Out of state funeral thought I was going but now I am not

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by lovstoshine, Oct 21, 2005.

  1. lovstoshine

    lovstoshine New Member

    OH this has been a horrible day!!! My Uncle died this morning.

    We were supposed to go see him next week and of course see the rest of my family, they are all in Iowa.

    But my Uncle knew my husband before we married and they were good friends and he had requested to see him before he died, He has cancer and hospice was coming in so he knew it was any time now.

    So now my husband says he cannot get off work as too many other supervisors were taking this week off and of course he had next week off and he says he was going to see him when he was alive and now he is dead so he doesn't want to go

    Well I did not know if we were going to go or not so I had to plan today as if we were. Well I have an appt. at my pain clinic on Oct. 27th so I wouldn't be able to go as we would not be back yet.

    So I called the pain clinic around Noon when I found out and had to leave a message which I explained was very important (I explained the whole situation)but no one called me back so at 3:00 pm I called them again.

    Well one of the nurses answered and said there was only 2 providers still in the office and then told me to hold on and came back and said they are all gone for the day so they cannot help me until Monday - well the funeral is Monday and this is a 14 hour trip if you don't make any stops and of course I need stops

    So I couldn't help it I started crying as I have enough medication until the 27th but then I am out also due to my severe pain my Dr. has been giving me some Actiq pops and I have 2 coupons to get them free but she forgot to write me a prescription and I didn't even notice!!!

    Anyways all of a sudden no one is on the line and so I thought she hung up on me but then the Head Nurse was on the line she said she walked back into the clinic and was told she needed to calm someone down

    Ok - Yes I was crying some but darn it I was having a hard day and I know driving is sooo hard on me so I just wanted to get some medication to last me for this trip and she kept acting like I was just totally out of control?? I am so upset about this!!

    So she tells me that on Monday I can call her from Iowa and if I find a pharmacy willing to prescribe the medications they will take care of this - so I called a local pharmacy but they did not sound like they would do it nor did the Walgreens I called but said they do have an emergency prescription thing in Iowa and so maybe could depends on what my Dr. says???

    So I don't feel like I will be getting any meds plus I am worried that in cancelling my appt. which by the way has not been cancelled as I had to leave a message for the front desk as well and they did not call me back either!!
    that it may be several weeks before I can get in??

    And I am also wondering how they are going to treat me now?? I mean honestly I cannot help when someone dies and that it will conflict with my appt. You would think they could have more compassion!! and part of me wants to chew them all out for their coldness - They have no reason to think I am just seeking drugs!!! I just cannot take the way people treat me now!! I never in my life thought I would be treated this way, this is such a sad world we live in - I even told the nurse that I know my Dr. and she will be very upset that they did not get ahold of her to take care of this!! and yes she will be told about all of this

    Of course I don't know why I am even worrying about it now as my husband says we are not going and obviously I cannot do it on my own. So You know they are really going to think I am crazy when I call them Monday and tell them I am still here!!!

    I honestly don't know how much more of this life I can take it is just one thing after another - I know inside that there must be some reason for this pain but I don't even know who I am anymore it is just blury days of pain and sadness and trying to just at least achieve getting one thing done - so pathetic.

    Well I am so very sorry to ramble on about this I know so many have it so much worse than me so I am sorry I just had to talk to someone and I have no one so this was the only way to get it out

    Please forgive me,
    Jeanie
  2. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    Oh, How I hurt for you right now!!! I will be praying for you. If it is best for you to go to the funeral...it will work out, and if not, then try to tell yourself that it worked out for the best. I am sure that your family loves you and understands how you feel!!
    I feel your pain in so many ways about the doctors office workers,nurses, etc., and how they can treat you....BEEN THERE. It is like you are at your ropes end and people don't care...but there are docs out there to help! I like you, have felt like I can't go on in this body....but we have to!! God will not put more on us than we can bear to carry! Please know that we fibroites understand and care for you!! Please talk to us as much as you need to!!!!
    PLEASE let us know how you are doing!!

    With love and concern....Mari
  3. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    Dear Jeanie,
    I'm so sorry you are so sad! Dealing with pain and meds is such a hard thing. I understand why you are so upset.

    Please son't worry about what the people at the doctor's office will think. They will probably forget. And if they call of Monday, you don't have to explan. Remember, they work for you.

