Pain pain go away I can't take it much more

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by rosemarie, Jun 15, 2010.

  1. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    I am under so much stress these days that I don't know if I am comming or going.Since last year stress has been a constant preseance in my life. Feb of last year my hubby lost his job and it took over 10 months to find one that paid more than $8.00 per hour. We had to sell our house as we could not afford the payments.
    Now we still don't have any money as my hubby makes less than he did on unemployment. We struggle every day. I have no dental inusrance, or insurance for vision care. I had a tooth abcess and the pain was so bad that it made me flare for weeks , even after I had it pulled. That cost me close to $200.00 and I have had to set up payment plans to pay for it. I got new glasses and was under then impression that I had inssurance to assist paying for my new glass's , I had no choice but to get new glass's as the old pair broke.

    I am so worried about my husband he is diebeitc and is sugars are too high too often. I only bring home 311.10 a month.
    Last week I played with my grandchildren for a couple of hours while my daughter took photos of the newset grandson. I danced around the room with them and they had a ball. By the time my daughter arrived I was crying in so much pain. It has not ever gotten better , I hurt worse daily and I don't know why. I thought I would do better after the stress of selling our house was done and over with but so far I spend every night in a recliner doseing off and on and can't sleep in my bed. I wake up when my husband gets up for work and then crawl into bed. And sleep for a few hours, in the afternoon the fatique hits me around 4-7 pm and it is all I can do to keep my eye's open.
    I want to be well enough to help me youngest daughter when she has her baby. Her husband will be over seas in afgansitain for up to 18 months. He hope fully will make it home for the baby's birth. I want to spend a week with my daughter , so she has some help with the 3 kids. Braxton will be in kindergarten full time all day Kari will be in pre-school 3 hours a day. I am so worried that she will need help and there is no one but me to help her. My other daughters will have new babies when she has hers. So they won't be able to help. One had her baby last Monday a boy and she has 6 weeks off and then back to work fulltime.I still have to help care for my 82 yr old mother, doctor vists, ER trips ect.
    I feel like I am at the end of my rope , I am always in pain , fatiqued, and overly emotional. I don't know what to do any m ore. I don't have a real pain doctor, and don't get to see my rehumy very often, he does not know how to help me out other than with strong pain meds. Which he does. But it is such a pain as I can't get them filled sooner than 30 days.
    sorry for the novel tonight, I just needed to vent a bit. My dear hubby does nto really understand what fibro does to me along with the rest of my problems DDD, spinal stenosis, buldign disc's , need both knee's replaced { d ont' want to have any more surgery and I can't afford it}
    Thanks for listening to me gripe. Fibro is not a friend it is taking over my l ife it feels.
  2. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    I have back problems as well...i know what youre going thru there. Pain meds saved me. When my dd gave birth to my grandson i wanted to stay a wk to help her. I just couldnt do it. I felt awful cos i really wanted to help but out but could manage only 3 days and i paid dearly for it. You can only do what you can do and no more. It will only hurt you if you do. We give the best of what weve got. No one can ask more than that. Im sorry things are bad right now...ive no good advice to give so ill just send you a hug instead.
  3. glenda2

    glenda2 New Member

    i know how you feel.. the pain has taken my life too.kepp thinking it will get better WRONG it just gets worse. i just keep telling myself no matter how bad it gets someone else has it harder so i am thankful & pray that the other feel relief along with me...hang in there it has nowhere to go but up!
  4. ilovepink4

    ilovepink4 Member

    Sweetie, my vote is to get into bed and pull the quilt up high and stay there for a few days, a week, a month....

    "I want to be well enough to help me youngest daughter when she has her baby"
    -your words....

    You WANT to be well enough....yep, I totally know what you are saying!!! It doesn't matter how much I want to be able to have my old life back, it AIN"T coming back. :O(

    "I feel like I am at the end of my rope , I am always in pain , fatiqued, and overly emotional. I don't know what to do any m ore."---Rosemarie

    No kidding. You are fighting it and trying to continue to help others. You just can't do it anymore.

    Repeat after me," I just can't do it anymore." Darlin' you HAVE to cut back. You just HAVE to.

    We need to start accepting our limitations and quit feeling guilty about it. It is called acceptance. It is a bitter pill to swallow but we have to get there or we suffer so much more!

    Is there another grandma to help out, too? with your daughter's new baby? and regarding your mum, do you have siblings that could help? I am not really asking because I want to know, I am just throwing suggestions out there.

    Sometimes we have to just say Tough. I can't do it. It is not my job to find my replacement. I can't help you. It is okay for me to just take care of me. It is a full time job at times!

    What I have had to do, because we have 4 with a severe physical I have cut almost everything else out of my life so that every drop of my strength goes to my family. I have a short list of jobs around here but I am careful to conserve my energy for the ones that are the most important.

    Sometimes it feels like we need permission from anyone, to step back and focus on ourselves so that we can be of use. Just in a reduced capacity. I always feel so relieved when my hubby says, "Chill out. Just don't do it. You don't have to do that! " and he is right! Much of the time, I don't have to do it!!!

    So, cut back. You have our permission.
  5. Debra49659

    Debra49659 New Member

    I am wondering if you would be eligible for SSI....or possibly help from the state?? If I were you I would make some phone calls to SSA and the state.

    Best wishes
  6. Sheila1366

    Sheila1366 New Member

    I understand the whole money problem, I am there too.

    Just do the best you can. Gotta rest and pace yourself. Is there anyone that can help with your mother? I am sure your daughter will understand if you can't help out everyday.

    Be gentle with yourself and don't beat yourself up if you need to take a break from it all and rest.
  7. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

  8. gapsych

    gapsych New Member

    This economy has taken its toll on so many people. Add to that feeling awful, all the responsibilities and such going on in your life. Who wouldn't be at the end of their rope?

