, but won't, support their kids!

    Good luck,

    - julie (is free!)

    It's a might big word
    for such a small man.. - Rebecca Lynn Howard
  3. NyroFan

    NyroFan New Member


    Do not feel all that bad about work. If you are sick you are sick and eventually they will see that.
    Take it slow and dry those tears. You probably have let enough of that out by now.

    My best suggestion: Get in a warrior mood and get those diapers one way or another. Get all you want. Call the township, call welfare, call the county, call your state government.

    Someone will identily: especially if you tell them your children have no food to eat. (maybe it is not enough?).

    Go into that warrior mode and you would be suprised what can happen.

  4. darvick

    darvick New Member

    I had that prob many many years ago and ya fill out a few papers and they detach his pay. Hope things work out. I m sorry you have to go through this with everything else. Chin up
  5. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    Thanks all of you, it sure helps with the superb support and advice! We have foodstamps, we're fortunate that way. I separated from his dad because he turned out to be a binge alcoholic. I wish he wasn't, he was the love of my life, but I wasn't selfish enough to stay and let my son pay the price.

    If I push to far (make it impossible for him to survive) he WILL fall off the waggon and I can dream on about a nickel for months,maybe a year.

    Another thing is he is Native American and can go and "hide" at the reservation when the shoe doesn't fit, so either way, I have to be careful and not rage around (it sure sucks!!).

    He have been working non-stop for 18 months and that is a miracle by itself. I have to wait and see if something comes in for August. If not, I'll ask for legal advice, he owes almost 10 grand.

  6. SweetT

    SweetT New Member

    And we're around the same age!

    I had to part ways with my girls' father because of his alcoholism AND beating me. And currently, after his paying regularly since 1997, he has stopped paying and I am oh so scared. He has been on the same job since 1983, so I'm hoping that even if he got fired, he's entitled to something that our kids can get a portion of. My kids start school at the end of the month and my oldest is going to high school, and she cannot go to high school looking like a bum. She needs new clothes and my paycheck alone doesn't cut it. My girls also have special health expenses. My gross income alone is still considered too much for any kind of assistance, so I don't qualify for anything.

    Attaching your son's father's wages is only good if he actually works a 9 to 5 job. If he works under the table or has his own business or is a contractor, there's nothing to attach, unless he gets Unemployment or Worker's Comp, or has a Bank Account that can be withdrawn from once a month (provided he keeps money in the bank). Is he a job-hopper who changes jobs every 6 months and then it takes 3 months for a new job match to show up so that a brand-new wage attachment can be sent?

    You could have his driver's license suspended and it will only be given back to him if he makes a payment of at least a month's worth of support and continues to pay every month, or it will be resuspended.

    Since he owes $10,000, you can probably get him for criminal nonsupport, which would result in him either goiing to prison (not merely jail) for not paying. Plus, he'll have to wear an ankle bracelet to monitor him and allow him to only go to work and the hospital, until he pays his support in full. Also, whether you do a civil contempt hearing or a criminal nonsupport hearing, have the judge order him to post a cash bond of about $500-$2,000, to tide you over in the event of another payment gap.

    Yes, I know that you don't qualify for a cash grant if you are receiving SSI, and even if you only receive child support every few months, you wouldn't qualify for it. And besides, you'd have to assign the state your child support payments, which, if lower than the child support, isn't worth it.

    For now, just stick with the food stamps and medical. Sometimes,churches give monthly food baskets away that can include diapers and wipes, etc. Call around until you find one. Perhaps your local child support agency can scare him into staying regular with payments.
    [This Message was Edited on 08/01/2006]
  7. jake123

    jake123 New Member

    You get it sooner or later. I know you need it now and your kids need it desperately. I know how that feels. My mom was in the same place only there was no child support coming. My dad died. But the situation is the same.

    Donnaeil is right, what he doesn't pay now, you can collect sometime in his life and you get it taken out of his paycheck. If he dies, you have first dibs out of his estate.
  8. SweetT

    SweetT New Member

    And yes, it's hard when you have your own child support drama. Even when he (my ex) pays, there's drama.

