OTTo Kirshbaum26 and Ffroggy re: parents

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by jrose, Sep 24, 2006.

  1. jrose

    jrose New Member

    Thanks for replies. I took my mom to a senior day care for blind adults to check it out. She refuses to go. She had a very good aide for 5 years when she lived alone;then the aides after that were not good. Then she had colon cancer 2 years ago;then broke her hip.I had her move in with me when she had surgery. Every place I checked said that she would need an aide with her because of her disabilities.If she lived alone she would need a 24 hour aide;we gave up her apt. Everything in NYC is too expensive;we don't qualify for aid though. It would be better if she appretiated me. We put her on antidepressants and she is somewhat nicer. It was a living hell growing up with her. She made her mother,my father and me miserable.I promised my dad that I would not put her in a nursing home. oh well. thanks again-maybe I'm down cause my dad died around this time. jrose.
  2. jrose

    jrose New Member

  3. foggyfroggy

    foggyfroggy Guest

    I hope you find some way to get some relief - do you have something called "Senior Services" in your area? They helped my mom with getting assistance when my grandma was living with her.
    I wouldn't paint all assisted living with the same paintbrush either; my husbands grandma was put into a 'home' where a lady just took care of 6 oldsters and it was such a nice place for her - she didn't really feel institutialized. She knew her care needs had become too much to be at home and the family visited nearly every day. If she got nasty we could leave and come back the next day :) It didn't cost as much as a 'nursing home' either.
    Maybe that could be a compromise between your promise to you dad and the fact that you have to take care of yourself - you are important too. You can't 'make' her well and it's their profession and specialty to take care of people in her situation.
    Best of luck, life isn't for sissies is it? ;-)

    Foggyfroggy
  4. kirschbaum26

    kirschbaum26 New Member

    Dear Jrose:

    Thanks for the additional info. Parents are a very tough burden to some of us. I also have read about these "group" homes. They are very popular here in CA. I have a friend who had an elderly mother who had been in assisted living (run by Marriott Hotel) and did not like how institutionalized it was. My friend found a home for her, and it was great, as the mother was able to "help" the caregiver with basic tasks, like getting food ready for meals, etc. Not sure how that would work for your mom, but I am guessing that there are lots of different choices out there.

    I also understand your promise to your father about not putting your mom in a home. Promises are serious...but I do not think that your father would want you to remain in a miserable, unsafe, and stressful situation. There comes a time when we have to take care of ourselves so that we can have the reserves to help others. My family has always told me to think about the airlines who tell you to put your emergency air mask on yourself first...so that you can then put your children's masks on.

    There are also programs that might be able to help you work through your options. There is more than one center for blind adults...keep on taking her...she might find one acceptable.

    Good luck and keep us posted.

    Ingrid