Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by momof27, Mar 15, 2008.

  1. momof27

    momof27 New Member

    I REALLY WONDERED WHY SINCE I HAVE BEEN SO SICK SINCE CHRISTMAS ( ABOUT 25KIDS AND GRANDKIDS AT MY HOUSE FOR THREE DAYS) KIND OF OVER WHELMED ME I LOVED IT BUT IT REALLY WAS TO MUCH FOR ME. today my husband told my pastor a little about what it is I have (if you remember one of my posts about a lady at church) well he told my husband its a mind thing thats going on with your wife.

    want to talk about being thrown to the ground and stompt on when I tryed to talk further to my husband he said thats all we taliked about but wouldn't say more that makes me wonder if he believes its all in my head ,excuse me a mind thing. I HOPE SOMEONE OUT THERE IS STRONG ENOUGH TO PICK ME UP BECAUSE I'M AS LOW AS I CAN GO RIGHT NOW
    [This Message was Edited on 03/15/2008]
  2. LadyCarol

    LadyCarol Member

    Why don't you invite the pastor round and ask him what would Jesus do ? Did Jesus judge someone for being ill and say it was all in their mind or did he heal them of their illness ? He healed them of course, and that's exactly what the pastor should be doing for you, not making judgements without ascertaining the facts. The pastor needs to repent of his attitude and seek forgiveness for the hurt he has caused you, that I believe that is what God would want him to do.
  3. victoria

    victoria New Member

    with all the suggestions given by GA and LadyCarol...

    This kind of response infuriates me, especially from people in responsible positions. If you have a good doctor, make sure your DH goes with you to some of your appointments where there is time to talk, perhaps. And/Or as GA said, a counselor who is knowledgeable about FM.

    Reminds me of a friend who bled for 9 months after giving birth and nearly died ultimately (not all placenta had been removed) -- because her insane doctor said it was all in her mind and was giving her psychotropics...

    It is disheartening and often difficult to convince others no matter how much you try to educate them extensively and repeatedly... it's as if one's voice has suddenly been taken away.

    I really hope you can find another 'authority figure' who knows what s/he's talking about to talk to your husband.


  4. momof27

    momof27 New Member


    [This Message was Edited on 03/15/2008]
    [This Message was Edited on 03/15/2008]
  5. poets

    poets Member

    I remember going to church a few years back with a friend. I asked them to pray for my Fibromyalgia during prayer requests. All I heard was "Don't claim it! Don't claim it! You get what you claim. You're speaking illness on yourself." If you say you don't have these symptoms they'll disappear. Yeah, right! Did anyone call to see how I was the next week or so? No. I was bringing it on myself! Needless to say, I didn't go back.
  6. momof27

    momof27 New Member

  7. doxygirl

    doxygirl New Member

    Have you asked your husband point blank for an honest answer if "HE" thinks and belives this or are you just upset that the pastor is trying to feed him this inaccurate information?

    I would first ask your husband first what he thinks and feels....after all he lives with you so he see's first hand how this dd effects you.....he was honest with you and told you what the pastor feels but Iam not sure that just because the pastor feels this way your husband does?

    and.....another suggestion is perhaps you should mail some info anonomously to this pastor.....with the accurate facts.....because he is certainly either misinformed or he is ignorant ?

    PLEASE whatever you do NOT let this bring you down sweetie....the important thing is that "YOU" know the truth just as all of us who suffer from it do....

    It is never "real" and accepted to a lot of people "UNTIL THEY OR A LOVED ONE GETS IT"!!!!!!!

    I really think that you should consider finding another church and / or pastor as abviously this pastor is toxic for your life and dealing with this dd!

    WE KNOW YOU ARE SUFFERING.....WE KNOW IT IS REAL.....AND WE BELEIVE IN YOU......SO.......let us help you through this......

    and do not allow it to take you down are already down as it need to let us help to keep you as up as allow us to do not listen to anymore of this nonsense....