    You are so right------------your child support officer cannot beat your ex up and make him pay. But they can make his life much harder (eg. taking driver's and professional licenses; putting liens on homes in their name; revoking a passport; putting the arrearage on his/her credit bureau report; assisting the court in finding them guilty of criminal nonsupport.

    And finally, he/she can either pay while the child is 10 or 40. The order doesn't terminate just when a child reaches the age of majority----------whatever wasn't paid up to that point is still due, no matter how old the child or absent parent is. I have alot of 70+ year olds paying child support that they didn't pay when they were much younger----------they thought that the system would never catch up to them.

    I always tell my clients that he'll always owe that money, even in death.

    Unfortunately, I work where there's a HUGE backlog---------one support officer for every 2,000 cases. So people have to wait years for Enforcement of their cases. One person can only do so much. And the bureaucratic red tape handed down from the powers that be prevents us (the support officers) from doing what we'd like to do.
  9. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    in my county in california...they have already told me they don't basically do anything except...report him to collection agency...they do not like to put them in jail because some money is better than none...whoopie!

    mine is in a union steamfitter...just finshed apprenticeshipe making 40.00 an hr...as soon as he works the 1000 hrs he owes the union then he will be a full fledge steamfitter makeing around 80.00 an hr...

    but that won't do me a bit of good...the only way i know he gets a new job is if (big if) he tells me he is working and where...otherwise, i have heard him say "i hope i get a a full check to myself before they take out child support..." i could've slapped him silly when he said that...

    i just got verbally abused by hime on thursday afternoon...all because i needed to modify it...so he said he will quit his job before he will pay me...

    so he can go draw his unemployment plus collect from the union the extra supplement that they do...and he will work cash under the table for his security business for local bars int he bay area....he is an owner w/o a license...

    so he will get tipped out as well especially if he goes to bikini dance bars...good money...

    i have called my local congressman's office a few years ago...they told me to call my officer and said what it is they need to get the man paying...

    good luck and call your local housing authroity to see if tyou can get a section 8 voucher...then you can afford to be on tanf and also here in california tuition is free...

    go make a good life for yourself you deserve...

    i am trying to do what i can...

    i signed up for 11 credit hrs...well almost that is i have to take a math and english placement test...

    we will see what happens...so i will be doing what donnieal has done...

    student loans etc..

  10. lmmillion

    lmmillion New Member

    I am a single mom of one. I am on SS Disability and am truly thankful that I get that. I don't know what I would do if I didn't at least have that to count on every month. My ex has been very inconsistent with child support due to his "issues". We went almost all of last year without any payment. What really peeved me was that I reported to the DA's office, on several occasions, that he was drawing the maximum amount of unemployment pay, and nothing was being taken out for my daughter. Over the course of the year, his unemployment wages were never attached. Yes, it finally caught up with him and he is now paying arrears, or he would have faced jail time. Nonetheless, it was money we counted on monthly and had to do without. I thank the Lord that I have wonderful parents and other family, or we would have been a total mess.

    I am so, so sorry that you are struggling. I know how you feel. I had a good-paying career before getting ill. Life has certainly changed for us, but we are blessed to have what we need. We are able to get by. If it wasn't against the forum rules, I'd post my email for you to contact me! However, it is not allowed. Just know that I wish I could assist you with diapers and such. You and your children deserve to have necessities. There must be a local church organization or community resource available where you live to get some assistance.I hope you can find one.

    Take care.

  11. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    You are all so wonderful, thank you all for these supportive replies.

    Someone mentioned section 8, I have that. I can't seek cash assistance from the state since I cannot work and don't have a verifiable diagnosis to excuse me from work search activities. This is the crack I mentioned earlier.

    As September is around the corner I may finally have my FM/CFS diagnosis from a rheumy, then I can apply for SSDI.

    The c.s. is my only income,and if both fathers pay the full amount I have 460 buckaroo a month. Loosing half that is alot.

    Bless your hearts for all replies, the solution will come somehow. The small stuff like diapers and all that I can get somehow, it's the bills that won't get paid.

    Now I really don't want to worry anymore today, I am going to enjoy my two little ones and take care of my aches and pains (LOL!)and reply to some posts on the board.

    many hugs!

