Pain is so God awful unbearable, wish I were dead !

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by cupimick, Nov 9, 2002.

  1. cupimick

    cupimick Member

    Guys,

    I am at the end of my rope with this pain. I have tried so many things magnesium, malic acid , vitamins ,nsaids, MSM, am on lortabs, that is not taking the edge off. I've lost faith since been to so many drs, ,my dr is worthless, I asked if he would consider letting me try oxycotin just to see if it would deaden the pain so I could funtion, maybe go out and feel like a normal person but no way. I was so healthy before this awful dd came on and destroyed my life. today was bad, I was so upset and in so much pain that I ended up lashing out on my husband and throwing the remote Ijust can'tlive like this anymore, that is why I wish I were dead casue then I wouldn't have to suffer with this pain anymore I am sorry, for this post being so bad but I am just about at the end of my rope. I feel so alone and angry right now. My Dr should have CFS and then maybe the he would know what hell really is. Imagine your entire body , arms legs back throbbing like a toothache, that is my life and it never lets up. I am just so tired and fed up , If you don't wish to post it thats ok I just don't know where to turn to anymore.

    Deanna
  2. cupimick

    cupimick Member

    Guys,

    I am at the end of my rope with this pain. I have tried so many things magnesium, malic acid , vitamins ,nsaids, MSM, am on lortabs, that is not taking the edge off. I've lost faith since been to so many drs, ,my dr is worthless, I asked if he would consider letting me try oxycotin just to see if it would deaden the pain so I could funtion, maybe go out and feel like a normal person but no way. I was so healthy before this awful dd came on and destroyed my life. today was bad, I was so upset and in so much pain that I ended up lashing out on my husband and throwing the remote Ijust can'tlive like this anymore, that is why I wish I were dead casue then I wouldn't have to suffer with this pain anymore I am sorry, for this post being so bad but I am just about at the end of my rope. I feel so alone and angry right now. My Dr should have CFS and then maybe the he would know what hell really is. Imagine your entire body , arms legs back throbbing like a toothache, that is my life and it never lets up. I am just so tired and fed up , If you don't wish to post it thats ok I just don't know where to turn to anymore.

    Deanna
  3. tedebear

    tedebear New Member

    don't give up the ship. Take a nice warm bubble bath, light some candles, soft music, warm cup of tea (close the bath door) and enjoy. When you wake up after a good nap or night, rethink what action you'll take to resolve this.
    Maybe change drs., way you do things, etc....whatever YOU think the solution might be...but don't give up. It doesn't go away so you deal with it second by second. That is all we can do.
    Very soft hugs. (Enjoy the peace and quiet in the bathroom, even if only for 1 hr. PAMPER YOURSELF.
  4. karen2002

    karen2002 New Member

    I am so sorry---I know exactly where you are. There are some that have never experienced unrelenting horrible pain, so I understand that is hard for them to appreciate.
    Of course there ARE doctors that will use oxycontin, and other opiods to treat fibromyalgia pain. Some fibro patients experience severe pain, they need this kind of relief. I think if your current Doctor is not managing your pain you should look for another. There are doctors who understand the need for pain management, and do not believe the myths concerning strong medications. Those who dismiss our pain are as every bit, as uninformed as the doctors I mentioned. Just like every other aspect of fibro, it differs from individual to individual--that includes the severity of pain. I, too had reached the point, where it sounds like you find yourself now. Thankfully, just before I threw in the towel, I found an informed, doctor. My pain is being managed, finally. I am making improvement with his course of action. I can fully appreciate where you are--it hasnt been that long ago since I was there. There was no other diagnosis, as it has been implied, besides fibro--this pain was severe, and fibro caused it. A bubblebath was not even with in the realm of possibilities, as walking was out of the question. I know how severe it can get. Please feel free to email me. jkrather@ltex.net
    I know there are others here, who are sympathetic to that degree of pain, and will respond to you soon. So Sorry,
    Karen
  5. tlsparrow

    tlsparrow New Member

    Deanna,

    I was in exactly your shoes about a year and a half ago. I wanted to die. The pain ate up logic and smothered my hope. But I persisted and searched until I found the right doctor. Yes, I am now on oxycontin and it is the only thing that has given me any quality of life.