    If your husband does tell you he agree's with the pastor remember that sometimes it is MUCH BETTER to say nothing that to argue with someone who has made up thier mind..

    hopefully he does know the truth as believes in you as we do!

  8. poets

    poets Member

    I went back to church. But it wasn't this church. I have a wonderful church family now. I agree with you though. Not everything pastors or church members say is always inspired of God, and if anyone can straighten them out, He can!! :eek:)
  9. rosemarie

    rosemarie Member

    Have you ever thought of letting your pastor read the "Letter to Normals"? It tells people why we act like we do, why we feel like we do. And much more. It also may be good for your hubby to read. And it couldn't hurt.

    Just a suggestion
  10. GingerSnapsBack

    GingerSnapsBack New Member

    I am sorry this happened to you.

    They are ignorant, yet fail to realize just how profoundly ignorant they truly are. This pastor has no medical training, no knowledge or medical expertise of any sort. I think you really need to call the pastor out on this one: he (I presume its a "he") is making medical diagnoses without being the proud owner of a medical degree. Shame him like he's never been shamed before so he will NEVER make such stupid comments about things he knows nought about, ever again. You will be doing a public service. I dread to think how many times he has behaved so badly in the past, and had people actually believe the nonsense coming out of his mouth. This is an excellent example of sexism at work: you have been dismissed as a hysterical woman. If it were your husband who was ill, the pastor would have behaved totally differently; he would have believed another man! I think his boss needs to know about this incident because I'm sure its part of a longstanding pattern of incompetence and sexist behavior.

    An even bigger problem, I think, lies with your husband. He has chosen to believe the words of a male chauvinist ignoramus, and this despite all the scientific evidence and recent progress.

    [This Message was Edited on 03/17/2008]
    [This Message was Edited on 03/17/2008]
  11. desertlass

    desertlass New Member

    I'm so sorry you're feeling so low.

    It really does hurt when someone we look up to disappoints us when they show their ignorance or lack of respect. This has happened to me, too, many times.

    We are assuming that we can count on them, and that they would be understanding and maybe even an advocate, if only they knew.

    It probably hurt, too, that your husband didn't say anything back to him, but maybe he was feeling the same dismay, or didn't want to make a scene, etc. He may have been thrown off as well.

    When you feel a little less flattened by all this, you could do some other people in your church a world of good by sending him a print-out of information from your favorite FM source.

    When I facilitated a chronic illness support group at my church, I was shocked at the number of women who came to it with FM or CFS.

    These are people I never would have guessed had anything wrong, and that is because it really is invisible for the hour or so that some of us can show up at places, like a service.

    I suspect that there are many more people in your church with invisible illnesses that keep them even more underground because of this pastor's attitude.

    Like someone mentioned, you don't have to make a confrontation. Perhaps you could write anonymously. Just throwing out an idea-- something like,

    "I know someone with fibromyalgia and learned that she and her family attends your church. I doubt that she talks that much about the medical background to this illness, as many of us who have it do not. So, I thought I'd take this opportunity to assist you in understanding what she and probably many more people in your congregation are coping with on a daily basis.

    I am enclosing information as part of a campaign (coming up this May) for National Fibromyalgia Awareness Day. Thanks so much for taking the time to learn about an illness that affects men, women and children and their loved ones, and many of them who suffer in silence.

    Signed, a Fibromyalgia survivor (no name necessary)

    If he suspects it might be you, so what? It's not like you got "all up in his grill".

    Just the other day, my own mother, who is usually supportive, said something that hurt me, along the lines of me needing to build up more muscle strength. (As if I didn't already fantasize about being able to do this myself).

    If it had been anyone else, I would have been irritated, but not feeling so knocked over by it. It really can be like a punch we don't see coming.

    I had already planned to send her some info in the mail, and I will preface it with something like--

    "I realized that it must be hard to see your own child suffer, and not be able to "overcome" a difficulty.

    I thought that if you understood some aspects of this illness a little better, then you would be relieved of the burden of worrying that you hadn't raised me to be persistent or courageous.