    Immillion, you are a diamond!

  12. Busyknitter2

    Busyknitter2 New Member

    I know where you are coming from. My son's wife decided she wanted other men instead of my son, he told her to either act like a mother and wife or leave. She chose to leave, he got custody of my beautiful Granddaughter and was ordered to pay child support. He got a couple of weeks worth, she changed jobs and it quit for two months, than it started up again. He took her to court and was awarded the back support. He never got it.

    She came by in early January and said that she had lost her job.

    I might add that she was awarded visitation in April of 2005. She has missed more of her every other weekends than she has kept, and has kept only two of her Thrusdays. In court she stated that she wanted to bring Alexis back earlier than the court said.

    At her last pick-up she told my son that she could not find a job because she was taking care of her boy-friend's, sister's children because she was in jail. Her cell phone was turned off so he has no way of getting in touch with her.

    I hope that things work out for you. My prayers are with you.
  13. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    be like winning the lottery..

    and here in cali..when i had to go on tanf...i went threee years w/o money had to sell almost everything..makes me sick to my stomach...

    anyways...yes you can get your welfare for the children for sure...they wouldn't give you any possibly...but since you are disabled...all you need is your dr...pcp or rhuemy or mental health provider sign a waiver...

    i had my caseworker, that ran the calworks program call me and tell me that i can not work because they could get into big trouble...and my first case worker should've never send me there...

    i said i was just doing what they all told me to do...

    so i didn't get into federal trouble...i saidi wondered how the heck i could go to work when i had one surgery scheduled and waiting for the shoulder surgery..

  14. raslin25

    raslin25 New Member

    I know the feeling i went for almost 2 yrs without support, and had to sratch and save, they did everything but take him to jail for not paying! i was so frustrated abd there was nothing i could do about it, i empathize with you , because i know what that feeling is like waiting on someone to pay, and needing the help, keep your chin up and call your support worker at the child support office and stay on them to collect your support, you need it, im sorry for what you are going through, i know how tough each day can be. ill keep you in my prayers.

  15. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    Thank you all for recent replies. I am not in shape to write a long reply right now, but want to say "Thanks"!

    My body and me don't get along,,aaarrrrgggghh!
  16. cjcookie

    cjcookie New Member

    I qualified for medicaid and food stamps even when I could not work. The only reason I couldn't get the cash is that I received too much child support. They think $375 per month is too much.

    I don't know about your state but I just went to the courthouse and filled out forms to have my child support taken directly out of my son's father's paycheck. The process was free. He wasn't late but I didn't want to ever take a chance. Check into this. It's a law in Illinois.
  17. lenasvn

    lenasvn New Member

    The C.S. is taken out directly from the paycheck. If it's not drawn, he is not working, or going under the table somewhere. It won't do much if there's no income.

    I wrote the following in my post:
    "For those of you who don't know, DSHS cash assistance is only available to people who can work, and SSDI is only available for those with a diagnosis (I am STILL waiting)."

    I cannot apply for cash assistance since I don't have a diagnosis and my doc is pooped like many other docs and won't waiver me from work activities (no clinical evidence of my disease (like for most FM and CFS patients). I do recieve food stamps.

  18. jake123

    jake123 New Member

    I have a friend who is an attendance clerk at one of the high schools. She has four children and was having to try to make it on about $15,000 a year because her ex would not pay child support. He owed her alot of child support. He was a truck driver. She had turned his name into the CS office but had never had an answer. She asked what she should do.
    I told her what I would was this: The squeaking wheel gets the grease. I would write the attorney general of Texas about three times a week and tell him what your children have to do without and I would try to call about three times a week first thing in the morning to see if they have done anything. Tell them you need help. That you are getting desperate. Cry on the phone. Keep doing this until you get a check!
    When I saw her at the beginning of the next school year, she said she was getting $700 a month from him. :)
  19. SweetT

    SweetT New Member

    In my agency,

    We would've simply suspended his driver's license and made him pay no less than $1500 (10% of the total arrearage) to get it back and then required him to bring a bank statement in so that we could start taking it from his bank account. You cannot drive a truck of be a taxi driver without a valid driver's license.

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