Discussion in 'Homebound/Bedbound' started by gb66, Nov 28, 2017.
I found some old posts that are really funny. I've reposted them below.
You Know You Have CFS/ME FM When:
Dust bunnies become pets.
When people ask if you're drunk and you're not but wish you were...
Your 1st grader can spell better than you.
Flies buzz around you cuz you thought that shower was 2 days ago when it really was 2 weeks ago.
Everyone asks why you're getting dressed up when you ask for someone to help you brush your hair.
Your pajamas are now your everyday clothes.
People come to you for medical advice instead of their family doctor.
You don't worry about avoiding temptation. With CFS/FM, it will avoid you.
You know you have CFS/FM when getting lucky means you found your car in the parking lot.
You know you have CFS/FM when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.
You know you have CFS/FM when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.
You know you have CFS/FM when you have to sit down to brush your teeth in the morning.
You know you have CFS/FM when you get up to change the TV channel and decide as long as you're up, you might as well go to bed.
You know you have CFS/FM when you can't finish a conversation, because you don't remember what you were talking about.
You know you have CFS/FM when you have to get rid of your dog; he kept trying to drag you to the yard to bury you.
You know you have CFS/FM when you get the vacuum out because, by golly, today's the day your going to DO SOMETHING, and then you have to lay down and get hubby to put the stupid thing away. Unused.
You know you have CFS/FM because it's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
You boil the kettle dry three times to get one cup of tea.
You read 100 e-mails from your online support group, and then realize you're in the trash folder.
You get in the car and sit down on the passenger side then realize that you came to the mall alone.
You keep trying to unlock the door to the house with the car remote.
You get lost 200 yards from home.
You sign a document and then realize you've spelled your own surname wrong.
You just spray the cats down with pledge and throw them across the furniture.
You go to visit someone in the hospital and you are jealous of them because they get to lie down.
Any conversation can suddenly turn into a round of "Charades".
You take your teenager to the mall and the first thing you look for is a chair/couch you can sit down in.
Your 74 year old mother is wearing you out when you take her to town and you have to limit her to two stores versus the 5 she wants to go to.
You can no longer schedule morning appointments.
You wake up and need a nap two hours later.
You are getting really graceful at crawling up stairs on your hands and knees.
You get an electric toothbrush, because the manual kind just takes too much energy.
You switch to dish liquid to wash with because it rinses off so quickly and you know you only have a tiny window of time to get showered.
On a good day, you sit on your wheeled desk chair to roll around pushing the vacuum cleaner in front of you. This is your biggest exercise workout for the month.
Your friends & family are used to you lying down on the floor suddenly, casually & without warning in the middle of a conversation with no break in the flow of your sentence.
You keep looking for the keys in your purse while you’re holding them in your hand.
You call the same person three times in one day to tell them exactly what you told them the first time.
You call your husband by the dog's name on a continual basis and get angry when he doesn't answer.
You forget how to get back to your house that you have lived in for years.
You knock yourself out by running into a cabinet door (tree, furniture etc...)
You wake up and can't remember your husband’s name.
You search an entire day for your remote control and find it by accident in the crisper drawer of your refrigerator.
You have everything you need to live for a week on your nightstand.
Here's another one from long ago:
What events would you like to see, if we could have our own Olympics:
The Triathlon: Showering, Shampooing, and Shaving (legs for women), all in one day.
The Ten Yard Dash: Making it to the bathroom before your bladder dribbles.
Gymnastics/Balancing: Carrying a plate in one hand and a cup of coffee in the other from the stove to the table without spiling anything.
Curling: Lying on a bed with your body pillow and heating pad and trying to get comfortable.
Endurance: Getting dressed for a Doctor appointment and then not having the energy to go.
140 Pound Bench Press: Me, sitting on a bench.
Anyone have any to add?
The 30 Yard Dash: Getting from the handicapped parking area to the store in under 10 minutes, (ok, make it 15 minutes).
The Uphill Climb: Making it through one day without falling or crying.
Men's Figure Skating: Watching the ice melt.
Women's Figure Skating: Watching the ice melt while your legs are freezing.
This is a repost from Soul in 2014. Soul, I hope it's okay that I reposted this. If not, I'll delete.
I always say my favorite sport is hammocking and that I'm training for the olympics
brushing teeth AND flossing (at the same day)
Getting dressed AND undressed (at the same day)
Taking a shower standing up (without blacking out after it)
Getting up out of the bath tub (without blacking out after it)
As an extra difficulty we could ad AND drying yourself right after it.
Cloudgazing would be a definite sport to ad too. Score the most points for identifying figures.
How about staring in the distance without blinking. We could call it long distance blink.
Getting from one room to the other and still knowing what you go and do there. Bonus points if you actually did it before leaving the room.
Enjoy the enjoyable!
That first list didn't make me LOL, but it made me chuckle. I don't remember reading it before
either. But then, that's what we would expect, right?
Goodness knows, we need more to laugh about these days, even a chuckle! GB
Posted by Willow77 in 2015.
Funny Church Bulletins:
Actual Announcements from Church Bulletins
• Coming Up—Theological Open House. We discuss thought-provoking topics. Your opinions are hardly welcome.
• All singles are invited to join us Friday at 7 p.m. for the annula Christmas Sing-alone."
• Thursday night – potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and the community.
• For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
• The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
• This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
• Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
• Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
• Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.
• This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
• The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly, and the rest of the congregation will join in.
• Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
• The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?" – come early and listen to our choir practice.
• Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8:00 p.m. in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
• Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
• "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
• The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
• Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
• Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
• The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."
A termite walks into a bar and asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "I'd like a beer, and a mop!"
Irish guy walks into a bar with a beautifully colored parrot on his shoulder. "Wow, says the barternder, where did you get that! From Ireland, says the parrot, they've got tons of them there!
Dear Math, "I'm not a therapist, solve your own problems!"
Dear Algebra, "Stop looking for your 'x', he's not coming back. (And don't ask 'y').
Separate names with a comma.