OT Welcome opinions on FINDING HALF SISTER(s)

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Juloo, Aug 2, 2006.

  1. Juloo

    Juloo Member

    I posted a few weeks back that I accidentally (yes, really!) found out that my father had possibly two daughters from a marriage that happened just before his marriage to my mother. The oldest sister from this family would be about 50 now, and I had some partial identifying information and was thinking about trying to find her.

    About two weeks ago, I finally worked out some additional clues and found the person I believe her to be actually living about three hours away in my own state (this is not a home state for either of us). I sent a letter to her (marked 'Personal') to her work address -- the only one I could find, and I'm VERY good at digging -- and then happened to go out of town.

    When we returned, we had a message on our answering machine that I almost erased because it was so hard to understand. But before I did, I had my husband listen to it, and he managed to decipher it. It was a call from this woman's husband -- he introduced himself and asked me to call back at...and then I thought he would leave a number...but he just said, "at the number on your ID screen", as if I had caller ID. (We don't!)

    So now here's my question. I can find no further contact for this man at all (believe me, I've looked everywhere!), so my choices are to wait for him to call again -- I thought he might this past weekend, but he didn't -- or to contact my assumed half-sister again through her place of work (I'd probably write).

    It didn't sound like they were discouraging contact, but with the husband calling, I feel bad contacting the woman again through work. I don't want her to get in trouble for dealing with personal issues at her office. I told her in the letter that I would let the ball be in her court to contact me, and that I understood if she needed to take some time to think about it...that I had to work up my nerve to write in the first place!

    I'm really tied up in knots over this and too close to the issue to have any perspective.

    Any clearer thoughts here?
    [This Message was Edited on 08/02/2006]
  2. chickadee

    chickadee New Member

    my first thought is that something has happened to her - either she is very ill or has died. I think that I would try to call her employer and find out. I'd have to think really hard about what to tell her employer as they may be reluctant to give out any information. It may in fact be illegal for them to give you any information, but I think it's worth a try.

    Peace,
    Chickadee
  3. Juloo

    Juloo Member

    I didn't immediately get the impression that she might have died (I really hope not)...although now that I reflect back on it, someone might use the phrase, "I'm Joe Smith, Jane's husband..." either way, although my first impression was probably not.

    I don't think I'd have the courage to call, but I guess I would be all right with another letter and 'Please Forward/Personal' written on the outside.

    One of the reasons I had the idea to send a letter in the first place was because of her work's website -- all the employees are listed, along with their pictures and a short description of their job and how they would help their customers. Although her work phone is the same as everyone else's in her department, the pictures seem recent (some are dated), although I know this wouldn't mean anything if there were to be a sudden illness.

    Guess I am going to have to sleep on this tonight!

    Thank you for your reply...cyberspace isn't so empty at all!
  4. sues1

    sues1 New Member

    Very likely, if she is not ill, she was nervous about calling and her DH was helping her.

    I do not see any harm in sending another letter to that business. Just put in a short note that tells them you do not have caller ID and had no way of calling back.

    I wish you MUCH luck......Love, Susan
  5. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    I'm not sure if this is going to be a helful suggestion or not, but have you looked at the book for your answering machine?

    Or maybe even the manufacturer's web-site? They may be able to help you by telling you if your machine has features you don't know about. Calling them and explaining might be worth your time too.

    Surely the police have ways of finding these things out, so maybe there's a way you could too. (Since our stuff is always in German here, hubby is always going to the web site to download the books and get more information)

    Georgia, thanks for posting that site...I'm trying to find out if my ex is alive and although the site didn't help me, I'm glad to have found the free resources.

    Hugs all,

    Nancy B
  6. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    I see absolutely NO harm in writing again!

    Obviously the message got to her husband! So if you write and explain I am certain they will understand why you are writing again............explain that you ahve no other way to get back to them........

    Just like you told us! :)

    "PLEASE" whatever you do let me know what happens ok?

    I recently located my sons uncle that he hasn't seen or talked to in over 20 years so I understand how you feel.........but honestly I'll bet if she is alive and well she will welcome the opportunity to meet you!

    Her husband did tell you to contact him!!!!!!!!!!!! You just don't have a way without writing due to the circumstances!

    GOOD LUCK sweetie!;)

    XO
    Doxy
  7. Juloo

    Juloo Member

    I'm relieved to say, the name is not on the SSDI (although, I do understand it is updated periodically). I had checked it before with her maiden name and the name of her first marriage, but not with the latest marriage. BTW, I have a subscription to Ancestry (the scene of how I found out in the first place!), and I went back to it just now and put in the 'new' name -- another record came up that confirms that the middle initial of the woman with this last name is the same as the person I'm looking for. So I'm doubly sure I have the right person now.

    Susan, that you for your reply. Simple and to the point, and you're absolutely right. I can probably get a note out tomorrow.

    Nancy, I will look for our answering machine book -- I hadn't thought of that. I was thinking of calling the phone company, maybe. I know the weekend that it was recorded, so that could help.

    Thank you all for your interest and replies. I'm just so flippin' nervous about this, so we'll see what happens -- Doxy, I'll absolutely update!

    Cinnamon rolls calling...must start the day (today is son's school's open house, and he finds out who his teacher will be!).

    [This Message was Edited on 08/03/2006]
  8. Rose73

    Rose73 New Member

    I read your post and was reminded that I have 3 half-sisters from when my mother was married before my dad. I know their names (maiden) and their father's name. I have not seach for them. I do have a sister who was who was put up for adoptions. My mother was pregnant when my parent divorced. When her adoptive parents died, she searched for her birth parents. She did find my dad after two years of frustrating search.

    I am glad that you got info on one sister and attempt to make contact. I don't know if her husband assumed that everyone has caller ID. I do and it allows me to not take unwanted calls. I agree with writing again, letting her know that you have been contacted by her husband. It will clear up why they have received your call.

    I hope that you both will be able to make contact.

    As a person who has gone through it, I want you to know that it will feel strange. I know with my sister, to sit on that couch and look at her, and realize that she is my sister. but we haven't grown up together, and don't have memories together. I did find that we had things in common and even habits.

    Sometimes it is hard to grasp on to it. I knew I had the 3 half and 1 whole sister when I was 18. I was 48 when I met her. I am 51 now.

    She knew that she was adopted and had parents and family somewhere. But being raised as an only child it was hard to grasp that she has 3 brothers, and 2 sisters, 3 half sisters, and a half brother.

    We had a nice time together and shared alot. Since she hasn't contact us much, and not good at answering e-mails. But I get a card from her every year at Christmas.

    Just knowing who she is, and where she and her husband is puts closure to the question in my mind of having a sister some where on this planet. I hope to make a visit some day when I can afford to travel. She lives about 10 hours away.

    I hope that you can meet and that it will go well. But it would be more from an adult level because of not having memories of childhood. And to get to know her like we do with friends. Of course she will the answers of the location and names of her sisters.

    Praying this will work out.

    Rose