OT Ok, FM, Seizures, Migraines Aren't Enough

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Greenbean7, May 8, 2006.

  1. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    I have the most wonderful mother-in-law, really I do, but . . .

    Mom had surgery for colon cancer a week ago today. She told me Saturday at the hospital that she had told the doctor she wanted out of the hospital and that she was coming to my house so I could take care of her!

    They sent her home with us yesterday. And although she is a wonderful lady, I work full time and take care of my home, husband, and dogs. That's about all I can handle!

    My DH, God love him, has no patience with her what so ever so the burden lies with me.

    Sunday wasn't too bad although I had to go to the store for her special low fiber/low residue diet. She's also diabetic and controls it with her diet. So finding things she could eat was a challenge.

    After bringing her home, going to her house for things she needed, going to the store and spending over an hour reading labels and her special diet sheet, going back to her house for more stuff, fixing dinner and taking care of my dogs, I was exhausted!

    Had to keep my dogs in the bedroom. Two big dogs in a small bedroom is not a good thing. I took them out in the evening but had to keep the golden retriever on a leash cuz he's pretty rambunctions and weighs 80 lbs! Mom weighs about 115! Holding the leash and keeping him from Mom caused me to have a lot of pain in my shoulders, back, and neck.

    Mom has to be helped to dress and undress and mostly needs to just sit in the recliner and rest. Fortunately I talked her into just wearing a nightgown until at least after they take out her stitches and staples.

    I fixed her breakfast this morning before work and my DH went home at his break (he's working next door with a neighbor so it wasn't a big problem) to make sure she ate some canned fruit and took her pain pill.

    I went home at lunch and fixed her lunch, got her her medication, took the dogs out, set up the TV for her programs, fixed me a sandwich, and rushed back to work.

    I feel a little guilty to be so happy to come to work! I love her dearly and I am really glad to have her safely out of the hospital and doing so well, I guess what I need is lots of prayer for patience and strength!

    Thanks for letting me vent, I feel better already. Wonder how my boss would feel about me taking a nap at my desk this afternoon!?!?

    Hugzz
    Greenbean
  2. findmind

    findmind New Member

    Was worried about where you were, and now I know...

    You are heading for major problems if you don't get husband fully involved in Mom's care...and the dogs, and housework, everything!!! Not only is it his mother, but if you crash he will have 2 sick women to take care of. You need to have an assertive talk with him immediately.

    Please please sleep whenever you can....make lists for husband to do some of the shopping, all the carrying in of groceries, helping change Mom's bed, etc.

    I pray your MIL-Mom recovers well and gains her strength back quickly so she can help in her care so you will have less to do.

    Stay in touch, ok? We really care about you....

    findmind
  3. TXFMmom

    TXFMmom New Member

    Many insurance companies will supply home health nurses' visits, especially to diabetics, after surgery. They can, sometimes visit, several times to check on their eating, give meds, etc.

    Additionally, state home health agencies will, sometimes, supply an aide, which can come for two hours or even four to eight hours a day, to assist with bathing, nutrition, small household chores, until the patient is up and about.

    Check into it.

    As for DH, HE NEEDS TO GET HIS BEHIND INTO GEAR. HIDING BEHIND NOT BEING ABLE TO DEAL WITH YOUR MOTHER IS A COP OUT.

    Some things in life, we just have to do and choke it up. If your DH is working next door, HOW COME HE CAN'T TAKE THE DOGS OUT, DURING THE DAY TO FREE YOU UP?

    You need to have a serious talk with DH, and lovingly explain that you simply have to have help, and PERHAPS HE JUST DIDN'T REALIZE IT? Don't attack, just mention that you need it, and you haven't brought it up before, but things have changed, and you know that he will be more than happy to help, since you've finally shared it with him, etc.

    After all, MOM IS HIS MOM. He is a big boy and he needs to JUST DEVELOP SOME PATIENCE.

    My son and I had problems with him being snippy with me, and using his military attitude on him. I simply pointed out to him that he wasn't in the military when in my home or his, and if we were going to go on military rank, I WAS THE ADMIRAL.

    He finally got with the game.
  4. 69mach1

    69mach1 New Member

    real live nurses...that can dispense meds..i have a friend that does that her disabled and elderly people homes...she works for the county...

    infact she has been telling me i could get someone to come in my house..because my son is not 18 and is not to be doing the things he does at times...

    just groceries...he doesn't bath me or anything...but she said they can help with taking to dr's and cleaning house or laundry...

    jodie
  5. Greenbean7

    Greenbean7 New Member

    Thank you, your support means so much to me.

    I did tell my DH that he has to come home at 10 and at 3 to get his mom a snack. Everything is there in the frig in those little plastic cups. She can't get the lid off and I'm not sure she could get back to the chair with the cup in her hand. And he took the dogs out for a run this morning.

    Mom was up a little more this morning, which is a good sign. She has a doctor appointment tomorrow, which I am not going to, and we should have some idea of when she can go home after that. Actually I should probably go because my DH is pretty unrealistic about what she can do for herself right now.

    My dog, Rey, didn't get up with my DH this morning. Rey is used to hitting the kitchen floor like a quarter horse coming out of the starting gate and Mom was standing in the living room. I got a hold of his collar and asked DH to get me a leash. I took Rey out and then fed them in the bedroom and kept them in the bedroom/bathroom while I got ready for work.

    Last night I did let them out of the bedroom and did not have to keep a hold on the leash because I "curbed" them in the kitchen with me (that means I draw an imaginary line with my hand, preferable across a door way, and say CURB. This means DO NOT CROSS THIS LINE ON PAIN OF DEATH!!) They did very well.

    This morning I was asked to cut the banana on the cereal thinner and cut the toast in half. I really think she could do this for herself and tomorrow I am going to suggest it.

    So, if she is going to be there for very much longer I will be looking into getting some help. I am so tense I can't sleep, hurt everywhere this morning, and the back of my head and neck are so tight I can hardly move. I came to work so I can relax!!

    Fortunately I have a doc appt this morning and will have a chance to vent to a real live person!! I have a great doc!

    Thanks again, I will keep you informed!

    Hugzz
    Greenbean