    Deanna, you must keep trying until you find a doctor willing to treat you correctly. Do you have an insurance book that lists all the doctors you can see under your plan. If so, look under pain management. Call each of them and ask to talk to a nurse. Explain your pain and where you are with this disease, and I'm sure she will be able to tell you how the doctor can treat you.

    I have to go through FIVE tries before I found the right one. BUT DON'T GIVE UP. Keep a diary of your pain and other symptoms and have your husband or someone in your family go along to the appointment for support and to verify how horribly you are feeling.

    I am soooo terribly sorry for you right now and I wish I lived by you so I could help.

    Please get on the phone and start calling doctors....do it NOW!

    Honey,if you want to talk further, my name is Terry and I'm at tlsparrow@aol.com.

    Help will come, just don't give up.

    Terry
  6. poodlegirl

    poodlegirl New Member

    It hurts so bad! How can it possibly hurt any worse?!
  7. clueless

    clueless New Member

    I too know where you are coming from and oxycontin given me by a pain specialist was the thing that saved me. Nothing else would touch the pain. When you are shaking , burning and spasaming all over you need something strong. Call another doctor right away. A pain specialist I found is more sensitive to your pain than a regular Dr.My rheumatolagist also thought I needed oxycontin. You have to get that pain under control first of all, then maybe you can look for alternatives to to the oxycontin. I have`nt reached that point yet and don`t know as I will but we will see. Please! look for another doctor, I wish we could pass this pain on to the doctors for a while so they could understand. I was told other doctors see my pain specialist so you can see they do`nt want to live in pain.God Bless and my thoughts and prayers are with you.
  8. cookiebaby

    cookiebaby New Member

    Deanna,

    I truly sympathize with your feelings of hopelessness and frustration and I agree with the other people who have suggested that if you don't feel like you're getting heard by your doctor that you should find one that listens to you.

    I was really disappointed earlier this summer after taking Ultram for several months -- it really helped me with the bad days. Then I had a really bad allergic reaction to it and had to quit taking it. It was sort of a trial as I can't take most codeine or morphine drugs because of allergic reactions in the past. Anyway, what I was wondering was if you had tried other things in the past besides the typical pain meds. My neurologist has me taking 150 mg of Effexor, a newer anti-depressant, which is supposed to be very effective for FM pain and I have definitely noticed a difference since I started taking it. It does not take the pain completely away, but takes it down to a much more manageable level. I also take 10 mg amitriptylline several hrs before bed and I also take Zanaflex which is supposed to help the brain un-learn the "wind-up" reflex of learned chronic pain. Maybe if your constant level of pain was at a lower level your pain meds would be more effective? I don't know -- just throwing out suggestions. Different things work for different people.

    Kathy


  9. Lynda B.

    Lynda B. New Member

    I know and understand. I have been doing this for 10 years and raising small children. I remember falling apart on the phone talking to the doc and saying that I try to keep a list of reasons to keep on living and at this point their were two. Those two were my kids.

    He did send me to a pain specialist who can and will prescrive oxycontin or other time released meds if the doctor thinks you will benefit from that. They gave physical therapy there too and other things. The big thing is that some place that call themselves "pain clinics" or "pain institutes" won't havve anything to do with the most recently recommended meds, like morphine or oxycontin or methadone, etc. A regular doc usually does not have the stuff to write a script for these powerful narcotics. The best place to go to see if you are a candidate is a pain physician that considers all aspects and combinations.

    Please consider going to a specialist on pain. That may be your only hope. I do understands how you feel. I have been there one time too many. My point being, once is too many.

