overwhelmed and falling apart

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by 3gs, Jun 29, 2009.

  1. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    I can usually suck it up or read posts on here and feel better,but things have gone down hill so much and I no longer am able to do that.

    I'm just so tired and the pain is getting worse. In two weeks we are having a big 80th b-day party for my mom and I have been having anixety attacks all ready about it. Also was supposed to be packing up my house as I no longer can stay in my condo and a million other things.

    I havent seen my grandkids,who are my life(or should I say were)in a month. It's killing me(they live 15 mins away).

    Can't travel,visit,have sleepovers,shop,clean,cook,talk,think it's becoming a big fat NOTHING.

    How do you get anyone to understand the sensory overload? How many times can you try to explain Im trying,but I can't. How do you explain this dd to kids so they understand why the grandma who helped raise them and was always there no longer exists?

    I feel like I have become invisible. My heart hurts,can't I just have a little piece of my life back?

    thanks for listening

  2. TeaBisqit

    TeaBisqit Member

    I was just ranting about that in my thread on explaining why I can't socialize. People just don't understand. And I don't think they will ever understand unless they have it. It's one of my worst symptoms.

    Lots of hugs. I do understand.
  3. quanked

    quanked Member

    I cannot believe that I am saying this but it is true. One can do only what one can do. It took me years to know this but I am finally here. My life is not what I wanted it to be--not even a shadow of what I had hoped. But somehow it is okay. I can still enjoy some things--my grand old trees, my yard, the birds, butterflies, nature, kindness in others and myself and many more things that some think are insignificant.

    My house is dirty, I doubt I could put on a party, I no longer bathe everyday, the weeds in my gardens seem to be winning the war, I do not see my friends often and on and on but it is okay. I just do what I can do and try each day to let the rest go. It isn't like the dirt or weeds are going to get mad and leave : )

    I was most unhappy when I kept focusing on all I could not do anymore. I try not to go there if I can help it. It hurts too much but still, life is going okay.

    I have pets that I love deeply. My old golden lab is 15 this year. She keeps moving, she even trys to play and sometimes almost seems (for a moment) like her young self. I know that she still finds joy each day. I kind of see myself in her. When she is not having a good time anymore then I will help her move on. I wish I could count on the same kind of consideration at the end for myself : )

    I do not know how to explain to children about these dd's. I don't know how to explain it to adults. I just do what I can and let the rest go.

    I am fostering 2 neices. I was scared in the early weeks. They are 7 and 8 and full of life and energy. They have lived through hell and back and needed someone to care for them while their mother gets her stuff in order. I do what I can and let the rest go. Somedays it is not much that I can do. And on good days I do not do too great but we get by. Not like I would have hoped when I was the old me but it is what it is.

    The joy I have derived from seeing them each day fills me up with so many good feelings. So while I do tax myself each day to the point of tears sometimes I get so much more back. And when I say I tax myself I am not saying I do a lot. It just does not take much for me to feel taxed physically and mentally.

    I understand what you are going through and I wish that I could offer up some words and ideas to make it better for you. I know of no words, ideas or treatments that can bring back any of what you have lost. And yes, it does hurt like hell--all the loss on so many different levels. Getting to a place where one can find something worth hanging onto is a mental process that takes time and openness. I have taken what has come way that can fit in my life and put one foot in front of the other each day and hope for an effective treatment or cure.

    You are not alone. There are many here who know your struggle. And it will be okay.
  4. greatgran

    greatgran Member

    I feel the same way but I haven't an answer just can relate to your misery.. I read what Quanked posted and she had some great points I would love to apply to me as I too am trying to help care for my 2 great granddaughters and there are days I don't think I can go another step. I feel they deserve so much more than I can give but I am giving all I can.

    You are not a big Fat Nothing.. (that is exactly how I feel about myself at times) but we are not we are very strong to be able to endure this darn DD.

    My anxiety/depression is getting to me big time and when I awoke this morning I prayed hard that God would just get me through the day and help me with the children. I honestly don't think I can but I have no choice.

    My heart breaks for you and all of us and I have no words of wisdom, just a prayer.

    God Bless,
  5. 3gs

    3gs New Member

    Thank you all for the support and wise words.

    Altho I wish I was alone in this dd it does help to have others understand.

    greatgran I have followed your posts as we have much the same story. I am going to get 2 of my grandkids today and am praying it will go ok. I dont care what the cost is.

    I hope you all have a good day with less pain
  6. jasminetee

    jasminetee Member

    I'm in the same boat. I hate this. I'm very upset about losing the ability to do anything and I continually get worse too.

    Quanked did write an inspirational post. Those of you who have kids and pets in your lives are very lucky. I love kids and pets but I can't take care of them and don't have them around me.

    I've lost so much with these illnesses. But I do agree that I'm still able to enjoy things. I'm actually surprised that I'm still happy most of the time. I strive to be happy under whatever circumstances but it is very hard.

    I'm sorry you have to leave your condo 3gs. I hope things start looking up for you. I hope you get to enjoy visits with your grandkids too.

  7. MsE

    MsE New Member

    I, too, have explained and explained and explained. I sent one daughter an excellent article listing the problems that go along with this illness. Did that right before I spent a month visiting her. That helped a lot, she said. She was certainly considerate while I was with her, but occasionally she made a comment that let me know that she still didn't quite get it. Maybe no one can unless they've walked the walk.

    A couple of days ago I gave the same article to another daughter who was having trouble understanding and, I'm sorry to say, seems to have some of the same symptoms I have. She read the article--or at least part of it--and then became subdued. I asked her if she wanted to take it with her when she left, and her response was a very loud "No!" Maybe it pushed some buttons, huh?

    I know the trick is to smile and say "no" or "I will if I can when the time comes" when asked to do something or go someplace when I know or don't think I'm not up to it, but I still, after years of this, find that difficult.

    And those of you who mention grandchildren--I totally agree. One of my grandkids is eight-years-old. His other grandma is active--plays tennis and rides bikes with him--all that good stuff. I have to be the quiet grandma who reads stories. He is an extremely active little boy and guess which grandma is tops on his chart? Yes. It hurts.