partner with FMS...searching for answers

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by sggas, Dec 1, 2002.

  1. sggas

    sggas New Member

    I have been looking for someone to chat with regarding the struggles of living with fibro. I have a fiance (male) with FMS. He suffers from chronic pain, fatigue, and sexual disinterest etc. etc. I would really like to chat with people (preferably a male in his mid-forties)who can give me understanding into what he is living with and hopefully give me a better understanding toward his disease and how I could support him through the tough times and also help myself with the struggles and not knowing what condition he will be in from one moment to the next.
  2. sggas

    sggas New Member

    I have been looking for someone to chat with regarding the struggles of living with fibro. I have a fiance (male) with FMS. He suffers from chronic pain, fatigue, and sexual disinterest etc. etc. I would really like to chat with people (preferably a male in his mid-forties)who can give me understanding into what he is living with and hopefully give me a better understanding toward his disease and how I could support him through the tough times and also help myself with the struggles and not knowing what condition he will be in from one moment to the next.
  3. kadywill

    kadywill New Member

    We have several candid and knowledgeable males here, so hold on and they'll respond. The weekends can be kinda slow, so we'll bump this as necessary to make sure one of the guys sees it.
    Love,
    Kady
  4. susabar

    susabar New Member

    I hope your not involved with him!!!!
    only joking.... I can tell you that my husband ( the new one) has a problem with depression, and a very bad back... some days he's a dynamo but most days he's not... There also doesn't seem to be a pattern one can follow with him. It's a tough life as a result. Now that I have FM we don't know what tomorrow is going to bring... I really think he got worse after we got married... just my experience but you may want to rethink marriage. This is a tough illness and I don't think I'd want to live with me !!!
    Best of luck to you
  5. Stormy214

    Stormy214 New Member

    but I think the principal is rather the same, so I'll give you MY point of view, anyway. I'm the one with FM, and my poor husband is the one who has to live with me. Once upon a time, I was the "randiest" woman you can imagine for my age! After all these years, I still found my husband, attractive, desirable, and emotionally, my "soft place to fall," (as Dr. Phil--my idol!--likes to put it), and our sex life was wonderful! Then, suddenly, fibro took over my life. Finding the energy to get out of bed in the morning, take care of a house/family and go to work was more than I could manage. Physically, I can't stand having my clothing touching my body many days, so the thought of HANDS going there are completely out of the question. It is impossible for me to become aroused when all my brain can focus on is "what can I do to avoid more pain?" I don't truly know if men are affected the same way as we women are, but I am assuming that to some degree, it must be so; we are both mammals, after all! ;-) Anyway, I hope that helps you understand a little what FM is like, and that you shouldn't take your fiance's lack of interest personally. I still WANT to want my husband as I always have; I still love him desperately, and find him attractive...it's just the pain that gets in the way. I hope you and your fiance find your way through this, and that you can be as loving and supportive through the difficult times, as my husband as been for me. Since the bulk of our life is suffering, we truly need "a soft place to fall." On the other hand, I know that there are great sacrifices to be made by you, and believe me when I say I don't belittle that! If you are able to see your way through it, you are truly one of God's chosen! It takes a hell of a person, and a special kind of love, to be able to deal with the hardships this DAMN DISEASE (there, I said it....now Shirl or Mikie will have to edit it, but that's ok *wink-wink*)puts on a relationship; I know my husband TRIES so very hard to understand, but it is something difficult to empathize with unless you've been there. You have my prayers, truly you do, for you have your own rough course ahead of you.
    Prayer and Peace,
    Stormy
  6. theimpossibleflute

    theimpossibleflute New Member

    I'm female, but I too am engaged and just recently my fiancee has decided he needs time to think about whether or not he can deal with me and the dd. My advice to you? If you truly love him, BE THERE TO SUPPORT HIM!!!!!!!!! I know I dearly miss the support my fiancee gave me;am hoping and praying he returns to me. Best of luck and don't let go. Everything works out in the end.

    Abby
  7. Shirl

    Shirl New Member

    To our world! I am female too, but we do have some great guys here, and I do hope they read your call for help.

    I have had Fibro for 20 years, been married to the same guy for 30 years, so he has been there, did that, and I might get him a tee shirt to prove it!

    On the serious side, it seems the hardest thing you will have to deal with is your social life. Its just not possible to make plans in advance. We truly have no control on how we are going to 'feel' when the time comes to meet commitments.

    I always tell people(and so does my husband), if I am able, I will be there. Thats the best we can do. My husband learned to accept this.

    As for the sex, just go with how he is feeling. If he is able, then thats fine. If he is in pain, then thats next to impossible. It is not mind over matter.

    We have learned that sex is a small part of our lives, and that just being together and loving one another is most important. But thats a matter of choice here with us.

    I hope you are a patient person, because it takes a lot of patience to live with someone suffering from this illness.

    Shalom, Shirl

  8. Stormy214

    Stormy214 New Member

    for the sex question! You are not alone...trust us!
    Peace,
    Stormy
  9. Annette2

    Annette2 New Member

    I too am an FMS sufferer. When I'm tired and sore, I enjoy nothing more than being held and cuddled by my husband. It soothes me and calms me down. If you do this, it will show him that you care for him and it won't threaten him. Why not start with this and see what happens?
  10. alsu

    alsu New Member

    i am now 54,I have had this DD over 15years.I only wish i could give you a real insight into it all,i still have no idea how i will feel from one moment to the next.The one thing that has kept's me going is my long suffering,loving wife.In this area you seem to be doing fine.I am sure this will mean a lot to your partner.Love & support is the main things we need.
    As far as treatment is concerned,i'm still looking for the one to suit me.Regaurding the sexual side,I have just found out that my testosterone level is 30%below normal.I have started a course of Testosterone injections.I had my third
    jab yesterday.I have allready noticed a differance,in both interest&abilty.this maybe worth him checking out.
    If you would like to ask my wife or me for help please do.We will be glad if we could help.

    Bye for now alan....U.K