    All my best,

    Lynda Bower
  10. goldie1

    goldie1 New Member

    I know exactly how you feel, been there done that! In my case I found that I had fungus and am hypothyroid. This is common especially for females. This fibro syndrome(which means the medical profession doesn't know what cause it)is the end result of years of your immune system being compromised, especially from antibiotics which allows fungus to take hold which in turns screws up our systems. In my case I started taking antibiotics when I was six and it continued. I am now 47 years old/young,I have my own decorating/construction business, I raise horses,do my own gardening/landscaping so I didn't have time to put up with the severe pain of this fibro. The sourse of my information was found on The Family Network with the program called Your Health with Doug Kaufmann as the host. The web site is www.iknowthecause.com Without the information I found on this show I wouldn't have been able to decrease the majority of the fibro symptoms. As for the fibro, you have to find what will work for you to decrease the pain, get better sleep and get busy to increase your muscle tissue. It is an up hill battle but I feel so much better than I did six months ago. I will be starting thyroid medication Synthoid which should improve the few symptoms that remain. I have researched every avenue to this fibro and tried everything. The book,"Fungus Link" by Doug Kaufmann, hit the nail on the head for me. This book also covers other ailments with the root cause being fungus. Most people haven't heard about this route because it isn't taught in medical school,yet!
    Hope this will help as it has been the only thing that worked for me. Remember,you didn't get to this point overnight and it will take time to undo the problem.
    Cathy
  11. allhart

    allhart New Member

    GO TO URGENT CARE OR THE ER AND TELL THEM WHAT YOU TOLD US THEY WILL GIVE YOU PAIN MEDS THEN MAKE A APPT WITH YOUR DR AND TELL HIM YOU HAD TO GO TO THE ER TO GET MEDS BECAUSE YOU ARE SO BAD,PLEASE PLEASE JUST MAKE YOUR SELF GO IVE BEEN WHERE YOU ARE RECENTLY THE DRS AT UC OR THE ER WIIL HELP
    HUGS KARA
  12. kats1978

    kats1978 New Member

    I have been there, lost e book and every time I try to get back to my feet, it hurts....I wish tat I wasn't this young and that the docs listen to me in the beginning....I mean this is bad...way the military docs don't want to listen to the civil side is beyond me....find yourself a good internist and make sure that you tell them everything and see if they actually listen
  13. kadywill

    kadywill New Member

    I have had suicidal tendencies when my pain was unbearable before....Right now, I am not, but the pain is horrendous. I know and I empathize. There IS help and there IS hope. There ARE meds that can at least take the edge off. I blow up at my husband, too; it's part of the process and he loves me, so he gets over it. Do what you can to treat all the symptoms and find a better doctor, okay????? Pain clinic????? Are you taking your hot epsom salts baths just to help a little? They do help me IF I can bend down enough to get IN the tub. I do not minimize your pain by saying, "Take a hot bath." This is proven to help the pain just enough that you can close your eyes and rethink your agenda. You HAVE to take action, girl, and find help. Do whatever you have to do to find relief, but suicide is no option....I know what I am talking about. My mother did this and I can't get over it. I know how it feels to want it to all end, but better days are always around the corner with this ailment of ours. Good and bad days alternate all the time. The Serenity Prayer helps me, too. I am not making light of this, I promise; I live with this all the time. e-mail one of us when you need to.......address is on my profile. Hang on another day, but be vigilant and find someone to help you manage your pain. DO THIS NOW....AT THIS MINUTE....GET OFF THE PC AND GET ON THE PHONE....I AM YELLING AT YOU SO THAT YOU'LL HEAR ME, OKAY?????????? do it now!!!
    Love,
    Kady
    [This Message was Edited on 11/12/2002]
  14. PaulMark

    PaulMark New Member

    Deanna: Since we are venting and you are being so frank, i'm there most days, the type of pain i have is more CFIDS related to the TH2 overactivation and please everyone understand i am not miniminizing anyone else's pain, everykone's pain is "pain" to them and many have pain unable to described . My "pain" is an immune thing i so poorly have attempted to described as a sandpaper dry dry fire ant burning tingling raspy with dry non productive intermitten "painful" dry cough 24/7 for 5 yrs. now. I"ve doeveloped more of the body achign and flu like and muscle pain and i'm bedridden 24/7 , my gut ecology is shot , i have frequent binging episodes on junk i can't seem to control and my Dr. is Dr. Cheney the most know. dr. in the US on cfids. and no i don't blame him the problem is he is so darned expensive i can't call him or fax him everytime i have a question, my last p. consult was l530 bucks and i'm paying on that forever more stress.