    Being your daughter, of course I am both of those things, and so after reading this, I hope you can feel better about both of us, and how well our family has coped with this terrible illness."

    If anyone has any other ideas for Mom of 27, or for me, that would be great.

    I enjoyed reading what Joni E. Tada said about her faith-- I'll have to remember that one.

    We're all called to be compassionate helpers, not critical observers.


    P.S. Mom27 -- do you need to write in "all caps" in order to see your post? If so, could you copy and reformat it in lowercase after you finish? Also, could you break up your posts with more spaces between lines? :)

    I often have to skip over your posts because I find all caps and no line breaks difficult for me to read. That might be true for others, too. I'd hate for you to not get more responses due to a simple format issue. Thanks!

  12. mylilcherub428

    mylilcherub428 New Member

    have to remember that there are many illnesses that they used to think was all in peoples heads like ms and diabetes

    I think when people don't understand something it scares them

    I have wondered myself if it was all in my head out of desperation

    it would be nice if it was then we could just think it away lol

    My bf used to think that way but he knows now.our 3 yr old asked y I don't work and he said I know if mommy could she would and it is soo true that is how I was raised a hard worker

    now I sit here and my 60 yr old aunt( I am 30) comes here and cleans my house like it is nothing it kills me

    sorry u had to deal with that -Kim
  13. Well geez if it is a "mind thing" it sure is painful. A MIND THING LOL!
  14. dannybex

    dannybex Member

    ...where he got his medical degree.

    Also, you might ask him to define the word "compassion"?

  15. padre

    padre New Member

    As a pastor with 40 years experience in the parish and as a hospital chaplain, I'd say your pastor is playing mind games. I have a license in counseling as well, and would never give anyone a medical opinion. I am not qualified. But, I am an expert on FM, I've had it for 30 years. Either God does not like me or my mind is a real game player. Wait! Maybe I just got it --whatever it is-- and every day I do my best to deal with it. God did not give it to me to test or punish me -- I got it so, at the very least, I can be sensitive to others with illnesses and not say really dumb things about what I do not understand.

    You may tell your pastor you got a second theological opinion. --Padre
  16. "PASTOR SAID IT'S JUST HER MIND PLAYING GAMES", well I thought about that today. I would really confront your pastor face to face and tell him how you felt hearing this. REALLY! If your not up to it, call him on the phone. This is just not right of him to tell your husband this.
  17. DizzyS

    DizzyS New Member

    He is a minister and he talks about this. He said that God does not want us to be sick just as he doesn't want us to sin. In the Bible Jesus tells us he shed his blood for our sins and by His stripes we are healed! He went to the cross so we can be sin-free and healthy.

    The pastor says we, as Christians can "plug into" Jesus's power and speak our sickness away. Honestly, I tried it, what did I have to lose? and I must say I feel better physically, mentally and spiritually. Not 100%, but definetly improved.

    He also said something very interesting. That a few years back a doctor published an article or book(I forget which) saying that all ilnesses can be put into 39 catagories. And Jesus took 39 stripes or lashes!

    Maybe Padre can comment on this!

  18. BrainFogBaby

    BrainFogBaby New Member

    So sorry to hear about this sort of miserable response that can knock you down.

    Keep in mind that your pastor is a human, meaning he's just as apt to be insensitive, ignorant, and ill informed as the next average joe.

    That being said, you'd think someone who preaches compassion, acceptance, and the word of non-judgement would be...well, less prone to ignorant judgement.

    You have to let it roll off your back. There are religious men out there who have done great things, and averages Janes and Joes that have done equally glorious things. There are also religious men/women out there who have done or said terrible things....people are flawed.

    During a very bad period before I was diagnosed and when my engagement to my first love fell apart, I made the choice to seek counseling with a pastor instead of a physchologist. Long story short, HE FELL ASLEEP in the middle of me talking to him. I didn't go back to see him again.

    He wasn't a bad person -- just a very bad counselor. Your pastor may not be a bad person either...just another bad counselor.

