OTT JOKES****TOP REASONS TO LIVE ANYWHERE IN CANADA*****

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by Jeanne-in-Canada, Aug 4, 2005.

  1. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member

    No matter where you live in Canada there is sarcastic commentary specially designed just for you. I'm not sure how well Americans and others will get this, but it gives some humorous insight into Canada's foibles.


    Jeanne

    *************************

    MY FELLOW CANADIANS.......


    Top reasons to live in British Columbia:
    1. Vancouver: 1.5 million people and two bridges.
    2. Your $400,000 Vancouver home is just 5 hours from downtown.
    3. You can throw a rock and hit three Starbucks locations.
    4. There's always some sort of deforestation protest going on.

    Top reasons to live in Alberta:
    1. Big Rock between you and B.C.
    2. Ottawa who?
    3. Tax is 7 percent instead of approximately 200 percent for the rest
    of the country.
    4. Flames vs. Oilers.
    5. Stamps vs. Eskies.
    6. You can exploit almost any natural resource you can think of.
    7. You live in the only province that could actually afford to be its
    own country.
    8. The Americans below you are all in anti-government militia groups.

    Top reasons to live in Saskatchewan:
    1. You never run out of wheat.
    2. Cruise control takes on a whole new meaning.
    3. Your province is really easy to draw.
    4. You never have to worry about car roll-back if you have a standard
    transmission.
    5. It takes you two weeks to walk to your neighbour's house.
    6. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours.
    7. People will assume you live on a farm.
    8. Buying a huge John Deere mower makes sense.

    Top reasons to live in Manitoba:
    1. You wake up one morning to find you suddenly have beachfront property.
    2. The only province to ever violently rebel against the federal
    government.
    3. Hundreds of huge, horribly frigid lakes.
    4. Nothing compares to a wicked Winnipeg winter.
    5. You don't need a car, just take the canoe to work.
    6. You can be an Easterner or a Westerner depending on your mood.
    7. Because of your license plate, you're still friendly even when you
    cut someone off.
    8. Pass the time watching trucks and barns float by.

    Top reasons to live in Ontario:
    1. You live in the centre of the universe.
    2. Your $400,000 Toronto home is actually a dump.
    3. You and you alone decide who will win the federal election.
    4. There's no such thing as an Ontario Separatist. Separate from
    what? You are the centre of the universe.
    5. The only province with hard-core American-style crime.
    6. Much Music's Speaker's Corner - rant and rave on national TV
    for a dollar.

    Top reasons to live in Quebec:
    1. Racism is socially acceptable.
    2. The only province to ever kidnap federal politicians.
    3. You can take bets with your friends on which English neighbour
    will move out next.
    4. Other provinces basically bribe you to stay in Canada.
    5. You can blame all your problems on the "Anglo *#!%".

    Top reasons to live in New Brunswick:
    1. One way or another, the government gets 98 per cent of your income.
    2. You're poor, but not as poor as the Newfies.
    3. When listing the provinces, everyone forgets to mention yours.
    4. The economy is based on fish, cows, and ferrying Ontario
    motorists to Boston.
    5. No one ever blames anything on New Brunswick.
    6. Everybody has a grandfather who runs a lighthouse.
    7. Just as charming as Maine, but with more unemployed fishermen.
    8. You probably live in a small seaside cottage with no television.

    Top reasons to live in Nova Scotia:
    1. Everyone can play the fiddle. The ones who can't, think they can.
    2. You are the "only" reason Anne Murray makes money.
    3. You can pretend you have Scottish heritage as an excuse to get
    drunk and wear a kilt.
    4. The economy is based on lobster and fiddle music.
    5. Even though it smells like dead sea animals, Halifax is
    considered Canada's most beautiful city.

