Our Lake Cottage and Daughters

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by ksp56, Jul 16, 2008.

  1. ksp56

    ksp56 Member

    This is more or less a vent. If anyone has any opinion's, feel free to express!

    We have had our cottage, for
  2. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    Please finish the vent, I'll listen...


  3. springwater

    springwater Active Member

    Did ksp56's post go up in smoke or was it her computer?

    Anyway, i read the title of the post and thought this sounds wonderful (Lake cottage and daughters). And then found it was a vent. Aah i guess thats life...we al have our share of things to vent about

    hope ksp56 comes back soon and lets us know...


    God Bless
  4. ksp56

    ksp56 Member

    LOL...I didn't think this post went through, I thought it had been deleted and I would try again.

    The title was going to end with 'daughter,and SIL' taking for granted..

    We are very happy to share our cottage. Our 'kids' usually have pretty free reign. Jim and I have decided to go to cottage for this weekend. My DD HAD our SIL call to ask what we were doing, knowing our plans. I told SIL, plans were still the same, and we wanted a weekend to ourselves.

    Unfortunately, they have their boat docked on our sea wall (lake wall! LOL). I don't believe they realize it is not a weekend 'alone' when they are running in and out of the house all day. Maybe I'm being selfish. I have been there once this summer, and on the water, once. They have been there at least three to four times. I also told SIL, they could get their boat, but we wanted place to ourselves.

    DD and SIL have gone to the cottage without asking. Which we find rude and inconsiderate, especially when they would have been told 'okay'. We asked them to tell us if they were planning on taking friends up, they needed to ask u first. Found out the next week they had invited another couple, PLUS, the couple's DOG. I was really pi**ed off. The only way we did learn of it, was due to a tubing accident which resulted in our son injuring our foot.

    When we put our foot down, they 'sneak' in. They are 26 and 33! DD wouldn't talk to me, other than IM yesterday, cancelled going a wine tasting tonight, due to our plans for the weekend, and tried hard to get my 'goat'...didn't happen!

    Also, oblique SIL mentioned his sister wanted to come up this weekend. Now, where was the asking instead of assumption? He has never had a cottage to go to. He didn't have anything, growing up. I don't give a hoot about his sister. It is not his family's home. I basically told himtelling they ARE fortuante, to have a place to visit. We feel fortunate.

    His sister dropped out of their wedding, didn't even attend it. We have invited his mom to all of our family functions. She is very cold and rude and expects us to cater to her! That's over. On Father's Day she mentioned, twice, about being given the 'cold shoulder'. I said, twice, we would never, intentionally, hurt someone who was a guest in our home. She has NOTHING at her home. This is the third, and last time, she will be invited.

    Sorry about that tangent! LOL I'm so frustrated, as is DH. I guess the rules will be more strict, then maybe they will appreciate our hospitality more. We thought of having locks changed, but know they would have copies made if we gave keys for the weekend.

    My DD is very loving, but very spoiled, also, which is in part, our fault.

    This is totally off the subject but....she called my DH, this morning, had crying hysterically and not making sense. She wanted to talk with me. We have always loved our SIL, and his 'gentle' nature. Thinking thrice, now. DD went to Vegas for work, several weeks ago. When she returned He was sooooooooo jealous, yelled and screamed for hours. Why she stayed is beyond me.

    I guess it happened again, after a wine tasting we all went to last month. He started in last night, with Vegas and why she erased all texts she received last weekend. Why the heck he is privy to her phone is something I don't understand. I believe he is drinking too much. He had a DUI and couldn't drink for two years, when they began dating. Many people have had one, and do well afterwards. I've been thinking and looking back on how much he sometimes drinks, when we are with them.

    She did pack a bag and is staying with my mom, tonight. I hope she sticks to this. While DD drives me NUTS, she is beautiful, very bright, and fun (most times) to be with. She comes off as very secure, but obviously isn't. He'd be losing much more than she would. We'll have to see. I told her it was emotional abuse and prayed she would not let this go on.

