This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way, Would any of us have chosen it???!!!! PARENTAL UNIT Job Description POSITION : Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma, Ima Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop, Abba JOB DESCRIPTION** : -Long term, team players needed, for challenging, permanent work in an often chaotic environment. -Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24-48 hour shifts on call. -Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! -Travel expenses not reimbursed. -Extensive courier duties also required. RESPONSIBILITIES : These will always be relevant for the rest of your life, since the responsibilities will automatically be extended to any grandchildren, as well as retroactive to any adult children depending on the situation: -Must be willing and able to immediately be able to operate on little to no sleep and, at the same time, also be able to make sound rational decisions. Required to also at times disregard one's own personal or physical condition -Assumption of this job will require no expectation of thanks -Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, and not take it personally. -Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. -Must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat just in case, this time, the screams from the backyard are not someone just crying 'wolf'. -Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets, stuck zippers. -Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects for many years. -Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. -Must be willing to be considered indispensable one minute and an embarrassment the next, without warning. -Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. -Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst. -Must assume final and complete accountability for the quality of the end product. -Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION : None. Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining or expectation of appreciation, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you. PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE : None required (unfortunately) and you take the job entirely at your own risk despite no experience. You will get instant on-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis. WAGES AND COMPENSATION : Get this! You pay them! and will be offering frequent raises and bonuses. NOTES: Yearly balloon payments may be due for an unspecified period of time when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college or any other further training will help them become financially independent. When you die, you give them whatever is left. (The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more...) BENEFITS : NO health or dental insurance NO pension NO tuition reimbursement NO paid holidays NO stock options However, this job supplies limitless opportunities for: personal growth, unconditional love, unguaranteed free hugs and kisses for life ** FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! Forward this on to all the parents you know, including your own, in appreciation for everything they do/have done on a daily basis, for taking the job on... or forward with love to anyone thinking of applying for the job.