    I think ilovepink4 makes a good point. You are damaging your health by having to handle all of these situations. You are only human. We all have our limits.

    It is so hard to say no especially when it is difficult to care for our grandchildren. Something to consider is if you are not feeling well and having to take care of the kids, you won't be at your best to take care of them.

    If/when I babysit, and my daughter asks if I am up to it, I say you know I would never endanger the kids by me not being at my best. So she really understands if I say I can't do it. It's not fair to the kids nor to my health. It just about kills me when I can't.

    Would you qualify for some services for you and possibly your mom? Do your daughter's have friends who can help. Maybe rotate among friends to lessen the stress. What about the husbands? Can they help? Do they have relatives that can pitch in?

    I don't know who you would talk to you in your town but a social worker might be able to hook you up with some services. A social worker at your local hospital may help with any medical bills.

    You have so many things going on right now. I sure don't have any answers but you have a lot of people rooting for you on this board. Maybe others will have some ideas.

    Take care of yourself. Give you some "me" time. Much easier said than done as well as do as I say and not as I do.

    This DD just sucks, doesn't it?


    ETA Something I just thought of. Have you had a sleep study? Often if we can get our sleep under control it can help our pain. I was just diagnosed with Obstructive Sleep Apnea. I had no idea, I stopped breathing 51 times per hour. Do you snore? If you snore it does not mean you have OSA but just about everyone who has OSA snores. What about your husband?

    Something I did not know is that you do not have to be heavy to have OSA even though it is a risk factor. I thought I would be able to get off the CPAP if I lost weight. No such luck. Often it can be the way your mouth, nose. tongue, you name it, is structured. As we get older in this situation as in after 50 the muscles in our throat may become lax. My dentist used to complain when working on my teeth as I have such a small mouth structure and air passage.

    The CPAPs of yesterday are gone. Today's models are quiet and the masks aren't invasive. I will put it on at night and not even think about it. Sometimes I will wake up and think I don't have the mask on when I do.

    Just a thought.
  9. hagardreams

    hagardreams New Member

    I have a 6 month old grandson, and I have a hard time just holding him, even if he is sitting on my lap. Its very frustrating! I just want to cuddle him, and it hurts so bad.

    I know about the emotional roller coaster. Its hard to deal with, on top of the pain. I keep wondering why I fight to stay here, when I know that I am going to have pain. Yes I take my pain meds, but what happens when the day comes when they no longer work. I still say that Dr. Kevorkian must have had some patients with fibro!

    I still hang on for a cure! But I hang on to win the lottery also. Oh well.

  10. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Today my daughter went for her 20 week ultrasound and found out that the umbicial cord is missing a artery. It should have two arteries and one vein , she had one artery and one vein. This can cause birth defects, low birth weight,kidney and bladder problems, chromesomal {sp} defects, or the baby could be born early. That was the bad news , the rest of the ultrasound was good, the baby's heart , lungs, brain, spine ,kidney's, and bladder are all developed and fine no defects, the baby is growing.. She said that the doctor at the hosptial where she had the ultrasound done stated that the baby looks really good. and she has to go back for a non stress test and another ultrasound in 12 weeks.
    My daughter told me that after she upset her self by doing a search for this condition she came to her sense's when a friend told her that if this was really serious she would not be waiting 12 weeks for the next ultrasound and non stress test. If this had been really bad she would have been sent to see a high risk OB specialist. She still may have to. but she has two weeks till she see's her own OB. She will have lots of questions for her Ob. I think that her hubby may be home by then for the month of July or shortly after that appointment.
    She will have him with her for a month and then he is gone over sea's for 12 months to 18 months. HE will be able to come home for 2 weeks for the delivery and then off again.

    I told her that she could move back here where all the family is but she has finally gotten the kids in special schools for speech problems. And does not want to move again and if she had to deliver early the hospital w here she lives has one of the best neonatal units in the state of Utah.
    Her In Law's are in Baton Rouge La and still have kids in school and FIL is in the army full time and is stationed in La. {Same state as new orleans is in} They can't come out here for a while as her FIL is needed at his base. All of my daughters are having babies this year baby one is a week old.. and his mommy will be working full time after her materiany leave. 6weeks Middle daughter is due in OCt and so is the youngest daughter who is the one with the problems.

    IF I thought that stress did n't make me hurt more I was wrong I know that there is nothing I can do to help her but listen to her when she needs to talk. We live over an hour away from her. I don't know how to let go and let some one else take car of my family. I wanted kids so bad that now that they are adults I still want to be there for them.
    Yes non of them really get what fibro is or that because I have other pain issues I get fatiqued eassier faster, and it l asts longer. Yes I know that if I were to stay with her I would be in more pain than ever but there is no one else to do it.
    As for the money issuse's I am already on SSDI and have been for 4 yrs, I just don't get much money.
    Well have to go as we have a thunder storm bearing down on us. so see ya later]
  11. Misfit101

    Misfit101 New Member

    Im honestly not saying this to be mean or rude...but would it be the end of the world if she had to do this on her own with maybe a little help from you when you could manage it? I had no help with my kids and their father didnt so much as feed one bottle. Ever. I managed to do it. It would have been nice to have a little help but i didnt and i survived. More importantly my kids survived lol. We WANT to help but sometimes its just not possible. And if youre needing meds sooner than 30 days maybe its time for a chat w your dr? Might be time for a change. You want to be able to give your best to your family but this disease MANDATES that you take care of YOU 1st. Its very unforgiving if you dont. Its the one in control now. It will make you put it 1st or its so going to get even with you if you dont. You have to listen to it bc it has the loudest voice and has the ability to hurt you if you dont.