    So this is all folks! Unfortunately, you got roped into what happened between yesterday and today.

    I feel safe here. Other than my mom, and DH, I will not speak to anyone else about this.

    If you had the guts to stick with this long winded, multi subject, rant/vent, you are of strong heart! LOL

    Done for now! Please, if you pray or can think about DD and her 'marriage', I would so appreciate your kindness.

    Thanks and Hugs,

  5. Juloo

    Juloo Member

    I am amazed at the audacity of some family members. Yours...mine...it's an epidemic!

    My family has had a summer house in the family for almost 100 years. It is not owned by any one person, but by my two uncles and myself. One uncle lives there occasionally -- in return, he pays the property taxes and insurance. All of us have an agreement about the situation, and I get up there (it is several states away) once a year for 2 to 3 weeks. I call both uncles several months in advance to 'reserve' my time, because even though I own a third, I don't want it seeming like I think I own it all.

    A couple of years ago, during our family's stay, we invited my husband's brother, wife and 2 chldren for the weekend. They were temporarily living in the states for a couple of years. Well, they had a good time, and I'm glad that we got to see them. On their last day, my BIL asked if he could get a key for the place because they could come down on the weekends during the year since they were just living 90 minutes away.

    I'm just glad my husband was standing between me and them. The nerve -- they saw it, and thought it was all for them.

    Needless to say, my BIL was informed that he could dis-abuse himself of the notion that the house was up for occupancy of anyone but my family.

    I still can't think what goes through people's heads.

    Considering your situation, I'm not so sure that changing the locks isn't the right thing to do. Key coded locks are available and can be changed by you -- do what you need to do to get your point across.
    [This Message was Edited on 07/17/2008]
  6. hugs4evry1

    hugs4evry1 New Member

    I agree with Juloo....I'd be changing the locks and keeping the key.

    Just because they've had access for years doesn't mean it has to continue if they're treating you in a rude and inconsiderate manner.

    For some reason, people think they're entitled to everything nowadays, when in reality they're not.

    This is your cottage, yours to do with as you please...if you've been inconvenienced once too often, take away the privilege of their visits. Might be the only way they get the point.

    If they are so rude as to have a copy of YOUR key made, then this is something to think about.


  7. ksp56

    ksp56 Member

    Wow, after reading this again, I really went off the deep end!

    I do think the lock changing is a good idea. We will get this taken care of. Very soon!

    Thank you for reading my 'three volume book'! LOL You are all kind, and can see the situation from the outside. I'm able to take a step back then, also.

    Hope you all have a good weekend. Be safe on your trip, Nancy!


  8. Juloo

    Juloo Member

    Perhaps this will help once the respect issues are dealt with...

    A couple of years ago, I accidentally surfed into some family's 'cabin reservation' website. It was a really cool idea -- family could get on and block out their time for the family cabin. There was a place where they would leave a message telling who was coming and all the rest of the details. That way, people didn't just show up and expect a bed to be available.
  9. greygodess

    greygodess New Member

    It takes awhile to adjust to married children and the boundaries on both sides. Did your daughter grow up using this cottage? If so, she probably feels it is hers as well. That is where the boundaries come in. Sounds like you will have to hold your ground on this a put up with her being upset. She'll get over it. I will definitely pray for her and you. Godbless
  10. findmind

    findmind New Member

    I really like the idea of having a calendar and the people you approve of using the cottage having to sign up for their time using it.

    I would set up a list of rules, whatever you need to do to protect the serenity of the place and yourselves from rude people. You can tell distant friends and your children's friends that it is a family cottage and not a free motel.

    You should also make it clear that you have to pay insurance on the place, and if others get hurt there, you could be held liable in some way, so that's another good reason to restrict its use.

    Yes, your DD will probably throw a tantrum at the change in rules, but she may end up owning it someday, and be grateful for your protection of it.
    Tell her that.

    Hope you find the solutions that help out and make yourself more content about the property you own.