    I'm sorry for the loss of your uncle. I know what it's like to have to miss the funeral of a close relative. I had to miss my cousin's, and it broke my heart. Most people understood, and some didn't. I guess it is always going to be that way. All that matters is what is in your heart.
    Big hugs,
    Terry

  4. lovstoshine

    lovstoshine New Member

    I didn't know if anyone would read my post - I really didn't put a good title on it but I have decided that I can't take the way I am treated by taking narcotics so I am going to go off of them

    I would rather live with the pain than go through this. If I had needed high blood pressure medication they would have called it in, in a heart beat

    I had my first ER experience with this issue a couple of months ago and they really thought I was only there for pain medication - by the way I never accepted any but it didn't matter oh and I did need surgery but it took them a month of me being in severe pain to take care of it

    I went years without taking anything but tylenol and the only reason I went to narcotics was because I was taking so many I knew that was not good either

    I don't know what I would do with out this board I feel so alone but I know I am not. Although I wish I was as I hate so many of us have to live through this

    It has taken me from a confident employee, wife and Mother to a woman who cannot take the pain and humiliation anymore, and so many nights I don't want to go to sleep because I know how bad I will feel in the morning, I also feel like everything I do is wrong and I cannot even make a decison anymore

    This is not the first funeral I have had to miss due to this DD especially living out of state and I thank you for your prayers they are most welcome and needed.

    I know god only gives as much as we can take but I was really thinking of ending my life tonight so it makes you wonder sometimes - I just feel like a big burden

    I have been out of work for 90 days without pay and am awaiting to hear if I will be approved for Long Term Dis. with my employer so far no word on that

    I am also having problems with my children thinking I am just lazy, it hurts me so bad as I was always such a workaholic at work and at home I kept my house cleaned, Laundry done and always kept groceries in the house as well as cleaned and went to all of there sports and activites regardless of how awful I felt

    Well of course it caught up with me but I am 42 and my children are grown, I just don't know how they can be this way I gave so much to them and wanted to - I love all 3 of them so dearly but they are not here for me and I have realized they don't even like me they just put up with me so I will give them things, If they don't need anything they are not around!!

    My husband has been really good about all of it which is a blessing but I know it is taking it's toll on him to now do all my chores and he works 7 days a week so much that I know that makes it even harder on him

    Well again thanks for listening to anyone who reads this you are all so kind and I appreciate it - there is not alot of that goign around these days

    Jeanie
  5. Adl123

    Adl123 New Member

    Plese don't get discouraged, or give up on your kids.

    Children, no mattr what their age, tend to look at their parents (especially moms) as all-knowng and able to do anything. It takes going through a series of growing up stages before they first see them as individuals, then as individuals who need understanding and maybe, help. Each child comes to this place at a different time.

    You sound down on yourself, and I ask, please don't be. I'm sure your kids love you. It is hard for them to admit that you are sick, or that you can't do everything, because that means that they have to switch to the role of being a total adult. The problem is theirs, no yours, and is simply one of maturation..

    You have a great value as a person, not because of what you can do , but because of who you are. Hold on. Remember we are here for you.

    Love and prayers,
    Terry
  6. MamaR

    MamaR New Member

    Dearest Jeanie,

    Your adult children are probably alot like mine. They are wrapped up in their own lives, but expect mom to be there when they need her....just as we did when they were young. I sometimes sit back and think on this situation. They are so unaware of what this AWFUL PAIN does to us. It has changed our lives and we are no longer able to be spontaneous and do what we need to do....much less things that we would want to do for enjoyment!

    Just try to focus on your needs at this time. And it sounds like your husband is there for you. That is so good to hear. Maybe you could get him to talk to your adult children about where you are right now. I know that I don't think that I could make it without my husbands help!

    I pray that you can find a medicine that will work for you, because I doubt that the over the OTC meds will do much good! I am on FLEXTRA DS and TORADOL injections. They are not perfect relief, but help so much. These are not narcotic, so maybe you could talk to your doc and see if they might work for you.

    I have felt like you about wanting to not be around any longer, but it is the pain and all the spiral from that! Just talk to your doc again and tell them how you feel. Keep talking to us...as we are in this together. You would probably not realize how reading what you are going through makes us feel like we are not alone also!!

    With love and concern....Mari