    Top reasons for living in Prince Edward Island:
    1. Even though more people live on Vancouver Island, you still got
    the big new bridge.
    2. You can walk across the province in half an hour.
    3. You were probably once an extra on "Road to Avonlea".
    4. This is where all those tiny red potatoes come from.
    5. The economy is based on fish, potatoes, and CBC TV shows.
    6. Tourists arrive, see the "Anne of Green Gables" house, then
    promptly leave.
    7. You can drive across the province in two minutes.
    8. It doesn't matter to you if Quebec separates.
    9. You don't share a border with the Americans, or with anyone, for
    that matter.
    10. You can confuse ships by turning your porch lights on and
    off at night.

    Top reasons to live in Newfoundland:
    1. If Quebec separates, you will float off to sea.
    2. In the rare case when someone moves to the Rock, you can make
    them kiss dead cod.
    3. The economy is based on fish, seafood, and fish-related products.
    4. If you do something stupid, you have a built-in excuse.
    5. You and only you understand the meaning of Great Big Sea's lyrics.
    6. The workday is about two hours long.
    7. You are credited with many great inventions, like the solar-powered
    flashlight and the screen door for submarines.
    8. It is socially acceptable to wear your hip waders to your wedding.
  2. Rosiebud

    Rosiebud New Member

    I lived in Vancouver for 5 years late 60s early 70s and I remember 3 bridges if you count the one over to N.Vancouver.

    Obviously thing have changed in 35 year - wow, was it that long ago.

    I loved Canada and the Canadians by the way but got homesick.

    Rosie
  3. Christinetee

    Christinetee New Member

    I live in the center of the universe. I knew there was a major reason I love living in Ontario.

    We Canadians are known for our kind/compassionate ways. Eh, eh, eh...

    Lynda
  4. ckahele

    ckahele New Member

    i loved it!
    i'm one of the rare breed of americans..well read.
    so i did understand the jokes.
    cyndy
    p.s. wish i could find the one we have for pittsburghers.
  5. brit_17759

    brit_17759 New Member

    nice one...now I know why I love living in Ontario:)
    brit
  6. DarqAce

    DarqAce New Member

    I live in Saskatchewan, so I understand the meaning of all those! I loved it!

    DarqAce
  7. syrinx

    syrinx New Member

    Even though I am in the middle of the U.S. I got most of them. Thanks for the laugh. OK U.S. we need a list like this for our major cities.
  8. Pianowoman

    Pianowoman New Member

    I live in the centre of the universe too! These are great! I'm sending them to all my friends!!

    Kathy.
    [This Message was Edited on 08/25/2005]
  9. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member

    I'm in Ottawa.

    Mwah hahahaha.


    Jeanne
  10. dmomhere

    dmomhere New Member

    I so desperatly needed a laugh. I sincerely thought the whole world had forgotten about me. Come to find out....it has - Im from New Brunswick!!! LOL Thanks Jeanne, I really needed a little humor tonight.
  11. happygranny

    happygranny Member

    My GH and I moved from BC to Manitoba last fall, and now live in an apartment. At least three times this year I have looked out the window and said " Oh Oh, our rent is going to go up, we now have water-front property."

    The rain has been incredible. One of the reasons we moved here was there was supposed to be more sunshine!!

    happygranny
  12. naturebaby

    naturebaby New Member

    These are great, Jeanne!

    I'll add these for Northern Ontario:

    1) In wintertime, no one notices the runs in your stockings underneath your skidoo suit.

    2) It's 8 hours to the nearest city......if you happen to like Winnipeg or Sault St. Marie (no offense!!!)

    3) Free Christmas trees, all year round.

    4) Toronto who????

    5) Perogies and cabbage roll diet packs on extra fat to keep you warm in winter.

    Well hey, I tried......cheers, nature
    born & bred on the north shore of Lake Superior
  13. pepper

    pepper New Member

    This is terrific. I will be keeping this to share with other fellow Canadians.

    Cheers from the centre of the universe,
    Pepper
  14. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member

    though maybe too easy a target, hehe. Now Texas, that would be easy.


    Jeanne
  15. Jeanne-in-Canada

    Jeanne-in-Canada New Member

    bump for more comic relief