Painful remarks to go with painful body

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by maplesugar, Sep 16, 2003.

  1. maplesugar

    maplesugar New Member

    Hello,
    I have been in such terrible pain from Wide spread Osteo and spinal problems Stenosis, Slipped disc, bulging disc 2 bad hips that canes and walkers aren't enough anymore. But [people I know) Have forgotten what a worker I was for 48 years. I had a full time job(Food sevice Dir./cook), a small farm and a snack bar. I was a work-a-holic ,Lots of lifting and suffer the effects of wear and tear. One person I know said you are suffering because you retired and now you don't do anything(I still clean my house and cook from a wheelchair,mow my lawn with a riding mower(very painful but I still do it. Wash my van from my wheelchair.Etc. What nerve that person has!I had to retire at 63yr.because the pain got so bad. Then I had to go into debt for an $1800.00 scooter that I really could not afford. It feels so good to be able to go to a fair or flea market again and not suffer. Then I ran into an acquaintance that told my Bob ,I can see why she needs a scooter , she is overweight and her legs can't take it. Bob got angry because he encouraged me to get the scooter. I am heavy, I was when I worked for 48 yrs. non stop. I am Not grossly overweight. Then I had a coworker say ,you haven't had that hip operated on yet? as she chucked about it. The Doctors don't know what is causing the most pain hips or spine. When they know what I should do and I feel ready then I will do what I have to. Do people honestly think we feel like having to give up all the things we used to like to do. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH PEOPLE? WHY DO THEY SAY HURTFUL THINGS? I WOULDN'T THINK OF SAYING ANYTHING THAT UNKIND.
    I'm sure others have had the same experiance.
    Disgusted and Venting......Maplesugar
    [This Message was Edited on 09/16/2003]
  2. kimkane

    kimkane New Member

    1ST OFF I HAVE TO SAY I LOVE THE NAME SUGAR MAPLE, VERY COMFORTING TO ME. XXOO.
    YES PEOPLE ARE AND CAN WILL BE SO CRUEL YOU JUST WANT TO BLOW UP OR PUT A HEX ON EM, LOL. I HAVE BEEN THERE FOR A TIME NOW, AND I AM AT THE POINT WHERE I THINK, WHAT GOES AROUND WILL COME AROUND.
    DO NOT WASTE YOUR ENERGY ON THEM, USE IT FOR YOU AND YOURS.
    I HAVE GOTTEN RID OF ALL THE TOXIC THINGS IN MY LIFE, NO MATTER WHO OR WHAT. I SIMPLY HADD TO. IT IS HARD BBUT WHAT EELSE CAN YOU DO??
    ONE DAY AT A TIME, ONE HOUR OR ONE MINUTE AT A TIME
    LOVE AND SOFT HUGS KIMK
  3. maplesugar

    maplesugar New Member

    Hi there !
    Thanks for the reply and understanding words. Glad you like my Vermont name. Thank goodness that there are nice people like you that understand what it is to have pain change your whole life. I was a outdoor person- fishing hiking ,mushrooming , berrying enjoyed the woods and rivers I miss that but still enjoy riding and what limited painful walking that I'm able to do.
    I hope that you are finding some relief from your pain.
    Hugs right back at you ....Maplesugar
  4. catgal

    catgal New Member

    Hi Maplesugar~~I was amazed at all you had accomplished in your lifetime--especially not retiring till age 63 with such severe ailments. You must have a great deal of courage & moxy!

    I am 54, was born with asthma/allergies/IBS; have had FM/CFS since my early teens; through the years developed osteoarthritis, psoriatic arthritis, rheumatoid arthritis, psoriasis, and advanced degenerative disc disease with bulging discs, 3 discs completely degenerated, herniated discs, shattered vertebraes, a ruptured disc in my neck/shoulder area, and many other back problems with long names. I could relate entirely about your pain and how excruciating it can be and how frustratingly debilitating. And to add to our misery--these are invisible illnesses. If my kleenex boxes could talk, they'd tell you a multitude of stories about sleepless nights, floods of tears, and feelings of loneliness & isolation with these ailments.

    I struggle to work 3 days a week; have had to give up being a good housekeeper; and my heart aches for all the many things I used to love to do--hiking, rowing, dancing, mountain climbing--that I can no longer do. I remember when the only thing in my medicine cabinet was a small bottle of tylenol. Now it looks like a well stocked pharmacy.

    It has taken me a great deal of time to come to terms with my illnesses, the griefs & losses, the changes in me, a lifestyle that is limited, the physical pain, the melancholy days....all the sticks & stones that have ravaged my body. It took alot of patience, prayers, and gut-determination to make peace with my condition, with taking bottles & bottles of medications, and living a life I had never anticipated. But perhaps the most difficult battle was dealing with the ignorance of others who didn't have a clue as to what I was going through. Their thoughtless, unkind words that slashed and tore at my already damaged self-esteem; ugly words; harsh words; painful words from people who couldn't imagine what it was like to live in my body for one day.

    And then during one of my lowest times, I realized that I didn't have to prove my illness to anyone, or explain myself over & over again, or make excuses & apologies. That it was "my response" to the unkind words of these uninformed people that was killing me, eating me up, bringing me down. I couldn't control anyone else's lack of understanding or compassion--I could only adjust my response to it, and I forgave their ignorance, let it all go, and got on with creating the best possible life for myself I could. And their cruel words lost the power to hurt me. I turned all my valuable energy towards positive things in my life and eliminated the negative. What I thought of me was what mattered, and what would eventually turn my life around. And forgiveness freed me from carrying the burden of their issues.

    We have enough to deal with without taking on other people's careless words or negative attitudes. It's OUR LIFE, and we'll make the best of it we can and not judge ourselves by what other's say nor carry their baggage around.

