People are causing my illness to get worse advice please

Discussion in 'Fibromyalgia Main Forum' started by JoFMS, Dec 8, 2006.

  1. JoFMS

    JoFMS New Member

    Hi All,

    I've recently been signed off sick due to stress in my working environment making me worse - this is purely due to ignorant people.

    I work as a volunteer for wildlife with about 15 other people that change from month to month but there are some long term people too.

    My problem is I just can't handle the attitudes of some of these people, particularly the long term people. I've never met anyone like it. Theres 2 of them that are so aggressive and nasty when they talk and my job is to co-ordinate the volunteers.

    I have been very weak lately and they've just run me into the ground. Everyone always says how nice natured I am but I just can't deal with these people.

    I live here and work here so have had to take time out as my doc says my stress levels have gone through the roof and are worse than ever. The worst part is, they are still putting notes through my door about things which is also stressing me out.

    Example - One of them says she had to change the rota at the last minute coz shes too tired to do an overnight shift which means someone else now has to work 36hrs coz of her. I wish she knew the meaning of tired, some people are just so cruel.

    Please help - I feel trapped and can't get away, feel like I'm being pushed out of my own home and might even stay somewhere else but really can't afford it.

    Sorry to rant, I'm normally a very patient person and would do anything to help anyone but I'm at the end of my tether, I can't even rest when I'm supposed to be sick as they still hassle me!
  2. AllWXRider

    AllWXRider New Member

    Before I was diagnosed with CFS, I was going crazy myself...mad since I regarded myself even as lazy. Low serotonin levels made me depressed and angry.

    My boss yelled at me,"What's the matter with you?". I could only reply, "I don't know".

    If you showed up for work with a cast for a broken leg, you would get much sympathy...people would want to sign your cast!

    Since I understand CFS, can I sign your hand?

    Bear Hugs and hang in there!
  3. Juloo

    Juloo Member

    I'm so sorry to hear that you feel you are trapped. I'm curious -- you say that you work and live in the same place. And that you are a volunteer who coordinates other volunteers. And that you are currently signed off sick.

    Other than putting in a moat, I realize that people can still find you to leave communications -- either in person or written. It is very, very difficult to break people of the habit of coming to you with all the problems if you have been doing it (and with a smile!) for so long.

    Unfortunately, you cannot keep the title "nice" AND get quiet time. "Nice" is a label others put on you. Post a sign on your door that says you are not currently coordinating anything until your health improves...and in the meantime, contact X, and that messages left at this location will not be forwarded.

    It will be exhausting (as if you need it!), but you have to reinforce this with every person you see. If conversation turns to your work, give a warning (I am taking a break from this and will not discuss it), and then walk away from the situation if it comes up again. You are in charge of setting boundaries. That bears repeating: YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF SETTING BOUNDARIES!

    We had a similar situation a couple of years ago. My husband was overseeing a construction project for our church. It got to where he couldn't set foot on the property without being grilled as to what was happening when and how come it didn't happen another way...unfortunately, this also happened during church time.

    One evening at a church administrative meeting, someone asked me why they didn't see my husband at church service anymore, and I was pretty blunt -- it wasn't spiritual time for him anymore, just work. And if he truly wanted to renew himself, he needed to stay home and rest/read/reflect there. About 7/8 of the people who overheard my comment immediately "got it", but there's always one or two that need to be reminded (with a baseball bat if necessary).

    Good luck to you!