    Keep positive, remember that people are ignorant, and remember how many generations of men and women have had their terrible illnesses (MS, Parkinsons, epilepsy, autism) ignored and discredited by the ignorant. We all go through this with you, and with enough public education we can irradicate the problem!
  19. victoria_dragon

    victoria_dragon New Member

    This is definitely not in our minds.

    I came down with what would later be called CFIDS in the spring of 1974. No one knew what it was back then. But because I had an old country doctor who listened and who used his mind and training to try to figure out something to help, he found some things that helped. BTW, one of the things he tried me on were B12 shots, and they helped. I went into a partial remission. Over the coming years and decades I had relapses and partial remissions. In most cases because I didn't know what I was dealing with.

    I used to feel like a fool when I told people (and doctors) that exercise (or any physical overdoing) made me sicker. Come to find out, that's one of the hallmarks of the condition for many with CFIDS. I sure called that one correctly - even though it flew in the face of what was "known" back then.

    Through the years with help from the rare doctor who listened and on my own I discovered more things that helped that since have been recognized as things that help a lot of PWCs. I stumbled onto the Mg thing when I was having leg cramps one night, and the only form of Mg in the house was oyster shell which has both calcium and Mg. It not only stopped the leg cramps, my breathing became easier. (I didn't realize it at the time but the muscles around my chest couldn't relax without adequate Mg.) It was a few years after this that a doctor who treats a lot of PWCs and diagnosed me started me on the Mg shots. They were like a miracle drug for me. (At the time I was still so sick I simply could not absorb enough Mg from pills even with malic acid.)

    As for people who still don't know what CFIDS is and that it's not "in our heads": Is there a local CFIDS Support Group where you live that you could contact for help in speaking with your husband and preacher?

    When I was living in another state, I was a member of a local support group. There was an indigent PWC/FM whose doctor kept trying to commit him. (This doctor was particularly bad about misdiagnosing anything and everything as psychological.) Anyway, the doctor claimed that the patient had attacked him, and it went to court, with the doctor determined that he was going to get a court order committment.

    The local support group spoke with the judge and asked him if he would be willing to receive and consider some info on CFIDS. He said yes so we contacted the CFIDS Association of America, told them what was happening, and asked them to send him info. I don't know how much they sent him or if he also was doing research on his own, but the day of the trial the judge walked into court with a large stack of papers on CFIDS that he placed on the bench in front of him. He then said that CFIDS was a physical illness and all but ordered the state to stop trying to commit the man and get him the help he needed. He was then placed in a regular hospital and got some of the tests and help he needed. For one thing, he was so dehydrated that his blood was "like syrup". (The thing about CFIDS is that even though there's no test for it and no "magic bullet" cure or one-size-fits-all treatment, having CFIDS can mean that a lot of other things that can be tested and treated go wrong. Like a row of dominos going down. Each time something that can be treated is treated, it takes stress off the body. It also makes that aspect of the body an ally in healing instead of part of the problems.)

    Victoria D.
  20. lil_angel1198

    lil_angel1198 New Member

    Sad to say, I haven't gone to church in over a year. I used to be a big part of it, but then I wasn't able to go for a while. No one ever called on us to see why we weren't there. After 6 months, our pastor came and asked why we weren't coming (only because it's in the bylaws that he had to).
    I told him I didn't feel like anyone had missed us, to which he said, yes, we were missed.
    Really? No one has yet to call or stop by. It's been almost 6 months since he had stopped. To this day, he hasn't called or came by again.
    Even our Deacon and his wife haven't called or stopped by. Not a word from anyone.

    I know God wants us to go to church. But if your church family can't even be bothered to call and ask how you are, then why should you go?
    I have chemical sensitivities and there are women who wear terrible amounts of perfume, besides the pain of sitting through a sermon.

    It seems to me that churches and pastors aren't doing their jobs recently years. It's no wonder people don't want to go to church.
    I hope you get this all taken care of and can go back to church again. I hope your pastor realizes his mistake and apologizes for it.