    You inspired me when you said you retired at 63--for at 54 I'm struggling to hang in there with a 30 year career I love. When you listed all the things you had accomplished inspite of all your maladies and set-backs....it renewed my Spirit. You've earned the right to retire, to take care of yourself, to kick back and live life your way. If others are envious--let them dwell in their envy....meanwhile~~jump on your scooter and ride girl!

    Blessings to you, Carol....
  5. ksp56

    ksp56 Member

    I feel sorry for all of the ignorant people there are in the world. Your accomplishments are awesome and the fact that you still clean your van, housekeep,and the many other
    things you do from a wheelchair, amaze me! Not everyone would do as great as you have.


    People are insensitive and cruel sometimes, especially when it is about something they don't understand. They really aren't worth the effort of caring about. Easier said than done, I know!

    You have many here who care about you. Just think of this as your second home... I do!

    By the way, I love your name too......

    Many gentle hugs,

    Kim-

  6. darlamk

    darlamk New Member

    BOTH of you are an inspiration!! Carol, you always have the best guidance and kind words to give to others. Maplesugar, you have definately paid your dues and deserve to be retired and proud of your accomplishments! It is so sad that mean spirited people have to say hurtful things to feel better about themselves! Just rise aboue all that & like Carol said "Ride that scooter!"
    Respectfully,
    Darla
  7. maplesugar

    maplesugar New Member

    Hi CatGal,
    Thank you so much for the inspiring words.Thanks for the understanding. I read your bio. and I think you and I walk the same forest paths.Although I'm Italian, Native American people and cultures fascinate me. I love the way Native Americans feel about the land ,water and heavens. My Bob calls me the Italian Indian. I can't be out in the woods so I've been writing a book about a Native American couple and a family of wolves. I have my characters do all the things I liked to do, Mushrooming,picking fiddlehead ferns , cooking outdoors etc etc. My love of animals and nature created my wolf characters. I wander across this land on paper and the ink tells my story. Great Fun and it's something I can do that doesn't hurt !!! I hope to get it published .I'm sure if we lived close to each other we could become fast friends. We have the same interest. I no longer have a cat, but have had many. Now I have a loving doberman friend and an old beagle. On cold winter nights Bob an I cuddle with them. They are great friends too! I think pets help us to cope with pain and keep us going. And they don't say mean things Ha Ha. Thanks again... I hope you can get some sort of relief from your pain. Which must be terrible. You sure have a way of making others feel better. I shall get on my scooter and ride down our country lane and enjoy all nature has to offer. Especially our beautiful autumn leaves. May the Great Spirit smile upon you !
    Hugs .... Vermont Maplesugar
  8. maplesugar

    maplesugar New Member

    Hi Kim,
    Thank you for the encouraging words. Thank goodness there are more nice people in the world then there are others that are not so caring. I can excuse statements made from lack of knowlege but rudeness makes me angry. But now , because of your nice words, I will put a smile on my face and ride on my new scooter !! Glad you like my name I thought it was kind of catchy!!
    Syl...... Maplesugar
    ps. just read your bio. I'm glad you got to spend quality time with your parents. I lost mine too but took care of both of them and loved them more than I can say. I noticed you also had cancer. I had cervical cancer in 1989 but I was lucky and have been cancer free since radiation and implants. God Bless and may your wonderful memories keep your loved ones close to you HUGS ...Maplesugar[This Message was Edited on 09/17/2003]
  9. Mikie

    Mikie Moderator

    There are those out there who are so sick and insecure that they only feel good when they are tearing others apart, often others who have suffered some kind of illness or unfortunate turn of affairs. They are to be pitied. I know their words can hurt, but you will simply have to turn a deaf ear and not let these jerks define who you are as a person.

    These people are toxic and you need to get away from them at warp speed. I recently wrote a post about not letting these people run our lives and it was one of the most read and responded to posts in ages. Don't waste an ounce of energy on them; they aren't worth it.

    Love, Mikie

  10. maplesugar

    maplesugar New Member

    Hi Darla,
    Yes Carol ,CatGal does know how to make others feel better, just like you. Thanks for reminding me that I earned my retirement. Sounds like you have a nice supportive hubby and nice kids. You like the outdoors too! We used to like to go to camp and camping too. I hope you can find some help with your pain. It sure is nice to meet people that are caring and understanding. Just wish that you didn't have the pain that creates the understanding.
    Good Luck .... Fondly Maplesugar
  11. annetteg1969

    annetteg1969 New Member

    Maplesugar I'm so sorry you had to go through that!You've worked haRD ALL YOUR LIFE.Don't let them get you down.You sound like a great person it's what's inside that counts!!!I am 34 and have FM noone really understands when I can hardly function,Because I look healthy but am not.Just wanted you to know I care .I live in NH so we're neighbors.Hugs to you!!!Annetteg
  12. maplesugar

    maplesugar New Member

    Hi Mikie,
    All you folks are so nice. Usually things don't bother me but sometimes I think constant pain wears you down, and you get weak. You folks have recharged my batteries! The only batteries that will get weak from now on will be my SCOOTER BATTERIES. I'll wave and smile as I go happily on my way minus pain!!! Why I can even walk my dogs again and they Love it. .....Fond Regards ...Maplesugar
  13. maplesugar

    maplesugar New Member

    Hi Annette,
    So we are neighbors!! What part of New Hampshire? One of our favorite spots is the Weirs , all of New Hampshire is nice. Thanks for the understanding words. I hope you will find understanding folks, Pain doesn't always show because most of us grin and bear it as long as we can. I hope you can get some help with your pain.
    A Big Vermont Bear Hug from Maplesugar in Vermont.
    ps. Saw a tiny baby bear near Baker Valley NH he was sooo cute.

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