    SO what i'm saying to you DEANNA dear is that you mirror my feelings exactly our pain may be different symptoms, but it's still, pain, Cheney said narcotics will not help the type of immune abberation pain etc. in my particular case i'm on low dose neurtonin which simply helps my nerves, some

    and helps me sleep along with he klonipin.

    FOR the post on fungus are you talking YEAST?? He has me on a live bakers cell yeast called S. Bourlardi and i think i'm developing an allergic type reaction to it my tongue breaks out all the time, but who knows probably too much sugar and the TH2 overaction thing that cause many more food sensitivties per dr. cheney,

    SO he doesn't like to use the med. fungul drugs, i'm so sick many of htem are hard on liver,

    what would you use the post lady on the fungus???????

    DEANNA i will say a special prayers for you because i am there daily, i many days want to eat a bottle of pills just to get some relief, but then i fear eternal damanation cause i was raised int he church and it would leave a poor legacy to my l7 yr old daughter who never comes to see me

    even though she lives only 7 miles away with her mom,

    and this adds to me feeling of not wanting to live with cfids

    So know many of us do care, deanna,

    paul mark

    paulstory@iolky.com

  15. kadywill

    kadywill New Member

    have you called for help yet???? How are you??? You haven't let us know and I am very concerned. Please respond and tell us how you're feeling. Please.
    Love,
    Kady
  16. s43

    s43 New Member

    Sorry your feeling like that,i think we all go through phases like that.We are strong peole to cope with everything that is thrown at us with this dd.You need a good doc to help you on the road to a better time,just think how would your family cope without you.nobody knows what the pain is like to have day in day out,i sometimes say to my husband if he only had the pain for 1 day he would understand why i get so down.Take care you have a lot of good friends here for you any time day or night.luv Sharon
  17. kay

    kay New Member

    if you can, an ebsent salt bath with baking soda. I have been where you are also, many times. My doctor ordered me an alpha stim 100 through my insurance company. I have written about this before, and I am soooo mch better. Its unbelievable, and honestly, I dont know what I would do without it now. Let us know how you are doing!!!! Linda
  18. Sherri

    Sherri New Member

    This is my first time here but i DO HAVE A SUGGESTION I have been on oxy. for almost 5 years now with it helping somewhat. My dr. put on neurontin and it has helped so much!! Maybe it could help other people too!!!
    [This Message was Edited on 11/12/2002]
  19. Jan39

    Jan39 New Member

    would like to know what this is,in a lot of pain here too,and never heard of it in the UK
  20. Desertboy

    Desertboy New Member

    Deanna,

    I am so sorry that you are in pain. I am having the same problems. My doctor has cut my pain meds and other preventives down from a functioning level to a level that I am taking an average 1 day per week off for not being able to move and the intense migraines. I have begged him to keep me on the meds since I was living a fully functional life and not experiencing any side effects. He says that I will fry my liver since I have been on Lortab 10/500 for a year and previous I was on high dose Vicodin. I have taken Oxycontin 30mg twice per day with just 3 regular strength Vicodin to stop break through pain, but the doctor will not write it. I know all about the throbbing. My life partner is suffering since I do not want to do anything but come home from work and sleep. Sleep is the only time I am not in pain. I used to have a social life, but now since the doctors cut my meds (thanks to my sister who works there) I am not being PRODUCTIVE and not LIVING a life.

    Hang in there. I have been out looking for a new doctor. If any one can help, I live in Southern California (Riverside Co.) I am not afraid to pay for the visit if the doctor is good. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

    Remember.....offer your smile no matter how hard it is, since there is always someone else that needs a smile...

    "Desertboy"